Hannah Howell (33 page)

“Sit down, Oro. You must rest that leg,” she said calmly.

Even though he sat down, Oro said, “The day has just begun,
chica.
I have not had time to tire yet."

“You really are leaving,” Patricia whispered as she watched Antonie continue to pack.

"Sí.
I am."

“Tomás is packing. He will go with you."

“That is not necessary, Oro."

“He and I think it is. You are sure that Royal has asked Marilyn to marry him?"

"Sí,
Oro.” She sighed and shook her head. “I saw him kiss Marilyn hello as he never had before. So, I followed when he took her into his study. I listened and watched through the door in the library. He asked her."

“I don't believe it,” Patricia said, aghast.

“Go down the stairs and look, Patricia. They probably are still making the plans."

“Is it not cowardly to run,
querida?"
Oro asked.

“Maybe, but I do not think so,” Antonie replied. “I had two choices, to stay or to go. This morning I went downstairs thinking I would stay, but that has all changed."

“Maybe if you talk to Royal,” Patricia began.

“There is no time to play his games. I am with child.” Since her audience was struck momentarily speechless, Antonie continued, “If it was just Marilyn, I might stay. My promise to Juan would hold me even when Royal set me aside. I would feel I had made a gamble and I lost. But this,” she placed her hand over her stomach, “changes everything. I was foolish and I thought he had chosen me, but he chose Marilyn. So, I leave. Even now the baby starts to change my shape. I have no time."

“No, you do not,
chica,"
Oro agreed.

“Oro,” Patricia gasped, “she should tell Royal."

“Why? He has chosen. There is no place here for Antonie and her child. Do you go back to Mexico?"

"Sí,"
Antonie replied. “To our village. If the old house cannot be used, there will be other places.” When Tomás appeared in a the doorway, she kissed Oro, then Patricia. “I will let you know where I am."

"Sí,
you had better,
chica,"
Oro said quietly.

No one paid any attention as she and Tomás saddled their horses. She was glad of Tomás's silence as they rode away from the ranch. When just out of sight of the ranch they met Marilyn, Antonie inwardly cursed. It was as if the woman had known she was leaving, but the way Marilyn sat on her horse, looking all around, made Antonie realize that the woman was already savoring the possession of the land she was surveying.

“Well, I must say, I hadn't realized that Royal would send you off so quickly,” Marilyn said.

“Royal has not sent me off as you put it,
señorita,"
Antonie responded.

“No?” Marilyn glanced at the saddle bags on Antonie's and Tomás's horses. “You always pack so well for a casual ride?"

“Ah, I did not say I was not leaving, only that I was not sent away."

“Back to Mexico, hmmm?"

"Sí,
by the straightest possible route."

“Yes, you might as well, seeing as you can't have Royal."

“Ah, but,
señorita,
I have already had him.
Adios."

Antonie did not look back as she rode away from Marilyn. The flash of fury in the woman's eyes had given her little satisfaction. Her verbal bravado did not alter the fact that she had lost the game.

“Are you sure this is what you want?” Tomás asked quietly.

“It is not what I want. It is what I must do."

“You could fight this
puta
who tries to take your place."

“You have that wrong, Tomás. I took
her
place, but only for a little while."

“I do not understand this. I had thought that the
gringo
had put that one aside, that he wanted you."

“So did I. I let myself be fooled by pretty words and passion. Last night he talked of how we would stop this game of keeping two rooms and have only one. He asked me again if I would stay even if the battle was won. Yet, today?” She shook her head. “Why speak of such things when he planned to ask Marilyn to marry him?"

“I cannot tell you. It makes no sense."

“Nor to me."

“Maybe you should have waited and asked him these things."

“No, although I would like to know the answers. You do not know it all, Tomás. I carry Royal's child."

For a long time Tomás said nothing. The way he kept looking at her almost made Antonie smile. It was clearly a complication he had never thought of. He also looked a little fearful, as if he expected her to give birth immediately.

