Going Thru Hell (19 page)

Chapter Thirty One

I heard his footsteps, barely discernible in the sounds of urban living. But months of listening for him trained me to pick up the light whisper. I hid behind my hands, not wanting to meet the exquisite blue of his eyes.

My son lay in the room next to mine, and I couldn't find the strength or courage to fight for him. Borrowed emotions allowed me to feel the terror of dying.

His weight caused the mattress to list, throwing me into him. He held me a moment, before sliding a t-shirt over my head. I'd been naked the entire time.

“We will both die,” he whispered in the dim light.

“I'm scared of dying.”

“Normal. But I'm not doing it just because an old crone told me it had to happen, or that some immortal decided it needed to happen. The biggest reason? You.”

“Great, blame me.”

“Not blame, Kylie. I've waited, wanted, for so very long. I've watched you struggle, take your hits and claim responsibility. The warrior I've always dreamed of.”

“I'm a coward, damn it! My son is in the other room, and I can't see past the fact I'll die!” I paced the room, carrying an internal argument.

“Then save him! Use me to do it
. Let this be our legacy,” he grabbed my arms, forcing me around. I stared, searching his face, and I understood.

Wrenching myself away, I stormed downstairs, hoping I could do this before what little courage I had faltered completely.

“Let's plan this,” I announced to the crowded kitchen. I literally heard a late season cricket from the area around the fridge.

Bru moved first, engulfing me in a bear hug. Her tears caused a wet spot on top of my head, resignation flowing swiftly through the bond. Along with sisterly love, sadness, and the feeling of prepping for war.

“Why the battle readiness, Bru?” I refused to let her go. I'd been an only child, and found I enjoyed the sibling emotions.

“You are going to be vulnerable. We are going to be weakened. Aki will be dead. How do you say it? You can bet your sweet bippy someone is going to jump us.”

I nodded, moved to leave the comforting circle of her arms. Bru didn't allow it, starting what turned into a massive group hug. The intricate bonds between the Valkyrie hit like a Mac truck. I would have fallen if not for being held so tightly.

“I'm sweating. And while I appreciate the massive love fest, we have to figure out what to do.” I wiggled.

Someone cooked breakfast, and the entire lot of us talked points: what needed to be done, how it should be planned. Although following one thread, it required careful maneuvering to accomplish. And then there was the less than romantic plan of killer sex with Aki.

He sat next to me, holding my hand, refusing to let go. If only I could be as relaxed about dying.

“Tiamat, what did you mean, take my head?” I asked after all the other plans had been laid out.

“Once you have completed all the necessary changes, you will be soulless, insane. You will not kill yourself.”

For a split second, I wondered, but knew it was only my fear. They'd all stuck with me, I couldn’t fault them. Each had taken wounds in battle, stood behind me even if they didn't agree. I would not lessen their loyalty with personal insecurities.

“When should we do this?” Aki had shaved, his face smooth against my palm. My thumb rubbed lightly against his strong jawline, and I took note of his high cheekbones, aquiline nose, full mouth. My body noticed. He'd make gorgeous, strong babies. Or in our case, baby.

“When you have taken from the others and allowed them rest. After you relax a bit more.”

Nodding, I left. Sitting in front of Riot's door, unable to go inside, I thought about our plans, the various ways around paradoxes, the nagging questions which still plagued. For my son, and a child I would meet only briefly, I
would
do this.

The late afternoon sun gave the house a yellowish cast, and I'd finally reconciled to the task ahead of me.

I took a long, hot shower, lather, rinsed and repeated. As I stepped out, Aki pushed away from the door.

“Despite the fact you will disagree, I think you are beautiful.”

I raised an eyebrow at him as I slathered copious amounts of lotion over every square inch of skin. Four types of hair goop to keep it from doing the seventies afro look, clipped nails and dressed in yoga pants and t-shirt.

