“When you talk about each other, I see it.” Her mom’s expression turned pensive. “When he would mention you, or you him, it’s there. That sparkle of someone who’s in love.”
That sparkle isn’t love, Mom. Just the remains of two people who’ve recently gotten their rocks off with each other.
Sarah bit the inside of her cheek so she wouldn’t say the words aloud. Even if they were on the tip of her tongue.
Instead, she murmured, “I don’t think it’s love, Mom. Besides, that boat has sailed.”
“Then you swim out to it.”
Her heart skipped a beat at the intensity of her mother’s statement. The connotation behind it.
Swim out to it
.
There was so much bitter history between them, creating a strong riptide that would make it pretty damn hard to reach that boat. Even if she wanted to.
And right now, she didn’t know what she wanted anymore.
“I know love. And I think you two have a chance.”
Before Sarah could reply, there was the soft padding of footsteps.
“Mom?” Emily appeared in the living room, eyes bleary from sleep. “Can I sleep with you tonight? I had a nightmare.”
Her heart melted a little and she gave a small nod. Even though her daughter touted her tweenhood, sometimes she couldn’t fight the fact she was a momma’s girl.
“Come on.” She stood and followed Emily into the bedroom. She’d missed Emily more than she thought during the week apart.
She couldn’t let Ian take Emily. Not that she thought he really would, but the idea of it. The what if. It would destroy her.
Sarah stared at the outside of McLaughlin’s Auto and Classic Car Restoration and hesitated. She tightened her fingers around the plate of chocolate chip cookies and drew in a slow breath.
Get some courage, girl. You need to do this.
Lifting her head, she strode forward and into the office section of the shop. A small bell rang as she entered, and the young woman behind the counter glanced up.
“Good morning. What can I help you with?”
“Actually, I was hoping to see Ian?”
The young woman stood. “I’ll check and see if he’s available. Who can I tell him is here?”
“Sarah. He’ll know who I am.” Whether he’d see her or not was another story.
“Aye. I know her.”
Both women glanced over at Ian as he came out of the office and shut the door.
Sarah drew a sharp breath in as her pulse quickened.
“You didn’t need to come in.” His tone was flat, a clear contradiction to the glittering anger in his eyes. “I told you I’d contact you when I was ready.”
The receptionist made a squeak of surprise and excused herself, disappearing into the garage area where several men were working.
A blush of embarrassment stole up her neck, but Sarah kept her chin high. “I know. I just brought you cookies.”
That sounded pretty lame.
“You brought me cookies?”
“Well…for you to share with your shop.” This was a bad idea, why had she thought it would be a good attempt at chipping away at his icy anger. “They’re chocolate chip. Emily and I baked this morning, and you did say I could bake something as payment for the car…” She trailed off lamely and bit back a sigh. “Though I fully intend to pay you still.”
“I see.” He didn’t even crack a smile as he took the plate from her. “I’m sure my guys will love them.”
But not him. Why was every word like a blow to her heart? A lump gathered in her throat and she tried to give a small smile, but it didn’t quit stay put.
“Look, you shouldn’t have come.” His words were terse. “I’m working and I’m just not…ready to deal with you yet.”
Deal with her
.
She might have flinched, but his bluntness actually helped her realize what was going on in his head. “Understood.”
“I’ve got things to do.” His gaze swept over her, almost reluctantly, before his expression grew hard. “Thanks for the cookies. I’ll be sure to return the plate.”
“All right.”
He turned away and strode back into his office. The door slammed shut a moment later.
Sarah made quick haste getting the hell out of his shop and away from the stares that followed her.
So maybe the cookies weren’t a good idea—unless she’d been hoping to get hurt and humiliated.
Which, no, that absolutely hadn’t been her goal. But again her naïveté was showing.
Increasing her pace and blinking back the tears that burned, she made her way back home.
“Thank you for dinner. This lasagna is delicious, but it’s going to go straight to my hips.”
Sarah laughed and gave her mom a sideways glance. “You could use some padding on your hips. You’re too skinny. And I swear if Emily hears you talk like that you’ll give her a complex.”
“Oh I will not—that kid is tiny.” Ana pushed her plate away and made a sound of disbelief. “And she’s in the bedroom watching the Disney channel again anyway.”
“Yes, well, she’s at that age and the girls’ in her gymnastics class are always talking about dieting.”
“Ridiculous.”
“I agree.” Sarah took another bite of her dinner, but she still had no appetite. Her stomach had been in knots since leaving Ian’s garage earlier this afternoon.
They’d had a late dinner after driving around the island and exploring various places with Emily. They’d watched the sunset from the porch of the house, before everyone came inside to eat.
A satisfying day, she reflected. For the most part. Her heart grew heavy as she replayed the brief encounter with Ian.
“So he wasn’t receptive to the cookies?”
Her mom always had a knack for knowing where her mind had gone.
“I’m sure he was fine with the cookies. Seeing me however…”
“Give him time.”
Oh how she wished time were the answer. But forgiveness wasn’t always the easiest pill to swallow. She knew firsthand how strong a hold pain and anger could have on you.
A soft knock came at the door, sending tension racing through her.
Ana murmured lightly, “Speaking of. One guess who that’ll be.”
“I don’t need the guess.” Even without the porch light illuminating his recognizable stature, Sarah knew Ian was the person knocking on her door.
“Go take a walk with him. Or a drive. I’ll watch Emily while you two talk.” Ana gave a small shudder of excitement. “I’ll just watch an episode of
Castle
on my laptop—my friend Joyce got me hooked on it. That Nathan Fillion is such a hunk.”