“If you told Royal of his child, I think he would marry you,” Tomás said at last.

“I think he would, too, but that would be no good."

“You would have a name for your child."

"Sí,
but that is all I would have. When I got out of bed this morning, I had made a decision. Since we came back from the cattle drive I have known of this child and so I watched Royal, listened carefully to his words. Then I decided to tell him of the baby because I felt that, even though he did not speak of love, there was a chance. The baby might be the reason he married me, but we had enough feeling between us to make a good marriage. Then I found out that we have nothing.

“If I tell him of the child, he would probably marry me, but it would be no good. I would have forced him to put aside the woman he wanted. I would have a name for my baby, but I would also have Royal's resentment. Soon, I think, it would even kill the fire we share. Then I would only have the name. I will give the baby my name."

“He will be a bastard,” Tomás said carefully.

“I know, but what can I do, eh?"

“You could marry me."

She stared at him in speechless surprise. “What?” she croaked after a moment.

“Marry me."

“Tomás, I love Royal."

“I know this, but you love me in a way, too, as I love you."

“But not as lovers."

“I think we could be lovers. This, I think, we have always known, but we did nothing."

Antonie thought about that for a little while. She realized that it was true. It had been easy to see when they had been young, their bodies’ needs beginning to awaken. Time had erased it. The feelings she shared with Oro and Tomás were good ones and could easily be extended to include desire. It was a desire that would have to be coaxed, however, if only at first.

"Sí,
I can see it,” she finally agreed out loud. “It is not the same though."

“No, I know this,” he said. “It would not come with a look or one kiss, not at first. I would understand if you did not want to be my lover at first. You hurt, eh? Maybe too much to turn to another so soon."

"Sí.
I hurt. I knew I would, but I made it worse by letting myself hope, by letting myself be fooled into thinking there was more there for me than a strong lust."

“That is not your fault. I, too, watched and listened. He let you think there was. If he played a game, he played it well. I was surprised when you said he had chosen Marilyn. I was fooled and it was not my heart involved."

“Your heart would not be involved in this marriage either,” she said quietly.

“Not as you feel for Royal, no,” Tomás agreed. “But it could come. It could come for you too."

“And if it did not? It is not fair to you."

“Because this baby is not mine? We could make one of mine later.” He smiled. “Or more. We are young."

"Sí.
Young. You could find someone. Someone who makes you burn, one that puts the fever in you,” Antonie said, looking at Tomás.

“And maybe we find that with each other. Who knows? If I find this fire you speak of, do you think I would leave you?"

“No, and that is what is not fair. I have tasted the fire and, even though it has hurt me badly, I have known it. If I marry you, I make it so that you never can, so that you can never take the gamble and win like Oro did with Patricia."

“Ah,
sí,
that is fine, is it not. Because of what Royal did for Oro, I think,” Tomás shrugged and shook his head. “Men can be so fair with men, but not always with women, eh,
querida?"

“No, not always with women."

“You think about what I ask,
chica.
I think I would be a good father."

"Sí,
you would be."

“If it worries you that you may take too much and I may lose, I will promise to tell you if the one you speak of comes to me,” Tomás said decisively.

“You would?"

"Sí
and we could speak on it. I would tell you before I did one thing about it. Does that make you feel better? You think about it,
querida.
The baby needs a name. To be a bastard is a hard thing, and Degas is a good name."

"Sí.
Degas is a good name."

As they rode along at the somewhat leisurely pace that Tomás insisted on, Antonie thought about it. One reason she had been willing to accept less than love from Royal was to give her child a name. Tomás was right. To be a bastard was a hard thing, and she had been ready to compromise her own wants in order to save her child carrying that mark.

