Authors: Carina Adams
Not breaking eye contact with my best friend, I tried to explain. “It’s not what you think. I was a dick. I want to say I’m sorry to an old friend.” At Molly’s annoyed eye roll, I added defensively, “I didn’t know where she was before.”
“Maybe not. But it seems a little out of character and a lot desperate. She already shot you down. So you gonna go grovel now?”
I didn’t like her tone. Molly was always pushing me, forcing me to see the other side of the spectrum. It always irritated me, but this time it pissed me off. Lia was off limits. Even to her.
“If you have to beg someone to be in your life, they aren’t worth it,” she added.
Noah answered before I could. “She’s worth it.” Eyes that mirrored my own found mine. “Lia was fucking amazing. She’s the kinda woman I’d drop to my knees and beg for her attention, even if I knew she’d only give it to tell me to fuck off.” He smirked then. “I’m coming with you, brother. You’ll need someone to keep you awake on the way.”
An hour later, he and I were in the Escalade, armed with coffees, headed north on I-95. I’d planned to take my truck; it was less flashy and we looked like normal people when we were in it. Noah had pointed out that if, by some miracle, Lia did agree to come back with us, she’d probably want to bring her friends. We needed the third-row and the extra room for all the girly shit they’d probably bring.
My baby brother was a giant pain in the ass, don’t get me wrong, but over the years, he’d grown up and I’d gotten to the point where I enjoyed his company more than the company of half the other people in my life. There was no need to pretend with him, to be someone I wasn’t. Plus, he was a funny shit.
It was almost seven when we pulled into a small apartment complex just outside of Portland. There were three buildings, each with three floors. And, judging by the cars, a shit ton of people crammed into that space. It wasn’t where I would have pictured Lia living. She hated the trailer park because of its lack of privacy. But this place was far from a dump and was leagues better than where she’d grown up.
We found an empty spot, grabbed the Box o’Jo and bag of bagels we’d just purchased from the Dunkin Donuts around the corner, and headed toward the C building. Her apartment was number C311, so we assumed it was on the top floor. The front door only opened with a fob so we headed to the side door.
I stared at the buzzer, wondering if I should ring her apartment and ask them to let me in. Noah didn’t hesitate, though, pushing nineteen or twenty random call buttons, one right after the other. Not five seconds later the door buzzed and we heard the latch unlock. We took the stairs two at a time and were on the third floor before I could remember what we were doing or tell myself it was a bad idea.
Noah stopped in front of a door with a welcome sign on it. He turned to me, grinning, and pointed. “We’re here.”
I froze. What seemed like such a great idea an hour ago now seemed like the dumbest one I’d had. I turned to go when I heard him knock.
I snapped my head back around, just to make sure I wasn’t hearing things. Noah was grinning like the goddamn Cheshire cat. Fuck him. The little bastard had knocked. Before I could stop him, he knocked again.
“Coming! I’m coming!” yelled a very sleepy, very agitated voice. And before I could grab my brother and get the hell out of her line of fire, the door jerked open, revealing a very pissed off woman.
I had a hangover to rival all hangovers. It took me a few minutes to figure out that the pounding was actually someone knocking on the door and not the steady hammering of my heart echoing in my head. I was never going to drink again. This crap was fun when I was twenty-two, but it was a bitch at thirty.
We hadn’t had that much to drink; had we? Those fucking grape Smirnoff Ice tasted just like grape soda to me, and I know I could easily knock back a six-pack by myself without feeling like I was drinking. But there was practically no alcohol in them, right? Another knock on the door had me grabbing my head and wincing in pain.
Fuck them. Whoever was at that door – practically before sunup on my birthday weekend – was going to wish to Christ that they’d knocked on someone else’s door. Seriously. Fuck them.
I sat up as slowly as I could, hand covering my mouth as I realized, once again, the brutal truth of drinking in excess at my age. I was going to lose my fucking cookies. Ugh. I hated throwing up, and the fact that I’d done this shit to myself just pissed me off.
I moved slightly, leaning my back against the couch. We’d had a full-blown sleepover; two air mattresses had been blown up, taking up our entire living room floor, and we’d pulled out every pillow and blanket we owned, sleeping two to a bed. We’d stayed awake half the night laughing, talking, and drinking. It’d been a fucking blast.
The ladies were still passed out cold. When I heard the knock again, I barely contained the urge to grab the pillow closest to me and beat Cora with it until she answered the goddamn door. I ground my teeth, pushing against the couch to get my feet under me.
I closed my eyes, fighting off the nausea and praying to the gods that I didn’t get sick. I slowly opened one eye, then the other. The first thing I saw was an empty vodka bottle on the bookshelf, taunting me. Fuck. That’s right. We’d hit the heavy stuff once we’d gotten home.
Carefully putting one foot in front of the other, in a manner that would most definitely fail a field sobriety test, I walked to the door. Another sharp knock echoed around the apartment. “Coming,” I called hoarsely. “I’m coming.” Fucking ass-wipe mother-fucking dick who decided it would be a great day to bang on my door.
