Finding Home (7 page)

Jordan
turned to his brother. “Were you the one at her house the other night?”

“Yes,” Jackson stated simply.

Jordan
shook his head and ran his fingers through his hair. “I wanted you to meet her. Hell, I’d had many a fantasy about sharing her with you. But not like this.”

“What do you plan on doing?” Jackson wanted to know. He’d only just met Andy, but his brother had been out of the picture for a year. That made Andy fair game as far as he was concerned.

“I love her,” Jordan said simply, tearing the rug out from under Jackson’s feet without even realising it. “I’ll go by later to try and talk to her and see if she’ll forgive me.”

Jackson
nodded and turned to walk away. He had no idea why he felt like he was losing his chance for happiness.

“Jackson?” Jordan called and he turned back to face his brother once more. “Are you okay with this? I know that you and Andy have spent some time together, obviously getting to know each other fairly well. At least on some levels.”

Jackson
said the only thing he could. “Just good sex, little brother. Just good sex.” But as he turned and walked away, a little bit of his heart felt like it closed off in his chest. And had he turned back, he would have seen that his brother noticed what he was trying so hard to hide.

With a smile playing on his lips, Jordan turned and began walking after his brother. If he could get Andy to forgive him then things might just work out for all of them. Just the way he had hoped for a year ago. Now all he had to do was get Andy to listen to him and hope that she could forgive his stupidity. He knew he didn’t deserve her but he was willing to do whatever it took to get her to give him a second chance.

Andy entered the house as quietly as possible and found her mother in the kitchen making a fresh pot of coffee. As if she had caught her in an unguarded moment, Andy suddenly saw the woman beneath the persona her mother displayed.

Claire’s hair was in disarray and her hands shook as she pushed the buttons on the coffee maker. With that task completed, her mother dropped her hands to the counter and her head into her hands. Her shoulders shook though silence remained, and Andy knew her mother was crying. It was an eye opening moment for her.

“Momma,” she whispered and just that quickly her mother was straightening her shoulders while keeping her back to Andy. “Momma, I’m here if you need me.”

Her mother turned slowly and she could see the red rims of Claire’s eyes, the tear tracks down her cheeks. They’d never been close and suddenly Andy wondered just whose fault that was. Probably both of them. Her mother’s shoulders started shaking again and her face crumbled, and Andy surged across to wrap her arms around her and pull her close.

She held her while she sobbed and Andy sobbed with her. It was devastating to see this woman who she had always viewed as strength personified brought so low.

“I can’t do this,” Claire said as she pulled away and began walking around the kitchen touching and moving things nervously as she went. “I can’t live without him. He’s my whole life. I’ve loved him from the first moment I saw him and I don’t want to even imagine a life without him.”

Andy made a muffled sound trying to cover her own sobs and her mother turned to stare at her. “I’ve watched him grow weaker every day. He’s barely tolerating the radiation and I don’t think he’ll have the strength for chemo. He’s losing his hair and that seems to upset him more than the disease itself.” She laughed, though there was no joy in the sound. “I hold his hand. I hold his head and wipe his brow. I watch over him when he’s sick and weak.” She gave another sob the sound raw in its grief. “I watch him sleep just so that I know that he still breathes. And I pray. And I rage. And I swear.” She shook her head vigorously back and forth. “But I don’t cry. Not in front of him. I don’t fall apart. I keep my head high, and my smile on my face even when it feels like it’s cracking from the effort. I hold myself together when inside I’m crumbling into a million pieces.” She cried softly again, her tears flowing unchecked down her cheeks. “And I love him. With all I have, with all I am, I love him. And I grow more terrified every day of losing him.” She took a deep breath and tried to gain control of herself. “I can’t lose him. I can’t. He’s my whole world. I won’t survive without him. I won’t make it.”

And just like that, Andy was in front of her mother and they were both sinking to the floor with their arms wrapped around each other.

“I’m here, Momma,” she promised. “Lean on me for a bit. I’m here and I won’t let you go.”

It was long moments before either could speak again. Andy helped her mother rise and seated her at the table before turning to pour them both a cup of the fresh coffee that had brewed during the storm of emotions. She turned and sat one in front of her mother before taking the seat beside her and settling her cup on the table in front of her.

“I know that I haven’t always been here for you, any of you,” Andy said. “And I know that I’ve been a disappointment to you for most of my life, but I promise you…”

“Where on earth would you get a foolish notion like that, Andrea Michelle Ebans?” Claire said, her backbone straightening.

“Momma, it’s no big deal,” Andrea said. “You’ve always been closer to Chloe. I know that. I’ve never been the daughter you wanted me to be.”

“Oh, Andrea,” Claire leant forward and took her hands. “I’m the worst mother ever for making you feel that way. I have never been disappointed in you. Never. You have a strength and courage deep inside you that I wish I possessed.”

“What?” Andrea said in shock. Her mother was the pillar of strength as far as she was concerned.

“You just never really needed me when you were a girl.” Her mother smiled as she seemed to recall some scene from the past. “You always followed your daddy around like a little puppy dog. It was cute.” She smiled at Andy. “He has never once regretted that I couldn’t give him a son because he’s always had you.”

Andy felt tears fill her eyes again, and her mother reached across and took her hands in hers.

“You were always content to be with him and Chloe, she needed me. She didn’t possess your strength. She was always insecure and unsure of herself.”

Andy looked at her mother with shock. Her perfect older sister was insecure and unsure of herself?

