Fit for Love (A Stand By Me Novel Book 3) (20 page)

M
akenna

“
I
’m not speaking
to either of you,” I say and push the cold compress from my forehead. Aiden sits on the sofa, covered in blood and wearing a worried expression. Jared hovers in front of the French doors, not looking at me. I must be in the living room. It’s the all-white room. Good. I hope we smear some blood on this sofa.

Jared deserves it. And why did Aiden get into it with Jared when I begged him not to?

My head is full of cotton and it aches. “Where’s Ryder?”

“I here, Mommy,” he answers.

I hold out my hand and peer in the direction of his voice. He takes it, small fingers folding around two of mine.

“You scared me,” Aiden says low and hoarse. “Jesus. I didn’t know what happened to you, baby.”

Jared doesn’t turn.

Is this what it would be like for my child if I try to have a future with Aiden? My ex always picking fights and threatening to take my son away? And why didn’t Aiden call me from jail? Why did I hear about his arrest from someone else?

Jared said he’d ruin Aiden, not an empty threat I’m sure. Hurt poisons my logic, making it tough for me to think. I’m not sure which aches more, my head or my heart.

I close my eyes, then open them. “Can I have a drink?”

“I got it,” Aldo says from across the room. “I don’t like blood either.” He leaves and returns with a glass of water, which he hands to Aiden.

Aiden attempts to give me a sip, as if I’m an invalid. I grab the glass and grow hot when my hand shakes the glass, sloshing water on me. “I’ll be fine. It was a little too much blood for me. That’s all.”

Jared turns. “It was my fault.”

“You think?” I glare at him. Then I smile at Ryder. “We’ll finish this conversation later. Right now, we’re going to be happy, because we all love Ryder. Right?”

“Mommy? Take me home.” Ryder pulls on my fingers. “Play.”

I struggle into a sitting position and place my drinking glass on the cherry end table, a fine piece of furniture. No coaster. Good. I hope it leaves a huge watermark.

“I’m going home,” I say. I grab Ryder’s hand and let him walk with me to the door.

“You shouldn’t drive,” Jared says.

“Ignoring you,” I say. “Aldo? You’ll drive me and Ryder home in my car. OK? You can do that? You know where I live, right?” I ask hatefully. “I’ll call a cab to pick you up at my house. Jared will pay for it.”

“Yep,” he agrees, as if he works for me.

Aiden frowns at me. “I can drive you.”

I turn to him. “Can you walk us to the car?”

I step out on the wide flagstone porch before I can change my mind. All I want in the world is to fall into Aiden’s comforting arms. But my head spins over all that’s happened in the past twenty-four hours.

“For what it’s worth,” Jared says to my retreating back, “I thought you needed a push to see me like you used to.”

I don’t even merit that with a response except the one in my head that says I’d like to push him off a high cliff.

Aiden walks stiffly beside me until we reach my car. To Aldo’s credit, he wanders off a couple of yards as if sensing we need privacy.

“I want to take you home. Are you OK?” Aiden takes my hand in his and strokes it with his thumb.

He’s worried about me. After finding me in the arms of another man, he still asks about me. His heart, his goodness, is beyond anything I’ve ever experienced or deserve. If I don’t ruin him, Jared will.

“Let me put Ryder in his seat.” I take a few minutes to get him settled and close the car door so he can’t hear us.

Aiden’s determined expression scares me. Am I strong enough to push him away? I gaze into his gorgeous eyes. I can do it for him. “Aiden,” I say and reach out to squeeze his fingers. “I need a break. You know? I’m used to being alone with Ryder. You and I had a great time together, but all good things come to an end.”

His eyes widen and he shakes his head. “Why are you saying this? You’re not fooling me.”

My heartbeat pounds in my head and pray I won’t give in. I shrug. “It’s true. I should’ve said something sooner. But I’ll never forget you.” My throat throbs with a need to cry. I smile instead. “Have a good life, Aiden Alesini,” I whisper.

With those words, I turn and open the passenger side of the car. “Come on, Aldo.”

Aldo drives us home. The minute I get inside my door, I lead Ryder to my bedroom and turn on his favorite movie. “Climb onto the bed and watch your movie for a few minutes.”

He pulls himself onto the edge and I give him a boost up. “I love you, Mommy.”

“I love you, too.” I click the remote and kiss him on the head. “Thirty minutes and then a bath.”