I got to the door – just barely – and yanked it open as I sank against the frame, head pounding and stomach rolling angrily. I made eye contact with the man standing in my hallway and my stomach dropped even more. “Ben?”
I closed my eyes, knowing I had to be imagining him. Maybe this was some sort of screwed up, alcohol induced nightmare. Because there was pretty much no one else on this earth I wanted to see less right now. When I opened them back up, he was still standing there.
“Happy birthday, babe.” His eyes moved over me as he said the words, sending a creepy shiver down my spine. I glanced down, even though the sharp movement killed me, checking to make sure I was dressed properly. I still had on the Johnny Cash shirt I’d worn to the concert, but it was crooked. My jeans had been kicked off and in their place was a pair of boy short panties that were only visible on one side where I’d tucked my shirt into them. Because everyone tucks their tee into their panties. At least all the cool kids do.
Satisfied that I was at least decent enough to have a conversation with the ex from hell, I looked back up. “My eyes are up here ass-hat,” I mumbled when I realized he was staring at Johnny’s face, which just happened to be where my girls were hanging foot-loose and fancy-free. Ben had the audacity to laugh and continue to stare for a few seconds more before he met my stare. “Why are you here?”
The douche canoe actually had the balls to smile at me. “It’s your birthday. I promised we’d do something special on your thirtieth.” He shrugged as if it was no big deal. “So I have the entire day planned out.”
If I’d felt even a fraction better than I did, I could have controlled my reaction and disguised the hatred in my voice. Unfortunately for him, the hangover from hell was just too much and I couldn’t deal with anything else. So I just let my natural reaction flow. My mouth dropped open in surprise and I gaped at him before I could piece a coherent thought together. “Listen, you trust-fund twat. My birthday is tomorrow. If you paid attention to anything I’d ever said, you’d know that.”
The hard look I used to hate, the one that said I was acting too white trash and should be ashamed of myself, settled on his face. The face that I once told my friends would stop traffic. Hell, the face would still stop traffic. Or cause one helluva pileup. He was just that pretty.
His looks hadn’t been the first thing I’d noticed about the giant ass clown, although they certainly didn’t discourage me. But no, I’d been drawn to his laugh. It was a great laugh, one that was contagious and made you want to smile along with him or be included in whatever joke he was telling. I’d been in the travel section of Barnes and Noble, skimming through the books, trying to decide what romantic destination I wanted to plan a trip to when I’d heard it. Like a moth to a flame, I’d gone to find the man that beautiful sound belonged to.
I’d found Benjamin Jordan the third. Heaven forbid you leave off the last part of his title. It was extremely important to distinguish between them, don’t you know? Although, if I was Benjamin Jordan the first, or even Benjamin Jordan, Jr., I’d want to make sure people didn’t confuse me with the dipshit that was standing in front of me.
“Cecelia!” he snapped angrily. “Watch your language.” And there it was. The ugly that his pretty face and perfectly toned body tried to conceal. Most people never saw the hideous parts of him. Unless you were me, and then that’s all you saw.
I laughed, even though it hurt my very sore throat and sent stabbing pains through my head. “This has been such a lovely visit, but it’s time for you to go fuck off now.” I took a step back into my apartment. “Goodbye, Ben.” I started to close the door when he stuck his foot out, stopping the door, and his hand wrapped around my wrist.
I inhaled sharply, instantly beyond pissed. He knew better than to put his hands on me. I’d made that perfectly clear the last time he’d done it. I had no problem giving him a repeat, even as lousy as I felt.
“Ce?” Courtney came around the corner of the kitchen, stopping dead in her tracks when she saw we had company. “Everything okay?”
Ben immediately released me and stepped back into the hall. He eyed my roommate, I’m sure not missing last night’s makeup smeared over her face or her tangled hair or the way she acted like every word she spoke caused her extreme physical pain. “Looks like you two had fun last night.”
I couldn’t even bring myself to give him a rude response. Instead, I shut the door in his face and turned the lock before turning to my friend. “How in the hell did he get in?”
“What in the hell did he want?” she asked at the same time.
I didn’t have a chance to answer. Instead, I ran for the bathroom, thankfully making it just in time. In true amazing roommate fashion, Cort followed me, holding my hair and rubbing my back while my body expelled the toxins I’d consumed just a few hours ago. When it was over, she handed me a cold washcloth and sat on the edge of the tub.
“Booze or Ben?” She didn’t say more, but I knew she was asking what had made me sick. I shook my head, truly not sure. The alcohol had been brutal on my empty stomach, but being near Ben in any capacity made me nervous. “Why was he here, CeCe?”
It was a rhetorical question, but I felt the need to answer it. She was my roommate and needed to know she wasn’t going to come home and find our apartment trashed and me with a nasty split lip. Again. “My birthday.”
She groaned and sank onto the floor so she could wrap her arms around me. “I wanted this weekend to be great for you. Instead, you’ve had the bad boy of country tell the world you broke him, and now the pretty boy pissweasel show up at our door. That’s not what I had planned when I said it would be full of men.”
