I
am a changed woman.
Rejuvenated.
Revitalized.
My husband craves my physical love as much as I crave his.
I can smile now. Lord, it’s been so long since I smiled in a room with Charles. But that’s what I’m doing now. Smiling as I lie in bed early this Friday morning, listening to the sound of running water in the bathroom.
Since last weekend when Charles and I were finally intimate after our horrendously long dry spell, I haven’t tried in any way to seduce him. He took a big step telling me about his erectile dysfunction, and an even bigger step in trying to reconnect with me in a sexual way. Believe me, that alone speaks volumes. To know that my husband desires me is incredibly satisfying, even if all we do at night is cuddle.
There’s no awkwardness between us anymore. Isn’t it amazing what a dose of the truth can do for you? And while I’d be happy to swing from the chandelier in the sixty-nine position, right now I’m happy to settle for reconnecting our souls.
And let’s face it. I got married for the long haul. For good or for bad. Sex is only one part of a relationship, and if Charles and I go through a periodic dry spell here or there, that’s only a small amount of time in the scheme of fifty or sixty years together.
I angle one leg over the other in a sexy pose when I hear the water stop running. Moments later, Charles exits the bathroom. He’s got a towel wrapped around his waist, and I take in his form like it’s water quenching my thirst. My husband still has it going on. His abs are softer than they were ten years ago, but still flat. I miss the ponytail he used to wear when I first met him at a Bible retreat (one I went to at my mother’s urging!), but there’s enough kissing the nape of his neck for me to run my fingers through.
Charles sits on the edge of the bed and lifts his watch from his night table. I lean forward and run my fingers down his back. He doesn’t pull away, and Lord, that makes me feel good. It’s been nearly a full week since our sexual encounter, and he’s not rejecting me, even if we can’t make love.
“What time are you leaving?” Charles asks me.
“About eleven.” I glance at the bedside clock. It’s just after seven, so that’ll give me about four hours to get ready. “Maybe sooner. I’ll talk to Claudia around nine.” The girls and I are heading to Pensacola for a little holiday. Claudia hasn’t heard from Adam yet, and she’s naturally in the dumps over him ending their relationship. She’s really looking forward to this getaway.
Charles turns his body to face me. “Three days in Florida, hmm?”
“Yep.” I pause. “Are you gonna miss me?”
“I will.” He gazes deeply into my eyes. “Definitely.” He pauses briefly. “Maybe when you get back, we should plan a weekend away for ourselves. Like you suggested before. That place in Arizona for couples?”
“Really?” I can’t help feeling a rush of excitement.
“Yeah.” He nods. “I’m feeling better about us, aren’t you? Like we’re back on course again.”
“Oh, Charles. I feel the same way.”
He gives me a kiss on the lips, soft and full of promise. “But you enjoy your time with the girls. I know how much Claudia needs you right now.”
“I know. Can you believe that Adam turned out to be such an asshole?”
Charles simply shrugs.
“Did he ever tell you that he was planning to dump her?”
“He didn’t tell me anything.”
The very mention of Adam has me tasting something bitter in my mouth, and I don’t want my last thoughts with my husband to be of him. So I lean forward and kiss him again.
“Are you trying to tempt me to stay?” he asks me.
“You know I’m trying.”
“One day at a time,” he tells me. “One day at a time and we’ll get there.”
“Okay, Annie,” Lishelle says not long after we hit the road. “You’ve been smiling like a fool for half an hour straight. Tell us what’s going on.”
From the back seat of the Lexus SUV, I glance at Lishelle, who’s driving. She’s right—I’ve got a permanent smile on my face. It almost hurts from all the grinning I’ve been doing.
Claudia cranes her neck around to look at me. “You have some gossip? Something scandalous to tell us? Oh my God—you had an affair, didn’t you?”
“No gossip, and no, I didn’t have an affair.”
“Lishelle, turn down that radio,” Claudia instructs her. When the music is lowered, she faces me again. “I didn’t hear you. Did you just say you had an affair?”
“No, I did not say that, so don’t give me that look. But I guess I do have sex on the brain. Charles and I, we’ve reconnected.”
Lishelle whips her head around to look at me. “Girl, did you get laid?”
