From the Beginning: The Old World (19 page)

After we had unloaded what little we had, I sent Jezebel to play with her young friends, and I went to the little cave to make sure I didn’t miss a map or any other piece of information that might be useful to me.

Before I entered the cave, I went to check the raft and better its cloaking cover. I found Violet already there. She came to perform the exact same task. She was happy to see me and bent over to hug me.

“Did you see my new shadow?” She winked and gestured with her head towards a small group of trees, where I could see the image of Chamid sitting in the shade, pretending he had “just passed by and stopped for a moment to rest.”

“Jamila already brought me up to speed. I told her we have nothing to worry about, he will not expose us.” I expressed once more my full confidence in Chamid.

“Not even to Connor? If there is anyone that Chamid might open up to and tell him everything, it’s Connor.”

“You are right, I haven’t thought about that,” I confessed, and my sense of security was shaken a little.

“Maybe you should try talking to him?” I suggested something that even I doubted.

“And what will I say to him? Ask him not to reveal our secret? The minute I ask that, I will also have to tell him everything and explain. But, I am afraid that if I initiate a conversation with him, he will get scared and run away. I don’t think that he is capable of having any kind of talk right now—which lowers the chance he will speak to Connor… that reminds me!” Violet made a quick turn and changed the subject. “You have a guest in the cave, and I think he will ask for an explanation as to the new ‘design’ of the place…” She implied that Connor was in the cave.

“Thanks for letting me know in advance. If I had reached him before you told me, chances are I wouldn’t be able to get out of it without revealing information. That way I can pretend I had no idea how the wall ‘fell’,” I said.

But when I headed towards the small cave, I remembered that this kind of little white lie was exactly the excuse he used for ending our relationship in the past. No! I cannot lie anymore, or pretend either! What is the point in building a new world if I do the same thing I did in the past? With a heavy heart and with my shoulders slouched, I went down to the small cave, taking care not to bang my head on the low ceiling. But as soon as my feet touched the floor of the cave—the vibe ignited at once!

I was so surprised that a sudden cry came out of my mouth. My voice immediately caught Connor’s attention, who was checking the small and empty niches that were now revealed with the exposure of the additional space.

“Grace! My love—I missed you!” He came through from the niches space into the first and pinned me to him, kissing me with love, passion, and hunger. The vibe reacted accordingly and sent its familiar currents inside me, pushing me and rushing me to give in to Connor’s touch.

“Hmmm… Did you miss me too?” he hummed with pleasure when he sensed my enthusiastic cooperation. “One night without you—and I go crazy. Two nights is already pushing it! And all that only a week after you were absent from my body and my love…” he passionately explained how he missed me by his side and his yearning for merging with me again. 

“Oh… Connor…” I whispered, craving his love and body too, feeling the vibe emerging this time from the depths of my womb. Without the need for any calculation, I knew it was time for my ovulation, that my body was asking to conceive and the reason the vibe was so intense. Tonight would be the first moonless night, which meant that almost two full weeks had passed since the full moon and my menstruation. This awareness flooded me with immense joy that hastened the flow of the vibe even more. Most of the time it was Connor who insisted on the long, torturous and pleasurable lovemaking, and would drag me into an hour of foreplay in which I would reach the few first orgasms even before he would come inside me. But this time I was the one who dictated the pace of our lovemaking—this time, I couldn’t stop myself. I held his wrists and pinned them to the ground, riding him, devouring his lips. My pelvis was pressed against his when I remembered we still had our clothes on. Impatiently I took off my clothes, almost tearing his pants off him.

“Grace? What happened? What’s the rush?” He smiled embarrassingly at the face of my burning passion, feeling uncomfortable with the role reversal.

“It’s… the vibe…” I tried to explain as I was panting, hardly able to speak from the intensity of the feelings and sensations that were making me dizzy. “I am ovulating… it starts… today… don’t stop me… please—Connor!” I urged him, with my patience wearing thin. I pushed him to lie on his back again, and I returned to ride his pelvis, holding his penis in my hand thrusting it into me with one swift move.

A heavy sigh was released from my throat when he touched me inside at the spot where the vibe was bursting in a frenzy. Now the vibe was flowing to him too, and he was carried away with me on the waves of passion, allowing me to dictate the rhythm of movement, and to control his body, longing and expecting no less than me for the coveted conception. I could see the same bliss on his face as there was on mine. This time, he did not hold himself back, nor did I, and we both climaxed quickly, smiling and happy…

“Prior to my marriage, I had gone for the traditional consultation with the spiritual advisor, who explained to me the customs of the new bride and what she needed to do on her wedding night. Although this guidance was meant mainly for religious women, what caught my attention and remained etched in my memory was the weird saying that if the woman was the first climax, odds are she would bare a son. Although the vibe plays a major role in this passion ‘show,’ if you let me continue dictating the pace in the next few days to make sure that you climax before me, I have a feeling we will receive one very special baby girl, Libby is her name…”

I smiled at Connor with love, lying next to him in the little cave after we finally calmed down from the acts of love, passion and the vibe that was satisfied for now.

“Hmmm… Libby… I love that name!” Connor hummed in delight.

“Unbelievable! That is exactly what you told me the first time you were with me, and I told you of the magical girl that announced her arrival and her departure—word for word!” I lifted my head and looked at him in amazement.

“Oh my! That does sound familiar!” His eyes also opened in surprise. He squinted his eyebrows trying to remember as if a thick fog was lifting, clearing its path.

“Connor? Could it be that you are starting to remember?” I asked carefully, not sure if I should be happy for it or run for my life before he remembered the reason for leaving me then.

“I remember vaguely… a porch, a mat and a few pillows, lots of candles, wine and for some strange reason I want to say, a delegation of enchanting little fairies scattering their magic powder on us… Does this make any sense to you?” he looked at me with questioning eyes, waiting for my answer.

“To me, it sounds very logical!” I laughed when I heard the description of the magical fantasy. “That is how we both felt after that first evening we met. Evening? You stayed at my place for the whole night, and it was like we were always together. The connection was so immediate and deep—”

“And we finished each other’s sentences!” he quickly finished my sentence, remembering another detail from the past.

“Exactly like this…” I put a loving hand on his face, remembering that enchanting night too. “I fell in love with you the second I heard your voice and fell in love again the minute you stood at my doorstep. I fell in love with you for the third time when you kissed me with such intensity you left finger-shaped black and blue marks on my arm, just beneath my shoulder, and I prayed that these marks would stay on forever, tattooed on my skin, like a love message on my body. I was bewitched that first week, I hardly ate or slept—I just breathed you in,” I caressed him gently.

“I remember now, that once you came over to my place and tried to surprise me. You thought I would be out, and you scattered glitter and stickers of little fairies all over my back yard, which came to cause mayhem in my yard, and to deliver a message of love from you,” another memory came up from the depths of darkness.

“That is right! And that day of all days you stayed home and didn’t go to work, ruining my surprise. That’s why I scattered the pixy dust on you as punishment for disrupting my plans. We were both filled with glitter that barely came off in the shower we took together…” I blushed all embarrassed when I completed the memory for him.

“My love…” he whispered. “It sounds like you were completely in love and you gave so much of yourself to me,” he guessed or remembered, I couldn’t tell, but my heart suddenly cringed in fright.

“Grace! I promised you that I would not let the past change what I am feeling for you now—and I intend to keep my promise!” he looked straight at me with determination, reading the panic that had come over me correctly. “Even if my entire memory comes back, it will not change a thing! As long as you did not commit a crime or sin against me in the past, you have no reason to worry. I love you and will always love you. I have the feeling I will remember I have loved you forever. If you didn’t murder anyone, steal anything, lie, or violate any of the Ten Commandments for that matter, nothing can cloud my love for you,” he sealed his promise with another kiss. But this time, the promises did not help. Tears came to my eyes. The memory flooded my heart again, bringing up all the hurt from the past when he left my life slamming the door.

“I am sorry, Connor, but you must understand why I can’t be at peace with your promise.” I rose hurting and began dressing. “It was too painful when you walked away from me then—I don’t know if I will be able to bear that kind of pain again. I already lost Eddie here, not to mention the loss of my little son, and I finally got over it all, and you came back into my life, filling me again with your love and that is why I am so intimidated by the return of your memory. It is true that the time and place is completely different, but still—the pain that was left in my heart after you left was unbearable,” I finished dressing and turned to go out. “I am asking you to please go up to the sacred cave by yourself and try to recall your memories by soaking in the water. I have a feeling that the answers will arrive sooner than you think, and I’d rather you know the truth about what happened from your own memory. If I tell you myself—you might think I am telling it in a way that will convenience me. I will go now to care a little for my plants, and when you are ready, come and tell me what you saw, and how you really feel after you unravel the past,” I left quietly, with my heart crushing inside me, leaving a heavy burdening silence. At least he didn’t ask about the cave’s wall, I consoled myself, and wiped a silent tear I didn’t want Connor to see at that moment, and left him alone with his awakening memory…

* * *

That same day I walked around in mourning. I didn’t know whether the harsh feeling in my heart was attributed to the black prophecy that was about to take place by nightfall, or whether they were my concerns regarding Connor’s walk down memory lane. I worked on my plant plots like I was possessed, and only tried to keep myself as busy as possible with manual labor.

My reactions were irritable whenever someone came up to me for a question, and each time I had to stop, breathe in and remind myself that the future had not yet happened.

Because I submerged myself so deeply in work, I skipped lunch, and about an hour later, Jamila walked to me worriedly. This time too she was the one to comfort me when I lay my doubts and hesitations regarding Connor on her.

“I see him eating lunch now and his face very sad. He eat not much. He tell me he go to holy cave alone, and you ask him this. He told me he go before sun go down.”

It was not by accident that she told me of Connor’s estimated time of going up to the cave. “Better you go see him before he go with stone in heart,” she concluded, shook my hands for encouragement and turned back. A short while after Jamila left, suddenly I got a weird head spin.

The sensation wasn’t coming from my body, but something in the energy around me was twirling and penetrating me, filling me up with warm, cozy currents. When the sensation reached my head I got dizzy again, this time it was from within.

Naturally my hands moved on their own and were placed on my stomach. I understood well what had just happened. I leaped from my spot and ran as fast as I could towards the big cave, hoping with all my heart I didn’t miss Connor. He was no longer there when I arrived, but I should be able to catch up with him if I hurried, or so I gathered from my friends. I left the cave and turned to the winding road up the island, scanning the area, and indeed, I saw him climbing. He wasn’t high up, just at the beginning of his way.

“Connor!!!” I called out to him, trying to stop him as I was making my way over. “Connor!!!” I called out again, louder, panting from the climb. “Coonnoorrr!!!” I screamed at the top of my lungs to the point of tearing my vocal cords.

This time he heard me and stopped. He turned around and looked down. When he saw me climbing to him in a hurry, he realized something had happened and started coming down to me in haste, and almost fell rolling down the steep path.

“What happened, Grace?” He was breathing heavily with worry when we caught up with each other. “Is everything alright? Was there something you wanted to tell me?” He showered me with questions when I wasn’t able to reply due to my strenuous breathing. “Grace? Say something. Are you o.k.?” he asked again with concern, and I only nodded my head in approval.

“I just wanted to tell you…” I inhaled air into my struggling lungs, “that I love you. I couldn’t let you go like this without knowing how much!” I clung to him intensely kissing him with love.

I felt his body react with confusion, his hands moving hesitantly to my body. Eventually, his arms surrounded my back in a slightly despaired hug, placing his head against mine while his arms were tightening me to him.

“I already thought that I would go with all that had happened between us not knowing what you’re going through. I had a terrible feeling, that if I didn’t see you now, I wouldn’t be seeing you for a long time. I am afraid to go up to the sacred cave leaving you here without me to protect you. I have a feeling that the prophecy you told me about will take place while I am in the holy cave, and I will not be here to defend you, and you won’t be able to come and call me, but to go on the chase alone,” the worry and pain reflected in his deep clear green of his loving eyes.

“I have no control over the events’ timing and when they will happen. I am praying just like you that you will be here by my side when it does, but I do not want it to prevent you from going and finding out your past. Don’t come back before you have all the answers. If I have no other choice, I will ask Roan for help.  You just go to find your past. There are other things in store for you besides our joint past,” I hinted of what is waiting for him.

“The past is dead—didn’t you hear?” he tried to joke by using Jamila’s standard words, and we both smiled at each other with acceptance. He pinned his forehead to mine and kissed me softly on my nose.

“I love you, Grace. Love you, wise woman, high priestess, healer, seer—soon to be mother…” The smiles widened, and we kissed each other one last kiss before he turned away from me, returning to climb the steep trail.

“I love you, Connor,” I whispered to his image in the distance. “I love you, my white eagle. Come back quickly, as your daughter is already waiting for you inside me…” A tear rolled down my cheek as I turned back.

The first moonless night came down on the island, blacker and darker than ever.

We had experienced many nights like this in the past few months, nights when the moon did not shine, and still everything went well. But not this night. Without Connor at my side and without the presence of Jack, I found myself dragging my feet around the island’s paths unable to sleep. The beautiful stars that twinkled in the vast skies seemed clearer now that their light wasn’t dimmed by the pale moon.

When I stepped on the same stone for the third time, I realized I was walking around in circles. It wasn’t by chance that I was repeating my steps, as I was walking close to Jamila, Ibrahim and their kids’ sleeping quarters. Quietly I snuck in to take a peek at the sleeping bunch. Jamila’s head rose in the dark when she sensed my presence. She got up and joined me, and we both sat down outside the cave, gazing at the eastern horizon, from where the black bird would come.

We sat silent for a long while. There was no need to say anything. We memorized all the details and went over them a thousand times. I knew the map by heart and with my eyes closed, but none of it brought peace to either of us.

“He not come tonight,” Jamila ruled when the horizon started turning grey. At least for the next twelve hours we can be at ease until the sun sets and we will find ourselves walking in circles again, dreading the approaching darkness.

I managed to catch a couple of hours of troubled sleep after I left Jamila, waking up tired and with bleary eyes to a busy day of work. For some reason, everyone needed my help with one thing or another today. I ran around from one side of the island to the next, not resting for a minute. If it weren’t for the pregnancies of Violet and Jamila, who dragged me to lunch, I would probably skip it again today too. Only after I had dined on three whole fish, I realized how hungry and tired I was!! My full stomach induced me with sleep, and I couldn’t keep my eyes open. I vaguely remembered how at the beginning of my pregnancy with Idan, I would get really sleepy in the afternoon, happily sinking into a deep slumber.

I fell asleep on the beach under the trees, where the tribe usually ate their lunch. In my dream, the same black-skinned woman appeared, towering over me, mumbling her words of sorcery. This time I saw myself lying on the familiar alter table, bound to it.

The woman leaned to me, and the white in her eyes stood out in the background of her black skin. She whispered something in my ear in a foreign language that I couldn’t understand.

A baby’s cry was heard as she laid her hand on my shoulder—I woke up frightened from my sleep, with Jack’s hand placed lovingly in concern on the same exact spot…

* * *