Find You in the Dark (28 page)

 
He wouldn't look at me the entire time we ate.  He laughed loudly with Ray and even flirted with Clare- (which I thought was totally inappropriate-).  But it was as though I didn't exist.  “Problems in paradise?”  Daniel asked between bites of salad. 

 
I gave him a withering look and otherwise ignored the goad.  Rachel sat across from me and gave me worried looks throughout dinner.  This is not how I envisioned this evening would pan out.  Rachel and Daniel were barely talking and Clay was refusing to acknowledge me.  Could it get much worse?

 
After we finished, I decided to take the bull by the horns and deal with the ice that had formed between Clay and I.  I grabbed a bunch of plates and followed Clay into the kitchen, where he began to load the dishwasher. 

 
I dropped the dishes on the counter and pulled Clay by the arm.  “Look at me!”  I said loudly, trying to get his attention.  He tried to shake me off but I wouldn't be swayed.  “Damn it, Clay!  Just tell me what I've done to deserve the silent treatment!”  I hated how wobbly my voice sounded.  Clay must have heard it too because he finally looked at me.

 
Seeing how hurt I was he sighed and the coldness melted away from his face.  “It's nothing, Mags.  I don't know.  I'm just being irrational again.”  Clay filled the sink with water and started scrubbing the pans, apparently trying to avoid the conversation.

 
I dipped my hands into the soapy water and took his hands in mine.  I felt his fingers curl around to hold me.  “I don't understand.  I'm not a mind reader, Clay.  You have to help me out a little here.”  I implored, dropping my forehead to his chest.  Clay wrapped his arms around me, his wet hands gripping my back. 

  “
Please, can we just forget about it.  It's nothing.”  He sounded tired and I wanted to push him.  But I knew instinctively that it would only make things worse.  So I went against my better judgment and let the matter drop.  I decided moving back into denial land was my best option.

 
I went up on my tip toes, placing a kiss on Clay's mouth.  “I love you.  You know that right?”  Clay gave me a weak smile.  “Sure.”  He said, turning back to the dishes in the sink.  He didn't say anything else to me.  I stood beside him another moment, then left the kitchen.  His arctic blast following me into the living room.

 
Ray was yelling at the television as he and Daniel played some sort of shooting game on the X-box.  Clare was drinking yet another alcohol laden concoction and Rachel was curled up under a blanket.  I plopped down beside Rachel.  “So, what do you guys want to do?”

  “
Strip poker?”  Ray asked, his eyes lighting up.  Clare threw a pillow at him.  “Shut up, perv!”  She yelled at him.  The rest of us laughed.  Clay came in the room and sat down beside Clare.  Could he make it any more obvious he was giving me the brush off?

  “
There are a bunch of board games in the cabinet over there.  We could play one of them.”  He suggested.  “That sounds like fun, come help me find something.”  Clare said, jumping off the couch and pulling Clay by the hand.

 
I tried to subdue the jealousy that ripped through me.  This was Clare!  My friend!  Her boyfriend was only three feet away.  There was no reason to feel weird about their interaction.  But watching Clay standing so close to another girl made me want to rip the hair out of my “friend's” head.

 
But instead of going all territorial, I decided instead to stay where I was, marinating in my ugly emotions.  Clay and Clare agreed on Trivial Pursuit.  After Ray and Daniel finished with the X-Box, we set up the game on the coffee table.  We decided to play boys against girls but with a twist.  Ray and Daniel wanted to turn it into a drinking game.  So for every wrong answer, that team had to take a drink. 

 
I was nervous about this.  I looked at Clay, to make sure he was okay with it.  He looked at me defiantly and took a drink of beer.  He seemed to be making a point. Whatever, I wasn't going to nag at him about it.  If he wanted to act like an idiot, so be it.

 
After a few turns, it became obvious that Clay was dominating the game.  My worries about him drinking were unfounded because he missed very few questions.  “What is the fastest swimming marine mammal?”  Rachel asked.  “The Killer Whale.”  Clay answered without hesitation.  Rachel threw the card at him.  “Have you memorized these cards or something?  There is no way you know that much useless knowledge!”  She gripped.  Clay laughed.  “Let's just say I used to have a lot of time on my hands and all I did was read.” He admitted, handing the card back to her.

