Find Me (13 page)

She talks to the air for a while, well over an hour. Telling them of her life I’m sure, since she hasn’t been her since the day they were buried.

When she gets back in the limousine, I don’t ask her what she said, I just hold her hand.

As we approach the airport
, she looks over to me and says, “I’m glad we went there. It felt right. I got a lot off my chest and I feel lighter. Thank you for tonight, Lals.”

If anything were to come out of tonight, that was my best hope.

“Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is eternity.”

~Henry Van Dyke

Liam

Tonight is Ryan’s bachelor party and tomorrow morning we fly out for the wedding rehearsal and dinner before the big day. Somehow, we’ve managed to keep the wedding under wraps and away from the paparazzi. Thank the stars, because Ryan and Natalie deserve their day to be uninterrupted.

Ryan asked me to not make a big deal out of his last night being a single man, but how in the world could he expect me not to? I didn’t hire a stripper or any of that
. Natalie would definitely have my ass if I did, so would Layla as a matter of fact.

So instead
, I rented out a bar. A tiny shit hole in the wall. Just like the one we were performing in when we were first noticed by our big wig record producer, Mel. I thought for old times’ sake we could go back to that place in our lives.

A reminder of why we shouldn’t take what we have every day for granted.
The success we have had, the fame, the money, how it could have never happened. We could still be playing gigs in a place such as this. And honestly, none of that matters when it comes to actually living. Music, isn’t about who has the biggest hit or the most album sales, it’s the songs. The reality of every single word being sung. Looking back at everything we have done, how far we have come in the industry, it still doesn’t matter. I could all be gone with the blink of an eye, and I would be okay. We would all be okay, because what matters to us isn’t the sales or dollar signs, it’s the music. The fans.

What Ryan doesn’t know is that besides renting this place out, so we could perform
, I also did a secret giveaway. I called a local radio station and offered them the exclusive rights to all two hundred floor tickets, as long as they didn’t reveal who was performing and the address of the venue, until the night of to the winners.

I didn’t want this impromptu show all over headlines and ambushed by the reporters. I wanted it like it was back in the day. This is something that Gage, Zepp
, and Jason were all in on and helped me plan.

I show up to Ryan’s house a little earlier th
an the time we have to actually leave for the show. I enter his house without knocking and head into the great room, where no doubt he is. When I enter the room, I find him burping the little princess.

“Hey, you excited for tonight?” I ask.

“I’m actually a little nervous, because after all, you planned this. Natalie’s nervous too.” Ryan replies, smiling.

“We don’t have to leave for another hour
. The guys should be getting ready now.”

“Actually
, I wanted to ask you a favor. Maybe you could help me with something before we head out.” Ryan asks, hesitatingly.

“Okay, what’s up?”

“Remember when I told you about this one song I was struggling with?” He asks.

“Yeah…”

“Well, I still need some help with it. I was wondering if maybe you would read it over and tweak the lyrics. I have the sheet music already made for you.”

“Okay, not a problem. Is it in the studio?” I reply. This is something that he has come to me for regularly. Anytime he’s stuck.

“There’s something else, though It’s a song I wrote to be sung at our wedding. I wanted you to sing it.”

“What?” I ask
, suddenly paled. All of the blood leaving my face.

“I know you haven’t sung in years and that it’s not something you would do without arguing. Think of it as a wedding gift.”

I stopped singing when I was no longer homeless. I only did it for a means to get by and after Alex, I couldn’t find my voice anymore. There was no reason to sing any longer. But there’s only one person that would ever have the power to sway me and he’s currently sitting before me.

Tonight, I decided to remain sober and be the designated driver. When I pull into the parking lot alongside the bar, Ryan questions me, “A bar? My low key bachelor party is taking place at a local bar? What are you guys getting me into?”

I laugh
, instead of replying. When we all slide out of the car, I take the lead, walking us to the back entrance of the establishment. Ryan remains quiet. I plan on telling him our surprise for his party in the dressing room.

A security officer meets me when we enter the back door
. I flash him my identification and he forwards me on ahead to our small backstage room. It smells of musky mold and has a hole infested couch that looks like it’s been sitting there since the eighties. As Jason pours four shots of Jameson, I tell Ryan of our plans.

“So, don’t be all pissed the fuck off when I tell you this.” I start.

“What, what have you guys done?”

“Well
, I remember how pissed you were at Mel when we had to do a show at a college, so cool your shit now. We’re playing here tonight.”

“How is that possible? I said low key
, damn it.”

He’s pissed.

“It is low key. All of these people have no idea who’s performing and to get in, they have to have a ticket. No one can buy entrance at the door.” I reassure him.

“Okay
. Alright, we can work with this, as long as it’s not a paparazzi party afterwards.”

“There is one other thing” I add in.

“What?” He asks, like he’s on his last thread of patience.

“If you haven’t already guess
ed, this place is a pure shit hole. I chose it for old times’ sake. A reminder of how far we’ve come.”

“I think that calls for a toast.” Gage jumps in.

