Girl in the Bedouin Tent (14 page)

Amir had refused to face the fact that one day soon he’d have to give her up. That this liaison which brought him such satisfaction had to end before he took his bride.

‘You call
me
crude when you install me as your mistress? When you pay me in jewels and fine clothes and think that will stop me caring about the fact you’re promised to someone else? When you decide I’m not good enough to meet your friends or to present in public? That I’m only good for—’

‘Enough!’ The roaring sound of his voice echoing through the portico shocked him. His pulse thrummed heavily, almost blotting out the sound of his laboured breathing. Fire scorched his chest and belly as he fought a turbulent tide of emotion. ‘There was no insult intended, Cassie.’

She blinked, and for a moment he could have sworn he saw the glitter of tears on her lashes. The sight gutted him.

‘And when you warned me off going out with my class in public?’ Her voice was low now, and husky, as if her throat were tight like his. ‘Tell me that was solely for my benefit. Tell me you weren’t worried the publicity would interfere with your marriage arrangements.’

Guilt engulfed Amir. She was right. He’d thought of himself, smoothing things over till the time came to put Cassie away from him.

‘Don’t bother answering that. I can see it in your eyes. You weren’t protecting me. You were protecting yourself.’ She huffed out a laugh that wrenched at his heart. ‘You know, I
thought you different from the rest. A man of honour. A man I could respect. Naïve, wasn’t I?’

The raw anguish in her husky voice pierced him and pain surged as if from a gaping wound. He reached out to her cheek. How had something so perfect gone so horribly wrong?

‘Habibti,
I—’

Cassie knocked his hand away and swung round to stare out over the darkening courtyard. But not before he’d seen tears well in her eyes. Razor-sharp talons tore at him. He’d never felt anything as intensely as this torture, watching her distress.

‘I’m
not
your beloved! I may have given you my innocence but I’m not a fool. Don’t insult me like one.’ Her innocence?

Amir swayed with shock. She couldn’t be serious. No innocent would have blatantly seduced him the way she had, demanding he make her his. She’d been like flame in his hands, all hot energy and enthusiasm. She’d been no shrinking violet but had enjoyed sex with an honest delight that had shaken him to the core.

A delight mixed with wonder, he now remembered. And moments of hesitation that he’d convinced himself he’d imagined.

That smear of blood on the sheet! The stain that had been beneath their hips after he took her that first time. Amir recalled the ecstasy of that joining, how incredibly tight she’d felt as she gripped him and sent him over the edge.

He stared, dumbfounded, and saw the fine tremors racking her body.

What had he done?

‘Cassie.’ His voice was unsteady. His vocal cords paralysed. ‘I didn’t want it to be like this. I just wanted you.’

He’d thought about nothing else. For the first time he hadn’t planned ahead. He’d acted on instinct, grabbing greedily at this woman and not relinquishing her. Now she was paying for his selfishness. He’d never felt so helpless in his life.

‘But it
is
like this.’ She sounded drained, her voice empty. ‘I let you make me your mistress. I didn’t even realise I was turning into the very woman I’d vowed never to become.’

Again that huff of laughter that sounded more like pain. Something twisted in his chest at her anguish.

‘How’s that for blind? That I of all people didn’t realise what I’d become till today. That while I hoped for something else, you’d turned me into the other woman.’

‘Of all people?’

She swung round, and the sight of tears trickling unheeded down her pale cheeks hit him like a sledgehammer to the solar plexus. Even in the mountains when she’d feared for her life Cassie hadn’t cried.

For the first time in his memory fear overwhelmed him.

He wanted to hold her close, soothe her with gentle caresses. But the pain in her eyes, the memory of her accusations, stopped him.

Her mouth twisted in an ugly grimace. ‘All my life I’ve fought for my self-respect. Don’t think I didn’t see the look in your eyes when I said I did whatever I could to make ends meet when acting jobs dried up. But I never sold myself!’

Amir opened his mouth to assure her he hadn’t thought she had, but she was speaking again, her eyes glazed as if she looked inwards and didn’t see him.

‘I told myself I’d never be like her, and now I am, and it feels …’ She shuddered and wrapped her arms around herself.

‘Like whom, Cassie?’ He lifted his hand to her shoulder and then dropped it, helpless in the face of her distress.

Huge bruised violet eyes lifted to his. ‘My mother. I didn’t tell you much about her, did I?’ Her chin tilted up gallantly even as she swallowed convulsively. Pride and shame and hurt flitted across her drawn features.

