Harriet Beamer Takes the Bus (3 page)

“I’m going to ship my collection to Grass Valley, Humphrey.”

Humphrey barked.

“Well I’m glad you agree.”

Most of the shakers were on shelves in Henry’s old room. Henry helped install the shelving and even painted the room a sweet robin’s egg blue. Harriet loved the way the color looked with all her multicolor shakers. It was like walking into a rainbow every day.

She pulled the shakers off the shelf one by one and wrapped them in newspaper. Martha, an absolutely rabid recycler, had given Harriet stacks of newspapers that Martha had been saving ever since Harriet informed her about the big move.

“Look, Humphrey, this is the set Maggie and Joe sent me from Guatemala. Imagine that, all the way from there.” She wrapped the boy-and-girl-shaped shakers and lovingly set them in a box. Next she wrapped a set shaped like apples. Pepper had a blue bow and salt had a pink bow, but they both were wide-eyed and happy. “These came from Washington State. I think Jolene Farber brought them back from her visit with her mother.”

Harriet couldn’t help but entertain the flood of memories and feelings that surfaced with each set of shakers. But it was the set from Ocean City, New Jersey, in the shape of saltwater taffy that brought the deepest reaction.

“I bought these. We went to the shore every summer — the first week of August. For twenty-eight years, well except the year Henry was born. I was so pregnant that August I could hardly move.”

Humphrey rolled onto his back. His tongue lolled out. “No belly rub now, boy. I have to get these packed.”

Harriet held the saltwater-taffy shakers. A tear welled in her eye. “Now what’s going on here? I have no reason to cry.” She sniffed.

“What is wrong with me, Humphrey?”

She glanced around the small room. For a moment she felt a
bit … flustered. “Look at all these shakers. They’re from all over the world — most of them were given to me as gifts or I traded for them at conventions. But these taffy shakers are the only ones I actually got on a trip of my own.”

Humphrey scrambled to his feet after a brief struggle to upright himself. He barked. Twice.

“I just realized something. Max and I never went anywhere — except the Jersey Shore. Just about the whole world is represented in this room, and I’ve seen none of it — not really. Max never liked to travel. He was such a homebody.”

And that was when a lightbulb bright enough to light up Tokyo came on in Harriet’s mind.

She dropped the taffy shakers into the box and raced down the steps, nearly tripping over her own feet on the way. Humphrey followed quickly behind.

Harriet grabbed the kitchen phone and tapped Martha’s speed-dial number. One.

“Hey, Harriet, what’s up? How goes the packing? Need help?”

“Martha. You need to come over here right this blessed minute.” Harriet was so excited that her heart pounded like a trip hammer.

“Why? What’s wrong? Is everything okay?”

“Just come over. Please.”

“Okay. Hold on to your shakers. I’ll be over in a flash. Just have to slip my shoes on.”

Harriet clicked the phone off. “Humphrey,” she said, “I have a scathingly brilliant idea.”

H
ARRIET PULLED OPEN THE FRONT DOOR.
M
ARTHA STOOD
there in bright pink crop pants, a blue denim jacket, a purple tie-dyed shirt, dangling earrings, and green hands. “What’s so important? I was in the middle of painting —”

“Come in. Come in, I’ve got something to tell you.”

“You changed your mind,” Martha said as she walked into the living room.

“Nope. Not that. I’m going.”

“Oh, yeah, I can tell by the boxes. I wish you’d let me help.”

“Maybe later. But now hold on to your hat. I’ve made a decision. I’m going to take the bus.”

Martha burst out laughing. “The bus? You mean like Greyhound?”

Humphrey howled.

Harriet sat in her wingback chair. “No, maybe, I don’t know. It’s possible. Any bus, maybe a lot of buses or trains.”

“Okay, now you’re just being obtuse. Tell me what’s going on.”

“I’ve decided to take the scenic route. Whatever that entails, local buses, trains, a hot-air balloon if I have too. Whatever. But I’m going to start on the local bus.”

Harriet could see that Martha was having a difficult time containing her hilarity. “You’re not serious. Harriet, you’re seventy-two
years old. You have a little arthritis, high blood pressure, and let’s face it — not the keenest sense of direction.”

“Okay, so I get lost in the supermarket. This is different. Buses and such have schedules and —” Harriet leaned toward Martha — “I want to see the country before I die. I want to do something courageous and unexpected.”

“You’re a nut. You know that? What brought this on? I figured you and Humphrey would fly.”

“I was packing my collection, you know, to send on ahead to Henry, and that’s when it hit me. I have all these shakers from all over the world. Places I’ve never seen. Sent to me by friends and missionaries. It made me think that Max — God love him — never took me anywhere.”

“Jersey shore.”