“Don’t look so surprised. It almost killed Chloe when she fell in love with Bryan and him with her. She wanted to be like you so badly, and then suddenly she had what was yours and she felt guilty about it.” Her mother shook her head. “But you just shook him off like dust on your boots and you were gone.” Her mother laughed and a smile lit her face for the first time since Andy had found her in the kitchen. “You were always the brave one. And I was so proud of you. No man who could even look at another woman while he was with you was worthy of you. And you knew that.”

“But I…” Andy started to say, but her mother shook her head and interrupted.

“Deep inside you knew that. Strength, Andy, and courage beyond your years.” She squeezed Andy’s hands with hers. “I have never been disappointed in you. Proud as hell, but never disappointed in you. Did I want you to dress a little nicer sometimes?” She laughed. “Well, I did have two daughters after all. But I love you.
 
And it kills me to realise that by not interfering more in your life somehow I led you to believe that I was anything but proud. You are my flesh and blood and don’t think I didn’t flay your sister and Bryan to within an inch of their lives after what they did. Family always comes first because when push comes to shove, they’re the ones you know will be right there beside you every step of the way.”

“Oh, Momma,” Andy cried and slipped to her knees on the floor, wrapping her arms around her mother’s waist and burying her head in her side. “I’m not strong and I’m not brave. And I need you now more than ever. I need you.”

“I’m right here, Andrea,” her mother whispered as she stroked her fingers through Andy’s hair. “I always have been.”

Andy slipped inside the door to her aunt’s house and locked it behind her. She wanted, no needed, to lock the whole world outside for just a little while. Life was coming at her so fast that she was spinning in circles, growing weak and nauseous as she went. So much happening and she felt helpless to do anything.

She needed a long soak in a hot tub with plenty of candles. Maybe some soft music afterwards and an early night in bed. Part of her wanted to pick the phone up and call Serena but she wasn’t ready for that yet. She wanted to call and talk to her Aunt Carmen as well, but she definitely wasn’t prepared for the emotions that conversation would pull out of either of them.

The phone rang, but she ignored it and headed straight to the bathroom to start the water running and adding a cap full of her favourite bubble bath. Leaving that, she stripped her clothes and left them piled on her bedroom floor before heading naked to the kitchen. There she pulled several candles out of the supply that Carmen always kept on hand and luckily the former tenants had as well. From there, she moved back to the almost full tub and a long, hot soak in the hot bubbly water. For just a little while she wanted to forget that anything existed outside the small room she had made her temporary oasis.

Chapter Six

Jordan
stood by the side door of the house Andy was staying in and listened to the soft music that played on the other side of the door. What was she doing? What was she thinking? Would she let him in to talk to her? It had taken him most of the afternoon to figure out what he wanted to say to her, how he wanted to go about convincing her to give them another chance.

He knocked on the door and stood waiting for her to come. Finally he saw her heading down the hall towards him and was startled and a whole lot excited to see her wearing what appeared to be a very small towel. Damn, she looked good. Her hair was clipped up on top of her head, and he knew exactly how it would tumble down her back and over her chest when the clip was released. His cock began swelling in his jeans. She had always had that affect on him, since the first time they had met.

She stopped at the cabinet to the right of the door and opened it up. Curious he watched her and when she shut the cabinet with a glass in her hand and still made no move to open the door to him he knocked again.

Andy let out a shriek and the glass went flying, falling and bursting in a rain of shards on the floor. She placed her hand over her heart and focused on him before moving carefully to the back door.

“What the hell are you doing just standing outside my back door?” she demanded, looking
 
flushed and beautiful.

“I knocked once before,” he said, stepping inside quickly before she could close the door on him. “I thought you were coming to answer when you walked into the kitchen.”

She automatically shut and locked the door behind him and he tried to hide his smile. He had her exactly where he wanted her now. Well, not exactly, but if things played out right, she soon would be.

“Why are you here, Jordan?” she asked, and for the first time he noticed the weariness in her eyes.

“I know I hurt you badly, Andy.” he whispered reaching out to run his fingers down her cheek.

Andy closed her eyes, hiding her thoughts from him. But he had no problem hearing her whispered answer. “Yes.”

It broke his heart to hear her say that, but it just about floored him when he saw the tear slip down her cheek.

“Oh, Andy,” he took her into his arms and held her tight. “I would take it all back if I could. I’m a fool, an idiot, and I’ll never forgive myself if I’ve lost the woman I love because of that.”

Andy pushed back from him but he kept his arms around her, reluctant to release her fully.

“How can you speak of loving me?” she demanded tears replaced by fire. “You left one day and I didn’t hear from you for a year. There are no excuses for that, Jordan. Nothing you can say, no reasons, will change that fact.”

“You’re right,” he admitted suddenly, realising just what a huge mistake he had made. He should have called, should have gone to see her earlier. If he didn’t already hate his father this moment would be reason enough.
 
The old bastard had always wanted to destroy Jordan, though he couldn’t figure what he had done to make his father hate him.
 
And with his death—no with his conditions—he had finally managed.
 
No calls. No contact with anyone.
 
And for his brother Jordan he had toed the line.
 
And maybe lost the only person in the world that he would ever love. He wouldn’t care if he lost everything else in the world, all his possessions, all his money.
 
The only thing that mattered to him was Andy.
 
And he was terrified that he was too late.
 
One year and his life might be meaningless. “I should have made you the most important priority in my life, and instead I just took for granted that you would be there waiting for me when it was all done. I never dreamed it would take so long. I promise you that, Andy.”