Final Score (32 page)

‘Amber, baby, please…’

‘You don’t change. You’ll never change, I don’t think you’re capable. I don’t even know if what you told me about Carrie was even true…’

His head shot up and he fixed her with a look that almost scared her. ‘That was true. Every heartbreaking fucking second of what I told you about her was true, Amber. And if you think for one minute that I could lie about something like that…’

‘You’ve lied before, Jim. About so many things.’

‘Not that,’ he whispered, shaking his head. ‘Never that.’

It was her turn to bow her head, just for a couple of beats. ‘You’re hurting Rico, too, do you know that?’ Her eyes met his again. ‘By hurting his dad you’re hurting him, too. And I can’t let that happen. That baby comes first, before anybody. My son comes first, and you don’t get to hurt him, in any way. You don’t get to hurt him the way you’ve hurt me.’

Amber watched as tears started to stream from his eyes, and she was surprised at how little she actually felt like crying herself.

‘But I’m not going anywhere, Jim.’

He frowned, quickly wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. ‘I… I don’t understand.’

‘You really think I can walk away from you? Again? You don’t hold the monopoly on being so much in love with someone it hurts like no other pain you’ve ever felt. So, no matter what you’ve done, we’ll get through it. Because
I’m
the one who isn’t strong enough to walk away. You’d cope, Jim, and you know you would. You’d cope. Because you’ve walked away from me before, remember? But I’d fall apart.’

‘Amber, baby…’

She shook her head, reaching out to touch his cheek, brushing away tears with her thumb. ‘Don’t say you’re sorry, because I’m not sure that you are. Not really. You and Ryan, I’m just going to have to accept that you two are never gonna get along. But for Rico’s sake, you’re really gonna have to try. For
my
sake you’re gonna have to try. Because I can’t deal with any more crap, Jim.’

He put his hand over hers, tears still streaming down his face. ‘I love you so much, Amber. So, so much, and with every beat of my heart I will make sure…’

She shut him up with a kiss. Because she needed to touch him, to feel his mouth on hers and his body against her. She needed that.

His hand fell into the small of her back, pushing her closer to him, their mouths now moving together in a faster, harder rhythm. She was falling under his spell, letting him drag her deeper and deeper under until she knew, one day, there’d be nothing left of her. Nothing of the old Amber who’d once had the strength to walk away from this man, because he was killing her – the woman she’d used to be, she was disappearing fast. And she couldn’t stop it from happening. He pulled her apart and he messed with her head, but he also completed her. And there wasn’t a thing she could do to change that.

Chapter Twenty-Two

‘Something you want to tell me?’

Ellen’s eyes widened as she looked at the packets of pills in Ryan’s hand. ‘You’d better come in.’

He kicked the door shut behind him, throwing the pills down onto the hall table, his eyes burning into hers. ‘Please tell me this isn’t what I think it is.’

‘I can explain, Ryan, if you’ll…’

‘Were you
deliberately
trying to get pregnant? Huh? Is that what you were
seriously
trying to do?’

‘Ryan, no, it was…’

‘You told me to ditch the condoms… Jesus! You told me you were on the pill, you
promised
me. How the hell could I have fallen for that one, huh?

‘Please, Ryan…’

‘These are your pills? Yes, or no.’

‘Yes.’

‘Then it’s a simple enough question. Were you deliberately trying to get pregnant?’

She leaned back against the wall, her shoulders sagging for a brief second before her demeanour changed to that of someone a little more in control. ‘I see the way you are with Rico, and…’

‘And, what? You want some of that for yourself?’

‘That bond you have not just with Rico, but with Amber, too…’

Ryan threw his head back and laughed. ‘You’re frigging unbelievable. Is this all because you’re
jealous
?’

‘Of course I’m fucking jealous! You can’t let go, Ryan. You’re like some lovesick teenager who can’t get over some ridiculous crush, and now? Now she’s had your baby! So you’re never going to let her go, are you?’

‘So, you thought, maybe, if
you
had my baby too, then, I wouldn’t be quite so – I dunno – attached to Amber?’

Ellen’s shoulders sagged again. ‘You love that baby so much, Ryan.’

‘Of course I love him. I’d die for that kid; he’s my whole fucking world.’

‘And so is she.’ Ellen’s voice was almost a whisper, her eyes looking straight into his. ‘So is Amber.’

What could Ryan say? She was right.