“Doesn’t count. But if I take the slow way to Grass Valley I’m sure I’ll see some sights, starting with the Salt and Pepper Shaker Museum in Gatlinburg, Tennessee — oh, Martha, I’ve been wanting to see the museum for eons now.”

“Have you told the kids?”

Harriet looked away from Martha. “I think I’ll wait until I’m on the way. They’ll get all worried and frantic — especially Henry. And I don’t want them to talk me out of it.”

Martha clicked her tongue. “You’re a card, Harriet Beamer. A real card. But what about Humphrey. You can’t take him on the bus.”

“I know. I’ll have to send him on the plane. He’s going to hate it but what can I do?”

The day before Harriet’s scheduled departure, she brought Humphrey to the airport. It was a terrible thing to push him into a crate, but there was no other way to get a sixty-two-pound basset hound to California. She placed a brand-new rawhide bone and his
favorite chew toy, a red rubber hydrant, into the cage. She also put a blue towel and note to Henry inside.

“Now don’t you worry,” Harriet said when she locked the crate door. “You’ll be fine. I’m sorry they wouldn’t let me buy you a regular seat, but airlines have their rules.”

Humphrey’s head drooped.

“I know you must be scared.” She reached two fingers into the metal crate and touched Humphrey’s ear. “I love you so much.” Harriet’s heart broke into several pieces.

The dog closed his eyes and opened them as though signaling that he understood.

Harriet sniffed back tears. “Now Henry and Prudence will get you at the airport in Sacramento. I’ll get there as soon as I can but … but.” She turned her head away.

Humphrey whimpered.

“Oh dear, maybe … maybe I shouldn’t do this.”

She wiped tears on her sleeve.

“Excuse me, ma’am,” said a worker, “but I need to take the dog.”

“Okay, but … but I can’t …”

“Ma’am?”

Harriet touched Humphrey’s snout. “I’ll see you soon. And please don’t worry about me.”

Humphrey yowled but only a little.

When she returned home that morning, Harriet phoned Henry to tell him when to expect Humphrey.

“Okay, Mom,” Henry said. “Flight 1411 at 6:30. We’ll be there. And Mom, it will be good to see you.”

“Oh, you won’t be seeing me,” Harriet said. “Not yet.”

“But why? We’ll just pick you up at baggage claim and then go to wherever the animals —”

“But I won’t be there, dear. I’m taking the bus.”

There was a long pause until Henry finally said, “The bus? But … why?”

“Because I want to see the country, dear.”

“But Mom, that’s ridiculous. You can’t travel all that distance alone.”

“I can too. I … just think that if I must come to California so you and Prudence can put me out to pasture —” she sniffed tears back. “Then fine, but I’m doing it my way. I’ll let you know when I get there.”

“But … but which bus? When? And we’re not putting you out to pasture.”

“Then what? I’m an old lady who can’t take care of herself anymore and … and has outlived her purpose, like an old plow horse.”

“Mother, I’m sorry you feel that way, but —”

“But I want to do this, Henry. Now, I’m not sure when I’ll get to Sleepy Valley —”

“Grass Valley,” Henry said.

“Whatever. Still sounds like a rest home. But I am going to take my time.”

“You’re being silly, mother.”

“I am not. Now I got to go. I’ll call you when I’m on my way.”

Harriet ended her call, and a swarm of butterflies invaded her stomach. “Oh dear, I know he’s upset, but … but I just have to do it my way.”

Later that evening Henry and Prudence arrived at the airport to get Humphrey. It was apparent to them that the plane ride had not been a pleasant one for Humphrey.

“Look at him,” Henry said. “I didn’t think it was possible for that hound to look any more put-out, but just look at him.”

Prudence looked at the dog. “He’s pitiful. Let’s get him home. I’m sure he’ll settle in quickly. I just hope Sandra Day will accept him.”

“Oh, your cat will get over it.” Henry unlatched the crate. Humphrey barely moved.

“That must be his leash.” Prudence pointed to the coiled canvas lead in the crate.

“Okay, just a second, old man,” Henry said. He reached inside and grabbed the hydrant and rawhide bone. He dropped them into a plastic Ziploc bag he pulled out of his pants pocket and handed it to Prudence. She held the Ziploc like she was holding plutonium. “Dog slobber. I hate dog slobber. And please leave the towel — Lord knows what he did on that.”

“You’d slobber too,” Henry said, “if you just traveled 2,500 miles in the cargo hold of a jet with no windows and —” he looked at the crate next to Humphrey’s —“a snooty-looking show dog.”

Humphrey perked up.

“Look at that,” Henry said. “I think he understands me. My mother said he had an uncanny ability to understand things.”

“He’s a dog, Henry.”