‘She was a rich man’s mistress. She was married to someone else when she got pregnant by my father. When her husband kicked her out because he discovered the affair she moved to Melbourne and lived as my father’s mistress for
years. Living off his bounty and the crumbs of his attention. When he’d had enough of her she found herself another protector. Then another. One of them even decided that since he’d bought my mother he could have me too.’

Amir rocked back on his heels. At his gasp of horror her lips tilted in a vague smile.

‘He didn’t succeed. After that I never went home for holidays. But watching my mother prostitute herself, seeing the woman she became, I vowed never to be like her. Till you, I avoided getting close to any man.’

She shook her head, arms wrapped tight around her torso as if to hold in pain.

‘And look at me now!’

Her pride, her distress, evoked a surge of emotions such as he’d never known.

Amir could stand no more. He dragged her to him, his hold careful yet unbreakable, as if he held the most fragile substance in the world. Her fragility scared him. Within the circle of his embrace Cassie stood stiff and unyielding, yet her tears wet his shirt and her gasping breath was hot against his chest.

Guilt carved a dark cavern in his soul. How had he thought himself honourable when his selfishness had wounded her so? What sort of man was he?

Never had he felt such shame and regret. Her despair and self-loathing vibrated in each word, every stifled sob. Every tremor racking her body was a blow straight to his heart. How could he ever—?

‘Amir?’ The tears had stopped and her voice held barely a wobble.

‘Yes?’ He just prevented himself adding an endearment and his hand itched to stroke her, ease her torment.

‘I want to leave now. I never want to see you again.’

T
HREE
weeks later Cassie looked out of the window of her rural classroom. Mountains rose in the distance. She tried not to think about that week she’d spent in Bhutran. Or about the man she’d met there. The man who’d stolen her heart when she wasn’t looking and shattered it.

How could she love him still?

It was ridiculous. Pathetic.

After what he’d done to her he should mean less than nothing to her. After what she’d done to herself.

Amir wasn’t solely to blame. Cassie had allowed herself to be swept on a tide of desire, enthralled by what he made her feel not just physically, but emotionally. For the first time Cassie had felt whole, content and joyously happy sharing her life with Amir.

Was this how her mother had felt all those years ago? Could it have been love after all that had driven her to follow Cassie’s father and give up everything in the process?

Once, the idea had seemed preposterous, knowing the calculating, self-absorbed woman her mother had become. But now Cassie knew how devastating love could be. How dangerously strong its pull.

How could she still long for Amir’s touch? How could she miss the deep rumble of his voice, or the glitter in his eyes when he teased her over a game of chess? She even missed listening to him talk about plans for urban renewal!

It scared her that, though she felt pain and shame at having
allowed herself to become ‘the other woman’ in a relationship triangle, her main emotion was grief. Grief at the loss of Amir. She had to get a grip!

Behind her came the sound of women’s voices, her students practising in pairs the simple conversation she’d taught them. She needed to forget these daydreams and stop feeling like a victim.

Cassie moved to the nearest pair, nodding encouragement and automatically helping when the new English vocabulary eluded them.

Classes kept her sane. They gave her purpose and even a measure of happiness, seeing the difference even she, with her minimal qualifications, could make to the lives of these women. She even got to use her dramatic skills sometimes, miming concepts to help the class understand and breaking down language barriers with laughter.

She didn’t miss acting as she’d thought she might. She’d even begun to think of teaching English long-term. Not here in Tarakhar. That would be prodding an open wound, knowing she was so close to Amir and his carefully chosen perfect bride.

Cassie moved between the groups, assisting when needed and praising the women who a couple of weeks ago had been too shy to speak English aloud.

How far they’d come. Their determination to improve made her ashamed of how she kept dwelling on her time with Amir rather than the future.

It didn’t matter that the future was a grey, foggy place she couldn’t see clearly or be enthusiastic about. She had to push herself.

The door opened and she turned to see the principal enter, excitement bright in her eyes and quick gestures.

‘Ms Denison.’ The principal nodded to her. ‘Excuse the interruption. We have important guests, here on an impromptu visit. Such an honour!’ Already she was turning to the class and addressing them in their own language.

Cassie watched as the women sat straighter, their chatter dying into a hush of expectant silence. Discreetly clothes were straightened and hair smoothed as they turned towards the door, their faces alight with excitement.

In this rural area visitors were a source of endless interest. Look at the fuss
her
presence had caused, the sole foreigner for half a day’s travel.

She turned, a polite smile on her face, then froze, appalled, as her blood congealed in her veins. The words of welcome dried on her lips as she took in the tall figure in white, his stern, proud face so frighteningly familiar.

