Guarding Hearts (Living Again #3) (22 page)

She wished he would contact her just once, to let her apologize, but she knew she’d probably never hear from him again. The paparazzi had even been outside of the funeral home, for goodness sake. They had snapped pictures of her walking arm and arm with Sean, and she knew that would probably end up being the next story, that she was now with another one of her bodyguards.

Sean was attractive, tall and strong. But he was like her brother, and he would never compare to Ellis in her mind. Sean had never made a move on her or even seem like he wanted to, so she was thankful. Especially right now, when she felt like she would never love again. She had hoped that she would never feel this badly again after what happened with Gage, but it hurt just as much.

The pastor indicated he was going to start the service, so they all made their way to the front row next to Brian. She covered his hand with hers and gave him a small smile. She couldn’t fathom losing not one, but two spouses in a lifetime. She wondered if he would ever be the same again.

Brian didn’t speak at the service, and she didn’t blame him. She wasn’t sure she would be strong enough to do that. The pastor spoke about forgiveness, love, and peace. Sam listened, her heart sinking and tears threatening. Then she felt guilty because she wasn’t thinking about Brian or his wife. She was thinking about Ellis. She had to try to talk to him again, set things straight. She resolved to find Devin’s phone number and at least make one more attempt at setting things right. Even if he never wanted to be with her again, leaving things like this was eating her alive.

After the service, they rode back to her house in silence. Her parents were hosting dinner for everyone after the funeral. Sam sat in the backseat, her phone in her hand. Before she lost the nerve, she pulled up the screen to text him. One more time. Her dad’s phone started ringing right as she hit the screen, and she wished that it was Ellis telling her dad he wasn’t staying away. She knew that wouldn’t happen.

Ellis, I’m sorry. Please forgive me. I can’t take not talking to you, resolving this. Please call me. –Sam

“Shit!” her dad shouted, making her jump. He slammed his phone down, and her stomach clenched. What now. She was afraid to ask. When he turned his eyes to her, she knew something else had happened.

“What is it?” Her mom asked, voicing the words she couldn’t make herself say.

“They’ve tracked down Gage. Oh, and did you know that Ellis has a child?”

Sam opened and closed her mouth. She thought she might throw up. “W-what?”

Her dad’s eyes blazed. “Gage. They found him. He lives in Louisiana, he’s in grad school. They’ve been stalking him, asking him questions about if he was ever in a relationship with you.”

“He’d never say anything,” Sam said quietly.

“No, he hasn’t. But of course now I wonder what else they’re going to find out.
Damn it
, this is exactly what I never wanted to have happen.”

“We can’t control it, Samuel,” her mom tried to smooth him over. “She’s in the public eye. They want to find dirt on everyone, that’s their job. It’s going to be okay.”

“What if they find out?” He boomed. “Then what?”

“I would say I’m the one that should be worried about that,” Sam said. “At this point, what does it matter? I’m not ashamed anymore of what happened. I did what I needed to do to take care of myself.” Her parents both looked at her like she had lost her mind.

“You don’t think it matters? Well hell, you should be the one to come out and say it then before they find it out.”

“Ellis has a child?” She couldn’t believe it. “Is it a boy or a girl? And how old?”

“From what I’ve gathered, some woman came forward saying that she had a baby with Ellis when he was sixteen and that he was so screwed up, they terminated his parental rights.”

Her mouth dropped open. “Why in the hell would someone do that to him? Get on television and crush him like that?”

Her dad gave her a pointed look. “Because she sees it as a meal ticket. He was involved with you, so his name is gold now. From what I heard, she looks like a real piece of work.”

“Does Ellis know?”

“Know what? That the story is out? I’m sure he does. It’s reignited the fire about you guys in the news.”

“I want to do a press conference,” she announced. Both of her parents’ eyes swung to her.

“What?”

“Enough is enough. I’m setting the record straight. I’m not going to let them harass Ellis anymore.”

Silence enveloped them as her parents looked at her, then at each other. “I don’t know,” her dad finally said.

“Set it up,” she demanded. She was tired of always being bossed around. “If you don’t, I’ll do it myself.”

Her dad narrowed his eyes. “Young lady, I don’t need you talking to me like that.”

“Dad, I’m not trying to be disrespectful, I’m really not. But you have to start treating me like the adult I am. I love that both of you are involved in my career, I do. But you also have to let me be in charge of some things. This is my life here. And what’s happening with Ellis is happening because of me, so I need to set the record straight.”

“You aren’t going to say anything about Gage, are you?”

Sam looked away. “No. I want to do this to help Ellis, not for myself. Plus, it wouldn’t do any good to drag that out.”

He looked relieved. “Okay. I’ll set it up for the next day or two.”

“Better sooner than later,” she said, settling back against her seat. She had to try to make this right, no matter what she had to do.

Sam signed in to her email, something she rarely had time to do anymore. She was humming the tune to the new song she had just written and was going to record before she went back on tour in two weeks. She was proud of it, and couldn’t wait to debut it at her first stop in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. She would be gone for a month, traveling south from Tennessee, then out west to California before she made her way back. She would spend a good portion of this tour on her bus instead of in hotel rooms due to her tight schedule. She was looking forward to Lacey starting the tour with her, but she knew she would miss Ellis. It was funny how much the two weeks he was with her had changed everything.

