Authors: M. Dauphin
Chapter 5
Eddie
Yesterday, Molly had our measurements taken for suits for the wedding and special ordered us Brooks Brother’s suits. Apparently with enough money, you can have the best of everything wherever you want it. Vegas only has cheap shops, and Tatum Savage is not about to rent a suit for his wedding. I’m just appreciative that it went on his credit card and not mine. I’ve never worn anything so comfortable. More than likely I could sleep in this, but I’m putting all my chips on wearing something a little more... Red... tonight.
Walking down the hallway to the door that she is waiting behind, my stomach won’t stop fluttering with nerves. I know I shouldn’t be getting so close to her, so attached to being around her. I want to keep her around, but I’ve already told myself I’m out at the first sign of trouble. I can’t have myself turning out like him, no matter what the consequences.
Knocking on the door, waiting for her to answer, I wipe my hands on my pants, laughing to myself at how much this feels like prom night, and not a grown ass adult wedding night. She is taking longer than I would have suspected to answer the door so I knock again, this time harder than the last. The door flies open, and everything is knocked out of me.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” I growl at her friend, ready to beat the shit out of him. What the fuck is he doing in there!?
“Had to see my girl. Move.” He shoves past me and that’s when I see her. She looks broken, like she has given up.
“What the hell did he do to you?” I grind out as I let myself in her room and slam the door.
Shit! I’m supposed to be telling her how absolutely gorgeous she looks in her dress, because she does. I am supposed to be kissing her senseless to the point of us being late to the wedding because we can’t get enough of each other, because that’s all I want to do typically when I see her. Instead, I’m so fucking close to chasing him down and beating the shit out of that guy for making her look this broken. Before I can do anything, though, she pushes past me, not even acknowledging my question.
“Let’s go, we are going to be late,” she mumbles as she opens the door.
Her eyes are pleading me to let it go, pleading me to tell her it doesn’t bother me. I can’t, though. If I’m going to be all in for this, if I’m going to break my rules for her, for us, I need her to talk about it. My mother let things go, my mother pushed shit under the rug, and look where it got her. I’m not saying that Red is anything like my mother, god knows that’s not true, but I can’t let her accept the fact that she deserves to be treated anything but kind by that asshole, by anyone. I walk towards her and gently shut the door, trapping us in the room. She gives me a quizzical look as I grab my phone and shoot Tatum a text that we will be late for the dinner, promising that we will meet them for their wedding. We are the only two witnesses they have, so there’s no way I’m going to miss it.
“What are you doing, Eddie?” Her voice doesn’t hold the life it had earlier. What the hell happened? Where is my Red?
“We need to talk,” I start, but once I see the look on her face from my awful use of that phrase, I laugh at myself and shake my head. “Sorry... that sounded terrible. Just... come on, sit down.” I walk over to the sitting area, because this fucking hotel has massive rooms with sitting rooms, and she follows slowly.
“Why do I feel like what is about to happen is going to ruin my night?” she asks warily as she sits on the arm of the loveseat. Fucking christ she looks so beautiful.
“It’s not, babe. Promise.” I hope I can keep that promise. “Listen, I don’t know what he did to you, but you know you deserve to be treated like a fucking queen, right?” I ask her, trying to connect with her in some way. She isn’t opening up, though, and if anything she keeps getting more and more quiet and unresponsive the longer we sit here.
I sigh and rub my head, feeling my fingers flick through my short hair, reminding me why I keep it short in the first place, which in turn reminds me of my mother, which reminds me of Red, sitting in front of me, looking so fucking depressed.
“What happened just now with him? How was he just here? Did you tell him where you were? Just open up to me, Red,” I plead. I watch her closely and see the tears form in her eyes before one slowly spills over and runs down her cheek. Fuck this. I rush over and take her in my arms, hugging her, trying to take all of the pain. God, she can’t be broken, she’s my Red. She’s strong. She’s a bitch and I love her for it. She can’t be hurting, I won’t let it happen.
Wiping her face she pushes away from me and slips her shoes off, tucking her feet under her as she sits on the far end of the sofa. Staring at the fireplace in front of her she starts talking, and I hold on to every word like it’s my last breath.