 
I answered my fair share of questions and Clay's frostiness had lessened considerably as the game wound down.  “How many Rocky movies were made by 1990?”  Clay asked when it was our turn.  “Oh!  I know this one!  There were five movies.” I said, grinning because I knew I was right.  Clay turned over the card.  “Yep, the answer is five.  See, I'm not the only one with a head full of useless knowledge.  Nicely done, baby.” He smiled at me, handing me the pink wedge for our wheel.

 
My body buzzed when his fingers brushed mine to hand me the game piece.  Our eyes locked and I felt like maybe he was finally over our earlier misunderstanding.  I hated to admit that I was getting very, very drunk.  Clare and Rachel were giggling beside me and Ray was all but passed out on the couch. 

 
After a few more rounds, the boys declared victory and us girls had to down the rest of our drinks.  My head felt fuzzy and Rachel was laughing about nothing in particular.  After that, we decided to play Scategories.  Daniel and Rachel decided to team up for this one.  Ray and Clare were on another team, leaving Clay and I together.

 
Suddenly, Daniel's phone began to ring.  He looked down at the screen and got up quickly to answer it.  “Hello?” He said quietly, leaving the room.  “Who was that?”  I asked.  “I bet it was Kylie.  She's been calling him all day.”  Ray said nonchalantly, waking up a bit so he could get his hands up Clare's shirt.

  “
Kylie?  I thought they were broken up.”  Rachel said quietly.  “Yeah, they are, but that didn't stop them from hooking up last week.  I think she just wants another go.”  Ray could be such a pig.  Clare smacked her boyfriend.  “Shut up, Ray!” She hissed at him.

 
Rachel looked at me and I knew she was hurt.  “See, Mags.  This is why I won't ever say or do anything.  Because
she
will always be in the picture.”  Rachel threw down the cards in her hand and got to her feet a little unsteadily. 

 
Daniel came back into the room just then and looked at Rachel in confusion.  “Where are you going? We've got a game to win.”  He had tucked his phone back into his pocket.  Rachel was wobbling on her feet, the alcohol making itself known.  “You know what, Daniel.  I'm fucking done.”  I got to my feet, ready to intervene.

  “
Come on, Rachel.  Maybe it's just time to go to bed.” I said quietly, moving to stand beside her. I took her arm and tried to lead her away but Daniel stopped us.  “No, Maggie.  Let her say what she wants to say.  Obviously I've pissed her off,
again
.” He spit out nastily.  We were all wasted, this was not going to end up well.

 
Rachel's face turned red.  “Damn straight you pissed me off! I'm so sick of watching you go back and forth with that skank!”  She shrieked.  Clay had come up on Rachel's other side and the two of us were trying to lead her down the hallway.

 
She yanked her arms away from our grasp and turned back to Daniel.  Danny looked livid.  “What the hell is it to you?” He growled, moving toward Rachel.  I put my hand on Daniel's chest.  “Back off, Danny.  You know how she gets when she drinks.  Just let her sleep it off.” I implored. 

 
I looked over to Ray and Clare, hoping for some more help, but they had passed out.

  “
No, Maggie!  I'm sick of him walking all over me!”  Rachel yelled.  Daniel frowned, the veins in his neck bulging.  “Walk all over you?  What
are you
talking about?  We're friends, Rachel!  We've been friends for a long time and lately all we do is fight.  The fucked up thing is I can't think of one damn thing I've done to you!”  He yelled, his face an inch from Rachel's.

  “
Man, just let it go.”  Clay said, trying to pull Daniel back.  Rachel had started to cry.  “Yes, we're friends!  But damn you Daniel!  I love you!  I'm tired of you hurting me!”  She sobbed.  I pulled her into the crook of my arm and let her cry into my shirt.

 
Daniel looked dumbstruck.  He looked at me in confusion.  “She loves me?  What the hell is she talking about?”  I just shook my head.  Rachel pulled out of my arms and ran down the hallway, slamming the door to her room.

