Good Curses Evil (12 page)

“Nap time's over,” I said. “We need to get Ileana's parents and get back here as quick as we can.”

I whispered Jez's name up into the rafters, but she wasn't waking up. Finally, I found a rock and tossed it up at her. I missed, but it scared a couple pigeons. They fluttered around, knocking Jez off her rafter. She woke up midfall, transformed into a girl halfway to the ground, and landed on her rear end in the hay with a muffled
thump.

“Stupid pigeons!” she hissed. I didn't bother mentioning the rock I'd thrown. She didn't really need to know.

Ileana, Cappy, and baby Cricket were still asleep. I left them a quick note on parchment, a little food from Jez's pack, and the goat. I felt kind of bad leaving Ileana there with only Cappy for company. I mean, I was only concerned with protecting my investment. It's not as though I
liked
her or anything.

In the end, amid protests from Wolf and Jezebel, I decided to leave my dad's crystal ball behind too. If they had to be trapped in a barn, at least Ileana and Cappy could know what was happening. And if anything went wrong, they'd have a way to locate the Zâne.

“You're going soft, Drexler,” Wolf said.

“Shut it,” I answered.

We gathered our packs and checked our supplies. Then we were off to face Muma Padurii.

 

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

Ginger-Dread

This time, we were even stealthier than before, staying well away from the main road in case Chad had guards out looking for us. We made better time since there were no stops for diaper changes and feedings. By the time darkness had settled, we were standing just on the edge of the Forgotten Forest.

After Jez's bat-popping episodes and Wolf's seeming disappearance in the woods, I'd had my doubts about choosing them as my Conspirators, but as we navigated the murky gloom of the forest, I was thankful. Wolf's nose was like gold. He followed the scent of his own trail straight back to Muma Padurii's gingerbread house. We didn't have to worry about running into another dragon or any other creatures, because Jez flew ahead as our lookout. She was in a much better mood after leaving Princess Ileana back at the barn.

It was after midnight when we came to a clearing. In the middle, illuminated by the moonlight, was Muma Padurii's house. It was like any gingerbread cottage you might see at Christmas—only life-size. The door and windows were trimmed in frosting. It looked good enough to eat, and I found myself wanting to do just that. We all inhaled appreciatively.

“Mmm … smells so
good
,” Jez said, taking an involuntary step forward.

“Like cookies,” I said, following her into the clearing. Part of my mind screamed at me to come to my senses and get out of the moonlight. I knew I was way too exposed, but another part of me was entranced by that scent.

“It's a spell,” Wolf said, pulling us back into the shadows as a shrunken, hunched figure emerged from the front door of the little cottage. We regained our wits just in time to duck down behind a boulder.

Muma Padurii muttered to herself as she shuffled along in her tattered black dress, a basket in hand. I could hardly believe that
this
woman had birthed a blond, blue-eyed, curly-haired Chad. Her silvery hair hung like spiderwebs down her mountainous humpback. She was so bent and twisted that her long, warty nose practically touched the ground.

“She's probably going to gather herbs again,” Wolf Junior said. “She went out after dusk last time. She must like to work in the dark.”

“Can you blame her?” Jez asked. “I mean, she's not exactly going to win any beauty pageants. Rune, can you believe your dad and her actually—”

“Can we not talk about it?” I said as the old woman disappeared into the forest. “Okay, now's our chance. Jez, you keep lookout. Wolf and I will go in and free Ileana's parents. If all goes well, we'll be out of here long before she returns.”

I should've known better. Stories are full of people showing up at the wrong moment and spoiling villainous plans. Remember Wolf's dad? The Big Bad Wolf? The hunter came in with his ax just as Wolf Senior had Red right where he wanted her. And what about the Three Bears? Caught Goldilocks asleep in their kid's bed. (Most people think Goldilocks wasn't a villain. But don't let the dimpled cheeks and blond curls fool you. Breaking and entering? Property damage? Grand theft porridge? She was evil!)

Jez flew up to the roof to keep lookout while Wolf and I made our way inside. The smell was still enticing, but it didn't work so well once we were actually
inside
Muma Padurii's gingerbread house. I could see where she'd patched cracks in the wall here and there with icing, and clumps of furry mold sprouted from the ceiling like tufts of hair from a shedding dog. Moldy gingerbread. Gross.

Other than that, the house could've belonged to any little old grandma. There was a kitchen with a fireplace burning low, where something simmered in a cauldron. The living room was dark, but I could see a sofa with a doily on the back and a rocking chair with a mangy old cat curled up asleep.

