Authors: M. Dauphin
“I love you, Eddie,” I whisper as quietly as I can, testing the words out that I haven’t spoken to anyone in years.
They feel perfect.
Chapter 9
Eddie
I can hear hey crying, but I don’t leave my spot. In here he can’t find me. In here I am safe.
The walls shake from this last blow and I cower in the corner of my cupboard. I hear her sobs grow silent and his footsteps stomping out of the house.
Today it was because dinner wasn’t ready when he got home.
Yesterday it was because I missed a word on my spelling test.
Tomorrow it will be something else.
It doesn’t have to be. I can stand up for them tonight and there won’t be a tomorrow for him.
“Hey, Eddie,” Red’s voice echoes in my dream, pulling me from my nightmare. “Baby, wake up, you are having a nightmare,” she whispers.” I feel her breath on my ear and break out of my dream state, opening my eyes to meet her brilliant, glowing, hazel eyes.
My erratic breathing is pissing me off, as is the sweat that is gathering on my brow. I hate showing this type of weakness. What the hell was that dream about? I haven’t had a dream like that in months.
“You okay?” Her sweet smile warms my heart from the chill that set over it during the dream.
“Yea. Sorry about that.” I’m in a funk still from reliving that day, the day before she killed herself in our bathroom.
Just looking at Red, though, makes me start to forget everything that I just relived. I lean up to kiss her neck, grumbling profanities into her as her hand finds my hard length and starts rubbing. She shifts on top of me to meet my morning attraction with her own wetness, ready to take me. She grins at me, and looks me in the eyes before lifting up and pushing down onto me, slowly rocking her hips. Fucking Christ, she feels so damn good, I would be a happy man to wake like this every morning.
Flipping her over on the bed, she squeals in laughter and reaches up to grab the headboard. Fuck, how I wish we could be in my apartment right now. Her skin is fucking glowing, and I can’t stop the images of her bound, just for me, from rushing into my head. She bites her bottom lip and brings her feet up to rest on my shoulder, crossing her ankles for me to hold on to with one hand.
“Goddammit, Red,” I grunt as I slam into her, over and over. I can feel her tightening around me, and I slow my pace a little to help ease her off the edge. I can’t have this ending this fast, this is the best it’s ever felt. I can feel everything in this position and I don’t want it to fucking end.
“Harder, Eddie. Please,” she begs as I purposely and agonizingly move slower and slower. She’s begging for harder, but she’s moaning because I’m hitting just that right spot. Jesus she is so fucking tight I feel every part of her in my movements. I feel her tightening around me again and this time I don’t have as much willpower as before. This time, I feel my own orgasm coming on strong. Moving one of her legs to my other shoulder, I reach down and start rubbing her clit in slow circles as she pushes up her hips to meet my every thrust.
“Oh god, Eddie... Oh my GOD!” She screams a string of profanities, tightening so tight around me I explode immediately afterwards.
“Fuuuuck!” I growl as I pull out of her mid orgasm. Shit, we didn’t use a condom. FUCK!
“It’s okay, don’t freak out.” Her eyes are laughing at me, “I’m on the pill, remember?”
“Fuck... yea. Still, that’s so irresponsible of me. Shit, Red, I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be, I’d rather never have to use one.”
“Yea, it did feel fan-fucking-tastic didn’t it?” I grin at her and lay down next to her.
Cuddling in next to me, her fingers start tracing my tattoos, just like she did the first time she slept in my bed. I know she’s looking, I know she sees them, I can feel he fingers trace over the bumps over and over. Her face is still, eyes glistening, full of emotion and unanswered questions. I don’t want to have to have this conversation today, but I know she’s going to ask, so I blurt it out to get it over with.
“Most are burn scars. A few wounds from knives when he ‘accidentally’ slipped. There are cuts from scissors, the more jagged ones are from the broken beer bottles.”
I’m watching her trace the ink lines and circle the scars. Her hands travel to my collarbone and trace my mother’s name, giving me the chills from such an emotional connection. She keeps moving her fingers as they trail around my pecs and to the one scar that I haven’t hidden yet.
“Why don’t you cover this one?” Her voice is almost a whisper as her fingers graze along the raised bump that runs under my left pectoral and around my side.
“It’s a constant reminder to me not to turn out like him.” I know my voice is low, but I’ve suddenly lost interest in connecting over my tattoos. “Come on, let’s get ready.” I roll out of bed and head to the bathroom.