Her press conference was tomorrow, and every time she thought of it, her stomach clenched. It was something she had to do, because now this woman Ellis had a baby with was all over every news station, selling her story to the highest bidder. Apparently he had a son who was now thirteen. She felt for the child, wondering if the mother had even thought of him when she decided to come forward, especially when she finally saw pictures of this woman. She had probably been beautiful at one time, but she was crack-addict skinny, with blackened teeth, stringy, greasy hair, and her skin was marked with acne. The paparazzi were eating it up, of course, painting Ellis in a horrible light.

Clicking on her messages, she saw a name she never thought she’d see in her inbox again. Gage Miller. Her hand shaking, she clicked the message. It had been four years since she had last laid eyes on him. The day that would be forever marked in her memory as the day the old Sam died and a new one was put in her place. One that was more scarred, more jaded.

Sam,

I hope this email finds you well. I’m so proud of what you’ve accomplished this year. Your dreams are finally coming true. I know you have had a rough few weeks with the paparazzi, but I want you to know that I would never betray your trust. There’s a part of me that will always love you. We are bonded forever, no matter where we are. I wanted to know if it was okay if we talked on the phone, just to catch up. People asking me about you and wanting to do stories on us has made me realize how much I miss you. I understand that you have a lot going on, so if you don’t have time, I get it. I also see that this new guy you’re involved with is being put through the ringer in the press. I’m sorry that this is the price you have to pay to live your dream. No matter how many years have passed, I still care about you and want to see you happy.

Call me if you can,

Gage

She stared at the phone number under his name for a few minutes, wondering what she should do. What did he want to talk to her about?

Picking up her phone, she texted Lacey, needing advice before she decided to call him. She responded immediately, saying she thought it might be good closure for her to talk to him. That made her think of Ellis, and tears sprung to her eyes. She was going to make it right. Maybe then he would talk to her.

Before she lost nerve, she typed in Gage’s number on her phone and pressed call. As it was ringing, a cold sweat broke out all over her. She was just about to hang up when his voice came over the line.

“Hello?”

Sam closed her eyes, his voice sending her back to a time she wanted to forget. He repeated it again while she tried to get her mouth to work.

“Gage,” she finally said.

“Sam? Is that you?”

“I-I got your message,” she stammered. Why was he flustering her so much?

“It’s been a long time, Sam,” he said softly, and her heart constricted.

“Yes, it has. I was surprised to see your message.”

“I know,” he said. “I’m sorry it’s been so long. I just wasn’t sure what to say to you, or if you even wanted to hear from me. But after this whole debacle with these idiots splashing our names everywhere, I figured it was about time. What are they going to find out, Sam?”

Ah, so that was why he was calling. “Nothing. What they’ve found out is all they will find. You know the rest was anonymous.”

“Who’s to say that the lawyer or someone who knew the truth won’t come forward?”

“None of them knew it was me, Gage. My dad made sure of that. You’re safe. No one is going to bother you.” She knew she sounded angry, because she was.

Gage sighed. “Sam, I’m not worried about me. I’m worried about you. It was hard enough to do the first time. I don’t want you to have to relive it.”

Her anger dissipated. “Thanks, Gage. I’m okay. I’m actually going to do a press conference tomorrow. Enough is enough.”

“You’re an amazing woman. I’ve followed you this whole year, starting with you getting on that show. I’m so proud to have been part of your life.”

Tears filled her eyes. After everything they had been through, he was proud of her. “Thanks, Gage. That means a lot.”

“I know you’re busy, so I won’t keep you. But, I live in Baton Rouge and wanted you to know that I’ll be at your concert. I would really love to see you, but I understand if that isn’t a good idea.”

She knew she could never tell her parents, but she wanted to see him. “Really? That’s fabulous, Gage. Of course I want to see you! Keep my number, and I’ll have Sean leave you a VIP ticket at the booth. You can come back stage after the show and we can catch up. Is anyone coming with you, girlfriend or anyone?”

“No,” he answered quickly. “No girlfriend. And I saw Sean in some pictures of you lately. I also read what happened to Brian. That’s terrible. How’s he holding up?”

“As well as he can. He’s not coming back to work yet, but he’ll be with us on my tour. I guess Sean is going to stay with me for a while too, until my next tour is over. He works for the Nashville PD, but I guess they are being pretty flexible with him. Lacey is also going to be with me in Baton Rouge, so you’ll get to see her, too.”

“It’ll be a reunion!” he laughed. “I’m looking forward to it. Thanks for calling, Sam. I miss you.”

“I miss you, too,” she said. “Let’s keep in touch, okay?”

She hung up the phone and stared at the screen. Talking to him was bringing forward all the emotions that she had worked so hard to push far away. She wished she could talk to Ellis. She realized she never even got any pictures of them while he was there. Laying back on her bed, she grabbed her guitar and started strumming the chords. For this song, she was going to play the guitar with Jason. She started singing, the words she wrote coming straight from her heart. She hadn’t made it through this song once yet without crying, so she was starting to wonder how in the world she was going to record it or sing it at her concert.