Freefall (18 page)

“Julie Andrews? She's had more practice.” I lay back. “Hey Lily.” I pause.

She lifts one of her sculptured eyebrows. “What's with the face? You look like you just swallowed a lemon.”

“I was really scared out there before. I hate myself for panicking. But it makes me wonder, you know?”

She scoops up some red jelly beans and pops them in her mouth. “About …?”

“About everything. Last month all I wanted was to get into a combat unit, be on the front lines, be where the action was, but maybe I—” I pause, it's so hard for me to admit it. “Maybe I misjudged myself. I don't have that tough outer shell like you do.”

“Tough outer shell? You make me sound like a walnut.”

“I mean, the kind of armor rockets bounce off .” I can't look at her, so I stare at the TV screen. “I'm scared. I don't want to feel that pounding fear inside my chest ever again.” It's on the tip of my tongue to say, ‘I want to go home,' when I remember that Lily's house has been bombed and she has no home to run back to.

She nods. The coconut jelly beans and the lime ones are the only two flavors left.

“Suppose,” she says, “that these here coconut jelly beans represent the kind of guys who go for girls like you.”

“Nutty?”

“I'm working on something hypothetical here.” She scowls at me.

“Okay.”

“And these here green ones are the kind of guys who like booty-licious girls like me.”

“Booty-licious?”

“Full-bodied. But what if I want one of these?” she says, popping a coconut bean in her mouth. “I mean, by letting them decide, I give them the power over me, you know what I mean?”

I reach for a lime jelly bean and Lily swats my hand. “Mine,” she says.

“I'm having a hard time following your analogy. When did we start talking about guys?”

“I'm talking about control. Jeez. You've got a one-track mind.”

“Run that by me again?”

“It's all about control. You can let fear decide things for you. It's always there, always in us. It wants control, but it can only have control if you let it.”

As she leans back, I scoop a handful of lime jelly beans into my palm and pop them in my mouth. “Mine,” I say.

“You got it, Sugarpear,” she says. “Now get dressed because I don't want to be late for the party.”

“You still want me to come?”

“What kind of stupid question is that? After I went to all that trouble to find you the perfect dress?”

My eye catches a suspicious object draped across the chair. It is a shocking green Lycra tube with two little mounds rising near the top.

“Tell me that's not the dress you found for me.” I groan.

Lily hoots. “Isn't it great? And I've got shoes to go with it. Petite, right?”

I nod, speechless. I have never worn anything green. Never worn anything
that
green in my whole life. I'd argue, but I know there is no point. It was that or the clothes I'd come in, which smelled like goat and fear.

“No, no, Lily,” I say, shimming into it. “This isn't me.”

“Sure it is. Show them what you've got, that's what I say.”

“And that's easy for you to say, you've got it!”

The mirror throws back a reflection of me that would make even my grandmother blush. The green sleeve clings to me, accentuating my hips and every other rise and fall I wasn't even aware I had. My hair is wet and falls in soft curls below my shoulders. Lily pencils on black eyeliner around my eyes and hands me some lip gloss.

“Aggie, you've got more than you think you have. Trust me.”

“I do,” I say, holding her gaze, realizing that I trust Lily
completely, trust her instinct, trust her friendship, trust her
every intention. “I do trust you, but—”

She laughs. “Come on. It's getting late.”

I'm not sure if it is getting late for the party or we've been above ground for too long and that it's time for another rocket launch. My stomach still has the jitters. I don't want to waste time asking, so I follow Lily out of the hotel and down the stairs toward the shelter.

But I stop before we reach the door and put my hand on Lily's shoulder. “I don't feel right.”

“You look great,” she says, fiddling with the scoop of her dress.

“No, not that. I don't feel right going to a party and dancing now.”

“Sure it is. Show them what you've got, that's what

Lily's smile fades. “You don't want to go to my cousin's wedding?”

“It's not like that. I'm really happy for your cousin, but it's the timing.”

