I’d left Dex off the list, since I had planned to avoid any deeper connection with him after our first meeting.
But there, in the bar I realized the list was a waste of time. All I’d needed to do was get drunk with them. Walls tumbled down. Rick almost smiled at me –
I think
– when I managed to match him shot for shot in something sweet-smelling but sharp going down that the bartender refused to identify.
The others softened too. By the end of the night Matthew and I had an actual conversation about the best morning hangover cures. It was short, but I swore to remember it always, and enjoyed actually hearing the sound of his voice.
Joe, who’d already been sweet to me, started treating me like one of the gang. He told me about how he and Liss had met in a diner and that he’d gotten into huge trouble when he played a song he wrote for her on a live interview before it had even been recorded.
I laughed, remembering that
Spark
seemed a little rough around the edges, but I couldn’t deny the power of the emotion in the lyrics. Of course it had ended up helping to catapult them to the new level of fame they were currently enjoying, so it all ended well.
And Dex, gorgeous and dangerous Dex, never left my side. He teased me about my hair and prodded me to drink faster. He poked me in the side to get my attention when someone down on the dance floor was being ridiculous and made sure I was involved in all the conversations going on around us. Just like a good friend would.
Or a sexy guy who’s kind of attracted to you
, an evil voice in the back of my head said. That perilous line of thought was thankfully stopped for the moment when Rick stood up, pitched over and went down on the floor. He landed like a felled giant redwood, with a thud the whole bar could hear over the music and din of voices.
Joe cackled. “Finally. Can we get a forklift to get this surly asshole out of here?”
I joined in the laughter, but couldn’t fight my innate need to organize the situation. “Is Red still around? I bet he could grab a couple of bouncers and get him into a cab.”
The lead singer smiled. “Good thinking. I’m not throwing out my back to lift the big bastard. Liss and I were about to head out anyway. We’ll find Red and sent him up.”
They bid everyone goodbye and headed downstairs, not to steady on their feet, but supporting each other through the crowd. I saw them find Red, our security guy, and turned back to see how Rick was doing.
The huge man was grunting quietly, and impressively able to display a lot of anger considering he was barely conscious. I shook my head and said so to Dex.
“Shush,” he warned. “He’ll be a hundred times worse if he remembers this happened tomorrow.”
“What’s he going to do, punch us all in the face?”
“Any day now,” he quipped.
I giggled. “That’ll be a story to tell the grandkids.”
“Indeed. ‘The day an ugly fucker hit me and your granddad murdered him’. It’ll be an epic tale.”
I shoved his arm. “You’re their granddad in this scenario?”
“But of course.”
“Friends don’t have grandchildren together, Dex.”
“Very good friends do, Becca.”
I laughed, but something had shifted in the evening. I found myself noticing how close we were sitting together. How his leg brushed mine occasionally and his fingers tapped out a rhythm on the back of my hand when I rested it between us.
He smiled broadly at me and a lock of inky black hair fell into his eyes. “So, is the fall of mighty Rick the end of this party, or just the beginning?”
“With him gone there’s more booze for us, right?”
Dex groaned. “Damn it.”
“What?”
He leaned over and spoke into my ear. “I’m trying this friends thing but you keep reminding me that you’re the perfect woman. How can I resist you?”
I rolled my eyes, but pleasant warmth spread through my body. “Dial it down, Romeo. We’re here for drinking, not flirting, remember?”
“Ma’am, yes ma’am.” He grinned.
“Good boy.”
Hoping I’d defused the moment I turned my attention to the rest of the people left up in the VIP area with us. Most were randoms who’d wandered up or been brought by others who’d left already. Steve, the guitar tech was still there, lounging and generally enjoying himself. And the girl Rick had been with when he fell stayed behind when a group of very large men helped him out a back entrance.
It was a typical party hurtling towards a too-late finish. Only the strong-willed and strong-livered survived.
“What are you thinking about over there?” Dex asked me.
“Nothing, really. Just that this has been a fun night.”
“Fun, you say? Was that on your list of goals for the day?”