I may be being an asshole, but that scar isn’t something I want to talk about. I’ve never told anyone about the reasoning behind that scar, and today isn’t the day to tell Red. Today we sightsee, because tomorrow morning we leave and go back to reality. A reality I don’t want to meet without her by my side. I know we will have to deal with her friend eventually, but today I want to enjoy our trip. She’s never been here, so I want to show her everything this city has to offer.
She knocks on the bathroom door and I realize I’ve been staring at myself in the mirror for at least fifteen minutes, not moving to get ready. Opening the door she looks hesitant to say anything, so I smile and sigh.
“Shit, Red. Sorry. That was a jerk-off thing to do. I’ll tell you eventually, I promise you. I’m just not ready for that today.”
“That’s all I ask, Tex.” She smiles at me and walks behind me to start the shower. “You getting in?” She asks as she opens the door to the glass enclosed shower.
“Fuck yes,” I smile and follow her in, leaving all of my drama behind.
She squirts the hotel shampoo into her hands after wetting her hair and works it into her bright red locks, cringing when some of it drips into her eyes.
“Ooo fuck!” She throws her head back into the water and I can’t help but admire the body of the woman in front of me. Her bruising is starting to fade and the tattoos that twist over her ribs and down her leg are exquisite.
Looking at me with watery eyes, she laughs at herself and we turn so I can get clean. The shampoo hotel doesn’t smell like Red, but the way it mixes with her scent is truly intoxicating. Even getting ready together in the bathroom I can smell her, a mixture now of fresh baked cookies and relaxing fruits. She’s simply delicious. It surprises me how something as mundane as getting ready together makes me feel so alive, but now that I’ve had a taste of what this can be like I don’t ever want her to leave.
Today we are on our own, as Tatum and Molly have taken off for Barbados for a week, and I’m fucking pumped for being with her, just the two of us, all fucking day. Starting off at the Hershey factory, we make our way through so many museums, wax houses, casinos, and bars, that by the time dinnertime comes around we are both exhausted.
“Can we order in tonight?” she asks as we head back to the hotel. We just got done with a gondola ride in the Venetian hotel, and now she’s practically hanging on me, with her head resting on my arm. She’s so fucking short, but we fit so damn well together.
“That’s fine, but there’s something I want to show you after dark tonight, so no falling asleep!”
She laughs at me, as if she wouldn’t imagine falling asleep after being told not to.
Sure, I’ve heard that before.
After dinner, she slips on her sweater and I grab her hand. I don’t want her to miss it, and we have a little bit of a walk.
“Where are we going?” she asks, as she has to almost run to keep up with me. I slow my stride to give her a break, hoping that we make it in time, but not complaining.
“It’s a surprise,” I say as I turn and grin at her, her eyes curiously scanning the people and buildings around us.
Turning the corner I breathe a sigh of relief that we are early, so I walk us over to a stand to grab a hot chocolate for us to share and find a bench to sit down on. We sit in silence, watching the people moving around us. A comfortable feeling comes over me, enjoying how easy it is being with her.
“Watch over there,” I say as I nod my head towards the Bellagio fountains.
The lights start dancing, the water flows from the ground, and the music starts playing. I watch Red, in awe of her pure beauty and innocence as she takes in the show. I never thought I would have someone like her, I didn’t think I wanted it. My entire life was built around not finding someone like her, and I’m glad I did it, because had I not built those rules for myself I would have never found her when I did. I would have never known how happy I could be with someone. I would have never fallen in love.
“This place is so magical,” she whispers, still watching the show. “It’s beautiful, Eddie. Thank you.” She moves in and kisses me. I smile and kiss her back, tasting the sweet chocolate on her lips.
“I wanted to show you something amazing before we left.”
“Oh, Eddie, it’s breathtaking. Who would have thought of you as being a romantic?” She smiles, her eyes twinkling, then turns again to watch the show and the water dances and sways to the music.
The lights on the Eiffel tower are twinkling in the background and the show is slowing to an end. My heart is hammering in my chest, waiting for the show to be over so she can focus back on me. I have to tell her. It’s not like me to get nervous, but this is new to me. This feeling is so foreign, I don’t want to fuck anything up. I practically told her in no certain words last night, but when she whispered those words to me after she thought I fell asleep I had to stop myself from kissing her senseless. I don’t know why it matters, she thought I was sleeping, but I have felt like an ass all day without having told her back.