“My mom and my aunt have been waiting a long time for Rita to get married, so don't tell me about timing.”

I look down. Lily knows what I mean. “But with all of our soldiers …,” I whisper. “The rockets falling, people injured and killed, it just doesn't feel right.”

Lily straightens up and sticks her face so close to mine, I can count her eyebrow hairs.

“Aggie, please. This is so important to me. I need you there with me.”

It's dark where we stand in the musty stairway going down to the bomb shelter. Her breath is warm and smells of jelly beans. I don't have to see her well. I hear the catch in her voice and know that her mascara is probably making mud slides down her cheeks.

“Oh, Aggie.”She sighs. “You know we're never supposed to put off a wedding to wait for a time when there's peace or life is looking up.” Lily takes a deep breath. “Sometimes it just doesn't get better. We have to do this now.”

Reaching up, I wipe away the dark smudges from under her eyes with the back of my thumb.

“
Ken
, Commander,” I answer.

“Good.” Her bottom lip turns out to an exaggerated pout. “So you'll stay?”

I wrap my arms around her and hold her tight. Her body shudders with each breath. I squeeze her tighter. “It's going to be the best wedding ever.”

We stay wrapped in each other's arms, trying to recharge ourselves.

“Sometimes it's hard to know what's the right thing to do,” she says, her voice coming in jumpy blurts.

I wait a beat. “That's when you need to use your instinct.”

We giggle.

Taking a deep breath, she pushes me back, and I see her roll her shoulders, stick out her chest, and put the Lily face back on.

“Ready?”

“After you.”

And we make our entrance. The prewedding reception is in full swing. Lily's presence seems to make the musicians play louder, the atmosphere get bouncier, and the crowd more boisterous.

“This baby is mine,” says a tall guy with broad shoulders and dark black hair.

“Avi! When did you get here?”

“Right now. I've got twenty-four hours' leave, and I don't plan to waste a second of it.” He scoops her into his arms. I can't stop smiling at how happy she looks.

“I think we should have the ceremony now while it's quiet out there,” Rita's mother announces.

“Outside?” I turn to Lily. “Why not down here?”

“Rita wants a traditional wedding ceremony outside under the stars with only a chuppah covering her.” Lily shrugs. “What Rita wants, she gets.”

The chuppah holders grab the canopy and race up the stairs and outside. The bride almost jogs under the chuppah and around the groom. The rabbi runs through the blessings. They sip the wine, on goes the ring, the marriage contract, more wine, the groom smashes the glass, and before we can finish shouting “Mazal Tov” we're racing back to the bomb shelter, relieved that we made it through without an air raid siren going off in the middle.

I dance with all the men in the room. Twice. Which is not so much since the number of women greatly outnumber the men. I think of Noah moving to the music. Long and lanky but graceful. I imagine him holding me as we sway to our own rhythm.

Between dances, Lily's mother tries to stuff me with every dish they've brought. I've eaten enough spicy food to start a brush fire.

“Lily, do you think it's safe to go up?”

“Why? You need some air, or is my mother driving you crazy?”

“A bit of both, and also I promised Roy at the hospital that I'd bring him some wedding cake.”

Lily's mouth drops open. “Are you crazy? You're not going out there on your own again!”

“But I promised. It doesn't seem fair not to come through because I don't have the courage to drive a few meters.”

Lily's got a love glow in her cheeks. “Hang on,” she says, pulling out her cell phone. “I'll call the local security center and see if you can tag along on their next patrol.” She waves to Avi, who's talking to her mother. “You sure you want to leave now? Things are just heating up.”

The party is showing no signs of winding down. The bride's mother is fanning herself into a frenzy and the dancers don't stop, they just change partners. I nod my head. “I'm only going for an hour.”

I wait while Lily calls and explains the situation.

“Okay. Army escort service is ready and waiting,” says Lily.

I breathe a sigh of relief. “Thanks. I wasn't so keen about taking to the road on my own again.”

Lily gives me a hug. “But you would have anyway.”