“Not quite, but it was just as satisfying. And you know what? It happened the moment I decided I didn’t care if Charles ever touched me again. So Claudia, maybe it’s a good thing that you haven’t called Adam in two days. Let him start to wonder what’s happening with you.”
“Tell us the story!” Lishelle demands, giggling.
“It was last weekend, right after the bridal fitting.” If not for Claudia’s crisis with Adam, I would have mentioned this before. “I decided not to go home right away, so I went shopping, bought some great lingerie. Came home and within minutes, Charles got a call and had to leave. I was like, whatever, no big deal. Then there I was, trying on lingerie, and he comes back. Suddenly says he’s ready to talk to me.”
“And?” Claudia asks.
“And he finally told me that for the past fifteen months he’s been suffering from erectile dysfunction.”
“No…” Claudia shakes her head in disbelief. “All this time? Why didn’t he just tell you?”
“Yeah, what’d he say about that?”
“He said he was embarrassed. That he thought it would go away. That the more I wanted sex, the worse he felt because he knew he couldn’t stay erect.”
“So he made a big deal out of nothing,” Claudia comments. “Well, not nothing, but certainly nothing he should have kept from you.”
“I guess men don’t like to admit that sort of thing,” I comment.
“Ain’t that the truth,” Lishelle says. “Men act like everything that’s important about them can be found between their legs.”
“Can’t it?” Claudia asks, cracking a real grin for the first time since we got in the car.
“That’s what it all boils down to,” I agree.
“So did you get laid or not?” Lishelle asks.
“No.” A smile erupts on my face as I remember last weekend with my husband. “But he did go down on me. Ate my pussy till I was speaking in tongues.”
“Ah!” Lishelle screams with delight.
“A real live man-induced orgasm for the first time in nearly a year and a half. I tell you, I thought I wouldn’t be able to get up for days.”
“Maybe by the time you get back, he’ll be missing you so much he’ll have a hard-on when you walk through the door,” Lishelle says.
“God, I hope so. But for now, I’m happy knowing we’re getting there.”
On Friday night, we ate loads of popcorn and watched
The Best Man, Brown Sugar
and
How Stella Got Her Groove Back
into the wee hours of Saturday morning. Claudia wanted a Taye Diggs marathon night, and who can blame her? Taye Diggs has a smile that could melt any woman—and make her forget about the asshole in her life.
But while lusting after Taye probably helped Claudia put Adam out of her mind, watching all those romantic movies made me miss my husband more. That’s why the moment I woke up this morning, I reached for the phone and called him.
“How’s the hotel?” he asks.
I play with the phone cord as I lie on my back. “It’s gorgeous. Did I mention we’re in Alabama, not Pensacola?”
“Alabama?”
“Well, at first the plan was Pensacola, but Claudia found out about this amazing spa the Marriott has in Point Clear, Alabama,” I finish with an exaggerated southern drawl. “And it’s really nice. You should see this suite. And the pictures I’ve seen of the spa are incredible. We all head down there for a day of pampering in a little over an hour.”
“Sounds like you’re having a great time.”
“So far. It’s the kind of place that helps you forget, you know? And Claudia needs to forget right now.”
“I miss you,” Charles says softly.
I close my eyes and savor the words. “I miss you, too.”
I think about Charles all day long, even as we get our feet scrubbed and our nails painted and talk about which movie we like Taye Diggs best in. I think about him as I do laps in the spectacular pool and as I dine on lobster in one of the resort’s restaurants.
And by the time we finish our early dinner, I know what I have to do. I have to go home. I have to surprise my husband. My God, we’re reconnecting—this simply isn’t the time for me to be away from him.
I’ve had a great getaway with my friends so far, but now it’s time to get back to my husband. I have this feeling that he needs me. And I need him.
We take a leisurely stroll of the grounds after dinner before we head back upstairs. The resort is on Mobile Bay, so it’s got a view of the water—something I always find calming. It’s surrounded by aged oaks and magnolia trees and there’s a hint of jasmine in the air. It’s exactly the kind of place I’d love to come with Charles.
“What are you in the mood for?” Claudia asks when we get back to the suite. “More Taye Diggs or
Sex and the City?
”
“Sex and the City,”
Lishelle responds immediately. “You have the season when Carrie fell for Aidan? That’s the one I want to see.”