“Four years ago this week my father died because I was a selfish brat,” she says, lacking every emotion that should have been pouring out of her with that statement. “I had finally graduated from college. A semester late, but I did it. My parents were so excited for me. I was your typical daddy’s girl my entire life, but that night I chose my friends. I didn’t even get to tell him goodbye, and now every day without him I’m reminded how selfish and stupid I was.”
I want to hold her, she looks so broken. I want to tell her it’s not her fault, that there is a bigger plan we have no control over, but I don’t. I know that feeling. I know it because I lived it for a long time. I blamed myself for my mother’s death and my sister’s disappearance every day for years. If I were a bigger man I would have stood up to him and protected the two women I loved most in this world. Instead, I cowered under the fucking stairs.
“I’m so sorry, Gwynn.” I don’t know why I use her real name, but the sexy nickname I have given to her just doesn’t seem right in a moment like this.
“If I’d just gone to dinner with them, then they wouldn’t have been on the road at that time and they wouldn’t have been in the accident and he wouldn’t have been killed and I wouldn’t have had to listen to his death over and over and over...” She’s crying so hard now her makeup is running down her face, breaking every block of ice I had placed around my heart.
“Shh.” I sit next to her and hold her tightly, questions racing through my head, but I don’t dare ask any of them. She will tell me on her own time, just like I have to tell her my shit. Son of a bitch, tonight’s timing is all off. This isn’t a conversation to have in Vegas right before my best friend’s wedding. This is a conversation to have in our sweats, back at home, when we can focus on nothing but each other. Instead, we’re being rushed through it just to get to the wedding. Shit.
“If you had gone to dinner with them you may have ended up dead too, Red. You ever think of that?”
“Jase used to tell me that. There was a time I thought I’d rather have it that way anyway, since the main man in my life was dead because of me. I thought... I thought that if I were dead too, then I’d be able to be with him again. I didn’t think I deserved to live for a long time after the accident…” All of my thoughts freeze at her statement. I used to hear my mother say similar things to my aunt before she killed herself. Fuck.
“Don’t say that. That’s just fucking stupid.” It comes out more of a growl than I thought it would, and she pulls back to look at me. Goddammit, I apparently can’t say the right thing to this woman tonight.
“You don’t know what it feels like, Eddie, so don’t fucking judge me.” She huffs and gets up off the couch, marching towards the bathroom and slamming the door. Shit!
“Fuck,” I sigh, leaning back on the couch, wiping my hands down my face. Grabbing my phone I check my messages.
SAVAGE: Sounds good. See you at 8.
At least I have some time to talk Red back into NOT hating me. After everything she shared I know I definitely need to tell her about my issues, but I really don’t think we have enough time to cover all of those areas tonight, so I do the very next best thing I can think of. Get her out of the bathroom, cheer her up, grovel, and if all else fails fuck her and make her remember why she is here with me.
“Hey babe... come on, Red. Open the door,” I say against the cold, white bathroom door. I don’t hear any noises from the inside, but I know she is in there. “Please, Red. God... I’m a moron okay? I say the stupidest shit at the worst times. You have to know that about me by now.”
I hear something in the bathroom drop and hear her cuss and smile to myself.
“Open the door... please?” I add the please, happy with myself that I remember my manners in a time when all I want to do is BREAK THE FUCKING DOOR DOWN.
The lock clicks and my hand immediately goes to open it. I make myself slowly open it, just in case she’s next to it. The door doesn’t open much, however, but I can smell her fragrance through the crack.
“I used to think life wasn’t worth living, Eddie. USED TO. If you can’t handle that small fact about me you should probably leave,” she all but whispers to me. I don’t want to have to handle that... How the fuck can someone feel that way one day, then wake up the next and not feel like that anymore? I need to know that she truly believes it was stupid of her, and that killing yourself isn’t the way to ever solve anything. Ever. I couldn’t live with myself if she ended her life, just like my mom did.
Maybe this is my sign. I told myself, after all, that if things get too complicated to deal with I would back away. If this information, that she wanted to kill herself at one point in her life, isn’t complicated I don’t know what is. The ONE THING I understand less than fighting is suicide... and my girl is both of those. A suicidal fighter. Man, I really know how to pick them.
“Fuck, Red… how can you think that?” I sigh into the door, leaning on the doorframe.