“Which way?” I asked.

“Down here,” Wolf said.

I followed him down a hallway, wood floors creaking as we walked. At the end of the hall was a spare room with a braided rug. Wolf yanked it aside to reveal the cellar door. Even before he opened it, I could see the rectangular outline glowing with candlelight. I followed him down one step at a time.

“Watch out,” he said.

“What? Aww, gross!” I said as I walked face-first into an old cobweb.

At the bottom of the stairs was a little square room with a dirt floor. Shelves lined the walls, each holding jars of various old-lady things like canned peaches and beets, but also less savory items such as floating eyeballs and pickled animals.

“It's like the old-lady version of my dad's study,” I said. Then I caught sight of two figures sitting in the middle of the room.

The man was thin and lanky, but well dressed with dark hair and a beard. He was loosely tied and wore the blank, smiling expression of someone who's daydreaming. The woman, on the other hand, had been gagged and was currently asleep. I could see that she looked almost exactly like Ileana. Same honey-colored hair. Same peaches-and-cream skin.

“You get the king. I'll wake her up,” I said to Wolf.

I shook the woman gently. Her eyes flew open and she struggled and moaned, trying to speak.

“Hold on,” I told her. I reached around and untied her gag.

“Who are you?” she whispered. Then she saw Wolf Junior. “You! You were here before,” she said.

“We're here to rescue you,” I said.

What? Did I just say that? I was used to lines like “Your humiliation is far from over!” or “You will soon pledge your allegiance to me!” or even “I'm going to enjoy watching you die!” (I usually said that last line to one of Chad's cookies as I held it over a glass of milk.) But I had never before said “We're here to rescue you.”

This, though, was not the time to dwell on it. We had to get out of here. I untied the queen from the chair, and she gave me a quick kiss on the cheek.

“My little hero,” she said.

Hero?
Oh man, did I need to work on my villainous image! I wiped my cheek in revulsion.

Even though I'd managed to free her from the chair, the queen's hands had been shackled behind her back with irons like the kind Chad had used on me and Jezebel to keep us from using magic. I reached for my villain's tool kit to pick the lock, but Wolf interrupted.

“You can unlock it later,” Wolf said. “We have to hurry.”

I helped the queen up. Suddenly, she seemed to be scrutinizing me very closely.

“What's your name?” she asked. Her voice was a little shaky.

“I'm Rune, and this is Wolf Junior,” I said.

“Rune?” she asked. Then I remembered the way Ileana had introduced herself to me and Jez. I thought maybe I was supposed to give royalty my full name.

“Rune Toma Emilian Drexler,” I said. Then I didn't know what to do exactly, so I bowed (feeling like a total idiot). Wolf did the same.

“You're Rune Drexler?” There was something weird about the way the queen smiled at me, but I didn't have time to worry about it.

The king was like a zombie. We tried to coax him up the steps, but he was under a powerful spell. Finally, Wolf just hoisted the near-comatose man over his shoulder, and we made our way back up the stairs.

I kicked the cellar door shut and threw the rug back on top of it. Then I followed Wolf down the hallway. We were almost free when—

“Rune, Wolf, run!”

“Jez?”

Her voice came from somewhere on the living room floor, but all I could see was Muma Padurii's mangy cat. It was no longer curled up in the rocking chair, but standing on the floor about three feet in front of us with something trapped under its paw. Whatever it was fluttered frantically. The cat shifted slightly, and I realized what it had caught.

“Let her go!” I yelled at the cat. “Jez, change back!”

She trembled helplessly. “I can't! I think it has something to do with his collar,” she squeaked.

I noticed a metal amulet dangling from the leather band around the cat's neck. It looked like the same magical metal as the handcuffs the queen wore.

I pulled my foot back, ready to kick the mangy beast in the face.

“I wouldn't do that if I were you,” a voice cackled. From the shadows, the stooped figure of Muma Padurii emerged. “I'm rather fond of Tattles. If it wasn't for him, I might not have known you were here, villain.”

Cat-a-bats! Could this get any worse?

“How do you know who I am?” I asked.

“Oh, Chad's told me all about you, Rune Drexler. And your father and I go
way
back,” she said, cackling madly.

“That's enough, Padurii.” I was surprised to hear the queen speaking. Her sea-gray eyes had hardened to steel. “Let us go.”

