Read Harriet Beamer Takes the Bus Online
Authors: Joyce Magnin
Harriet Beamer Takes the Bus
BEAMER
Takes the
Bus
a novel by
For Rebecca
Fellow traveler
H
ARRIET
B
EAMER NEVER LOST A BET IN HER LIFE.
N
OT THAT
she did much gambling, and she never bet more than a few dollars, but still, she could honestly say she’d never lost a bet. Not until her daughter-in-law, Prudence, enticed her to wager not just a few dollars, but her entire house.
Harriet lost what she later learned was a sucker’s bet. Not wanting to be known for the rest of her life as a welsher, she did the only thing a woman in her station in life could do: she honored the bet. In accordance with the conditions of the wager she sold her house and agreed to move to Grass Valley, California, even though she had been mostly happy living with Humphrey, her basset hound, in suburban Philadelphia.
Here’s what happened.
Christmas came around, as it did every year, with just the right amount of fanfare. Harriet loved Advent — going to church and watching the children recite verses and light candles in preparation for Jesus’ birth. She enjoyed shopping for gifts, attending the Sunday school Christmas pageant, and baking cookies. She had become famous for her butter spritz cookies, which she lovingly decorated with green and red sugar and candied cherries. Nearly every home in the neighborhood and every family at the Willow Street Church received a tin filled to the brim with her one-of-a-kind
fudge and a generous sampling of the buttery cookie delights. Last year she counted the number of cookies she had baked, sprinkled, and given away. The grand total was 1,032. She did the math and calculated that if she placed them end-to-end, she had baked 129 feet of butter spritz cookies.
Christmas gave her great joy. But the busyness of the season caused frequent bouts of distress and, at times, copious amounts of indigestion. And Christmas had taken on a new patina after Max died — her husband of twenty-eight years. He had loved Christmas — every last bit of it from the lights on the trees to the mall Santas. He loved the wrapping and the giving and especially the old Perry Como and Andy Williams Christmas specials on VHS, which he watched almost continuously for the entire week leading up to Christmas Eve. Missing Max was a wound not easily healed.
So when he died suddenly on Christmas Eve fifteen years ago, Harriet was left to face Christmases yet to come with sadness and regret. Sadness because she missed Max so much that it hurt, and regret because of what their son, Henry, did — and with her blessings to boot!
Henry called from the airport to let Harriet know they would be arriving soon. They just needed to grab their bags, procure a rental car, and make it out to her Bryn Mawr home in rush-hour traffic.
“You might be better off taking the back roads,” Harriet said. “Just find Bartram Avenue and then jog over to Lansdowne, you know, past the big Catholic church, and then over that sweet little bridge, past the high school, and —”
“No, no,” Henry interrupted. “Prudence has her GPS programmed, and the expressway’s our surest bet.”
“That’s nice, dear,” Harriet said. “Prudence always has things figured out. I’ll be waiting with cookies. And please be careful. It snowed earlier and the roads might be slippery still.”
“Okay, Mom, see you soon.”
Harriet pushed the End button on her phone and sat at the kitchen table. A GPS, she knew, was a gadget that helped people find their way, but since when did Henry need a GPS to find his way home? She folded her hands in front of her and pondered as Humphrey nestled at her feet.
“How about that, Humphrey,” Harriet said, “I know the initials stand for Global Positioning … something or other, but in this case I say they stand for Grumpy Prudence System. Prudence sounded a little grumpy the last time I spoke to her. Probably that super-duper lawyering job of hers, which is probably why Henry is coming home her way.”
Humphrey let go one of his long, loud howls.
“You’re right,” Harriet said. “If they would just settle down and have a baby … or two.”
Harriet reached down and scratched behind Humphrey’s long, loppy left ear. “I still don’t know how you get around with these things.”
For the next thirty minutes Harriet waited for their arrival. She kept going to the front window and looking out, hoping to see them drive up to the curb. She rearranged all of the snowmen salt and pepper shakers on the mantel, the Christmas tree shakers on the end table, and the elf-shaped shakers that she always liked to line up along the window sill in the living room so they could look out. Harriet owned an extensive novelty shaker collection spanning more than fifty years.
