Friend Is a Four Letter Word (12 page)

Shayna twists a thin leather bracelet around her wrist.

“So that night at cotillion, when they offered me a hit, I went along with it. It wasn’t a big deal at the time, but I kept doing it—I kept doing everything because—because it was like I had something to prove. And that was that I didn’t need anyone. I was fine alone.” She gives a low laugh that isn’t amused and says, “So what if I had to dull my senses in order to even spend time in my own head?”

I inch in closer. We’ve been playing this game for two days. See how close we can get without crossing a line. Close enough to feel something, but not too close that you risk putting a crack in a wall. Not close enough to risk opening yourself up. I feel myself failing at the game now. “You’re not alone.”

“Oh yeah?” she says. “Wait till I’ve overstayed my welcome at your p—”

I press my index finger to her mouth. “You can stay with me as long as you want, Shayna.”

The temperature is dropping and she shivers next to me. “You cold?” I ask, already jumping up to grab a blanket. I wrap it around her shoulders and stoke the fire a little before sitting back down.

“Well thank you. I really appreciate that. Once Quinn gets home and I can visit with her, I guess I’ll take off after that. I don’t really have a plan, you know?”

I chuckle, wondering if she’s already trying to push back. If I already got too close.

“I sort of figured that part out. I’m serious though, you’re welcome to crash at my place as long as you need. I’m gone all day for work so it’s not an imposition at all.”

“Thank you, I may take you up on that. Just until I figure out my next move, of course.”

“Of course,” I nod and Shayna flashes the first real, dimpled smile of the night.

“That’s really nice of you, Carter, seriously.”

“Hey, that’s what you do for friends, right?”

She purses her lips and gives a quick nod. “Friends. Right.”

“I’ve got to ask, and you don’t have to answer Shayna, but what was the catalyst? What made you leave?” I half think it was some douchebag guy who stomped on her heart, but it seems like it may be more than that.

Shayna laughs. “In a way? Your sister.”

I swallow hard and shake my head in disbelief. “Did Quinn tell you to take off? That is so damn typical.”

“No, no, not at all. I just know that since she left Georgia—since she escaped the image that everyone back home had of her, the talking behind her back, the rumors… she’s been doing so well. It sounds stupid, I know, I just wanted a shot at that, too. I didn’t want to play by the rules of anyone else but myself.” Shayna traces shapes in the sand with her finger.

“I get it,” I say.

“Do you remember last Christmas Eve?” she asks. She pulls her knees to her chest and rests her chin on them. “I mean, do you remember what we talked about?”

“I do,” I say. I remember every word of it, and have wondered if she did. She fell asleep before we really got to talk about anything yesterday. I mentioned that I’d found the word to describe it. She quickly changed the subject and went to bed, so I’m treading lightly here.

“So you remember how I said that I’ve always felt out of place and never really understood why? How I feel like I’m constantly seeking refuge in places outside of myself?” A flush creeps across her cheeks and even though I know it’s likely because she’s embarrassed to be admitting it again, the color makes her look freaking sexy as hell. I imagine what she’d look like after I kissed her the way she deserves and needs. If I’d be able to make her feel less alone. If I left her cheeks and neck red and raw if she’d still try to hide her real self, or if she’d finally let go.

“I remember all of that. You still feel that way?”

“And then some.”

“Is that why you came out here?”

“Carter, after you dropped me off that night, I should have gone to bed. It’d already been a shit night, you shot me down—”

“Hey, easy. I didn’t shoot you down, doll. I just didn’t think it was what you needed at the time. I wanted to—” She rocks back and forth and I can see the shape of her ass peeking out from those tiny cut-offs. God, I wanted to let something happen between us. “It just—it wasn’t the right time.”

She half rolls her eyes at me. “Whatever. The point is, I’d been rejected. I felt like shit and I went to the pool house since my parents had company and drank some more.”

She’d already had a pretty fair amount of booze when I left her that night, I want to lecture her about drinking too much, but it’s not my place and I’m the last god damn person on earth who should be moderating alcohol use to others.

“Okay,” is all I say.

“I got trashed, ruined my parents party and then I went to bed.”

It sounds like a rough night, but I’m not really following with how that lead to her showing up in Southern California months later. “Sounds like a pretty crap night.”

She nods her head slowly. “I decided to go and apologize later on, and heard them talking. They weren’t mad anymore, they were… scared.”

“Because you were caught drinking?” I ask. Shayna is still technically under the legal drinking age, but at least she’s out of high school now.

She shakes her head. “They were scared that I’d turn out…” she tilts her head as if she’s weighing her words carefully. “They didn’t want me to turn out like my parents.”

“Wait,” I say, holding my hand up. “I don’t understand.”

“My Mom and Dad, the mom and dad I’ve always known at least, were talking that night about how they didn’t want me to end up in trouble like my real parents. The ones they adopted me from.”

“So, you’re adopted? And you never knew?”

She gives a small nod. “I just found out that night. I wasn’t supposed to hear.”

“But you told them you did right, Shayna? You talked to them about it?”

She stares back at me, wordlessly, her eyes glassy with tears. I do the only thing I can do which is pull her in close and kiss the top of her head. “You haven’t told anyone?” I ask.

“No,” she says into my shoulder. Her body heaves and her sobs become heavier. I had to push. I had to fucking push. I was stupid enough to think that whatever she was hiding was something that I’d be equipped to handle, but this—I’ve got nothing.