“It was a while ago, Eddie. I don’t think that way anymore.” Her voice is so small, like she’s in trouble. Shit, the last thing I want her to be is afraid of me.
“The thought, at the time, was that it would just be easier to give up than to live with the regret and guilt every day. Sounds pretty cut and dry to me.” She says in such a tone that she’s defending her thoughts. You can’t defend that statement... that’s just ridiculous.
“Jesus, Red. I don’t know... this is all so much.” I sigh. Fuck! Why are things always so complicated? “Just come on out... we can talk about this. About everything.” If it means telling her everything, all of my rules, all of my past, I’ll do it. Just to make her understand why I think the way I do. Maybe there is a way out of this after all.
I hear her sigh, and clear her throat. The door opens more, to show me the woman I’ve completely fallen for in an unexplainable amount of time. It’s crazy, right? Meeting someone and falling for them so fast. I did it, though, and it just feels so fucking right. She has fixed her makeup so it no longer runs down her face, her eyes are shiny, and there are no traces of the tears she shed just a few minutes ago. She looks determined. She looks like my Red again.
“No. We won’t talk about it,” she says. “I told you, you get it or you don’t. I’ll give you tonight to think about it, ONLY because I don’t want you to miss Molly and Tatum’s wedding and I’m sure you aren’t leaving this room without me. So let’s just go, this drama shit can wait.” Her eyes are pleading with me, though her body is telling me she isn’t taking no for an answer.
I nod, trying my hardest not to grab her and take her right there. I love the stubborn side of this woman.
“You look beautiful tonight, Red,” I say softly as I take her hand and pull her to me for a kiss. A kiss that for some reason feels like a goodbye kiss.
I shouldn’t have broken down my walls for her. I can already feel my heart breaking because of it. Damnit, why do I have to care so much for her?
Chapter 6
Gwynn
One night. I can do one night with him. Jesus, I’m so happy I never told him how I really feel about him. That would have just made the break even worse. I could see the judgment in his eyes, the hate, when I told him I had, at one point in time, wished I was dead. Did I still wish it? Absolutely not! That was the lowest point in my life, and I regret every thought that went through my head, but I can’t change the past. I still don’t really know why I told him that. I would have been able to really enjoy tonight had it not been for that little piece of information, but now I get to sit here and watch this man pretend to be happy with me, when all I can think is how bad it’s going to hurt when he decides I’m not worth the struggle.
I wish Jase had never showed up. He had no right to do that, and it pisses me off that he thought he didn’t do anything wrong. What the hell is going on with him anyway? Ever since I started seeing Eddie, Jase went from the best friend to the jealous ex-boyfriend, and I’m not a fan of it.
“Hey, you okay?” Eddie’s hand gently squeezes my knee as we sit at the table, waiting for the newlyweds to arrive.
The wedding was simple. Much to my dismay there was no Elvis impersonator, as Tatum made everything as perfect as could be for his girl. I could see the love between the two, even when they weren’t in the same room together. One day I will find that, hell I thought I did find it. When he looked at me like that though, with no clue as to how it feels to lose someone you love so much, and still passed judgment on me, I knew it couldn’t be. I knew it was too good to be true.
“Yea... I’m fine.” I plaster on a fake smile and proceed on with the evening as if my heart isn’t about to get ripped out and stomped on.
The bride and groom make their appearance soon after and we spend the evening sharing stories of Tatum’s past, learning about Molly’s business venture in Texas, and yet nothing is brought up about Eddie. No past stories, no funny exploits, nothing. I just want to know something about him, something that will make him seem more human to me, and less like a dream, once I finally wake up from it.
“He keeps to himself, Gwynn. He’s not as social as he may seem,” Molly says leaning over to me. I laugh quietly, Eddie doesn’t seem social at all to me.
“What makes you think I am worried about that? Can’t a girl just have a little fun?” I smile sweetly, hoping she can’t see the tears threatening. Shit, why did I have to go and get messed up with this man?
She smiles back at me, but Molly isn’t good at hiding her feelings. I know she knows something else is running through my head, but I’m not about to let on. I’ve already shared too much for one night. All I feel like doing is getting back to my room and curling into the sheets until I can get an early flight out tomorrow. If Eddie can’t deal with my past, then there’s no reason for me to stay here in Vegas with him.