I push her away. “Where am I going to sleep tonight when I get back?”

She shrugs. “Don't worry. I'll find you a place.” And she blows me a kiss. “Say hi to Roy for me.”

The mothers at the dessert table hear where I'm going and pile me high with cakes and treats. I don't know how I'll carry it all.

“And give some to the soldiers.”

“Of course.”

Outside the bomb shelter the silence hits me like a sudden windstorm that sweeps away everything in its path. A burnt smell lingers in the air, signs of another rocket that must have fallen somewhere in the vicinity. I carry the stuff to the car and put half on the front seat and save the other half for the soldiers in the army carrier. I consider changing, but my clothes are in the hotel and I'm too frightened to go inside by myself.

I've done this trip once before. Made it there. And back. I can handle it. Sure, I've been knocked down. But I got up. And now am ready to race forward again. Ready for whatever comes my way.

Chapter Nineteen

“Food,” says one of the soldiers,
relieving me of the plates as I reach the army carrier. “Smells great.”

“So does she,” says another soldier.

I smile and roll my eyes as they become more interested in getting my phone number than the plates of food I've brought. I make it back to Lily's car and slide in behind the wheel.

The driver keeps to the speed limit. We reach the traffic light and he stops. I pull up behind him. The soldiers in the back wave and blow me kisses. I wave back but am glad we're all in our separate vehicles. Driving is a breeze now. Much easier than the stomach-clenching trip I made earlier.

But once we pass the light, their guy starts to speed up. I give a little more gas. He goes faster. I don't like this game of tag. I don't want to be left behind again on my own. Lily's car doesn't hug the road like an army car, and as I speed up, my tires spin on the asphalt.

I'm cursing them under my breath and thinking of all the things I'm going to say to them when I get there, when a strange sound distracts me. It's a humming, a buzzing that's getting louder. I lift my foot from the gas, hoping it's not something that I'll need to stop and fix. But the noise isn't coming from under me. It's coming from above. I glance up.

Helicopters!

I can't see them yet. It's too dark. But the drone is impossible not to recognize.

My body stiffens. They seem to be following me. Helicopters heading toward the hospital. It can mean only one thing: they are bringing in the wounded. I let the army carrier race on ahead, realizing that they have been signaled to come and help out. Their speed has nothing to do with me. They've forgotten all about me in their urgency to get to the landing pad as the choppers arrive.

I shift into fifth, floor the gas, and speed into the hospital lot. I skid into a half-hour parking zone, and I get out. The sky has become a hive of activity. Some choppers are circling above; others pass by, headed farther south.

I force open the steel door to the underground shelter, step in, and shove it closed tightly behind me, blocking out the noise. Juggling the plates of treats, I fight to compose myself as I find my way to the ward.

“Cake,” I announce as I walk in, a smile plastered to my face.

“Aggie!” shouts Roy. “You came back.”

“I said I would.”

Like a swarm of hungry bees, the kids surround me in seconds. The head nurse comes to my rescue with paper plates, napkins, and forks.

“Vanilla icing,” says Roy.“My favorite.” He helps himself to a huge piece of cake and gives me a vanilla smile.

I divide the marzipan roses between them.

We devour the cake while trying to ignore the commotion in the corridor that's growing louder.

“What's going on?” I whisper to the nurse.

“Something big,” she says. “Many wounded.”

“Where?”

She answers quietly. The name has a familiar ring.

“Most of the wounded are being flown to Haifa,” she says, reaching over to wipe smudges of icing off the chin of one of the kids. “We don't have the staff to deal with more than the lightly to moderately injured.”

My insides shrink, trying to imagine what that means.

She sighs and stands up, rubbing a cramp at the small of her back, arching her pregnant belly forward.

“Are you all right?”

“Just finding it hard to breathe,” she says.

“Me too,” I say.

She squeezes my hand reassuringly. “They'll need some help in Emergency. We're so understaffed.”

“Maybe I can do something?”