On bare feet, I joined the group gathered in the living room. I met every set of eyes, silently thanking them for their sacrifices. Tiamat, perched on the sofa arm, held a hand to me. I obeyed.

“Connect with me, fill me as you have others. See in my mind and heart, Braider. Take until I force you to stop.” Her black eyes sparked rainbow shards. I nodded at her orders.

I gripped her hand tightly, gathering the remnants of power and pushing it gently into her immortal form. I gasped.
Holy crap on a cracker.
Tiamat, unlike most immortals, carried a soul. It welcomed me, guided the tendrils seeking her power. The Mesopotamian goddess carried infinite amounts of fuel. I heard her thoughts, the dashed hopes I would find a different path, sadness at losing me. The love growing for two children, one currently dead and the other yet to be born. I plugged into her, drinking deeply.

I couldn't see. I stared at the white ceiling, but only images of female warriors were in my sights. Women long dead, but their strength and courage remained strong. Tiamat loved them all
, and she counted me among them.

She stopped
me and I faltered on my feet. Blinking rapidly, in an attempt to reorient myself, I stared at the goddess. Unlike the others, she had no war to win. They gave her a wide berth, and I understood why.

“Yes, Kylie. Now finish before what you carry overrules your control.” She stood in front of me, kissed my cheek and walked through the front door. Watching her from the window, she changed into the magnificent dragon, returning my gaze. Tears flowed, but her eyes said she was proud of me. I nodded once.

Gunnr stepped up and we repeated the same actions. I drank from all of them, Bru the last.

“No matter what happens, Kylie, you will always be my best friend. I will do my best to honor your requests.” She kissed me on the lips, before taking my hand and guiding the tendrils to her seat of power.

They left me alone with Aki once the last connection was severed. Bru broke our bond, afraid I would use her to survive when I gave the last of my soul.

“How do you feel?”

“Full, all of them circling in my chest, trying to take over, tempting me to ignore the plans, pushing to go into battle. Showing me how much I owe you, allowing me to feel love.”

He took my hand, leading to the bedroom. The part I wanted and hated at the same time.

He closed the door, leaned against it with hands behind his back. The same light I'd seen in Wyoming lit his eyes, a purely masculine expression. He intended to show possession, to be aggressive, to do everything he'd secretly fantasized about for months. My body softened and bloomed at the look. I shuddered, wanting him to do everything the look promised.

I removed every stitch of clothing, standing before him, refusing to hide. I forced myself to stand proud, not hide from his hot perusal. I didn't move as he slowly took off his shirt, followed by his jeans. I swallowed at the sheer size of him. My body loved the sight, growing wetter at the sight of his erection, bobbing lightly with his heartbeat. Scars on his torso and thighs only made him sexier, and I gave myself over to instinct.

I reached out, wanting to touch and explore. I wanted to kiss, lick and nibble to my heart's content. “You're beautiful,” my voice husky, low.

“I can smell your arousal from here,” he whispered as he moved forward and into my outstretched hand.

I explored his skin, so hot and soft, stretched over hard muscle. His chest was hairless, but just below his navel, a soft line of hair led to crisp curls. I indulged in petting every inch of him, my hands roving around his waist to his back, pressing myself against him. I smiled as he shivered at the contact, could feel his muscles twitch. My hands loved the feel of the muscles around his spine, hard as a rock, pulling on bones as he curled against the caresses like a cat.

“I'm going to take over, Kylie. Trust me,” he leaned forward, taking one ear lobe between his teeth. I moaned in response to the erotic feel of his breath across the sensitive area behind my ears and against my neck.

He grabbed the hair at the back of my head as one arm grabbed my waist and held tight. My knees gave out, and he lifted me higher against him and walked us to the bed. My arms flailed slightly at the falling sensation, but he managed to roll until I landed on top without pulling every hair out.