She had been a proud member of the Shake It Up novelty salt-and-pepper-shaker club for fifteen years and attended their biannual meeting held at the Knights of Columbus. She had a preference for bench-sitter shakers and was proud of her Indian chief and Indian maiden set her friend Martha found in an antique store in Connecticut. A man named Darby offered her sixty-seven dollars for it last year. But she couldn’t part with it. Of course her one dream was that someday she could visit the Salt and Pepper
Shaker Museum in Gatlinburg, Tennessee. But that didn’t seem likely.
After fiddling with the shakers, Harriet checked the water in the Christmas tree. The tree twinkled with multicolored lights. She had planned to wait for Henry and Prudence before hanging any ornaments. She wanted that to be a family thing, with Christmas carols playing in the background and maybe even a fire blazing in the fireplace. But she couldn’t contain herself any longer and opened the Christmas box. She pulled out a couple of glass balls — red and silver — and hung them on the tree. Then she dug around for her favorite — an antique ornament of a little boy and girl wearing Lederhosen on a swing. The boy once had a feather in his cap but that was long gone. The ornament had been made over a hundred years ago in the Black Forest of Germany. She let it dangle from her fingers and looked at it from all angles. She could almost hear Max in the background. “Go on, honey, hang it on a good branch, where everyone will see it.”
Max had given it to Harriet on their first Christmas as husband and wife. It was considered an antique even back then and was ever so delicate. Harriet loved it from that moment on. She grabbed a dining room chair and placed it near the tree.
Humphrey whimpered and looked up.
Harriet stood on the chair to make it easier to reach one of the higher branches. Unfortunately, Harriet didn’t realize she had set the chair on the wadded-up piece of newspaper used to wrap the ornament, and the chair wobbled. Harriet lost her balance and crashed to the floor.
She sat there, pain radiating from her foot to her brain and wishing that she had gotten one of those “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up” buttons. Humphrey toddled over to check on things. He howled. Harriet howled back.
“I don’t think it’s broken,” Harriet said. “My ankle. I felt it twist and well … I did hear a snap, but that was probably only a tree branch. Did you hear a snap, Humphrey?” She looked at
the tree. Her ornament dangled from a branch — secure but not secure enough. “Good, my ornament isn’t broken either.”
Harriet tried to get up, but as she did the pain went from tolerable to mind-numbing. For a second she thought she saw a circus elephant sitting on her foot. Humphrey tramped next to her and sat. He rested his head on her thigh. She patted his head as a tear slipped down her cheek. “Humphrey. I’m so glad you’re here.”
He whimpered and looked up over his wiry eyebrows and let go a solemn doggy sigh.
“It’s okay,” she managed as another blast of pain shot through her foot. “Don’t fret. They’ll be here soon.”
As she waited, images of her and Humphrey crossed her mind like picture postcards. She remembered how she had rescued him from certain death at the pound. The way his ears perked the moment they made eye contact. There was no doubt that they were meant to be the best of friends, and a bond between woman and dog was forged that seemed to transcend the ordinary.
She attempted to get up again, but Humphrey held her in place. “Fine. I guess you know best.”
The doorbell rang.
“It’s them.”
Humphrey trotted to the door.
“Oh dear. It’s locked,” Harriet said. “I hope Henry remembered his key.” Tears streamed down her face.
The bell rang again, followed by three sharp knocks.
Humphrey danced on the linoleum-floored foyer, his toenails clicked on the floor. Then he scratched at the door and yowled.
“Come in,” Harriet called as loud as she could, hoping they would hear, “but only if it’s you, Henry? Please come in.” Harriet managed to remove the fuzzy slipper from her injured foot. The pain felt so intense she could hardly raise her voice. It seemed like her whole leg had caught fire and a gazillion fire ants were crawling all over it. “Come in,” she called again as she watched her foot
turn the color of a plum left in the refrigerator crisper drawer too long.
The knocks came harder until Harriet finally heard the key in the door.
Humphrey toddled back to Harriet.
“Henry,” Harriet called the instant the door opened.
“Mom! What are you doing on the floor?”
That was when Prudence pushed her way in, dropped a leather briefcase on the floor, and said, “Isn’t it obvious, Henry. Your mother’s had an accident. I was worried this would happen.” Prudence was a pretty woman, tall — maybe an inch taller than Henry. She always dressed fashionably and wore her hair in what Harriet said looked like tossed salad, but it was attractive, especially with the mahogany streaks.
“Mom,” Henry said. “Are you all right? What happened?”