I smiled as I leaned back into her shoulder. “As long as you promise there won’t be any more, I think we’re good. Technically, my birthday isn’t until tomorrow, so maybe we can get away and not see anyone I know?”
“Absolutely!” She stood up and then reached a hand down to pull me up. “You take a shower, and I’ll start some coffee.”
A shower did sound delicious so I nodded. Before she left, she grabbed me some migraine pills, filled the bathroom glass with cold water, and started my shower. God bless her. It took me three attempts, but I got the pills down and then pulled my clothes off, stepping into the shower. At first, the spray was too painful on my skin, but then it became relaxing and I just stood under the warm water, staring at the tiled wall. This day had to get better, because it sure as hell couldn’t get any worse.
I don’t know how long I’d been in there when I heard the door open. The great thing about living with other girls is that you can leave the door unlocked while you shower and if they have to pee, they come in, do their business, and then leave without trying to peek. And they never flushed.
“I only peed,” Nina assured me through the curtain. “Can you flush when you’re done?”
“Absolutely,” I assured her. The door closed behind her and I started working through the knots in my hair so I could shampoo it.
The door opened again, and a few seconds later, Cort stuck her hands in the shower, washing them so she didn’t draw water into the sink. I loved that woman. Then she was gone. I was halfway through conditioning my hair when the door opened again.
A few minutes later, as I rinsed my hair and the lathered soap from my body, I realized I hadn’t heard anyone leave. It had to be Cort because the other two weren’t used to living with me and would never do more than pee with me in the shower. I turned around in the water, knowing I couldn’t leave until she was done. “I was going to masturbate,” I told her jokingly, “but I can’t do that with you in here.”
“Why in the hell not?” came Nate Kelly’s reply. “I’ll sit here quietly and listen.”
I pulled the curtain open angrily, not caring that I was naked or that water started to go everywhere. “What are you doing here?”
His slow, sexy smile – the one that I remembered all too well – transformed his face as he looked at me. I had to give him credit, though; his eyes never once left my face. Always the gentleman, he knew when he could look at a woman and when he should politely ignore the fact that one was naked, wet, and obviously cold right in front of him.
“I didn’t get to say goodbye.”
I groaned, annoyed. My stomach was still churning, my head – while marginally better than it had been – was still pounding, and I just didn’t have it in me to deal with one more annoying thing right now. Especially when that annoying thing was Neil. Damn it! Nate. I turned in the shower, shutting off the water and when I stepped out of the tub, Mr. Kelly handed me a towel. My favorite towel, the soft and fluffy one that I always hoped was clean so I could use it.
I didn’t even bother to wipe off, wrapping the cotton around me instead. Placing a hand on my hip, I faced him once again. This was my chance to apologize. To air all of my dirty laundry and ask for forgiveness. It was the perfect opportunity.
I opened my mouth to tell him how sorry I was, but the look on his face had me snapping it shut again. There was a longing in his eyes that I hadn’t seen in years. The bathroom was filled with steam, but that wasn’t the reason my breath was quick and shallow and my heart was beating a mile a minute.
When he reached out, grabbing the edges of the towel and pulling me into the gap between his legs, I should have been surprised. Or I should have resisted. Instead, I stood there like an idiot, staring into blue eyes with green flecks that I hadn’t realized I missed until that very moment. “I didn’t get to say goodbye,” he repeated slowly.
I stared down at him, hypnotized. This man, with more ink visible than bare skin and a piercing under the middle of his lip, was a stranger. I didn’t know him anymore. Yet, everything about him was familiar. My hand moved on its own, cupping a scruffy cheek. “I missed you.”
His sharp intake of breath, as if what I said had hurt him, made me regret it instantly and I looked away, studying the rack of towels. I could feel his eyes on me, but I couldn’t make myself look back. It had been too long. I should have told him years ago.
“Red?” His voice was low, gravely. “I missed you, too.”
With all the finesse and perfect timing that she’s known for, Cora burst through the door, slamming it behind her. With wild eyes, she looked from me to Nate and then back to me. “I sleep in for an hour, one hour”—she held up a single finger—“and all hell breaks loose? Do you realize that there is a young man, an actual kid, out there?” She turned the finger she was holding up toward the door, stepping further into the room and dropping her voice.
“Do you know how I woke up?” Her eyes were wide, her hands moving animatedly. “That kid? He was next to me on the bed. Playing with my hair!” she whisper-shouted. “I’m old enough to be his mother!”
I slid my eyes to Nate; he was watching my best friend with an amused expression, his mouth twitching as if he was fighting a smile. I didn’t know who he’d brought with him, but whoever it was obviously wasn’t shy. I turned back to Cora, but before I could say anything, the door flew open again.
“Ugh. Sorry to interrupt whatever it is the two of you are doing”—Nina smirked at me—“but you do realize you are in the only bathroom, right? After a night of drinking?” When we didn’t move fast enough, she crossed her legs and hopped up and down. “Dude, I’ve gotta go!”