First Love (32 page)

“Come on, son. Let's go have a seat. I'll help ya fill that shit out," Beasley says as he guides me to the waiting area. We sit down and start on the paperwork, hoping it will help pass some of the time. About forty minutes later, Paul and a very hysterical Holly walk in. I explain that the only thing we have been told so far is that she is in surgery. She has bleeding as well as major swelling in her brain. They are trying to stop the bleeding in surgery. It isn’t long before the waiting room begins to fill up. Jax, Leena, Marcus, Angel, Clark, Marty, Anna, Taryn, and even Jake, Devlin, Cameron, and Logan are here. So many people are praying for her; she has to pull through.

“Hey," Marcus says as he puts an arm around me. “Mr. and Mrs. Thompson are handling the clean-up at the house. Makenna and Matthew are watching all of the kids, so we are all here for you for as long as you need us."

"Thank you." I can’t think of anything other than Amber right now. The doctors tell us her condition is very critical. Even if they stop the bleeding, the swelling may not go down. He tells me to be prepared for the possibility that she may not make it through this. There is no way to prepare for that. I can’t live without her.

W
E ALL
wait at the hospital for hours without saying much. What is there to say? There is nothing we can say to comfort each other. I know the only thing that will bring me any comfort is to hear that Amber will be perfectly fine. I look up at the clock. We haven’t seen or heard from a doctor in almost five hours. I don't know how much more of this not knowing I can stand. I stand up, walk to the window, and look at the moon. Amber always loved sitting outside at night, staring up at the sky. Just the other night we laid out by the pond looking at the stars discussing our future. I thought at the time that our future was as bright as the stars, but now I am not so sure. She was so excited when I asked her if we could try to start a family soon. When I mentioned it, I was worried that she would want to wait a year or two, but as always, she was right there on the same page. It feels like all my dreams are slowly slipping through my fingers and I can't do a damn thing to stop it. That son of a bitch took everything from us.

I have been so worried about Amber that I totally forgot all about Beau. I don't even know what happened to him, not that I care as long as the police have him. I motion for Beasley to come over. I have to know where Beau is.

"You okay? Do you need something?" Beasley asks. He looks as bad as I am sure I do right now.

"Where is the asshole that did this to my wife? I just want five minutes with him," I say, trying to control my temper.

"Unfortunately, you won't get your five minutes with him, but I have a feeling where he is right now is much worse than anything you and I could give him." I give him a confused look. What could be worse for Beau than me getting my hands on him?

"Where is he, Beasley?" I am getting frustrated now. I am too emotional for guessing games.

"He died on impact, so I would assume Beau had a one way ticket to the gates of Hell. Believe me, like you, I wish I could have been the one to send him there, but he's there all the same," he says without an ounce of remorse, not that I had any either. He is right. If Beau hadn’t died, I probably would've killed him if I had gotten my hands on him. At least I knew he could never hurt Amber again.

"Mr. Connor." I look up to see a doctor in green scrubs. He doesn’t look like he has good news. I’m not sure if I want to know what he has to say. I take a deep breath and slowly walk over to where he stands.

"I'm Kyle Connor. How's my wife?" I ask. My stomach twists in knots.

"We were able to stop the bleeding, but there is still a great deal of swelling. The next few days are critical. She is still in a coma at this point, which is best,” he states.

"Will she be okay?" I ask.

"I honestly can't answer that. It can go either way, at this point. There is a possibility that she may never wake up. There is also a possibility that if she does wake up, there could be significant brain damage. She could also wake up and be perfectly fine. We just have no way of knowing, especially this early. We just need to wait and see how she does. I wish I could give you something more. I promise you … we are doing everything we can for your wife."

"Can I see her now?" I ask. I need to see her, to hold her hand, so she knows I am with her. I want her to fight as hard as she can to come back to me.

"Let us get her settled in ICU. A nurse will come get you in a little while." He gives me a sympathetic look and leaves the way he came. I tell everyone they should go home and rest, that if anything changes I will call right away. Everyone but Paul, Marcus, Angel, and Beasley agree, but say they are coming back tomorrow morning. Holly is reluctant, but somehow Paul convinces her it is for the best. When they all leave, the rest of us move to the waiting room upstairs for the ICU.

"Mr. Connor, you can go in and see your wife now," an older nurse says with a sweet smile. I turn and see Paul and Beasley exchange looks before Paul is at my side.

"Can I go with him, just in case?" He gives the nurse a look that says, "Just in case he falls apart." She smiles at him and nods her head, then leads us to Amber's room.