‘I just thought that… that if I had your baby, too, then you’d
have
to take a step back, Ryan. You’d have to. And you would, because I can see what a great dad you are.’

He shook his head, sitting down at the bottom of the stairs, clasping his hands between his slightly open knees. ‘This is mad. I can’t believe I’m actually having this conversation. You can’t do this, Ellen. You can’t use kids as pawns in some kind of game.’

‘You’re using your own son as a pawn, Ryan.’

‘The fuck I am!’

‘Don’t you see? Oh, I know you love him, that’s more than obvious. But you’re using him all the same, to get closer to her.’

‘She’s his mum.’

‘And you still love her.’

‘This is ridiculous.’ He stood up, walked over to her and stopped just in front of her. ‘This isn’t about me, sweetheart. It’s about you, playing crazy games with my life. And it stops, right now, do you hear me?’

She nodded, reaching out to touch his face but he gently pushed her hand away. ‘Ryan…’

‘So,
are
you?’

She frowned. ‘Am I what?’

‘Pregnant.’

She looked down, shaking her head. ‘No.’

‘Thank Christ for that,’ he sighed, throwing his head back again, taking a couple of steps away from her. ‘This is over, Ellen. Whatever the hell it was, it’s over. Have you got that? All of it. It’s over.’

‘Ryan, please, I’m sorry…’

‘It’s over, Ellen. And I really don’t want to hurt you, but I just can’t deal with another relationship right now. It isn’t even you, although, what you’ve tried to do…’ He looked at her. ‘It isn’t even you. When you’re not acting all psycho you’re actually an amazing girl. But I just can’t deal with this – with any kind of relationship at the minute, not while… I just can’t.’

‘Not while you’re still in love with her. Is that what you were going to say?’ Ellen’s voice was quiet, resigned to the inevitable now.

Ryan said nothing for a couple of beats, he just dug his hands deeper into his pockets and looked down at the floor. ‘I can’t deal with another relationship, Ellen. I’m sorry.’

‘You’re going to let her ruin your life, Ryan.’

‘And that’s my choice.’

‘You’re crazy! You could have any woman you want, yet you seem determined to throw everything away on someone you’ll never have.’

‘You don’t know that.’

She narrowed her eyes as she stared at him. ‘Someone you’ll never have, Ryan.’

He said nothing for a few seconds. He just stared her out, a determination growing inside him that he’d never felt before.

‘I’ll see you around, Ellen.’

He turned to walk away, but her voice made him turn back around.

‘I’ve said this before, and I mean it, Ryan. You deserve better.’

‘Do I?’

‘You deserve someone who loves you.’

‘Yeah. Maybe I do. Or maybe I just really
want
the woman I
love.’

*

‘Leave him, Amber.’

She looked up from her laptop, throwing Ronnie a look that told him she really wasn’t in the mood. ‘When I told you all of this, Ronnie, I really should have added that I don’t want your opinion.’

‘Leave him.’

‘What did I just say?’

‘He lied.’

‘I’m not talking about this with you.’

‘Well, forgive me, Amber, but it was
you
who chose to share this information with me.’

‘And I should have remembered how you can’t keep your mouth shut. I’m trying to work here.’

‘So, it doesn’t bother you that he lied? Again.’

She threw her pen down and sat back in her chair, swinging her legs up onto the desk. ‘I’m disappointed, Ronnie, that’s all. Disappointed that he did it, and yes, it bothers me. Of course it bothers me. I’m angry and confused and there was a second – a split second – when I thought I really was going to walk away. For good this time. But I can’t do it. I can’t.’

‘You won’t. And there’s a difference.’

‘I don’t need the lectures, alright? He’s my husband, and I love him. Simple as that.’

Ronnie raised an eyebrow, perching himself on the corner of Amber’s desk. ‘You make it sound like he just forgot your anniversary or something. Now, as I know you’re all too aware, I’m not Ryan Fisher’s biggest fan, not on a personal level, anyway. But for someone to want to destroy his career… Amber, Jim wanted to destroy the career of Rico’s dad.’

‘And you don’t think I’ve made all this clear to him?’

‘What did you do, exactly? Give him a light telling-off, then offer him a blow job he’d never forget?’

‘I’m not listening to this.’ She stood up, kicking her chair back under her desk. ‘You’re out of order, Ronnie. You’re my best friend, and I love you, I do. But you’re out of order.’