She hadn’t seen Amir in weeks, yet he visited her dreams every night. She discovered she’d forgotten nothing of his austere, masculine beauty.

Just looking at him hurt as she remembered the profound joy they’d once shared.

A gasp penetrated the silence, drawing all eyes to her.

‘And this is our volunteer teacher, Ms Denison.’

‘Ms Denison.’ He bowed, his penetrating dark gaze unreadable as it flicked her from head to toe. Instantly her body heated to tingling awareness that even shock couldn’t douse. He looked so
good,
his features as magnetic as ever, though his mouth was grim and she noticed new lines bracketing his lips as if he’d given up smiling.

‘Your Highness.’ Her voice was husky. She was surprised to discover it worked. Her feet were rooted to the spot and her heart catapulted against her ribs as if trying to break free. A dull queasiness stirred and for one horrible moment she thought she’d be sick.

She dragged her gaze from Amir’s and the unbearable tension snapped down a notch.

‘Faruq.’

‘Ms Denison. It’s a pleasure to see you.’ Faruq shook her hand and smiled as if genuinely glad to be here.

But
why
were they here? Amir was a great one for meeting his people and monitoring local issues, but she knew his life
was planned to the nth degree. No spur-of-the-moment visits for him.

Unless … Could he be here to see her? Unbidden, the thought rose and refused to be banished. Excitement and anxiety filled her as she listened to the interchange between Amir and the suddenly shy group of women.

Tension crawled through her, tightening every nerve.

What could he want? What was there to say between them? Even here in the provinces she’d heard about the approaching betrothal celebrations and the wedding to come.

Amir had let her walk away, never attempting to detain or persuade her. Her presence in the palace was a potential embarrassment, and it was obvious nothing was more important than his carefully arranged marriage to his suitable wife.

The bottom dropped out of her stomach.

She’d had weeks to get used to the idea of him with another woman and still it made fury scream in her blood and despair weight her soul.

When would she get over him?

Cassie clenched her hands and stood still, calling on every vestige of her theatrical training to project an image of polite interest.

If he could stand being here with her, then she could do the same. He would
not
see her buckle under the weight of distress.

By the time they’d finished Cassie’s knees were shaking so badly she had to grope for the wall beside her, surreptitiously propping herself up as she struggled to breathe normally through lungs cramped impossibly tight.

If only they’d leave.

At last they were moving. No, they’d paused. Through her haze of shock Cassie saw the principal’s surprised stare in her direction. Then, next thing she knew, the whole class was rising and filing out through the door. Furtive glances were shot her way, but they couldn’t pierce the bubble of disbelief that held her in stasis.

Faruq bowed low and followed the rest, leaving only.

Without conscious thought Cassie started forward. She couldn’t stay here with Amir. She just couldn’t!

Each step was an achievement on legs turned suddenly to jelly. She’d almost made it to the door when a hand shot out as if to take her arm. She shied away, banging against the wall.

‘Cassie.’ His voice was hoarse and low, as if stretched. She felt it in every cell. ‘Don’t go.’

How she’d longed to hear him say that weeks ago. Despite her outrage and hurt, she’d hoped against hope he’d stop her leaving, tell her he’d changed his mind and he wanted her as more than his mistress, that he wanted her—

‘No!’ She didn’t know if she was shouting at him or her own vulnerable self for harbouring such foolish thoughts.

The door closed quietly, his hand spread wide to hold it shut.

She didn’t have to meet his gaze to know she had no hope of leaving till Amir was ready for her to go.

‘How dare you keep me here against my will? How dare you show your face here? Haven’t you done enough?’ Her voice cracked on the last word and her lips wobbled. ‘Or are you here to send me away? Is that it?’ Valiantly she tried to whip up pride to counter the traitorous weakness that undermined her. ‘Is it too embarrassing having an ex-mistress in the country with your wedding so close?’

‘Of course not!’

His voice was tight, as if with unspoken anger, but all she registered was that he wasn’t here to exile her. How stupid and self-destructive to feel relief.

‘Cassie—’

‘No.’ She spun away on a surge of energy. ‘I don’t want to hear it. There’s nothing to say.’ She folded shaking arms and straightened her spine, focusing on the distant view of the mountains.

‘You’re wrong.’ His voice came from just behind her. She felt the warmth of his big frame raying out to her chilled body.
Part of her wanted to sink back against him and pretend, for a moment, that everything was as it had once been.

Except it had never been as she’d imagined. What she’d thought a glorious adventure had been a tawdry affair.

‘There’s a lot to say,’ he murmured, his low voice insinuating itself into her blood, curling deep and powerful within her.