Another roll and he was on top. “You are going to do as I say, Braider,” he growled and pulled a little more forcefully on my hair, bowing my body upwards, nipples jutting towards him. “That's it, this is what I wanted.”

I yelled out when he took one nipple into his mouth, sucking hard. My thighs popped open, and I rolled my hips a little. Using his tongue, teeth and lips, I came twice to the magic of his hot mouth. He growled approval.

He moved his weight to the side, keeping control of me while skimming his other hand down my waist to my legs. He repositioned them, and began to lick his way down my torso, giving every scar extra attention. I tried to lift my hips, but he shifted his weight slightly and I was fully pinned to the mattress, head back, body bowed.

He didn't let go of my hair until after he began to nuzzle between my thighs. The abrupt release of my head dropped my torso and I bent in the other direction, burying my hands in his hair, using it as a guide. I returned the intimate kiss, hips rolling, begging him to end the torture.

“Come for me,” he whispered, taking my clit between his lips and sucking. I obliged, screaming my pleasure to the ceiling.

“Please, Aki, please,” I needed to feel him, hot and hard inside of me.

He crawled up my body, lifting my shoulders and pulling me further onto the mattress. He positioned himself at my entrance, reached down, pulling one leg high on his waist. “When I come, Kylie, take it all. Don't hold back. Know I do this because I love you. Do you understand me?”

His eyes, filled with emotion, bright enough to cast shadows, didn't lie. “For all of us, Aki. For all of us. Do it now.”

It had been almost a decade since I'd felt a man. It stung and I breathed deeply, trying to relax. He still had to work his way in. I watched his face, an expression of pain and bliss holding his features taut, nostrils flared, eyes shut and head kicked back. A light sheen of sweat covered his body, making him breathtaking
.

I reached up, forced him to watch me as he finally seated himself deep inside, stretching me to the limit. I wanted him to see how I felt, not on borrowed emotions, his touch bringing every ounce of feeling to the surface. “I love you. Whatever life is next, never forget I love you.”

I moved against him.

The bear flickered over him briefly before he cried out, and began to move, sliding in and out, the friction delicious. I met his every thrust, pushing him hard.

“I'm going to come, Kylie, damn it. I wanted to last longer. Be ready!” His hips thrust erratically, and his eyes blazed, blinding me.

My body knew what to do. I came again, felt the convulsions of my cervix against his tip, the hot spurts of semen, a twinge deep inside. Power connected to Aki, enveloping him, drinking him down. I pushed him into a roll, sitting up
. He was still seated deeply inside of me, bathing my cervix. I put my hands on his chest, watching. I tasted his years, centuries of loneliness, friendship with Bru, the impatience of waiting. I swallowed every feeling he had for me, and touched his stolen immortality, hidden behind a bright, golden soul.

I hesitated, not wanting to kill him.

“Do it,” he whispered, weak yet strong enough to grip my hips and force me to stay in place. “Take it. I only held it for you.”

Tears fell unheeded, and I did as he requested. I grabbed the immortality, swallowing, and went for his brightly glowing soul. I drank deep.
I took it all until only the shell of the man I loved remained.

I moved off him,
and lay my head over his heart, listening as it stuttered, trying valiantly to keep pumping blood through his body. He'd been too weak to scream from the agony of losing his soul, but his body twitched from the pain. Two shaky breaths, eight heartbeats, and his body went silent.

I stumbled off the bed, hitting the wall, arms wrapped aroun
d my waist. I screamed. The agony of being the one to snatch his life. Sliding down the wall, I let it out. The heartbreak of losing a son, of purposefully killing a good man. I wailed against the choices I'd been given, sobbed at the love I'd never get to fully explore. I cursed the gods and their decisions. Their selfish wants and spoiled needs. I hated them all.

Deep in my abdomen, a spark flashed. The same
sensation from the night I became pregnant with Riot.

I forced myself into a standing position again, going to the shower. I allowed the numbness to take over, staring at the walls for uncounted minutes.