Forbidden To Love (The Erosians) (12 page)

Confess

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8~

              In no time, the weekend is over, and it’s Monday morning and school again. The rest of the weekend thankfully passed without incident. Allana and Amora were barely speaking, and I did my best to stay out of the way. I spent most of my time alone in my room thinking everything over that had been said and I have decided I am going to see how things play out with Josh. My heart didn’t actually give me a lot of options. Every time I would tell myself that he isn't worth the risk, I’d get violent pains shooting throughout my body that would only stop when I admitted to myself that really he is worth every possible risk in the world.                             I'm choosing to trust Allana when she says to allow myself to fall for Josh, and I'm putting everything Amora said down to her being jealous. As Allana said; Amora hasn’t found her true love. Seeing as she is prettier and older than me so she probably feels she deserves it first; sort of like the younger sister shouldn’t marry before the older one.

              A warm tingle fills my body as the words ‘true love’ echo in my mind. My life has taken a complete 180 degree turn. Only a couple of weeks ago I was wishing for this three month deadline and praying for it to real so I could escape my meaningless life, and now I just want to get locked away in that school so I can spend as much time with Josh as possible.                                                                                                   I get dressed and head down for breakfast, but the house is empty meaning I can just grab my elixir and head for my car. If Allana was in she’d order me to eat cereals and drink juice; which I’m not  ever in the mood to do and especially not now alone in an empty house when Josh is only minutes away from me. Allana likes us to act out mortal rituals like breakfast whenever possible. She thinks we should act mortal at all times, that way it’s easier to blend in with humans when we’re around them. It’s another one of her ideas I don’t enjoy.                                                                                     My face is instantly warmed as I step out onto the drive. I open the driver’s door, throwing my bag on the passenger seat I set off for school.                                                         Pulling into the car park it’s surprisingly quiet but full. Where is everyone? Parking up in the first space I find, which is as far from the entrance as possible, I start the trek towards the school.                                                                                     I see Josh’s car in one of the closest spots to school, guess he arrived early. Reaching the double doors I push through them ready to be bombarded with the senseless conversation that is created between most of the mortals here. The corridor is silent too - and then I see why.

A huge poster is plastered on the wall opposite the entrance so everyone who walks into the school can
’t miss it. Today is picture day for the yearbook. That’s why it’s quiet.                             Most people will be in the bathrooms getting themselves ready. Urgh!                                                                       Allana told me that I should miss picture day as the chances are I’ll end up in a few year books, and if anyone ever decided to look through them, they’d get a bit suspicious. I'm about to head out of the school when I see at least four teachers all ushering students to the auditorium.               I walk over to my locker, hoping I can stall so the teachers pass me and I can sneak out.                                                         “Can all students report to the auditorium immediately” the voice booms from the tannoy.                             I glance at my door to freedom but now it has been guarded by two teaching assistants. Oh holy demons in Hades! Better go get this over with. Maybe I can throw all my hair over my face just as the flash goes; that way no one will be able to tell who I am.                                                         Students start to appear from all angles out of bathrooms and disused classrooms, most of the girls holding compacts, making those final checks. There is one good thing at least. If the whole year is lined up, the auras are all in one place. If only love were ordered alphabetically, my work would be so much simpler than it is now.                                           I walk through the auditorium door, straight into someone coming through the other side,