He nods without taking his focus from the screen.

In the hallway, I lean against the wall, my hands pressed flat against my thighs to stop the shaking. How am I going to do this? How can someone come to rely on another person so much?

A soft knock sounds at the front door. I hold my breath.

“Come on Makenna. I know you’re in there,” Aiden says.

My cell phone vibrates on the end table and I take quick steps to answer it. Aiden’s photo flashes on the screen.

I press the button. “You’re making this hard.”

“Exactly.”

“Why are you here?”

He sighs. “I’m on the other side of the door. Can we talk face-to-face? I deserve more answers than the brush-off you gave me earlier.”

He’s right. I’m such a coward. “If I let you in, it doesn’t mean I’ve changed my mind.”

“I know.”

I open the door and step back. Aiden gives me a wry smile. There’s a first date awkwardness in the air.

“Your eye is swelling.”

His smile grows more natural. “Déjà vu, isn’t it?”

“He didn’t hit you as hard as I did.” I close the door behind him. There’s blood on his shirt and a smudge of dirt along one arm.

Aiden tucks both hands into his pockets. We stare at each other quietly until he finally speaks. “Give me one night. One night to say good-bye. Tell me the real reason why you’re quitting on us.”

He brushes a strand of hair out of my eyes before cupping my cheek with his hand. It’s such a sweet, careful movement and so like him.

“The brush-off was easier.” My voice cracks at the end. “I don’t think I can do this.”

“Sure you can. I have things to say to you. Important things. Do it for me.” He places one finger under my chin and tilts my head to look at him. “If we have to say good-bye after that, then at least I’ll know why. But give me this one thing I’m asking for.”

“Irritating persistence is part of your charm. It’s hard to resist.”

“You care if I clean some of this blood off me first? I’d love a quick shower.”

“Of course not. Go ahead.” The thought of him naked is so unfair. This is my punishment.

“Great.”

“Some of your clothes are in my room if you want something clean. I’ll bathe Ryder after you’re out. We can talk when he’s in bed.”

Aiden showers, and then turns the bathroom over to me and Ryder. I sit beside the tub while Ryder plays, my chin resting on the edge.

“You’re not falling asleep like that, are you?” Aiden steps inside.

“No. He’s getting out in five minutes.” I trail a finger through the water and push a toy boat forward.

“Can I help get him out?”

“Sure. He’s ready now.” I get to my feet and grab a dry towel.

“No,” Ryder says, and stands, despite his protest. “Aiden get me.”

Aiden grabs the towel and wraps Ryder inside. He takes his time drying him and even watches Ryder brush his teeth. It’s cute, watching them stand side-by-side in the mirror, Aiden in fitted sports boxers and Ryder in his white briefs.

“I do it,” Ryder says and grabs his pajamas. He runs from the bathroom with his nightclothes clutched to his chest.

“I’ll tuck him in,” Aiden says. “You run yourself a bath.”

A corner of my mouth tips. I’m not accustomed to being coddled, but I’ll take it tonight. “OK. That’d be nice.”

I lie in the bath until the water gets cool, then I wrap my damp hair in a towel and grab my bathrobe. The house is still, my eyes heavy, and the hour late. I want to tell Aiden everything. I want to confess.

And when he leaves, it will be because he understands the reason I held back so much. He’ll know it wasn’t him that didn’t deserve it all.

It’s me.

I get into bed with my damp hair and wearing an old T-shirt. He slides over, his slate-colored eyes watching me.

We face each other, heads denting the deep pillows and comforter pulled high over us. He rubs his hand over my arm underneath the covers.

“Does it hurt?” I say and reach out to touch the corner of one swollen eyelid.

“Not bad. Remember, I’ve been punched by the infamous Makenna Ross. It’s all gravy-train easy after that.”

I smile. “Ha, ha.”

“I’m fine. What about you? I lost a decade off my life earlier. Are you sure you don’t need to go to the doctor? Get checked out?”

“I know why I fainted today.” My voice shakes, even though I forbid it. “Something about all that blood and what Jared said, it took me back.”

“I’m listening.” Aiden’s voice feathers over my skin. “Tell me.”

I smash my lips into a sad smile. “Aiden…” And I begin to cry. I don’t want to. I don’t want him to think I feel sorry for myself. Because I don’t.

“Shush,” he whispers. “Don’t cry.”