Finally she turns to me, smiling. Her face is lit up by the surrounding lights, she rests her hand on mine, and smiles the brightest smile ever. She’s so beautiful, and she doesn’t know it. I try and picture her as the blonde hair, preppy girl from the pictures, but this is the only personality that fits my Red. Suddenly I’m thankful for all of the tragedy in our lives, because we wouldn’t be here, we wouldn’t have each other, without it.
“Thank you, Eddie,” she whispers.
“I can’t imagine anyone I would have rather spent it with. I know we just met less than a month ago, and before you, I never wanted anything to do with a relationship, but now... fuck, now I want it all, Red. And I want it with you. I love you, Red.”
Chapter 10
Gwynn
His hazel eyes match mine, his smile is hesitant, waiting for me to respond.
I need to respond.
“I love you, too, Eddie,” I finally manage to whisper through the tears that are threatening, causing a knot in my throat.
I watch him visibly relax and sigh. He shakes his head, as if he can’t believe any of this. I can’t believe this, so I find it hard that he’s used to the idea of finding the one person you want to spend the rest of your life with, and knowing it’s them one hundred percent, no questions asked, within a few weeks.
From the time he stormed into my life that night at the bar, when he stopped me from beating the shit out of Jase’s girlfriend, Eddie has captured all of my attention. No longer do I need to fight to feel the stress release. No longer do I crave the infinite amount of pain that tattoos bring to forget about the pain in my chest, because I don’t feel that pain anymore. All I feel is warmth. Warmth for the man that I’ve fallen head over heels in love with. Sure, I think about my dad every day, but I’m not searching for a release anymore. Now I feel as if I’m searching for a future, something solid, with someone I love.
“Come on, let’s get back to the hotel.” His voice breaks into my thoughts and I realize I’ve been staring at the water for a while, zoning out in my thoughts. His hand takes mine and we walk back to the hotel, enjoying our last night in Vegas together.
By the time we make it to the airport in the morning, we are running like mad men. Oversleeping by an hour, the two of us had to rush to throw everything together to catch the flight. This time we don’t get a private jet, and I feel a little spoiled when I sit down in the tiny, cramped, airplane.
“Jesus, people travel like this every day?” I bitch as I realize I’m stuck in the middle seat, leaving Eddie with the aisle. At least his broad shoulders will have a place to go.
“Yep, every day.” He smiles and laughs at me as I fumble with the seatbelt again.
Helping me buckle in, he reaches over and kisses me hard, like there isn’t an old man sitting right next to me. Eddie’s kiss deepens, and I moan into him. His hand comes to my face, then I hear the old man sitting next to me clear his throat. Shit. As much as I would love to continue this, I don’t feel like giving everyone on the plane a free show.
“Vegas, all sorts of magic happens here. Newlyweds on every damn flight,” the old man says, shaking his head and chuckling.
“Oh, we aren’t newlyweds,” I let out a small, nervous laugh, and when I glance over, Eddie is frozen in place. Why did this crazy old man have to go and ruin everything?
“Huh, woulda fooled me,” the old man says, finally opening his magazine and minding his own business.
I don’t bring up the subject of marriage again to Eddie the entire flight, but I can tell it’s going to be a point of contention between us. I grew up in a happy household, and marriage is something that I’ve always wanted. Not a big wedding, hell we could go to the courthouse for all I care. I just want someone, a companion, for life. By the way he responded to the mention of being married, though, I don’t think he feels the same way. Not that I blame him, considering his childhood.
Eddie is quiet the entire flight, and about halfway into the flight I fall asleep on his shoulder. Waking up when the wheels hit the ground, I jump and I hear his laugh.
“Chill, Red. We’re just landing.” His hand comes to rest on my knee as my heartbeat slows.
The airport is packed for a Sunday night, so it takes us a while to get our bags and find a taxi. Eddie seems as if he’s done this hundreds of times, though, so none of it is as stressful as it would have been if it would have just been me by myself. The entire way back to our apartments he plays with my hand. Fitting his fingers between mine, tracing the lines on my palm, caressing my knuckles. I can tell he’s still shaken up about the comment from the plane ride, so I try my hardest to bring him out of his funk.
“So, what’re you up to tonight?” I ask him, hoping that things don’t go downhill for us now that we are back home.
“Not much. Probably pizza and a movie. More than likely this hot chick is coming over, but I have to ask her.” He grins and I slap at him.
“Oh yea? Girlfriend?” I play along, liking his playful mood all of a sudden.
“Something like that...” He trails off and leans in to kiss me.
This kiss isn’t one I haven’t experienced yet. It’s raw, it’s emotional. Even last night in bed his kisses weren’t like this. This is so much more than any regular kiss. This is an ‘I love you’ kiss.
