Girls Only! (13 page)

Jenna wished Cassie, and Lara, too, wouldn’t call out to her once she got this close to her performance. It was one thing for Coach and Tasya to pump her up, but somehow she resented the same from her teammates.

Except for her sudden feeling of resentment toward Cassie, Jenna felt totally confident. She was going to impress all of them. Again!

She was absolutely certain she could perform every single trick. After months of training, the skills would come easily. Like breathing.

Coach Kim picked up on her mood, cheering her on even more. “Be your best, Jenna! Show your stuff! Okay!” All the while, he clapped his big hands, grinning and nodding.

Better than best
, she thought.
Show off really big today. Go, girl!

As soon as the music began—a medley of songs from
Miss Saigon
—she was really into her routine. She and Coach Kim had listened to dozens of musical renditions of Broadway show tunes. Everything from
Music Man
to
Phantom of the Opera
. But during the first hearing of the assortment of songs, Jenna knew she’d found what she was looking for.

Her routine began with a sequence of dances, choreographed flawlessly to the music. The program was only eighty seconds long. During that time, every shade and emotion in the music was translated into leg and arm movements. Even her neck and head were involved. Every muscle strained to respond, as she had drilled repeatedly hundreds and hundreds of times. Second nature by now. No problem.

The dance shifted seamlessly into a tumbling pass. Jenna loved to fly from one end of the carpet to the other, using saltos and front full twists, roundoffs and front walkovers. Spinning and turning was everything. She was glad there were four more required acrobatic passes in her program.

Unexpectedly, on the second tumbling pass, one foot stepped off the mat. She lost her height and distance on the third pass. Sloppy—the most despised word in a gymnast’s vocabulary!

From then on, her scope and distance were way off. With things falling apart, it was no wonder her landing was less than perfect. She fumbled and nearly forgot to salute at the end.

Disappointed, she wanted to crawl under the carpet. Coach Kim and Tasya were right there, consoling her, encouraging her to try harder. “You’ll do better next time.”

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Nels. He hadn’t been her spotter this program. She hadn’t needed one. Not for safety purposes, at least.

Looking away, she hid her emotions. She couldn’t bear for him to see her frustration. Angry at her performance, yes, but upset about more than that.

Nels probably
believed
her lie for sure now.

She was convinced of one thing. Her lousy performance was her own fault. She’d set herself up for it.

Better Than Best

Chapter Ten

Cassie was next. She, too, was scheduled for the floor exercise. Flaxen hair pulled back in her trademark knot, Cassie stood tall like a model. Long, slender legs, tiny waist, and square shoulders. The perfect stance.

Jenna gritted her teeth, standing on the sidelines. She ought to be rooting for her teammate, but she couldn’t make herself cheer or call out upbeat remarks. Instead, she stood a few feet from the padded carpet, close to the spot where she’d stepped off, ruining her floor exercise. Where a whole string of problems, one after another, had begun.

Oh, how she had wanted to impress the coaches! Desperately, she had. But she’d
not
succeeded in getting positive attention for her skills, especially from her teammates. Worst of all, she had been sloppy.

She felt miserable—angry at herself. Sure, she’d flubbed big time. But worse than that, she’d twisted things around to Nels Ansgar. And he’d
liked
her!

Cassie, erect and poised, saluted Coach Kim and Coach Williamson for practice. She began working through her program beautifully. The strains of violin music filled the gymnasium as Cassie ironed
all the
small things and nailed everything else.

I have a choice each day about how I will react to what happens to me
, Jenna thought as she watched. But she was still ticked off about her routine, how she’d completely bombed.

She struggled emotionally over Cassie’s solid performance. Everything was going so well for her teammate. Jenna was actually discouraged that Cassie was doing so well. Not the best thing for the team mentality. For the team captain!

They’d strived so hard on their individual work, competing against one another for weeks before camp. Now it was hard to be a close-knit team.

Think sisters
, Coach would often say.

For Jenna, team sisterhood was vanishing fast. Uppermost in her mind, as she watched Cassie perform, was being the best gymnast at camp. Nothing else—and no one else—-mattered.

