Fit for Love (A Stand By Me Novel Book 3) (18 page)

“I imagine she did.”

He looks down at his menu, but I know he’s not reading it. He probably has the thing memorized, since he’s worked here in the past.

“Well?” I ask. “She left you some money, too?”

“Yeah, but I guess I knew she’d do that,” he says with a dismissive nod. “She mentioned you in her will.”

“What? Me?”

“Yeah. She must’ve updated it recently. She wants us to visit Sicily. I’ll visit her nieces and nephews—the family I’ve never met. I’ll discover my roots and where she grew up—something I’ve wanted to do all my life.” He laughs low in his throat. “She actually says in the will that she’d prefer us to get married over there. The woman is orchestrating from the grave.”

I ignore the marriage talk. “What about work? I mean, you can’t just take a month-long trip, can you?” There’s a boulder sitting deep in the pit of my stomach.

I can’t leave Ryder or Mama. He’ll have to go alone.

And a month isn’t long. He’ll take a trip and come back.

My treacherous insecurities travel down memory lane and the good-bye to Jared, when I was so sure he’d return to me.

I struggle to stay calm and press my hands down on the cushioned booth seat.

Aiden reaches across and grabs one of my hands in a light hold. “Sure I can take off, because I’m quitting. Nonna left me enough money to open my own fitness business. She knew I’ve been saving and I was going to take out a bank loan. I’ll postpone opening until after our trip.”

I pull my hand back, but he doesn’t seem to notice. He’s confused. It’s like he thinks this engagement has been real, and it’s not.

“Ryder can go with us. He’ll have a great time,” he says and turns. “Right big man? Want to go to Sicily?”

But there’s still Mama. We are a team, and I won’t travel the world and leave her alone. The woman would die for me and I won’t ever forget that.
Another voice in my head scolds me for acting like a kid. Mama would tell me to go.

“He’s three. Do you know how hard it would be on him? He has a routine.” My voice sounds wobbly and weak to my ears.

Aiden leans in. He reaches out again for my hand, but I put it in my lap. I twist Nonna’s ring on my finger. It’s the ring. I need to give it back. Once I do, he’ll understand that we don’t have to pretend. We can go back to being lovers and friends—the level of commitment I can handle.

If he comes back to me, great. If not, fine…because we don’t owe each other anything. As long as I keep this ring, I’ll fool myself into thinking he belongs to me and it’s simply not true.

My chest heaves with the effort to slow my breathing.

“Makenna. Did I say something wrong?” he asks quietly.

I inhale and exhale while I attempt to get my emotions in check. “I can’t leave my life here. Oh, I’ve been forgetting about Nonna’s ring.”

“What are you talking about?”

I take it off and slide it across the table. “Well, this was only to please Nonna. Take it. I feel silly wearing it now. I should’ve given it to you earlier. Someday, you might meet somebody, get married, have kids…”

Stop. Panicking.
This is why I’m not fit for relationships. My guy can’t take a trip without me going into a state of emergency.

Tension bubbles around the silence at our table. Ryder’s brow knits and he drops his crayon on the table.

Have I lost my mind? My child listens to every word. I smile, the motion settling into a tight line. “Hey. It’s wonderful that you get to go to Sicily. Really, truly fantastic. Ryder and I will be here when you get back.”

We’re silent for several minutes. I focus on Aiden’s fingers as he picks up the ring and examines it. His mouth is a tight line and he won’t meet my gaze. The music seems to lower so I hear my own shallow breathing. The clink of glasses at the bar. The internal buzzing of the fear threatening to take over my calm.

He’s leaving me behind.

“I want to take you and Ryder on this trip,” Aiden says. “It’s important. There’s no reason you can’t go. And you giving this ring back…why?”

I glance over at Ryder again, gazing at Aiden like he’s a superhero. “We can talk later.”

“Yeah. OK.”