Henry lifted his mother up and carried her to the couch. She wasn’t what you would call a slight woman, and Henry was not the biggest man on the block. She stood about five feet four inches tall and weighed just over 170 pounds. She had a bit of a tummy paunch, which probably contributed to her high blood pressure and weak ankles. But at age seventy-two, Harriet Beamer had plenty of energy. She just didn’t know what to do with it sometimes.
“I was hanging the little girl-and-boy ornament and fell off the chair. It’s nothing, really; just a sprain. I’ll be … fine.” She tried to hide her discomfort.
Harriet caught a definite look pass between Henry and Prudence. She knew they’d been talking about her living alone and how they thought it would be safer if she moved to Grass Valley and lived with them in their big sprawling house. The house still without children or a dog or the aroma of chocolate chip cookies baking in the oven.
“You should really put some ice on that Hari — er, I mean Mother,” Prudence said. Harriet had suggested that maybe if Prudence called her Mom or Mother it might help them bond. So far it
had only been uncomfortable for Prudence — something Harriet could not understand.
“Ice is a good idea,” Henry said. “Then I think I should take you to the hospital.”
“Oh, it’s just a sprain,” Harriet said. “Like your Gramma always said, nothing to do but keep it till it gets better.”
Prudence smoothed the back of her skirt and sat on the sofa near Harriet. “From the looks of it,” she said brushing dog hairs from her lap, “I’d say it’s broken.”
“Ah, fiddlesticks,” Harriet said. “Your degree is in law, not medicine. It’s merely sprained.” Harriet heard the words leave her lips and felt bad for jumping down Prudence’s throat. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean —”
“I can tell a broken ankle when I see one, Mother,” Prudence said. “It’s misshapen, purple, swollen, and whether you’ll admit it or not, you are in incredible pain. I can see it written all over your face.”
“That’s just wrinkles, dear. Can’t read anything into them.”
Harriet winced again and Humphrey ambled near. He licked her hand.
“Look,” Prudence said, “even Humphrey knows it’s serious.”
Henry returned from the kitchen with a Ziploc bag filled with half-moon-shaped ice cubes.
“Henry,” Harriet said. “That reminds me. Do we still call them cubes even if they’re not shaped like that anymore?”
Prudence chuckled. “Of course, Mother.”
“Oh, well, that’s good to know,” Harriet said. “May I have the ice
cubes
, dear.”
Harriet gently placed the bag on the sorest part of her ankle. “Look at that. I’d say it’s the color of DMC embroidery floss number 797.” She grimaced.
“Please, Mother,” Henry said. “Let’s get you to the hospital. What can it hurt?”
“Just her pride,” Prudence said. “She’ll never admit it’s fractured now.”
“Fractured?” Harriet said. “I bet it’s only a sprain. A bad one, but still just a sprain.” Harriet winced again. “Falling just that little way off a kitchen chair won’t break a perfectly good bone.”
“How much would you care to wager?” Prudence asked.
“Mom,” Henry said, “don’t do this. Let’s just get you to the ER before it gets worse.”
“Fiddlesticks.” Harriet looked Prudence square in the eyes. “I’ll take that action, Counselor. What’s the stakes?”
Prudence raised her eyebrows, stood, and then paced three times across the living room like she was in court. “Okay, let’s say if it is broken you come live with us in Grass Valley, where you won’t be alone should anything like this happ —”
“Hold on a second,” Henry said. “Let’s think this through. You know how seriously she takes these silly little wagers.”
“Yes,” Harriet said with a wince. “That would mean selling my house. The house your father built with his own two hands.”
“Don’t start, Mom, not now,” Henry said.
“I’m not starting.” Tears dripped down her cheeks.
“Yes, you are. Just another opportunity to bring up Dad’s construction business and —”
“Henry,” Prudence said. “This isn’t the time.”
Harriet moaned. “Well, you did quit the business and then talked me into selling the company and then —” she snapped her fingers — “just like that you moved to California to become a … a writer.”
“It’s what I wanted, Mom. It’s what Pru wanted. She had a great opportunity, and I needed to see if I could make it as a writer — something I wanted to do since I was a kid.”
Prudence touched Harriet’s knee. “He’s happy.”
Harriet’s stomach went wobbly as the pain grew steadily worse. The ice did not appear to be working at all as her ankle was now the size of a canoe.