“I don't think so, Cat,” the old woman said. I got the strange feeling that this wasn't the first time Muma Padurii and the queen had met.

“I have a score to settle with you and these brats—and your precious Veldin.”

What was she talking about?

“The plan is falling neatly into place. Aurelio is king. That brat Morgana can have her way with Veldin's school. And I get what
I
want.” She turned her eyes suddenly on me.

“What is it you want?” the queen asked, looking nervously from Muma Padurii to me.

“What do I want? Let's see. First, I want my youth back! Next, I want you to suffer as I have all these years! Finally, I want to be rid of Veldin's favorite boy and put
my
son in his rightful place. I want revenge!”

Muma Padurii raised her gnarled, bony fingers like cat claws. I knew a spell was coming, but I didn't have time to deflect it.

“Wing and bill

heed my will!

Peck and cluck

become a duck!”

I instinctively dropped to the floor when I heard the word
duck
. The power of the old lady's hex flew past me and hit the spellbound king full in the face. A quick puff of smoke and there was a duck standing where the king had been a moment before.

I heard the queen gasp just as the old lady reared up for another hex. She had barely opened her mouth when I came to my senses and shouted a deflecting spell:

“Cats and rats,

toads and bats,

protect me well!

Deflect the spell!”

It wasn't Pulitzer-winning material, but it worked. Nobody's pants lit on fire or anything. I could almost hear Master Stiltskin's voice congratulating me. Muma Padurii glared at me with hatred.

I decided this needed to end. Quick. I searched my mind for a spell that would work, but before I could come up with something, I felt four sharp stabs of pain in my back. Screaming in agony, I turned to see the witch's mangy cat with its claws about three feet deep into my skin! I couldn't defend myself, though, because Jez was dangling from the cat's mouth by one of her little bat feet. I twirled and grabbed at the insane beast in vain, momentarily forgetting that the witch was standing about four feet away and preparing to hex me.

Wolf stepped in to help, but the witch was ready.

“Words from dogs are overrated.

Some are better left unstated.

To avoid undue remarks,

you must speak your mind in barks.”

Immediately, Wolf lost his voice. He turned to me, barking in frustration.

Queen Catalina, her hands still bound, began kicking at Muma Padurii, who only laughed.

The cat clawed up my back, but it couldn't keep its hold on both me and a fluttering bat. Jez broke free and I seized my chance.

I toppled to the floor in a stop-drop-and-roll motion trying to dislodge Tattles the Psycho Cat. I brought my weight down on him
hard
and heard a loud screech as he finally let go and shot under the sofa like a furry bullet, hissing and spitting and glaring at me. Wolf continued to bark in an alarmed sort of way, gesticulating wildly.

“What?” I asked, irritated.

Then I saw for myself. I was still on the floor as the bent shape of Muma Padurii loomed over me, her arms raised malevolently. Across the room, I saw Queen Catalina had been knocked to the ground. I was completely defenseless as the witch descended on me, her lips spreading across her face in a wicked grin like red ink across a page.

“No!” the queen shouted as she struggled to her feet. “Leave him alone!”

The witch cackled madly down at me. I was sure this was the end. Then suddenly, her wrinkled face changed from a look of triumph to one of utter shock. She turned around in a circle, batting hysterically at the back of her neck, all the while shrieking in pain and surprise. When the old woman turned again, I could see a tiny dark assailant clawing its way up the old lady's hump. It was Jezebel.

She dislodged herself and flapped around the witch's face. I noticed Tattles watching all this from his hiding place beneath the sofa. His tail was sticking out one end and thrashing like a whip as his yellow eyes followed Jezebel's fluttering motions. Almost too late I realized what he was about to do.

“Jez! The cat!” I shouted just as Tattles bounded from beneath the sofa and sprang into the air, claws extended, teeth bared.

Jezebel fluttered out of the way at the last second, and Tattles sank his claws into the space that Jezebel had occupied just moments before. Only now it contained Muma Padurii's face.

“Aaaaaargh! Geddoff, you mangy beast!” she screeched, seizing Tattles with one gnarled hand and flinging him once more beneath the sofa.

The distraction had been just what I needed. I got to my feet and fired off a spell of my own, this time offensively.

“Mindless mutter,

endless stutter,

instead of rhyme,

you'll pantomime!”

Muma Padurii had already recovered and was just in the middle of hexing me when she stopped suddenly and started flapping like a chicken. She looked confused before trying again: