Friends With Way Too Many Benefits (11 page)

"This is a great song," he yelled above the music.

"I love it!"

"Could you hand me the butter?"

Passing the butter, she made a face. "Aren't you wondering why I'm naked?"

"I didn’t notice. Oh, you are naked." He widened his eyes, pointing at the syrup struggling to not let on that his erection was all but tearing through his shorts. "Could you, um, pass the, uh…"

Holding back a laugh, she shook her head and handed him the syrup. "So, I'm ovulating."

"Really?" He sliced through his stack and shoveled in a big mouthful.

"Uh-huh." Folding her arms, she sat back in her chair. "So, do you maybe want to do it now?"

"Oh God, yes." Rising up from his chair, he smiled as he ripped off his clothes.

She placed her robe down on the dining room floor and lay on top of it. He knelt between her legs and slipped inside of her groaning in pleasure with his manhood finally getting the attention it craved.

After three and a half thrusts it was over. Slumping on top of her, his hips bucked one last time as his body convulsed with his face smashed into the carpet. Drool spilled from his lips as he struggled to catch his breath.

She ran her fingertips over the cheeks of his ass and smiled. "Are you okay, baby?"

"Uh-huh."

"I've got to get my legs up."

"What?"

"It's supposed to help get the semen to the egg."

"Oh." He lifted up from the floor closing his eyes as he took a deep breath. "Okay."

Kneeling beside her, he grabbed hold of the table to steady himself as she lifted her hips off the ground supporting them with her hands and her elbows braced against the floor. "Please get me some pillows."

He headed off to the family room and returned with two pillows.

"Put them under my rear end."

Kneeling down, he lifted her robe up and placed the pillows underneath. She rested her bottom on the pillows curling her knees toward her chest and pulling them closer with her hands on her thighs. She spread her legs apart a little and Brian gazed down to her smirking.

She frowned. "What is it?"

"That's quite a view I'm getting there." Widening his eyes, he made a face.

"Don't make fun of me."

"You look cute."

She giggled. "Thanks. Could you turn the music off? It's driving me nuts."

He headed off to the great room and she lifted her rear even higher and spread her legs even wider trying to move into a more comfortable position.

The instant the music stopped, Brian heard a man's voice say, "Holy shit."

Rushing back to the dining room, he discovered, Rob standing five feet from his mother with his hands over his eyes, cringing. "What the fuck? What the fuck?" Blindly Rob backed up and smacked into a wall.

"ROB, GET OUT OF HERE!" Jillian squealed. Slipping her hands down, she took hold of the bottom of the robe and pulled it up over her lady parts.

"Rob?" Brian said.

Using one hand to feel for the doorway, Rob shuffled against the wall and spread his fingers open a little to discover the completely nude Brian still in most of his glory. Closing his fingers, he shook his head. "No! Not again."

Brian picked his shorts off the floor and held them in front of his lap.

"Oh my God. I called from outside and no one answered." Still covering his eyes, Rob reached the doorway, backed through it then turned the corner and rested on the other side of the wall. "What the hell are you guys doing?"

"What are you doing here?" Brian asked.

"I, I came to tell you something." With his hands shaking, Rob squeezed his eyelids tightly closed. "Bridget's… she's outside. I think I'm blind. I can't see. I'll… oh—"

"Don't overreact. We're just trying to get pregnant," she said.

"I swear I called." Rob bent at the waist and placed his hands on his knees. "You'd think I could walk into my family's dining room and not see my mother's cervix. Yeah, anybody would think they could do that. I, I really think I saw your cervix. I mean, it was like right there and oh my God... What just happened?"

"Oh, you don't even know what a cervix looks like." Jillian frowned. "You failed anatomy, remember?"

Brian pulled his shorts on. "Rob, we were just sitting down to breakfast. Do you want some pancakes?"

"What? No, I'm not, um…"

"Rob, can you wait outside. I can't move for about five more minutes."

"Okay. Okay." Returning upright with his eyes still closed, Rob felt his way toward the front door.

Fifteen minutes later, Rob, Bridget, Jillian and Brian were sitting around the table eating pancakes. Jillian and Brian were now both dressed and awkward smiles accompanied the awkward silence of the group.

"I'm just glad you didn't come in with me." Rob motioned to Bridget. "She had a call to make."

"Geez, could you please let it go?" Jillian frowned.

"Sorry."

"These are really great pancakes." Bridget lifted her fork toward Brian.

"Thank you."

"So what did you want to tell us?" Jillian slipped a small forkful of pancakes into her mouth.

"We're engaged," Rob announced.

Jillian covered her mouth, sniffled once as her emotions started to get the best of her then smiled. "That's wonderful."

"Congratulations," Brian said.

"Bridget's been offered a position in the Honolulu office starting in January and we're going to move."

"Hawaii… wow that's awesome." Brian smiled.

"We can't wait." Bridget took Rob's hand. "We haven't spent a night apart since we were locked in that safe together."

Jillian rose from her seat and a tear streamed down her face as she moved to Rob. "I've got to hug you."

"Could we maybe do it later?" He grimaced. "I'm still a little freaked out, you know…"

"Get up," she commanded.

Rising to his feet, he opened his arms and frowned. She wrapped her arms around him and started to cry. "This is great."

Brian and Bridget got up and shared a hug. Brian and Rob shook hands as the women embraced.

Pulling away from Bridget, Jillian exhaled. "So when's the wedding?"

"We want to get married in Hawaii on the beach like you guys did."

"We're planning a February wedding next year. After we get settled. Just something small— family mainly."

"That'll be lovely." Jillian shook her head. "It's only ten, but do you want some champagne? We can't drink, but I'll open a bottle if you want."

"Oh, no." Rob looked to Bridget. "That's okay, you don't, uh…" Pointing to Brian, he made a face. "Wait, why can't you drink?"

"We don’t want to do anything that might affect the quality of his sperm."

"Sorry I asked." Looking at Bridget, Rob sneered.

"You'll see that we have a very open family," Jillian said.

"Maybe, just a tad too open." Rob widened his eyes.

Bridget said, "You guys are great. In my parent's house I promise you'll never hear the word sperm."

"That's probably a good thing." Rob rolled his eyes.

"No, it's really not." Bridget giggled.

"You see." Jillian held her head high. "She likes us." She turned to Bridget. "Have you thought about your dress?"

"I was thinking of going sleeveless with taffeta."

"Oh, wow. That sounds nice. Do you want to see my gown from when Brian and I got married?"

"I'd love to."

Waving dismissively at the men, Jillian said, "Now, why don’t you boys go do something while we go upstairs."

Giggling the two women headed away.

Brian rolled his eyes. "Now you did it… You're in for a lot of fun."

"Tell me about it."

Rob sat in a chaise near the pool when Brian walked outside carrying one regular beer and a non-alcoholic beer. He handed the good one to Rob and smiled. "It might be too early for champagne, but not beer."

Rob took a sip. "Something tells me I'll need to drink just a little bit more to get through all these wedding plans. It's all she talks about."

"Yeah, maybe I was lucky that Jillian was a little preoccupied with the lawsuit."

"Probably."

"Well, congratulations." Brian held his bottle up then took a sip.

"Thanks, dude. What's up with you guys, I mean other than your sperm count?"

They shared a laugh.

"Things are busy at the club and she's been working on a new book."

"Any news with the movie?"

"Yeah, you'll never guess who wants to be in it."

Rob shrugged. "I know they were talking to Reese Witherspoon… so you're saying it's not her."

"Nope. Who's the hottest woman in her forties? She's in like every romantic comedy."

"Katherine Heigl."

Brian frowned. "She's too young."

"Unless you want the silent treatment for a week, I wouldn't say that to my mother."

"Oh, yeah." Brian cleared his throat. "I mean, she's too
tall
."

"Take another guess."

Rob gave him a tired look. "It's fun guessing and all, but why don’t you just tell me so I won't have to kill you." He guzzled from his beer then let out a huge belch.

"Charming son."

"Fuck you dad."

They shared another laugh. Brian raised his eyebrows. "Freaking Amanda Joseph."

"No way. The chick from
Twentysomething
?" Rob's jaw dropped. "Those tits."

"Tell me about it."

"I can't tell you how many times I jerked it after watching that show."

"Yeah, me too. Like every commercial break."

"Oh, man, I used to dream that I was trapped between Emily and Melissa and they would be fighting over me."

"If you’re going to be trapped, that's a good place." Brian smiled.

"Fucking A."

After raising their glasses, they each took a sip.

Turning, Brian looked back toward the house then lowered his voice. "Hey, don't tell your mother any of this."

"Dude, I'm close to my mother, but not that close." Rob rolled his eyes. "I don't usually share my spank bank memories with her."

"I know. I know, but Jillian's really sensitive about the whole Amanda Jo subject."

"Why?"

"She agreed to let her be my celebrity free pass. Well, before she knew she might be spending three months with her on the set in Miami."

Rob broke into a chuckle. "What? She thinks Amanda will take one look at you and have to have you?"

"Something like that." Brian shrugged before taking a sip.

"Yeah, right. There is no way in hell she'd be interested in you."

"I know. I know." Brian smiled.

"I mean if you were the last guy left on earth then maybe, but otherwise, come on."

"Yeah…" Brian's smile morphed into an insulted frown. "Well, I mean, I wouldn't go that far, but okay, yeah it's probably a long shot."

"Uh-huh." Rob sneered.

"Wait…" Brian scoffed. "You actually think she'd be interested in you before me?"

"Let's just say if it was only the three of us on an island you'd be the lonely one."

"Screw you."

"No." Rob burst into a laugh. "I'd be too busy screwing Amanda."

"Okay. Keep telling yourself that."

Rob drained the last of his beer then grinned. "You know that I’d be filling out my loin cloth a little better than you would and Amanda would be asking me to keep her company while you got us coconuts."

"Why the hell are we in loin cloths?"

"All our clothes were burned in the plane crash."

"Oh." Brian gave him a satisfied nod then narrowed his eyes. "You've thought a lot about this."

"No, I just have a creative mind like my mother."

"But what if Amanda isn’t interested in what's in your loin cloth?"

"There won't be anything else to do." He scoffed. "So what the hell else could she possibly be interested in?"

"I don’t know…" Brian lifted his head high. "But hey, I'm no slouch either in the loin cloth department."

"Maybe after you tug on it for a while." Rob sneered. "Nobody like's a grower dude."

"Whatever. I think you'd be the one—"

Suddenly the door opened and the women walked out to the patio laughing. The guys curled their lips holding back smiles. Bridget sat on the front of Rob's chaise as Jillian ran her fingers through Brian's hair. "So, what are you guys talking about?"