The waitress arrives to take our order and later to deliver our food. I go through the motions of eating my meal, nodding when Aiden explains more about things in Nonna’s will, and generally being a knot on a log.

He’s wrong that I’ll change my mind. He’ll take this trip to Sicily alone.

Absence doesn’t make the heart grow fonder. That old saying is a lie. Jared left Nashville and never looked back until he learned about Ryder.

What have I done? I’m in love with this guy and my kid is, too. But it’s only a matter of time before Aiden disappears like Jared did. Then Ryder and I will both be heartbroken.

A
iden

W
omen are mysterious creatures
. Mysterious, maddening, mercurial creatures. Sometimes, I try to diagnosis what the fuck is wrong that Makenna is not happy about us.

It’s a futile act.

I drive toward home for the night—not as some sort of punishment for her or myself. But I know I cannot sleep next to her, tortured by thoughts that she might think I’m not enough. We take two steps forward and ten steps back in our relationship.

Her face when I talked about Sicily said more than her refusal to go. Was that fear I saw in her features and heard in her voice? Then there’s Nonna’s ring. It didn’t hurt anything for her to wear it, yet she made a statement by returning it.

But I’ve been under stress and over-analyzing… If anything will give me clarity, it’s a good night’s rest.

My phone rings on the way, the automobile Bluetooth setting causes it to trill through the speakers. I check the display. It’s Makenna.

“Hello.” I check my rear view mirror, side mirror, then change lanes.

“Hey,” she says, her voice a caress to my soul.

“Hey.”

“You’re upset.” Pause. “Over the Sicily trip. It’s why you didn’t spend the night.”

Don’t answer. It’s a trick
, my self-preservation warns me. “I need to go home and pay some bills, take care of some laundry. The usual.”

“Bring your laundry here. I’ll throw it in with mine,” she says casually.

“Nah.” I say with equal ease. “It’s fine.”

She sighs as if breathing out all her frustrations. “Say it. Say you’re mad. Just tell me the truth.”

She’s pushing me away. Was everything pretend? The return of Nonna’s ring shouldn’t be a big deal to me, but it is.

“If we need to talk, we’ll talk in person. I just…we have different ideas about our relationship.” Very different. I want everything she’ll give and she’s holding back pieces of herself.

“Oh?” she asks.

I match her sigh from earlier. “Yeah. Very different.”

“Is it over?” she asks in a soft voice.

My entire body tenses, a flight or fight reaction and I’m definitely on the fight path. I want to say she’s the one throwing a pretend ring back in my face. My feelings for her are real. I don’t know exactly when I started thinking our engagement was real, but I did.

I’ll fight for her even if I can’t see the enemy.

“Makenna. Don’t you give up on us.” I maneuver to the shoulder of the interstate. My tires spray debris due to the quick stop. The muscles in my shoulders bunch together in agitation.

“I’ve been thinking since you told me about Sicily. You deserve the kind of girl who’ll drop everything and go. You deserve a real relationship with a girl who can commit and trust. Every time I think about giving someone my whole heart, all of me…it terrifies me. I care about you so much. I don’t want to let you down.” Her voice projects fear and grief and longing, all blended into the saddest sound I can imagine.

I rake fingers over the back of my head. “You’re not letting me down.”

She’s so silent, it scares me. I’m suddenly in a black hole of expectation, waiting for her to say anything. It’s terribly dark inside my thoughts, but mostly inside the knowledge that I might not succeed in this relationship.

“I push too hard and move too fast,” I admit, finally breaking the silence. “And I commit to people one hundred percent. It’s how I’m made. It’s tied to my mom leaving me to live with Nonna.”

“You never talk about her.”

I rub a hand over my neck and roll my head to one side. “Yeah. But I should have…should’ve talked with you about her. I want you to know everything about me and I want you to tell me what’s bothering you. Always.”