“Go on, get your shit put away. You’re coming over soon.” He slaps my ass and goes into his apartment, leaving me bewildered and standing in the hallway.
Heading down the hall, I open my door to my apartment and head inside, throwing my bag on my bed and grabbing a soda. My phone has been dead since we left the hotel this morning so I plug it in before starting to unpack. I hate traveling, because no matter how long I’m gone, I always have a shit ton of laundry to do when I return. Sighing, I take the laundry basket to the machine to start a load, then head over to the table where my soda and phone sit, waiting for me. Turning on my phone, the usual startup noises ping and then the notifications start.
“Goddammit,” I say, just as my Facebook notifications skyrocket.
Opening up the app, I see that a ton of my friends have commented on pictures I was tagged in. I didn’t upload anything this weekend, no one even knows I was in Vegas, other than...
“Shit, Jase.”
Clicking on the photo that has over a hundred comments, my stomach drops when I see a photo of me and Eddie in the chapel that Molly and Tatum got married at. I’m smiling, holding Molly’s flowers for her, and Eddie is looking at me with so much love I’m not sure how I ever questioned his feelings for me. The caption under the picture says ‘wedding weekend in Vegas!’, and I have so many comments I don’t know where to begin. All of them stating some form of congratulations, some of them questioning if I was drunk, some of them commenting on the hot man I’m with. Mother fucking Jase. He had to be the one to do this, he was the only one there that I knew, and I KNOW I didn’t take any pictures this weekend.
Exiting out of the app without any response to the hundreds of comments, I call Jase and it goes straight to voicemail.
“Mother fucker!” I yell.
My phone rings in my hands as I’m staring at that damn picture, but instead of Jase it’s Mac.
“What?” I snap at him. Last time I saw him he was a total asshole to me, and I’m still not over it.
“I need you to come in tomorrow, girl. Noon.” His voice was low, angry almost.
“Fine.” I end the call and sit at my table, letting the silence wrap around me.
A few weeks ago, the amount of frustration I’m feeling tonight would have been enough to make me run to the ring, or down the street to Dave. Now, though, all I can think about is Eddie, and how wonderful one of his hugs would be right about now. Deciding to leave the Jase shit for tomorrow, I finish my soda, throw on some yoga pants and a tank top, and head out the door. As soon as my door closes my phone rings in my hands.
It’s Jase, and for a second I consider not answering it, but I know that isn’t a good idea. He’s bound to go off the deep end if I ignore him.
“Hello.” I answer, as coldly as I can muster. All I want to do is scream at him, but I know there is a temper in him and I don’t want to poke the sleeping beast.
“You called me, Gwynn. What do you want?” He sounds pissed, but he’s not supposed to be pissed; I am!
“You fucking followed us this weekend, Jase. That’s creepy enough in itself, then you go and stalk us at the chapel, take my picture, and put it up online for EVERYONE to see!?” I’m yelling now, pacing the hallway. I just want to punch something; but I can’t. I know it won’t help anymore.
“I told you it was a mean world out there, Gwynnie.”
“What the fuck, Jase! You are supposed to be my best friend, not my worst enemy!” I feel the familiar knot in my throat and want to slap myself for crying so damn much lately.
“Gwyn, I could still be your friend if you weren’t fucking him.” His words are like acid, burning as he throws them at me.
“I love him, Jase. You don’t understand,” I say as I slide down the wall. “There’s something real between us. Something I’ve never had before. Something I didn’t even know I wanted until it slapped me in the face.”
“That’s great, Gwynn, real fucking great. You two enjoy living next to each other, screwing each other’s brains out.”
Jase ends the call as soon as he finishes talking, leaving me alone again in the silence. Eddie was already weird on the plane ride home when someone mentioned marriage, now knowing what Jase did, I’m afraid it’s going to set Eddie back even further. I need to tell him, but I really don’t want to. Staring at the broken baseboard in the hallway for lord knows how long, I hear Eddie’s door open.
“Hey... you okay?” His voice is so full of concern and love. Nothing like Jase’s was just a few minutes ago.
“Jase fucked things up, Eddie,” I tell him bluntly. “He took a picture of us at the chapel and put it on my Facebook page. Moron made everyone think we got married this weekend.”
There’s no way to sugarcoat what Jase did. It was creepy, it was wrong, and it might have just ruined everything we worked so hard for this weekend. I watch the features in his face fall and by the end of what I have to say, I’m not even sure if he’s breathing.