“I don’t deserve you. I did something really…” I can’t stop the tears. “…really bad. Aiden, I killed my daddy.”

“Baby, no. I know that’s not true.” He smooths the hair sticking to my tears.

I shake my head. “I did. I did it the same as if I’d pointed the gun at him.”

And then I tell him everything. I tell him about the day, about my mama saving me, about me not getting to the phone fast enough. About me not making my daddy feel loved when I chose my mama.

About keeping a secret that I should’ve told.

About being relieved that he killed himself and not me.

About missing him.

Aiden pulls me atop his chest. “You know what I think?”

“What?”

“That your daddy loved you. But he was a sick man. Sick, like people are when they’re dying of some physical thing.”

“I don’t know.” I’m too tired to make sense. “But you shouldn’t want to be with me. I try to be strong and I work hard to be the perfect mother to Ryder so I’ll deserve him. You know? And I’m a damn good mother. I am.” I say this as if I expect him to argue.

But he doesn’t.

I continue, “Mama saved my life, so I try to be a perfect daughter for her. But I don’t think there’s enough perfect in me to keep it going. And I really think I’m in love with you, so I don’t want to disappoint you. I don’t want you to leave me because I’m not enough. So, that’s it. If you need to go, go in the morning. Please. Because my heart can’t take it if I disappoint you.”

“Shush,” he says into my hair. “My heart says you’re my match, more than I ever expected, more than I ever dreamed. I’m not going anywhere.”

When I wake in the morning, I snuggle into his warm body. He pulls me closer, so we spoon, a fit so right. “Morning,” he says.

“Morning,” I croak, my voice hoarse from all the crying.

“I thought about what you said last night.” He kisses my head and tucks my hair behind my ear so he can lean over and see my face.

My entire body tenses. Has he changed his mind? Did he think over what I said and now he can’t stay with me, knowing I chose myself over my father?

“Would you ever hold Ryder responsible for your happiness?” he says.

The question staggers me. “Of course not. He’s a little boy. Only I’m responsible for me.”

Aiden presses his cheek to mine. “Wise words. And I think together we can stay happy. And about that choosing bit last night? That wasn’t you choosing you. That was you deciding to live. I’m proud of everything I know about you—your strength, your stubbornness. Your survival.”

Then, I listen to his breathing and think about what he’s said. “Aiden?” I whisper.

He scrapes his morning stubble against my cheek. “Yeah?”

“I think that’s the most wonderful thing anyone’s ever said to me.”

“Well, yeah. I’m pretty wonderful. You should stick with me.”

I slide my fingers along the ridges of his abdomen. “Will you tell me what happened to you when you were arrested?”

He’s still for a while. “I don’t know. Honest to God. One minute I’m getting fuel at the gas station, the next I was arrested with some drugs stashed in my pocket. I’ve never done drugs in my life. Even when I was younger and it seemed like everybody at school tried things.”

I believe him, but I’m still confused. “I still don’t get it. The cops just walked up to arrest you?”

“No. There were two guys arguing, and girl getting hurt. I tried to stop it. It’s like one of those things you think happens to other people. The cops came because of the fight.”

“Why didn’t you call me?” I ask.

“I got one call from jail, baby. I called Dane to come get me. I didn’t want you to wake Ryder.”

“You should’ve called me,” I say stubbornly. “Mama’s always next door. You want me to let you be my cornerstone, but then you don’t reciprocate when I was worried out of my mind and…” I don’t finish my sentence. I suddenly remember Jared’s threats.

He scoots into a sitting position and leans back against the headboard. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think about you being worried.”

“So, you are out on bail. What now?”

He rubs my thigh reassuringly. “I have a court date. I’ll hire a good attorney and fight the charges. It will be OK.”

He sounds so sure. But I don’t know. People go to jail for crimes they didn’t commit.

I lean against the headboard beside him. We both stare straight ahead, the air in the room charged with heavy thoughts.

My life has been easy for years—loving Ryder, spending time with Mama, writing songs. It’s not fair that life can turn into such a mess when you expect everything to be so good. I’m afraid it’s going to get worse. I should fix this somehow.

I let my head fall to the side so I can stare at him. He’s so strong, and not just physically. Emotionally. I’m a wreck and he’s a fortress. I’d tell him he’s beautiful if it didn’t sound corny to tell a guy that.