  “
What the fuck?!”  Daniel yelled and turned to punch the wall.  “Stop that shit, Daniel!”  Clay roared, pulling the other boy back.  Daniel pushed passed Clay and me and slammed out the kitchen door.   “Well, crap.” I said tiredly. I looked out the window, trying to find Daniel in the darkened night.  “I should probably go find him.”  I said, pulling on my coat and putting on my shoes.

  “
Just let him be.  He'll calm down.”  Clay said, pulling me back from the door.  I turned on him and gave him a dark look.  “Look, Clay.  Daniel is my friend.  He's pissed off and drunk.  He needs me right now.”  I found my gloves in my coat pocket and tugged them on.

 
Clay grabbed my arms.  “Well, I need you too.  Doesn't that count for something?”  He asked me angrily.  Was he serious?  How can he make this all about him?  I wrenched away from him.  “Stop being a selfish prick.  My friends need me right now.  I would hope you'd understand that.  But if you don't, well fuck you.”  I grit out, before leaving him to find Daniel.

                                               
Chapter Sixteen

 
I found Daniel down by the lake, sitting on a bench as the snow fell around him.  He hadn't put on a coat, so he was shivering from the cold.  “You'll freeze out here, you idiot.”  I said, coming to sit beside him. 

 
Daniel was still a little wobbly, but he moved over to make room for me on the bench.  “What the hell was that?  Was she serious?  Because I had no clue she felt that way.”  He bit out angrily.  I touched my shoulder to his in support and took his hand.  “Danny, Rachel loves you.  I mean
loves
you
loves
you.  I'm not sure I should even be telling you this, but I can't stand aside and watch the two of you hurt each other over and over again.  So now you know how she feel.  What are you going to do about it?”  I asked him.

 
Daniel hung his head.  “I don't know.  This is insane.  I've known Rachel since we were babies.  I just never thought she felt that way about me.”  He shook his head.  “Well, I guess the question is, do you feel that way about her?  I know she's your friend.  The three of us have been attached at the hip for a long time.  But there sometimes comes a point when things change.  And that can be a really good thing, Daniel.”  I wrapped my arm around his shoulders and hugged him close.

  “
I'm really messed up right now.  I can't think.”  He gripped his head with his hands like he had a headache.  “Our friendship is really important to me. I don't know if I can ruin that.” He sounded vulnerable and I leaned over to kiss his cheek.

  “
Well, maybe for now, you just need to go in there and talk to her.  Sort through your shit.  Because I can't play middle man between the two of you much longer.  It's exhausting.”  I rubbed the back of his neck, trying to soothe him.

  “
You're pretty damn fantastic, Mags.”  Daniel said, smiling his sad, drunk smile.  “Yeah, I know.” I quipped, letting him pull me into a tight embrace, his hand coming up to stroke my hair.  We stayed like that for awhile, hugging each other.  Daniel seemed to cling to me like a life line.  He pulled back finally and patted my cheek.  “You're right. I should go talk to her.  This has gotten out of hand.” I grabbed his other hand and squeezed.

 
I gave Daniel a nudge. “Okay, well go on.” I urged.  Daniel got to his feet.  “Wish me luck. If you hear my screams, know she's trying to kill me and come help.  Okay?” Daniel was joking of course, but I could see how nervous he was.  “Sure.” I said, smiling. 

 
After Daniel left, I sat on the bench awhile longer.  It was then I felt a strange prickle at the back of my neck.  Turning around I could see Clay's dark form in the shadow of the trees.  “Clay?” I called out.  He didn't answer me, just stood there watching me.  I got up and walked toward him, my stomach dropping at the look on his face.

 
Great, he was mad again.

  “
How long have you been out here?” I asked, shoving my hands into my pockets.  His eyes met mine.  “Long enough to see your touching little interlude there.”  He spat out with disgust.  I lifted my hands in the air and huffed.  “Of course you'd say that.  Because apparently all I do is go behind your back with other guys. I mean, that is what you're accusing me of, right?” I said bitterly, moving around him to go back in the house.