Humphrey didn’t respond.

Henry grabbed the leash, and when he did a piece of yellow paper floated to the floor.

“What’s that?” Prudence asked.

“I don’t know.” Henry picked up the sheet and unfolded it. “A note. From my mother.”

“Oh, geeze, leave it to your mother to hide a note in his cage.”

“ ‘Dearest Henry and Prudence,’ “ Henry read.

Henry repeated the P.S.: “Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine.”

He looked at Prudence. “I am going to worry about her. I still can’t figure out what made her want to take the bus.”

“I know. I know,” Prudence said. “I just wish she had told you which bus. And when. All we can do is assume she’s taking Greyhound.”

Humphrey yowled.

Henry clicked the leash onto Humphrey’s collar. “Maybe she got nervous about flying. She’s never flown that I know of.”

“Really? How is that possible?”

“She and my dad never traveled much — just to the Jersey shore every summer, and that’s only an hour and a half car ride.”

Humphrey walked next to Henry.

When they made their way out of the terminal Prudence spotted a grassy area near the parking lot. “Maybe you should let him … relieve himself. Over there.” She pointed.

“Yeah, his bladder must be as big as a football by now.”

Humphrey lifted his leg near a light pole but was forced to stop midstream when a security guard approached. Humphrey never liked uniforms. He let go a very loud bark.

“Hey, you can’t let your dog do that here. Get him out of the airport first.”

“It’s just —”

The guard interrupted Prudence. “I don’t care if it’s Chardonnay, you can’t let your dog pee on airport grounds.”

“Fine,” she said. “Come on, Henry.”

They walked a little farther before Henry signaled his car. The red SUV beeped and the lights flashed a second or two.

“I love remote entry,” Henry said. “Makes it easier to find your car in a crowded parking lot.”

“You say that every time,” Prudence said.

“It’s true. The wonders of technology. My dad would have loved this. He was forever forgetting where he parked his car.” Henry opened the lift gate.

“Come on, boy, hop in.”

Humphrey tried. He made three or four concerted efforts to jump into the vehicle, but his short legs belied his good efforts. He gave Henry a look.

“Pick him up, Henry,” Prudence said. “My goodness, his legs are the size of link sausages.”

Henry reached under the dog and gently lifted him into the car. Humphrey gave him an appreciative lick on the cheek, which Henry promptly wiped.

“Ewww,” Prudence said, “dog kisses.”

Humphrey stretched out in the back on an old blanket and whimpered.

“Well, what should we do, Henry?” Prudence asked once they were out of the airport and onto the highway. She cracked a window and let the early spring air into the car.

“About what?”

“Your mother. Should we check the bus schedules? I suspect she’ll be taking Greyhound. We could go online and see if a bus from Philadelphia is arriving today.”

“Oh, not today. It will take longer than a day to travel clear across the country.”

Prudence made one of her noises. “Oh, that’s right,” she said. “I didn’t even think about that. Who knows when she’ll be arriving?”

Henry reached over and squeezed Prudence’s shoulder. “Look, we’ll check the Greyhound website when we get home. If she left today after Humphrey’s flight, she’ll be arriving here in a couple of days I would imagine.”

“I hope so, Henry. You know how much I love your mother, but I’ve got the election coming up and this big case. I don’t need the distraction.”

Henry sighed. “Leave it to my mother to do something so harebrained as this.”

“Whoa,” Prudence said. “I didn’t say that. Harebrained? Okay, okay, the bus might not have been her smartest move, but I
bet she thought long and hard about this. She sold her house and most of the furniture all by herself, not to mention shipping what needed shipping — including her entire salt-and-pepper-shaker collection.”

“How do you know that?”

“She called yesterday and said the FedEx driver just picked up the boxes.”

“Oh. I didn’t know.”

“And don’t forget she arranged for storage for everything else and got Humphrey on an airplane. Harriet Beamer is not a hare-brain. Just … unconventional.”

“All right, all right. You made your point.”

Prudence smiled and touched his cheek. “I’m sorry, honey. I’m just worried and … and stressed. Running for the council and —”

“I know,” Henry said, “but who has the best legal mind in this car or any of those cars out there?”

She kissed his cheek on the same spot Humphrey licked. “Dog germs.”

“Everything will work out. Mom will get here unscathed, Sandra Day will grow to love Humphrey, and you will be elected to the city council and then who knows — the Supreme Court. Unless of course you’d rather start thinking about having —”

“Oh, not the baby discussion. I’m … just not ready. My career is —”

“I know, honey. I know.”

Prudence stared out the window. The trees whizzed past at seventy miles an hour. “I hope Harriet knows what she’s doing.”

Humphrey whimpered and closed his eyes.