I sip on water, as they take a few shots before our impromptu show.

“Are you fucking ready?” Ryan asks smiling.

“Fuck Yeah!” We reply back.

The stage is already set up for us
. Jason came over hours earlier to make sure everything was where it should be. When Ryan walks onto the stage before us, the crowd goes insane. Fucking loud really, for a mere two hundred people. The smallest show we’ve performed for since the night we were signed.

Memories. To go back to this
, it feels good. True, to ourselves. You can grow in character and in mind, you can leave behind your roots, where you were raised, and the people who created you, without choice or by choice. But this shit, it’s where we’ll always be. Grateful, and at peace with ourselves.

We put on a two hour show and stayed late
, meeting fans and signing autographs. On our drive back to Ryan’s, he looked over to me sincerely, “You did good, man.”

“Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind
,
And therefore is winged Cupid painted blind.”
~William Shakespeare,
Mid-Summer Night's Dream
, 1595

Layla

We’re currently on an
airplane flying to Albany, where we will then be driven to
The Sagamore
. Where Ryan and Natalie’s rehearsal dinner will take place. Then it’s an early night to bed, so Natalie and I can be pampered all day in the resorts spa.

My parents are meeting us at the resort tonight and will also be staying there as well
, in their own suite on our floor. Gage’s date, the woman he met at the bar only weeks before, has joined our entourage headed to New York as well.

Jason, Zepp
, and Liam have decided to go to the wedding solo. I’m currently relaxed in my chair listening to music on my iPhone playlist, while I enjoy the surrounding company, observing their interactions. A close knit family unit, if I ever saw one.

When we land
, the cars are already waiting to drive us to the resort. As soon as we arrive at the hotel, the concierge is ready to check us into our rooms. Ryan and Natalie booked an entire floor out. Even though not every room will be filled, they wanted the privacy. We all go our separate ways, agreeing to meet up in a few hours for the rehearsal dinner, where the wedding planner will go over what’s to happen tomorrow and how it should happen.

I head to my room
. It’s a beautiful suite, with a gigantic king size bed in the middle of the room and a bathroom big enough for ten people off to the side. I decide to take a short nap before dinner and set my alarm to go off before then, so I have time to get dressed.

When I awake
, I have about thirty minutes before meeting in the lobby to dine on
The Veranda
. I take off my now rumpled blouse and dress pants and change into an elegant deep green calf length dress. When I reach the lobby, I notice that everyone else is already there. Liam walks up to me and takes my hand, guiding me to the table and pulling my chair out as well, he takes a seat next to me after he pushes my chair in. The affair is a light one and the wedding planner goes over even the smallest of details.

She
mainly address Natalie and Ryan. “Natalie and Ryan tomorrow we’re going to separate you. Natalie you will go with your maid of honor to the spa for some luxurious pampering and then off to the salon for your hair to be done up and the full manicure and pedicure. Ryan, you and your best man will also be groomed in the males section of the spa. After that, you will both get dressed in separate rooms. We have the layout for where your wedding ceremony will take place and the reception will be on The Morgan, with a sit down dinner, an open bar, and an amazing DJ for dancing.”

“We really have no need to visit a spa,” Ryan interjects. Natalie gives him the stink eye. “Okay, I guess Liam and I can go. If we must.” He says.

“Anyway, the ceremony will most certainly go off without a hitch, since there is only one couple walking down the aisle before the bride. So finish your dinner and I suggest a good night’s rest.” She says, eventually leaving us.

First thing in the morning, Natalie and I are escorted to the spa. We strip down to our intimate apparel and clothe our bodies in robes. The masseur leads us into a room with two beds, where we will be receiving an hour long deep tissue massage.

I decide that now would be as good a time as any to tell Natalie about Liam. I’ve been so worried about losing her friendship
, then helping her with the wedding, that I’ve yet to share any of this with her.

In the middle of our massages
, I blurt it out. “I slept with Liam.”

“Huh?” Natalie asks
, lifting her head up to look at me.

“Liam and I slept together.”

“Really?” She smiles.

“Yeah, I’ve been meaning to tell you
, but with everything, you know. Anyway, he kind of apologized for it right after.”

“He apologized for sleeping with you? I’m going to kick his fucking ass!” She exclaims
, now aggravated.

“Natalie, calm down,” I laugh. “We’ve moved past that. Now he’s saying he wants me to wait for him, if I want
to. That he’s working on himself.”

“Now that you mention it, Ryan did tell me th
at Liam was seeing a psychiatrist to help him overcome something from his past. This could be good. That is if you think you’re ready to be in a relationship.”

“I am. I’m ready for him. He knows about all my shit that I carry around and he’s accepting of it. Supportive really.” I beam.

We go back into the silent relaxing mode of getting our muscles rubbed down. We spend the day soaking in a mud bath and then experiencing one of my favorites, a blueberry acai full body wrap.