“I’ve got it all with me,” Claudia responds.
As Lishelle settles onto the sofa and Claudia rifles through a suitcases checking out DVD cases, I stand back. I hate to leave them, but it’s already four o’clock and if I’m going to make good time, I’ll have to go now.
Lishelle glances over her shoulder at me. “Annie, you’re standing up. Wanna get the wine?”
“Here it is,” Claudia announces. She holds up the DVD like it’s a prize.
“Ladies,” I say, and they both look at me. I stroll into the living room. “I hate to do this to you both, but I have to go home.”
“Why?” Lishelle asks. “Is something wrong?”
“No, no.” I shake my head. “Nothing’s wrong. In fact, for the first time in a long time I think that things are really, really great. On Monday, Charles will be back at work and we won’t have any time to spend together. I want at least one day with him this weekend. One day when we can relax in bed and hopefully have the best sex of our lives.”
Claudia frowns as she slumps onto the floor. Lishelle simply shrugs.
“I know, I’m ruining our girls’ weekend, but we’ve had a great day and last night was lots of fun. Oh, and don’t get me wrong—I’m not asking you both to leave with me. Stay and enjoy the rest of your time here. I can get a rental car and make my way home.”
Claudia moans her disappointment. “Annie…”
“I’m sorry. Really I am. But you know all I’ve been through with Charles.” I swallow, gathering courage. “I have to do this.”
“You gotta do what you gotta do,” Lishelle comments.
“She’s right,” Claudia agrees, albeit reluctantly. “If your instinct is telling you to go home and be with your man, then go. In fact, we can all go. Like you said, we had a good time while it lasted.”
“Claudia, no. Honestly. You and Lishelle hang out. I’ll rent a car and drive back.”
“You shouldn’t go alone,” Claudia says. “That’s nearly a six-hour drive.”
“I’ll be fine. The long drive will probably do me good anyway.”
Claudia and Lishelle look at each other, as though silently trying to figure out what they’ll do.
“I insist,” I tell them. “I’ll feel awful if I ruin your vacation.”
“Okay,” Claudia finally says, nodding. “We’ll stay. If that’s all right with you, Lishelle.”
“It’s fine. As long as you’re fine, Annie.”
“I’m totally fine. And thank you guys for understanding. You’re the best.”
I hug them both. I love them so much. I have for years. They mean the world to me.
But so does my marriage. And right now, that has to be priority number one.
“I guess I’ll call Enterprise,” I announce. I scoop up the Yellow Pages and head into my bedroom.
God, I can’t stop smiling. It’s like I’ve reverted to my early twenties when I first met Charles at that Bible retreat. I’d been bored out of my mind that hot Sunday afternoon—until I’d turned and seen Charles standing there.
I’d gone to please my mother. He’d gone to accompany a friend. We were both bored and hot in that oversized tent crammed with people and needed a break.
I joked later that God had a hand in our meeting, because Charles and I clicked instantly. In fact, by the end of that afternoon, I knew he would be my husband.
Tonight feels like the early days, the days full of hope and promise and spontaneity. As I near the Atlanta city limits, I’m tempted to call Charles and let him know I’m on my way. But I don’t, because I want to surprise him. Hopefully surprise him right into an erect state when he sees me walk through the door.
It’s minutes to midnight when I pull into the driveway of our home. It’s been a long drive, and I should be exhausted, but instead I’m excited. I listened to sappy love songs most of the way home, and I’m definitely in the mood for romance.
Please, Charles. Please be able to get it up. I need to make love to you. I want hot, sweaty, mind-numbing sex.
I’m a woman on a mission as I slip the key in the door, and that mission is to get laid. I want it so badly that the raunchiest thought comes into my mind. If Charles can’t get it up for me, I won’t settle for a night of cuddling. I’ll take out my new vibrator and have him watch me get off. Watch me stroke my breasts and tweak my nipples while I finger my clit. I’ve never done this in front of anyone before, but the thought alone is getting me hot. How erotic would that be for Charles to watch me—how naughty? If Charles doesn’t have a rock-hard boner after I’m finished with myself, I’ll have to check if he has a pulse.
I don’t hear anything as I creep into the house. I don’t expect to. Knowing Charles and the hours he keeps at the office, he’s got to be zonked out.