“No, but-,” I started to say before his words really registered. “Hey, don’t tease me about my lists. I need them.”
“We need them too. But not for everything.”
“I don’t make one for everything.”
“Really?”
“Yes, really. Just…most things.”
“I knew it. I bet you’ve got lists hidden everywhere. There are probably ten on you right now.”
“On my phone, maybe.”
He shook his head, burying his left eye behind hair. Instinctively I reached up and brushed it out of the way.
Dex grabbed my hand in his. “Becca…”
“Damn, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have touched you like that.”
“I don’t mind.”
I know, but…” I couldn’t finish the sentence. Couldn’t admit that beneath the friendly companionship there’d been a current of something else all night. Something the late hour, the excessive amounts of drinking and that little touch had shoved closer to the surface.
“But what?” His voice was like raw silk.
“But I should probably be going. Big day tomorrow. First show of the tour.”
“Yeah.” He paused for a second as if deciding something. “Okay. Why don’t we see about that back exit, avoid the sweaty masses below?”
“Okay. You’re not-I mean, you don’t have to leave with me.”
Disappointment crossed his stunning features. “I won’t. I’ll just make sure you get in a car.”
“Oh.” Now it was my turn to be disappointed. Not that I would have gone back to the hotel with him. The thought never occurred to me. I certainly didn’t wonder about the drive, the walk to the door, the elevator ride or the possibilities of a regretful parting at the door to my room. Nope, hadn’t considered it one bit.
“Come on,” he said, pulling me up from the seat.
I said goodnight to everyone and we made our way towards the back of the upstairs area. A bouncer pointed us in the right direction and we headed down a set of concealed stairs to the semi-busy side street.
While I tried to hail down a cab, Dex leaned against the wall. “Aren’t you supposed to help me with this part?”
He chuckled. “Nah. Who’d want to pick me up when they can snag a gorgeous blonde?”
I shook my head. “You’re doing it again.”
“I’m drunk and out of control. Forgive me.”
I walked over and punched his arm lightly. “Never.”
“Fine. But if you’re going to be mad at me at least let me give you a good reason.”
“What? I-,”
But he didn’t give me a chance to ask what he meant. Dex pulled me in, wrapping his arms around my waist and pressing his lips against mine in a kiss. It was closed-mouth and soft, but firm. I could taste a hint of the alcohol on his breath. The hard, wide length of his body against mine. The contrast was almost as erotic and dizzying as the kiss itself.
I let myself succumb for just a moment, parting my lips and sinking against him. But a tiny sound of pleasure broke the spell, and I wasn’t sure which one of us made it.
Jumping away like he was a fire, I yelped. “No.”
Dex dragged a hand through his hair. “Shit, I’m sorry. Shit, shit, shit.”
My heart was pounding and it took me a moment to be able to speak. “Why did you do that?”
“I don’t know. I swear, I didn’t plan to. I just went with the moment.”
“There was no moment. There can’t ever be a moment.”
His wide, chiseled jaw set in a line. “I know.”
I had to curl my hands into fists to keep from caressing his face, smoothing away the tension. Fear and arousal and something else warred within me.
“I need to go. Right now.”
He stared at me for a long time, chest heaving. “I know.”
“I’ll go around the front and get a cab.” I struggled to keep my voice from trembling, from revealing how much I wanted to be back in his arms again, forgetting everything but how it felt to be close to him “Goodnight, Dex.”
“See you tomorrow,” he replied.
“Yeah.” I turned and walked away. As I rounded the corner to the entrance of the bar I saw he was still standing there watching me.
I harbored no delusions that the lack of sleep I got that night had anything to do with nerves about the upcoming show. Just days into my new job and my new life and I’d gone completely off course. None of the hundred things I had to do that day were able to distract me from what had happened with Dex.
Stupid. So stupid
. I’d been so flattered by the attention that I’d let it go too far. Let him see what I’d meant to hide. And now things would be awkward. And for no good reason. Even if it wouldn’t lose me the job there was no future for us. If Dex knew the truth he’d want nothing to do with me and my emotional baggage.