She cries until the arm of my t-shirt is wet and streaked with black makeup, but I don’t give a shit.

She pulls back to wipe her face and says, “That’s not why I came though. After I heard them, things became… complicated.”

“I’m sorry,” I say. It’s a useless thing to say to her but I don’t know what else to say or how to fix this. “I can’t believe you’ve kept that to yourself for this long, Shayna. Why not tell them you knew?”

“You don’t understand,” she says. That’s an understatement. “If I would have let on that I knew, it would have changed things between us forever. They’d never treated me like a junkie’s kid before.”

“That’s because you’re not.”

She ignores me and says, “If I acknowledged that that’s what I was… I was afraid that that’s exactly what I’d become in their eyes. So I did what I had to do. I got my act together. I enrolled in school, I stopped drinking. I was in early at night. I dated the right guys.”

I cringe at the mention of another guy with her even if it’s not my right to. She’s mentioned over the last few months going out and I never pry—it’s not my business, I have nothing to offer her, but damn it gets under my skin. I can’t count the number of nights I’ve laid awake at night wondering what she’s doing—if she’s with another man.

I guess I know a thing or two about keeping secrets.

“How many dates are we talking about?” I ask. I try to make it come off as a joke, but I don’t know if even the thick layer of sarcasm can hide the jealousy.

Shayna perks up a little and grins. “So many. Dull. Boring. Dates.”

She leans in closer again. I can feel her sweet breath on my face. All I can do is focus on that mouth.

“What are you doing?” I whisper, my words tangled in my throat.

“Does the just friend’s thing still apply?” she asks.

It’s still not the right time. I forced her to open up. Made her get emotional. I shouldn’t give in but dammit she’s so close. I can feel the heat radiating off of her warm skin.

“Shayna, are you sure you want to start something?”

She answers by running her tongue along my bottom lip. Teasing me. Torturing me. She parts her lips and I grip her sides and pull her onto my lap, crushing my mouth onto hers. Finally. I kiss her hard until I swear I’m tasting blood. She slides her tongue lightly on the roof of my mouth and I lose it.

I push the blanket off of her shoulders and lean her back onto it, warming her with my mouth instead of the heavy fleece. I lick and kiss and suck every inch of exposed skin before I push her top over her head. It feels too slow in comparison with the panting of our breath, but I take my time, loving how my calloused hands feel on that soft, warm skin.

I lift her hair from her neck and suck that perfect divot behind her ear before I give the string that holds her bikini top on a tug, letting two perfect, full tits bounce free. A small moan escapes that sexy mouth as I lightly tug on her nipples until they are gorgeous, hard pebbles. I take one into my mouth and roll it around my tongue before I force myself to stop.

I pull back to take her all in. That gorgeous tanned skin, that tight body that I can’t wait to be inside of.

“Shayna,” I say through raggedy breaths. “Are you sure.”

She nods slowly, but she isn’t making eye contact. I want her to look me in the eye.

“Look at me, baby. We can stop.” Dear God I don’t want to stop, but I will.

She lifts her eyes to mine and parts her lips. “I want to. Please don’t stop.”

“Are you sure,” I ask again before reaching for my bag to grab a condom.

“I’m sure. I’ve just never done this before,” she says.

I pull back even though it’s the last thing I want to do.

“Wait, you’re a virgin?” I run my hand along my stubbly jaw. “Okay—”

She pulls her eyebrows together and shakes her head. “No, I’m not a virgin. I just… I’ve never been with anyone when it wasn’t just a one-time thing. And not that this will be more, it’s just—I’m going to wake up tomorrow and you’ll still be here and—shit, I’m making a mess of this—I just..” She shakes her head again, blonde hair swirling around. “Never mind, I’m good.”

She perches up higher so that she can reach my mouth and kisses me softly.

“We don’t have to—”

“I want to. Really. Forget I said anything. Just let me make you feel good.” The last thing in the world I want is for this woman to think that she has to do anything for my sake. I want her. But I want to be the one making her feel good. I want to see that beautiful body buck under me, writhing with pleasure she hasn’t known before.

“Not a chance. Tonight is all about you, doll.” I lower her back down onto the blanket and flick the buttons of her jean shorts open, running my palm flat along her stomach. I nuzzle my face into her skin. “Good God, woman, you may kill me.”

I push her shorts and bikini bottoms down and she raises her hips to help. The movement, her hips rising up to meet me makes my dick throb. I slip two fingers inside of her. She’s so damn slick and hot and I can’t help but smile.

“Ready for me huh, doll?” I ask.

Shayna smirks and says, “That’s what you do for friends, right?”

“Ohhh,” I laugh. “You’ve got jokes? Now I’m not only going to make you wait, I’m going to make you beg.”

I awake to Carter kissing my shoulder and down the length of my arm. We’re sandy and my back aches like I’ve aged thirty years over night, but it doesn’t matter. It’s the first time I’ve ever woken up in someone’s arms—ever. I’ve always managed to slip out before the guy wakes up, or vice versa. I don’t care how sore I am, or how many times I’ll have to wash my hair to get the grit out, every second of that is worth this moment. This happiness. This feeling of security.

“We should get going,” he says. The softness of his tone goes to war against the feeling of disappointment in me at the thought of having to leave.

“Already? I thought we were going to stay two nights?”