After hours of being pampered, we’re led to the salon
, where we then receive manicures and pedicures. Natalie picks our polish. Mine a light shade of coral pink and hers a classic French tip.

The hairstylist then whisks us away
. She lightly trims my long locks and twists my strands into a half up do, with rhinestone bobby pins holding it in place. Natalie’s hair is held tight high on her head, with loose tendrils sprouting out beautifully. When our nails are dry, make-up is applied to our faces. A light touch of color and gloss for me, while Natalie gets a sun kissed bronze pallet applied and a smooth peach lipstick.

As soon as our hair is done
, the wedding planner whisks us into a private room not far from where the ceremony is. I’m led into one changing room, where my dress is hanging, and Natalie is led to another. My dress is a light pink chiffon silk, cutting off at the knees.

It’s gorgeous. I gently put it on, easing it over my hips and then exit to await Natalie’s reveal.
As I stand with my hands on my hips nervously, nervous for Nat to go in front of everyone and confess her love, finally, forever, Natalie steps out. She has a tiara held veil shielding her face and a pure white princess ballroom wedding gown with small pink flowers sewn on the hem.

My eyes start watering happy tears. “You are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. I’m so happy for you
, Nat.”

“I love ya too, now stop crying before you ruin our makeup.”

A knock sounds at the door. It’s the wedding planner. It’s time. She hands me a small bouquet of pink lilies and Natalie a large bouquet of white lilies and baby’s breath. “I’ll see you out there.” I say, while exiting the dressing room.

As I reach the opened doors that lead to the waterfront aisle
, Liam greets me with an intense smoldering look, “shall we?” He asks while holding his arm out for me to wrap my arm around.

Dusk has just started to set in
. The aisle is aligned with lights, and the outer aisle for guests is as well. I clutch his arm with one hand and hold on to the flowers with the other. Ryan is fetching in his white tuxedo. Liam too in his black tuxedo, wearing a tie that matches the color of my dress.

There are a few chairs for guests, barely filled, on purpose with Zepp, Gage,
his date Abigail, and the bands tour manager Mel. My mother next to him. An older couple that I was introduced to at dinner last night. Gages parents. Another couple sits beside them. Jason’s parents I assume. That’s the guest list in full.

The carpet Liam and I stroll down is black
, laid upon the fresh green grass. Ryan’s standing at an arc that’s been woven with Lilacs and Lilies of all colors and the waterfront is just behind that. When Liam and I approach, I let go of his arm and stand to the bride’s side. Liam stands behind Ryan.

We all look back to the opened glass doors
, waiting for Natalie approach. Moments later, she strolls out at a reasonable pace, while holding my father’s arm. And at that second, everything in the world is right. Nothing looks gloomy, everything is forgiven and this day is the beginning again for all of us.

I can see the tears of happiness gently rolling down
Natalie’s face, through her transparent veil. Her smile in sincere and tranquil, my dad holding her arm also has the same peaceful look upon his face. He knows he was forgiven, and the guilt that has plagued his face for years seems to have finally lifted.

When Natalie approaches the end of her walk, my dad lifts her veil over her he
ad and places a simple kiss her cheek. Tears shine in his eyes threatening to fall.

I take Natalie’s bouquet and she turns to greet Ryan. He p
laces a chaste kiss on her lips just before he clutches her hands in between his.

The
priest starts “Do you Ryan Aaron Hurst take the Natalie Marie Wright to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold for all the days of your lives?”

“I do.” Ryan says without hesitation.

The priest continues. “Do you Natalie Marie Wright take Ryan Aaron Hurst to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold for all the days of your lives?”

“I do.” Says Natalie with the biggest smile on her face.

I tear up throughout the ceremony. Love flowing through the air, when the priest announces Ryan and Natalie as man and wife. They kiss, and of course it ends in a full on make-out session. They suddenly remember that there are people around and stop, but not before a peck or two. Natalie and Ryan lead the way to the boat for the reception. Liam and I follow arm in arm.

Liam and I wanted to give a toast
, but Ryan insisted that we had done more than enough to honor them and their relationship. So I promised to save a dance with both, as a form of tribute to them.

We sit around a large table and are served a four course meal of soup, salad, pasta and finally
, baked chicken parmesan. Ryan’s favorite. Then to the cake cutting, that unfortunately Natalie was smeared with.

When everyone is full on dinner and cake
, Natalie and Ryan lead us to the top deck of the boat, where the open bar and dance floor is, with live music provided by a DJ.

The first dance is Ryan and Natalie to
All Of Me
by
John Legend
. A perfect choice, if I say so myself. It fits their entire relationship. I stand on the outskirts of the dance floor, watching appreciatively.

When the
y’re done, Ryan holds his hand out to me and we dance crazily to
Counting Stars
by
One Republic
. When Ryan and I are done, I change hands to Natalie and we hold on to each other, while swaying to
Cyndi Laupers’ True Colors
.

When
we were finished, I place their hands in each other’s and depart the floor, searching out the bar for an upper hand with liquid courage. Courage to ask Liam to dance.