‘I care about you.’

‘Then start acting like you mean that, because, right now I just feel as though you’re trying to make me feel guilty about staying with the man I love.’

Ronnie walked over to her, tilting her chin up so she had no choice but to look at him. ‘I care about you, Amber. And all I can see in front of me is a woman who has no idea what the fuck she’s doing.’

‘I don’t need this.’

‘Yes. You do.’

She pushed his hand away and walked out of the office, but he followed her.

‘Amber, wait!’

She swung around to face him. She really wasn’t in the mood for this.

‘Where are you going?’

‘Nowhere,’ she sighed, her shoulders sagging.

‘Come home with me.’

‘Why? So you can nag me into submission?’

He couldn’t stop a smile from appearing and she backed up against the wall, unable to stop smiling herself. ‘Hey, if you want to submit to anything, beautiful, you won’t find me stopping you.’

‘I hate you sometimes.’

‘The feeling’s mutual.’

He held out his hand and she took it.

‘Come on. We’ll go back to mine and you can talk to me. Properly.’

‘Fine. But only if you’ve got alcohol. Because I’ve got a feeling I’m gonna need it.’

*

‘I shouldn’t have said anything, should I?’

Ryan looked at Debbie through slightly narrowed eyes. But he said nothing.

‘I mean, I might just be reading this completely wrongly, because I’m only going from how she sounded over the phone… is Rico alright?’

‘He’s fine,’ Ryan said, gently rubbing Rico’s back as he lay over his shoulder. ‘And how
did
she sound over the phone, exactly?’

‘I shouldn’t be talking to you. Amber’ll kill me. I’ve already said way more than I should have done to you.’

‘Debbie, come on. You’ve opened your mouth now so you’re gonna have to tell me.’

‘She sounded… I dunno. She sounded a bit down.’

‘Down?’ Ryan frowned.

‘Yeah. Like she had something on her mind.’

‘Last time
I
spoke to her she was being a complete bitch.’

‘Maybe there’s a reason for that, then.’

‘Like what?’

‘You know what Amber’s like. When something’s wrong she can sometimes go on the defensive.’

‘That’s true.’

‘Do you know what you two sound like?’ Gary said, making his way into the kitchen. ‘You sound like a pair of gossiping housewives. You ready, Ryan?’

‘Yeah,’ Ryan sighed, handing Rico over to Debbie. ‘Look, Debbie, you said she sounded down. Did she say anything to make you think he’s upset her or done something to… ?’

‘Jesus, Ryan, come on!’ Gary’s tone was slightly irritated now. ‘Forget it, okay? Married people have ups and downs, it’s normal.’ He looked over at Debbie, who just poked her tongue out at him. ‘Nice. Actually, you look quite sexy when you do that.’

‘Are you still here?’ She lifted a gurgling Rico up into the air, bringing him back down for a kiss, blowing a soft raspberry on his tiny cheek.

‘She’s been married to him for all of five minutes, Gary,’ Ryan pointed out, watching as his baby boy let out the cutest little laugh, and he felt his heart break with love for him. He felt his heart break for Rico’s mum. She was never going to go away, not now, no matter how far he ran. And he’d tried that one before, hadn’t he? He’d tried running, and it hadn’t really got him anywhere.

‘She’s been married to him forever, mate. Now start getting your head around that and come on. We’re meeting everyone at the bar in an hour.’

‘Debbie, are you sure…?’

‘Ryan, I’ve told you everything I know. She didn’t say all that much, really. It was just the way she sounded, and she
has
been extremely busy these past few weeks. She’s probably just tired.’

‘No, that’s not it.’

‘Look, you’ll be able to find out for yourself when we play Endleigh United on Saturday, Ryan, but in the meantime can you get your arse in gear and move it, please? We’re gonna be late.’

‘Did she say
anything
about her and Jim?’ Ryan asked Debbie, ignoring Gary’s eagerness to head off into town for a night out that Ryan really couldn’t be bothered with. He had far too much on his mind.

‘No. And even if she had I don’t think it’d be my place to tell you anything, so can you please stop putting pressure on me and take him out to play.’ She nudged her head in Gary’s direction as he stood in the doorway, tapping his watch. ‘Amber will be fine, Ryan, okay? She can look after herself. Like I said, she’s had a busy few weeks. She probably just needs some time out.’