Resolved to just avoid him as much as possible, I went back to my work, counting down the hours until I’d be at the venue and have to see him again. At least Ryan was handling transportation for the band so I wouldn’t have to worry about seeing any of them at the hotel.
By that evening I had somewhat successfully pushed thoughts of Dex into the back of my mind. Clad in all black, I was getting a walkthrough of the backstage area from the venue’s manager. He showed me the dressing rooms and green room where the band could hang out after soundcheck and during the opening act. I made sure all the food and beverage items we’d requested were there and was pleasantly pleased to see everything was in order.
After a quick phone check-in with Ryan I ran through my list of crew tasks to make sure everyone was on schedule and picked my headset up from the sound guys.
Once I was fully decked out like that I felt different. More powerful and composed. Like all the equipment and lists could protect me from the roiling emotions inside me.
But, of course, when the band arrived for the soundcheck and I saw Dex, all of that composure disintegrated. Just watching him chat with the local staff and crew made me ache. As he spoke all I could think about was how his mouth had felt against mine. How he’d tasted.
Suddenly hoping for some mishap or oversight that needed my attention I made some excuse and fled backstage. I managed to find enough busywork to get through the quick rehearsal and figured the guys would all be resting or starting to party in the green room.
So I went back out front and spent some time pretending to be interested in the adjustments Steve had made to equipment and his excitement about some calibration tool.
Eventually I managed to beg off and walked outside. A line was already forming out front so I circled the building and spotted the small bus we were using to shuttle the band around the city. Figuring I could hide there for a little while I headed over. If anything came up Ryan could contact me on the headset.
I approached the bus, mostly hidden behind stacks of boxes and a large post. The venue was hosting a meet and greet after the show so they didn’t want any fans catching the band before it.
Turning the volume up on my headset I was about to slide the door open when I heard voices through a cracked-open window.
“Babe, I can’t help myself.”
A sexy, feminine giggle. “You don’t want to help yourself.”
“That’s right,” came the masculine reply. “I want to help you. Help you out of those clothes.”
I froze where I stood. It was Joe and Liss. Obviously they’d snuck away for some alone time too. Just not the sort I was looking for.
“What is with you lately?” she asked.
“You. I missed you so much and I need to stock up on Liss time before the end of summer.”
“I’m going to school, not off to war, silly.”
“Either way I won’t get to see you as often. Won’t get to touch you. Kiss you.”
There was silence for a few seconds and then a contented sigh.
“Okay, you’ve convinced me,” Liss said, her voice now soft. “But only because it’s crazy sexy to do this here, practically in public.”
“And because you love me, right babe? Don’t make me think you’re using me as a sex object. Men have very fragile egos.”
“Yeah, whatever. Screw your ego and screw me, Joe.”
They laughed and I smiled. I felt bad for intruding on the private moment but their love for each other was amazing. It must have been difficult to manage the relationship with distance and lifestyles and everything else. But none of that showed. They were completely dedicated to each other, and from the sounds of things, just as passionate as ever.
Soon the conversation stopped and the sounds changed to something else. I stayed a little too long, as I imagined it was me in that bus. With Dex. Wrapped around each other in a fit of passionate abandon. Not caring who heard or saw. Not worrying about the show or anything else except being there in the moment together.
The shame I felt at the arousal building in me as I listened to Joe and Liss get more intimate did nothing to decrease it. In fact, feeling like a common pervert heightened the desire I felt and I stumbled quietly towards the back entrance of the venue knowing my breath was coming in little pants and my face was red.
Back inside I waved my pass at the door guy and fled to the nearest bathroom. Avoiding the out-of-control expression on my face I took my hair down and then pulled it back up again in the secure bun at the nape of my neck. The ritual of smoothing and twisting soothed me and I started to calm down.
I took a series of deep breaths and called Ryan over the headset to see how things were going. He asked me to go help unload boxes for the merchandise tables and I did, happy for another distraction that would keep me away from Dex.