‘How is your fiancée?’ She couldn’t let herself weaken.

‘She’s not my—’

‘OK, then. Your soon-to-be fiancée?’ ‘She’s not that either.’

His words hung in the silence. Her eyes widened. Had she heard right?

Slowly she turned. He stood, shoulders squared and jaw tight, before her. His eyes wore that shuttered look she remembered so well. The one he’d worn whenever he didn’t want her to know what he was thinking.

‘What are you saying?’

‘The betrothal will not proceed. I will not take her as my wife.’

Cassie blinked as the walls seemed to dip and sway around her.

‘Cassie!’ He reached out to her and she stumbled back, coming up against a desk and leaning heavily on it.

‘Are you telling the truth?’ But why would he lie? Cassie held no place in his world now.

His lips thinned, but the expected flash of anger was absent. ‘There will be no lies between us again, even by omission.’ He lifted his hand to the back of his neck, then dropped it again in a gesture that made him look almost unsure of himself.

Cassie didn’t believe that for an instant. What did he want?

‘What about your wedding? Even here people are talking about it.’

‘It’s cancelled.’ He held her eyes and heat shuddered through her.

Cassie shook her head. ‘It can’t be. The way Musad spoke,
it was public knowledge. You said it was expected you would marry. There were contracts being drawn up and—’

‘Nevertheless, it’s done.’ Amir lifted his shoulders in a dismissive gesture. ‘There will be restitution to her family, of course. A large restitution even though the betrothal wasn’t formalised. It’s over.’

At first she couldn’t believe the stunning news, but there was no mistaking the grim honesty in his eyes. She felt queasy with shock.

‘But what about her? The woman you were to marry?’ Was she broken-hearted? Crazy to experience fellow feeling for a woman she’d never met, a woman she’d resented and envied.

‘It was an arranged marriage, Cassie, not a love match. Another husband will be found for her.’

But not a king. Not Amir. What must she be feeling?

‘The news will break publicly today.’ He said it so calmly.

‘But won’t there be a scandal?’ Cassie rubbed a finger across her forehead, as if that would help her brain chug into gear. None of this made sense. ‘You said you wanted to avoid that at all costs.’ It had been one of the reasons he hadn’t wanted
her.
Because her past was too scandalous!

‘I’ll ride it out.’ His look told her he had other things on his mind.

Cassie sagged lower onto the table, shaking her head.

‘Don’t you want to know why?’ He stepped closer, and Cassie had a sense of the room crowding in around her, yet she didn’t have the energy to move.

Silently she nodded. Of course she did.

‘I couldn’t marry her. I couldn’t marry anyone, I discovered, simply for the sake of my country and because it was expected. Not even a stable, sensible partner of impeccable breeding and excellent reputation who fitted my plans exactly.’

‘I don’t understand. Why are you telling me this?’ Disjointed thoughts tumbled through her brain, yet Cassie couldn’t make sense of them.

‘I couldn’t marry her when it’s someone else I want.’

His voice rang clear and strong, jerking her gaze up to his. He stood so close she could see the fire kindling in his dark eyes. It made her skin prickle and shrink over her bones. It made her feel.

Finally his words sank in and she shot to her feet.

‘No, you can’t mean—’

‘I do, Cassandra.’ He spoke slowly and clearly, as one might recite a vow. The idea stirred silly, vulnerable longing in her. ‘I want you.’

‘Well, you can’t have me!’ When would this torture end? She’d taken herself to the other side of the country, hoping to find some sort of equilibrium, and here he was, tempting her with some devil’s bargain.

‘I won’t be your mistress!’

‘I don’t want you as my mistress.’ Another pace brought them toe to toe. ‘I want you as my wife.’

For a second, then another and another, she stood gawking, processing his words. Then her hands slammed into his chest and she shoved with all her might.

He didn’t budge. Desperate fury rose.

‘Don’t you
dare
play such games with me!’ Her voice was a hoarse rasp of agony.

Large hands clamped on hers, pressing them against his chest. The rapid thud of his heart pounded beneath her palm like a runaway horse.

‘It’s no game.’ He drew in a mighty breath and her hands lifted with the movement of his torso. ‘You left and nothing was the same.’ His fingers tightened on hers. ‘The colour leached from my world when you went, Cassie. I hadn’t realised till then how much you mean to me.’

She shook her head. ‘I don’t want to hear this.’ It had to be some sort of trick. She didn’t have the strength to pick herself up a second time.

‘Please hear me out.’

Cassie’s eyes rounded at the desperation in his voice. She
looked up into sober eyes that shone with …
anxiety?
Was it real or did she imagine it?