The moment I see her laying in that bed, all of the air is knocked out of me and I feel my legs give out. Luckily, Paul is right there. He grabs me and keeps me from falling down. She looks so broken and battered. Her head is all bandaged up. There is a tube that helps her breathe. I sit in the chair Paul slides next to her bed and I reach for her hand, bringing it to my lips. I don’t realize I am crying until I notice the tears falling onto her hand.

"Princess, I don't know if you can hear me, but if you can, I love you with everything that I am. I need you to fight as hard as you can and come back to me. We just started. Our story can't end like this, it's not how we planned it." I can’t hold it in any longer. I hold her hand to my lips and cry. Paul's hand grips my shoulder to let me know he is there.

The first week goes by with some change in Amber's condition. The swelling in her brain is going down, but she is still in a coma. I have refused to leave her side for more than five minutes since she has been here. I know everyone is trying to help me by getting me out of this room, but I am afraid she’ll wake up and I won’t be there. I have probably lost ten pounds, not on purpose. I just can’t make myself eat much. I sleep in the chair pushed next to her bed so I can hold her hand. When I’m able to sleep, anyway. Beasley is here almost as much as I am. Paul, Marcus, Angel, Holly, and Taryn come and go in shifts. They always try to make me eat, and when I don’t, they try to guilt me into it by saying I need to stay healthy for Amber. They eventually get me to take a bite or two, and then leave me alone.

By week three I am about to lose my fucking mind. I am lost without her, and every day that goes by I feel like she is slipping away from me. I talk to her all the time, begging her to come back to me, telling her how much I love and need her, but nothing is working. The good news is that all of the swelling is gone and she is out of danger. Last night, they moved her to a private room, so she is no longer in ICU. Paul had brought my acoustic by for me this morning. I figured I’ve tried everything else, maybe singing to her might help.

"Princess, I heard this song a while back and it made me think of how I feel about you. It's called
I Will Be
by Leona Lewis. I hope you like it." I pick up my guitar and softly play.

"That was beautiful, Kyle." I look up and see Holly with tears streaming down her face. "Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt."

"It's okay. I’m hoping music will help since nothing else seems to," I say sadly as I put the guitar back in its case.

"I wouldn't be too sure of that," Holly says with excitement. When I turn around, I see Amber's eyes fluttering open. Holly runs past me, saying she is getting a nurse. I go right to Amber's side and hold her hand. She looks a little panicked and grabs for the tube in her mouth. I try to calm her as best I can, but the way she looks at me is almost like she has no idea who I am.

"Amber, sweetie, calm down. That tube is there to help you breathe. The nurse will be in any minute." I am still holding her hand, but the look in her eyes is really scaring me. The doctor comes in followed by a couple of nurses. He asks Holly and me to wait in the waiting area so he can remove the tube and examine Amber fully.

"Princess, I’ll be right outside if you need me. I love you," I say as I kiss her head. As soon as we get to the waiting room, we both start calling everyone we know to tell them the good news. For the first time in three weeks, my heart doesn’t hurt. I’m happy again. My Princess is awake. I want so badly to hold her in my arms.

It doesn’t take long for the waiting room to fill up will all of our friends. About an hour later, the nurse comes out and asks Beasley and me to come back to the room. When I walk in, I smile at Amber, but she looks away from me. Something is very wrong, I'm not sure what it is, but I think we are about to find out. I look over at Beasley and he has a very uneasy look on his face.

"I have checked Amber over and, physically, everything looks great," he says. He takes a deep breath, then continues, "There is one problem, however. At this point, we have no way of knowing if it is temporary or permanent." If this fucking doctor doesn’t just spit it out, I am going to strangle him. "Amber has complete amnesia. She doesn't remember anything or anyone. She doesn't even know who she is." I look over at Amber and she is just staring down at her hands in her lap. I knew by the way she looked at me when she woke up something was wrong, but this I don't think I can handle. What if it's permanent? There is a chance she may never remember who I am. I have to get out of here; it feels like the walls are closing in on me. My chest feels tight and I can’t breathe. I push past Beasley and out the door. As I am passing the waiting room, Paul grabs me.

"What's going on? What happened?" I know he’s concerned, but I can’t even think. I hurt too badly.

"She doesn't remember anything. Not. A. Fucking. Thing. She doesn't even know her own name. I can't take this right now, I have to get the hell out of here." I pull my arm away, but he stops me again.

"Here. You don't have any way to leave. Just be careful, and when I call later to check on you, please answer so I don't worry," he says as he hands me the keys to his truck.

"Thanks,” is all I can say. I get out of the hospital as fast as I can. When I get in the truck, I think about where to go. I can’t go home. There are too many memories and I can’t deal with that now. The bar, that's where I need to go. I need to drink until I can’t feel this pain anymore. Tonight, I forget. Tomorrow, I will try to figure out how to get my girl back.