That last comment caused a reluctant smile as Sarah opened the door. Seeing Ian leaning against the doorjamb, staring down at her with that familiar scowl on his face, had her smile fading.
Chapter Fifteen
“Hi.”
He answered with a small nod. “Can I come in?”
“Do you mind if we walk? It’ll give us more privacy, and it’s warm enough out.” She stepped outside on the porch and closed the door behind him. “Unless you’d rather drive somewhere?”
“No. Walking is fine.” He fell into step next to her as they walked out of the driveway. “I’ve felt a bit restless today anyway.”
“Understandable.”
Restless was probably the most passive emotion he’d felt, she guessed. There’d been a good amount of rage last night that had lingered into this afternoon.
Where had he gone yesterday after he’d left here? He must’ve taken time alone to think. Or maybe he’d met up with one of his siblings. Maybe Colin, since they were pretty close.
She snuck a sideways glance at him in the growing darkness. It was surprising how relaxed he was now. Such a one-eighty from this afternoon. The raw edge of fury and shock had evaporated. If anything, he just seemed tired.
Sarah swallowed the guilt and thrust her hands into her jeans pockets.
“Thanks for the cookies, they were good. If you could pass that on to Emily…”
“I will.”
So awkward.
“I’m glad you liked them.”
More silence. Heavy and uncomfortable. He broke it first.
“You didn’t run. I mean, obviously.”
“I told you I wouldn’t.” Though when he’d left last night, the side of her that was in full-blown panic mode had considered it. Until logic had stepped in. “Cat’s out of the bag now anyway, right?”
“Right. Or kid.”
Was that an attempt at humor? The slight quirking of his lips made her think maybe it was.
“Yeah. Or kid.”
More silence as they walked down toward Main Street. It was pretty quiet with most of the businesses closed, except for a small bar that had been around forever.
She cast him another sideways glance. His stride was easy and there was no tension in his shoulders as she’d become accustomed to in the last couple of days.
“You seem calmer tonight.”
“I’ve had time to think about it—to let my heels cool. We need to move forward from here and my staying angry or bitter will do us little good. Which my family helped me realize when I talked things over with my family last night.”
She sucked in a quick breath as tension coiled through her. “Oh? All your family?”
“Aye.”
Meaning his parents had probably been involved in the discussion somehow too. Maybe he’d called them. Were they disappointed in her? Just as angry as Ian had been?
The possibility bothered her more than it should’ve. She’d adored them, and only now was it really sinking in that by not telling Ian, she’d also denied his parents the right to know their grandchild. Kenzie and his brothers the right to be an aunt and uncles.
“Does everyone hate me?” She tried to keep her voice flat and just casual, but the crack in it betrayed her vulnerability.
He didn’t answer right away, and her heart quickened.
“No one hates you, Sarah. Despite what happened between us and how bitterly we ended, they’ve always adored you.” He paused. “Though they’re confused and unhappy that you chose to hide Emily from us.”
She nodded, unable to argue with that. Emotion gathered and tightened her throat. Decisions she’d made so long ago now seemed rash and selfish.
“I somewhat understand why you did what you did,” he said quietly. “We were both young. I’m sure you thought of me as a troublemaker who couldn’t even be faithful a half a year into dating. And when you decided to try and give me a second chance, you discovered I now had a criminal record. I may not like what you did, but trust me, I get it.”
Her throat tightened with emotion. That was it. Pretty much exactly it. And then add in the constant pressure from her dad, and it had been so much easier to just go with the flow than swim against the current.
They had walked out onto the wharf and he stopped halfway to the end. Gripping the railing, he stared out over the water.
She didn’t speak, because she knew he needed to unload. Needed to tell his side of things and where he was at now.
Again, he fell into silence, though. She traced her fingers over the ridges in the wooden railing and turned her gaze to the water as well.
The moon had risen and reflected in a shimmery opalescent circle on the water.
“Here’s the thing.” He sighed, and she heard the heaviness in it. “I can’t walk away from Emily now that I know of her existence. No matter how unfit you may think I am as a father, it doesn’t change that fact that I’m Emily’s dad.”
Her heart quickened and she took tiny breaths in. She’d half expected it, but hearing him saying the words aloud, so casually almost, was almost surreal.
Surely at any moment she’d wake up and find it had all been a crazy dream.
But, no. This was happening.
He turned slightly to face her and she did the same, until they were just inches apart and their gazes met and held.
“I want to be part of her life. And I want you to tell her exactly who I am.”
She couldn’t reply. Couldn’t seem to focus on anything except the rushing in her ears.
He wanted to be in her life. How much of a part?
“I don’t…how do we even…” She shook her head. “We live in Virginia.”
“Aye. You do. But it’s summer, Emily’s out of school, and you have a house here that you’ve just inherited.”
She blinked, shock sliding through her. “Are you asking me to move back to the island?”
“No. Well perhaps consider it in the future. Right now, all I’m asking is that you stay through the summer. Give me a chance to get to know my daughter.”
Stay through summer. Her head spun with the idea. It wasn’t impossible. In fact, it was a downright reasonable request. A little nerve wracking, but reasonable.
“Okay, we can do that. And I agree that we should probably tell Emily you’re her dad, but how do you think we should go about it?”
How did you introduce your child to the father she’d never met?
“Did she ever ask about me? About who her real father was?”
“Occasionally, yes. When she was younger I just told her that you lived in another state and just weren’t a part of our lives. It seemed to be enough.”