I grip the steering wheel hard and every muscle in my body tenses. If I go home, we’ll both lie awake tonight in our separate beds. And what about tomorrow? Will she freeze me out? Her heart will patch over the small openings I’ve managed to infiltrate. I want to be with her.

A passing car honks at me. A semi blows by and my vehicle sways from the draft of air. There isn’t an exit for miles and I’m stuck going this direction. I check for an opening and pull back into traffic. “You still there?” I ask.

“Yeah,” she says, her voice stronger. “I’m OK. Sorry about that. I don’t mean to sound like I’m freaking out. Maybe we just need to take a break. We’ve been intense with each other and with this fake engagement, it’s messed with both our heads.”

My stomach twists into a hard knot. “No. Makenna. No. I’m trying to find a way off this fucking interstate so I can head back your way.”

“Don’t do that,” she says with fake bravado. “I sounded like a wimp a minute ago and I hate wimpy females. I am not a wimp. Do you hear me Aiden? Everything is great. Go home. Sleep on it and we can talk later.”

I need to go back to her. As if all the bad luck in the world has decided to rain down on me today, my gas light flicks showing I have 10 miles before empty. An off-ramp appears and I take it.

“I have to hang up. But everything’s going to be fine, OK, baby?”

“Oh yeah. I know. A break will be good for us,” she says in a peppy voice that must belong to actress Makenna—someone unfamiliar to me. “That’s what we’ll consider Sicily. Time apart to make sure about us. I have to go. Ryder needs me. Bye.”

She disconnects. Hell, no. There’s no way I can go home now. I take a right to the gas station on the corner. The place is crowded, six or seven pumps occupied by cars and their owners. I pull behind one and wait.

At the pump, a guy stands next to a black SUV getting gas. He yells something across the parking lot. A blonde exits the passenger side of the SUV and walks to him.

He passes her a small white bag and she shoves it in her pocket.

It’s unnerving. I think that was a baggie of drugs, a deal made right here in broad daylight.

I shake my head. Not too bright, folks.

A second guy, bald and a foot taller than the one getting fuel, runs from the next pump over toward the one in front of me. He steps close to the first guy, only a couple of yards between them. “You want a piece of this? Come on, man. I’m waiting for this to make my day.”

The owner of the SUV doesn’t hesitate. He slams a fist into the bald guy. I look in my rear view, so I can back up.

Pop.
The SUV owner is suddenly a hood ornament on my vehicle. He’s sprawled halfway onto the hood and makes eye contact with me. He’s hauled around in seconds.

“Stop!” The girl runs forward and grabs the bald guy. He stops his pounding just long enough to throw her to the ground. She hits the pavement hard.

I jump out on instinct. Adrenaline sears through me hot and fast, pulsing to my hands and feet.

Bald guy slams his fist three times in quick succession into the SUV owner’s face.

A police siren distracts me momentarily. Then my attention darts to the girl on the ground. She sweeps her blonde hair from her face. “Help him!”

I throw my right arm around the bald guy’s thick neck, moving the crook of my arm into a chokehold. Slippery blood from one of them causes me to grapple for a second in getting my left hand into place so I can grab my forearm.

He struggles, but goes down in a buckling of knees.

Someone bumps into my back. I glance around quickly to see it’s the girl behind me.

I release my hold and back up, breathing hard. Good. The police can take care of these guys.

“Show me your hands,” the officer yells.

I look to the guy lying on the ground. He peers at me through swollen, bloody eyes. His nose sits crooked on his face, a flat disfigured thing.

The office steps into my line of sight. “Now. You. Hands up.”

I raise my hands. The last thing I need today is to get shot by some rookie cop who misunderstands the situation. That I’m the bystander.

The girl cries, the hood ornament guy bleeds—someone should call an ambulance for the guy, and stands very still while the cop pats me down for a weapon.

He pulls something from my back pocket. “No weapons, but I’ll take this.”

I turn my head to the side to see. The bag of white substance.