              “I'm sorry,” we both mutter at the same time then, realizing who it is I stop walking, and he does the same. We both wait for the other to speak. I want to say something, but what?                                                                                                                 Josh opens his mouth to speak, but the head of year starts herding us towards the middle of the hall.                             “Come on now, class. Alphabetical order, please.” He’s shooing us towards the straight line forming at the centre. We both smile sheepishly at each other as we’re ushered away.                                                                                                   I look for those around me with similar surnames. There’s Roberts, Robinson, Rogers and then me. I take my place and look around for Josh. I don’t actually know his surname, so I'm not sure where in the line, he’d be, and I can’t see him. I don’t want to strain my neck too far out of the line. I don’t want to appear crazy. The guy behind me keeps clearing his throat guess that’s my cue to stop dancing around in front of him.                                                                                     “It’s Ross,” the guy behind me says. I turn to him and find Josh. Even though, I’ve been nose-to-nose with him on more than one occasion, my breath still halts in my throat when I fall under the spell his eyes cast upon me.                             “Who’s Ross?” I whisper, unable to speak as I trip willingly back into that abyss I haven’t visited in a while.                             Josh laughs that beautiful laugh. I wish I could set it as my ring tone or something. “My surname, it’s Ross.” I can see his eyebrows furrow together as he tries to figure out my expression. “I presumed you were looking for where I was standing in line.” He gestures to the line ahead and behind us as I stare at him open-mouthed, embarrassed that he caught me.                                                                                                                 “Ah, maybe you were just looking for Keagan again” He grins the biggest grin I’ve ever seen him do, revealing a perfect set of white teeth. I drag myself back from my hypnotic state and laugh back. Maybe a little too eagerly. “Of course I wasn’t,” I reply, attempting to do the most flirtatious voice I can, but more desperate to start a conversation between us that doesn’t focus on me stalking him.                             “I guess my surname puts me right behind you.”               “I guess love does work alphabetically,” I mumble more to myself.                                                                       “What?”                                                                       “Nothing,” I quickly respond! Stopping myself from revealing more than I should tell him.                                                         “I hate picture day,” Josh frowns. I try to nod in agreement, but I can’t keep a hold on myself, and it comes out as a half-nod half-shake, with a twisted smile planted right in the middle of my face. As he looks at me, confused, my hopes sink. Then he starts to look around uncomfortably, and any chance of our relationship disappears. I need to say something to try and rescue what’s now becoming an awkward situation.                                                                       “Look … about the other day at the beach …” he starts before I get the chance to speak. I wait for him to continue, but he looks at me, and I get the feeling he wishes I’d finish the sentence for him. I just nod. “Well … the thing is … I wanted to, you know.” He looks at me, pleading with me to understand what he’s trying to say.                                                         “It’s ok, you don’t need to explain. I know you were just doing your job.” I finish his sentence for him to save him the embarrassment of explaining he doesn’t like me in that way. I turn to face forward in the line so he
won’t see the disappointment in my face. I knew I was jumping to the conclusion he liked me. Guess the stupid flames only had enough spark to singe me this time.                                                         The line shuffles forward at a snail’s pace. Neither Josh nor I speak again while we wait. My turn arrives; I stand in front of the dark red background, forcing a brief smile at the camera. As soon as it flashes, I make a break for the fire doors at the side of the hall that are open in a vain attempt to relieve some of this late summer heat.                                           I'm never looking at that picture. All it will be is a permanent reminder of how I looked when I accepted I’d got the wrong idea about Josh’s feelings for me. I'm sure my embarrassment at conjuring a non-existent relationship will remind me of this day for quite a while. And if it doesn’t, when I explain to Allana that she has nothing to worry about as I made the whole Josh thing up in my head, Amora will surely over-hear and torment me mercilessly for my naivety. Definitely no need for photographic evidence.                                           Why did I let myself get so carried away with how he felt about me? And I put Allana through all those questions and worried her that something might be about to happen to me for nothing. The perfect image of Josh with me has now been smashed leaving behind a picture of what could have been masked by a shattered pane of glass; each shard of which cuts deeper into my body until I'm desperate to scream out from the pain of not being with him.                             I hear jogging behind me, but I keep walking. Someone grabs my arm, and I know from the electricity coursing through my veins that it’s Josh. His grip spins me around leaving me no choice but to stand here and stare back into those endless eyes of his. He’s probably just come to make sure I'm ok after his crushing blow; that’s the kind of gentlemanly thing he would do.                                                         “Can we go talk?” he asks, his hand still gripping my forearm. I can’t speak; I'm too busy melting from his touch. Those cracks of pain that had penetrated my previously perfect image of me and Josh dissolve into a river of glowing heat. I shouldn’t allow myself to enjoy the feel of his skin as it’s only going to hurt ten times worse than before when he’s done checking I'm ok, and then he’ll take his touch away forever.                                                                                                   Josh leads me towards one of the benches at the front of the school.                                                                                     He sits, and motions for me to sit next to him, which I willingly do. I wait patiently for him to speak, not sure how I'm going to take what he’s got to tell me. He leans forward resting his elbows on his knees and closes his eyes.                             I look around anxiously at what he might be waiting for. There are three competing theories in my head for what’s about to happen. Either he is just doing the gentlemanly thing and feels guilty for hurting me, or he is, in fact, an evil God / demon / any other creature, and whoever he is working for is about to appear and do who knows what to me, or ...

Josh suddenly takes a deep breath in and sits up. He spreads his arms around the back of the bench.
“I like you,” he says bluntly, nodding. He shrugs and smiles. I burst into giggles. “I thought the best way to tell you would be to come straight out and say it.”                                                                                     I smile and look down at my feet. My third theory, which I was about to suggest, was right. “I like you too,” I mumble, embarrassed, and also annoyed that ‘like’ isn’t the right word to use. Whatever this is between us is not a case of ‘like’, but I don’t want to go in for the heavy words just yet. I turn my head towards him and smile slightly until he starts to laugh.                                                                                                   We both sit there, setting each other off laughing. It feels so right to be relaxed with him and enjoying ourselves.              “Well, that was easy,” he says. I never thought it would be that easy to tell him, but admitting it out loud somehow confirmed my feelings to me and made them realer. “You don’t want Keagan then?” He winks at me, but he’s wearing a serious look across his face, like he actually thinks I might answer yes to that question.                                                         “No!” I exclaim. “Not at all.” I bravely place my hand on his shoulder, this first time I’ve ever touched him, and he brings his fingers up to lace with mine.                                          .              “So,” he begins, “what was all that about that first time in the hallway, you know the whole I-know-you-know-what-you-know-you-are-and-I-am, or something like that? We couldn’t really talk about it properly in class that time.” His brows furrow together as he tries to replay that in his head and make sure it made sense out loud. My heart starts to race, and I frantically think of an excuse. I thought we’d finished with this, but now we’re just becoming close, I don’t want to be evasive and scare him off. Equally, I can’t open up to him the way I want to either.                                                                       “You see, my … erm …. my … ” I have no idea what I told him the first time he asked me about this. “My erm … ” What the hell is Amora? “My sister … ” I blurt out. That’s as good a word as any, I suppose, but I'm still not totally sure where I'm going with this excuse. I nod at him eagerly.                             “She’s always playing jokes on me, and she thinks the fact that I’ve never had a date is hilarious!” Oh my God, did I just admit that? I look at his face in horror. He’s going to think I'm the biggest loser in this world and in the two other worlds he doesn’t even know about.                                                         “I’ve never had a real date either,” he says reassuringly, but I know that he added the word ‘real’ in there because he has had dates. He’s had a lot of dates, and I’ve seen the way girls drool after him, so I know he could get another one in an instant. He’s trying to comfort me, but now I just feel like the most unpopular girl in school trying to pull the football star. I force a smile for him. His smile begins to fade, and mine altogether disappears.                             “Well, yeh, my sister Amora always plays these practical jokes on me, and she’s ... well, beautiful ..., so I thought she’d got you to pretend to like me so she could have a big laugh about it if I liked you back.” I shrug and fix my eyes to the ground while I wait for his reaction.