Marrying Tomás would solve that problem, but she feared it would create a lot of others, mostly for Tomás. There had been a chance of a good life for him in Texas but, if he married her, he would not be able to grasp it. They would not want to be near to Royal, to risk the chance that he would find out that the child Tomás had claimed was his. That same reason would make it difficult for Oro and Tomás to visit each other. They would not be so far apart but, when there were families to care for, land to tend, and secrets to hide, travel became a luxury that could not be afforded very often.

Thinking on the secret that they kept from Royal, Antonie wondered if she had just left Oro and Patricia with a problem that could do some very real damage to their marriage. It was the very last thing she wanted, but she could see how that trouble could grow. Oro would feel bound to protect her and to keep her secret. Patricia would feel that her loyalty was to Royal, that she had to tell her brother about the child. Oro might understand that, but he might also feel that Patricia should follow his way and then there would be trouble.

“I must send word to Oro and Patricia,” she said suddenly.

"Sí,"
agreed Tomás. “When we get to Mexico. Oro will want to know where we are."

“There is something else I must tell them. I must beg them not to let my secret come between them."

Tomás frowned for a moment, then his dark eyes widened in understanding. “Ah,
sí,
there could be trouble."

“A lot. I will tell them that they must follow their hearts and not fault each other for it. This is my trouble. Not theirs."

“Have you decided to make it mine, too?"

“I am still thinking. It is hard."

“The hurt is still too fresh?"

"Sí.
Too sharp."

“There is time.” He looked up at the sky. “We will look for a place to camp soon. A place that will stay dry when the rain comes. I would not like to sleep on the wet ground."

It was nearly dark before Antonie roused from her thoughts enough to look around. She had a feeling that Tomás had a specific place in mind. Just as she looked at him and prepared to ask him where they were going, a shot rang out.

Antonie stared in horror as Tomás's body jerked convulsively. Even in the dim light, she could see the dark stain start to spread on his shirt. He righted himself and was drawing his pistol when another shot was fired. Tomás cried out as he fell from his saddle to lie still in the road.

Juan's voice sounded in Antonie's head as she sat frozen, staring at Tomás. He yelled at her that she must not let emotion rule now. Grieve later, cry later, rage later, but act now. To hesitate is to die, to let others die.

“Like Tomás,” she whispered as she started to pull free of her shock. She could hear horses approaching and found the strength to draw her gun. Even as she aimed her pistol, she realized that she had been encircled. She and Tomás had ridden into a trap. Antonie knew that she had lost her chance to avenge Tomás's death when a blinding pain exploded in her head before she could fire her gun.

Royal sighed, stood up, and stretched. He had accomplished a great deal of paperwork, but he knew he had just been hiding. Considering the way Marilyn had been acting when she left, Royal was surprised that people had not already begun to stop by to offer congratulations on the engagement. He would have to tell Antonie about his plan, that he had asked Marilyn to marry him only as a ploy. There was no telling how Antonie would react if someone else told her of his marriage plans. It was better to face her annoyance now than to try and sort out matters later. Just thinking of what could happen finally gave him the impetus to start looking for her. If he was lucky, he could talk to her before dinner.

When Maria called them all to dinner, Royal had still not found Antonie. The last any hands had seen of her was when she and Tomás had ridden off around noon. That was all he had found out from Oro and Patricia, too.

He started to get really worried, yet seemed to be the only one who was. It was dark now and, although it was not impossible to ride in the dark, it was not a particularly safe thing to do. There was also a storm brewing. Even as he strode into the dining room, he heard the wind grow stronger and the rain start to hit the windows.

As he moved to his seat, he wondered if Oro had told him everything. There was little to read in the young man's face. Patricia, however, was acting suspiciously. She would not look at him and answered his greeting with a very weak monosyllable. Even Cole and Justin had noticed her odd attitude, for they were looking at her curiously.

“Antonie is out riding with Tomás?” Royal asked Oro yet again as he sat down.

"Sí,"
Oro replied.

“In the dark and the rain."

"Sí."

“And just where were they going that they've had to be gone for more than half a day?"