Lara Swenson—the growth gland—was up next, after Cassie. Jenna noticed the overeager look in Lara’s eyes. Until a few weeks ago, Lara had been the infant of the team. Smaller than all the others, she had a pleasant personality and winning smile. Lara had passed them up in height, but she was trying her best to put forth a team effort.

She’s going to do well, too. Just like Cassie
, Jenna thought, clenching her fists.

Angry tears blurred her eyes. She could scarcely see through the haze as Lara finished out her floor routine, ending it with a perfect “stick” landing.

Everyone was cheering and calling, “Lara . . . Lara. You did it! You’re the best.”

No, I’m the best!
Jenna pondered the words so hard, she nearly blurted them out loud.

Better Than Best

Chapter Eleven

During a snack break, Cassie caught up with Jenna. “I’ve never seen you perform so—”

“Badly?” Jenna interrupted.

“Uh, well, I guess you could say that.” Cassie reached for a large bottle of apple juice. “So . . . what was wrong on the floor?” she asked.

“I’m having a lousy day. Isn’t that what Coach always tells us?” She wanted to run away and nibble on her healthy snacks somewhere alone. But she stayed, letting Cassie pummel her with questions.

“Was your timing off? Did you anticipate what went wrong?”

“Look, do we really have to talk about this?”

Cassie pushed her bangs back and let them fall forward again. “You’re mad at me, aren’t you?” There was fury in her voice. “I didn’t
do
anything, Jen.”

“Whatever.” Jenna got up and went to the water fountain. When she returned to the table, Lara and two other girls from the All-Around Team had sat down.

“What
happened
during your floor exercise?” Lara asked immediately.

“Everyone has an ‘off’ afternoon once in a while, right?” she shot back.

Lara and Cassie exchanged puzzled looks. The other girls did the same to each other. “That’s not like you,” Lara said softly. “You’re always so . . . well, confident. You never excuse yourself for a bad performance.”

“Nothing’s changed,” she muttered back.

“That’s not what Nels thinks,” Cassie retorted.

“Keep him out of this.” She felt the anger clench her throat muscles.

Cassie’s eyes were wide with astonishment. “He can’t stop talking about the floor exercise you performed back at AAG. He said you were the best young woman gymnast he’d seen.”

Young woman?

“That was then,” she replied.

“Was your concentration off?” Cassie pushed.

“Look, I need some space, okay?” Jenna said. Lara and Cassie exchanged scornful looks.

Lara spoke up. “Something’s very weird here. If you ask me, I think there’s too much competition going on.”

“It’s called jealousy,” Cassie added.

“Nobody asked you,” Jenna shot back.

“Jealousy makes people do wild and crazy things,” Cassie jeered. Loudly, she bit into her celery stick. “I’m with Lara on this. You’re envious of your own team members, Jenna. That makes no sense.”

Jenna felt she was losing it. She wouldn’t sit here for another second. “Who asked either of you?”

Getting up, she marched straight for the exit without looking back.
They can’t talk that way to their team captain!
she decided.

But Lara was calling after her. “What’s happening, Jenna? Where are you going?”

Where
was
she going athletically . . . emotionally?

She didn’t want to think about it. She didn’t care anymore. Being the best was her only focus. It was more important than certain team members’ petty feelings. More important than a guy spotter getting wrong information about her.

She
had
to be the best. At sports camp weekends. At Junior Nationals—when and if she made it. At anything connected with her gymnastics dreams and goals.

Rushing back to the dorm, she threw herself across her bunk, sobbing. What
had
made her mess up today?

No answers came.

She could only cry, not caring if she missed her next session. Ballet with Natalie Johnston could wait.

Livvy burst into the room. “What’s wrong?” she asked. “Are you sick . . . hurt, what?”

“I’m freaking out.”

Livvy waited for her to blow her nose and wash up. “I think it’s time we had a long talk.”

Jenna muttered, “Me too.”

“But there’s no time,” Livvy said, glancing at the wall clock. “Rythmic ballet starts in three minutes.” She smiled, brushing her hair into a ponytail. “And maybe that’s a
good
thing.”

Jenna sighed. “What do you mean?”