Anger pulses into my bloodstream and curl my hands into useless fists. The druggie girlfriend made sure she wouldn’t get caught with it.

“That’s not mine.” I see this scene playing out in an out-of-body experience. The SUV guy sits up. His girlfriend stares at me. Another cop appears.

People everywhere staring.

I need to get to Makenna. I imagine myself resisting arrest and borrowing more trouble. I’ve never had a run-in with the law before.

Of all the wild, stupid things I did when I was younger, I never got caught. And now, this.

“You have the right to remain silent and refuse to answer questions,” he begins to say while cuffing my hands behind my back. “Anything you say…”

I stop listening. I’m smart enough to stop talking, too, because handcuffs mean I’m going to jail.

* * *

I
sit
in the passenger seat of Dane’s car at the station. It’s two in the morning. The police took their sweet time about granting my one call. I considered Makenna, then changed my mind.

“Thanks, man. I owe you,” I say.

“Love this place. Mike—the guy I was talking to before I sprung you—he graduated high school with us. Did you remember him?”

“No,” I grumble. “I wasn’t feeling very social.”

I study the display of my phone. No missed calls or texts. If I text her now, I’ll wake her for sure.

“You OK? You didn’t get gang raped or anything in there…”

I glare at him. “No. Quit with the jokes.”

He starts the engine. Dane backs out of the parking spot. “I was surprised you called me. Not that I mind. I guess I thought you’d call Mak.”

“She’d have to wake her mom to watch Ryder.”

Dane nods and takes a left onto the road. “Guess you wouldn’t want Mak to bring the kid to get you.”

I rub my face, my hand still covered in a stranger’s blood. “His name’s Ryder.”

“Yeah. How’s that?”

“How’s what?”

“You know…being around her son.”

I let the back of my head rest against the seat. “He’s the best.”

“Not a brat?”

I glance at him. “You have something against kids?

“No. I like kids. But I see families come in with some real wild ones.”

I shrug and stare at my cell phone again. The urge to text her, to see her, to hold her presses on me. But what do I say? ‘Hey, I just got out of jail and thought I’d text…’

“He’s just a normal kid,” I say. Then, feeling the inadequacies of my comment, I add, “He’s a brilliant kid.”

Dane laughs and speeds up to enter the interstate ramp. “You sound like a dad. All parents think their kids are Einstein.”

“I feel like a dad when I’m around him.”

“You going to marry Mak?” He doesn’t ask if I’m in love with her. But it’s what he means since guys don’t really succumb to the “L” word.

“Yeah. If I can convince her. I’m going to try.” I stare some more at the dark display of my phone.

He’s silent and I glance sideways. He laughs low, as if I won’t hear it. The glow of the dashboard lights hit the corners of his mouth.

I take a deep breath. I say, “You think that’s funny?”

“Well, let me quote the famous Aiden Alesini. ‘There is no try.’ You should live your own motto.”

“I think you’re confused. Yoda said that.”

Dane flashes me his middle finger. “You stack weights on my bar and order me to do reps. You expect it to be done and it happens.”

I pull the seat belt away from my body and try to relax. “Don’t preach fitness to me.”

“I’m not. Have you told her how you feel? That you love her? ’Cause women live to hear the actual words. They don’t like that implied stuff.”

“Shit.”

He sneaks glances at me a couple of times as he watches the road ahead. “I assume that remark translates as, ‘Dane is smarter than me and I’m a dumbass.’”

My heart stomps around in my chest waiting for a plan. Adrenaline speeds my sluggish, tired brain to help me to think clearly.

Of course Makenna’s not willing to travel overseas for a month with a boyfriend. What kind of commitment is that? She doesn’t know I plan to marry her. I haven’t said it.

Sure, she said she’ll never get married, but I know a hundred guys who say the same thing. Then love hits and it happens.

I love that girl. I need to get Nonna’s ring back on her finger. That ring belongs on Makenna.