“Read my lips . . .
ballet
.”

Jenna stared at the mirror. She saw a petite, bleary-eyed gymnast. “I think I know what you’re trying to say.”

“Fierce competition can do you in. You need a change of scenery.”

“You said it,” Jenna agreed. “So let’s have some fun!”

Livvy laughed, and Jenna followed her out of the dorm. The sun was twinkling over the tops of the tallest Ponderosa pine trees she’d ever seen. She tried not to think about their size.

“I don’t mean to bring up a sore point,” Livvy said as they walked together.

“Then don’t.”

Livvy scrunched up her face. “Well, I think I’d better.”

“What?”

“I heard Nels is coming to ballet class.”

Jenna could hardly think about him without getting upset. “What for? We don’t need spotters at ballet.”

“He’s not going as a spotter.”

Jenna was confused. “Then
what?
”

Livvy draped her arm over Jenna’s shoulder. “He’s coming as a student.”

Jenna shook her head. “Oh,” she groaned, “this is just great.”

What’s his problem?
she wondered.

Better Than Best

Chapter Twelve

Jenna, Livvy, Heather, and Manda hung out together during most of ballet. “We could have a quick Girls Only meeting,” Manda said, laughing. She wore a hot pink leotard with white stars across the bodice.

“I doubt Natalie would appreciate that,” Heather said, warming up at the barre.

Natalie Johnston, their ballet and dance instructor, also coached beginner through intermediate ice skating. Her home-based studio was on Main Street in Alpine Lake, two houses down from the remodeled Victorian where Livvy, her dad, and her grandmother lived. Natalie was young and petite, with a single honey-blond French braid down the back of her head.

Jenna couldn’t keep her eyes off Manda’s seriously pink leotard. It reminded her of one she’d worn when she was five years old. Eons ago, it seemed. Her mother had allowed her to choose a leotard for a gymnastics event. She’d picked out the hot pink one.

Thinking back, she remembered that Mom had been the one to instill a competitive spirit in her.
“Never give up till you’re the best,”
Mom had always said. She expected her daughter to give her all to the sport. Everyone who observed young Jenna in action instantly recognized her remarkable talent. So why had she messed up today, of all days?

The ballet students lined up, each putting one leg on the barre next to the wall of mirrors.

Pointing her toes, Jenna stretched, leaning her head and upper body forward. She firmly touched her forehead to her kneecap. In the mirror she caught her reflection. Not smiling as she usually would be during stretching exercises.

“Grin and bear it
,” Natalie liked to say.

Forcing a half smile, Jenna continued the exercise. On either side of her, Livvy and Heather gracefully extended their flexible bodies forward. Jenna caught occasional glimpses of her closest friends in the mirror. For the time being, she remained silent, concentrating, focusing. Stretching . . .

Livvy seemed deep in thought. Heather, the more bubbly of the two girls, hummed a tune from
West Side Story
.

In the far corner of the wide room, the pianist began to play classical music by Haydn. Natalie distributed “the ribbon” to each student.

Jenna was glad about
one
thing. She loved to create the spiral look, a beautiful, twirly motion in midair. The ribbon was approximately fifteen feet in length, made of satin fabric and attached to a lightweight stick. She held the stick, swiveling the ribbon in rapid figure eights. Other motions were snakes and spirals.

Natalie reminded them that the ribbon must be “in motion at all times.”

Or points can be lost at competition
, Jenna remembered.

Standing at the core of their large circle, Natalie demonstrated the rotating motion for all fifteen ballet dancers. Some of them were new to this form of rhyth-mie ballet, with elements from both ballet and artistic gymnastics.

Jenna watched Natalie leap across the floor, twirling the long ribbon beside her.

Swoosh!
With a flick of her wrist the long ribbon glimmered like a graceful wand as their instructor walked them through the simple routine.

“This exercise is not a time to show off individual skills. It is excellent practice for working together . . . as a unit,” Natalie said. “Teamwork is important for both ballet and gymnastic performances.”

Excellent practice . . .

Jenna was reluctant to accept the idea of teamwork at the moment. Yet it would be essential to the ballet activity they would be doing. If they were to do it well.