“Hey, Gwynn. The hotel reminded me today that your room is being used in the morning for some type of photo shoot so they wanted to make sure it’ll be clear. You are ok with that, right?” Tatum speaks up, then takes a swig of his beer.
“What? I thought I had the room now that Molly and you... well… can share...” I’m being kicked out?
“Molly technically only had the room until noon today. When everything with our man over here went south, they let us keep it until tonight, as long as it is vacated by morning to clean for the shoot. Sorry... I guess I forgot to tell you.” He doesn’t look sorry... he looks smug. Like he knows he is throwing me back into the lion’s den. What the hell is with these people and their meddling?
“Oh... okay. Well thanks for letting me use it while our friend over here got his shit together.” I smile and sip my water. Son of a bitch, it doesn’t look like tonight is going to be fun, after all.
“Just come back to our room... no biggie, Red. Right?” Eddie’s hand is still on my knee, like he’s afraid to lose contact with me for just one second. Could I have misread him earlier, could he get past the fact that I wanted to die and stay with me?
“Nope... no biggie at all.” This fake smile is really starting to piss me off. This isn’t me. This isn’t the girl I swore to be, this is the girl I swore off.
“Excuse me,” I say politely, pushing myself up from the table. I need fresh air, and maybe a cab to take me back to get my things.
Walking out through the lobby of the restaurant, I hear her footsteps behind me, but don’t stop until I get outside. Of course she would follow me. I get outside and take a deep breath. I can do this. I’m Gwynnie the fucking GREAT. I shouldn’t be let down because of one man’s feelings of me.
“Mind to tell me what has you all out of sorts tonight?” she asks as she leans against the banister. Her naturally wavy red hair is pulled up into a beautiful twist, with one calla lily pinned to the side. She is beautiful, but she doesn’t know how to mind her own business.
“Nothin’s wrong,” I answer and lean down on the banister by her. The view here is beautiful at night, with all of the city lights shining and blinking.
“Sure. Okay.” She doesn’t say anything else, and for ten minutes we stand there in silence, every minute making me more and more anxious.
It’s not my fault he was put off by my feelings from my PAST. No, I don’t still feel that way, but just his reaction to me told me he was sickened by the fact that someone would even think that. I hate it when people judge other people, and that’s just what he is doing. He doesn’t know half of my life story, but he is sitting there sickened by my one statement of what happened in the past. Fuck that. Mister ‘I had a great life’ isn’t allowed to judge anyone else. He doesn’t know how it feels to feel like the failure of the family.
“He’s so annoying!” I grumble, forgetting that she’s still standing there. Instead of answering me she just nods her head and keeps her gaze on the Vegas skyline, grinning that famous grin that I’m getting used to seeing on her.
“I mean, he judge’s people off the bat, no questions, no explanations... it’s so FRUSTRATING! I thought we had something! And just like that, he shows me how unapologetic and uncaring he can be!” It may have just started spilling out of me, and I may be as far from the truth as I really believe, but it’s out there now.
“Who are you talking about?” She looks over at me.
“EDDIE!” I yell, not caring who hears.
Molly laughs and shakes her head.
“How much do you really know about him, Gwynn?” she finally asks.
I know he is amazing in bed, I know he has some extremely sexy ink. I know he can run a computer better than I can (or at least I assume it). Other than that… nada.
“Not much, I guess.” I shrug. Who cares if I don’t know his last name or what he does for a living, he still had no reason to look at me with that much hatred over my one statement. “But I can’t stand people that judge others, and that’s exactly what he did. He doesn’t know my past, he doesn’t know loss like I do...”
“You don’t know his past either, Gwynn.” Molly looks at me and shakes her head again. “Why don’t you actually try talking to him when you two are alone, rather than screwing each other’s brains out. It might do some good for both of you.”
“We don’t-”
“Stop. I know the look he gives you all too well. Just take my advice and talk to him before you do anything too rash.” She gives me a quick hug and walks back inside.
I can do that. We can be in the same room without ripping each other’s clothes off, right? I just want him to understand where I was coming from when I told him that. I wasn’t looking for help, I wasn’t telling him I wanted to die today, I was simply explaining why I looked so broken. Because any time my father comes up I get that way. I loved my daddy, and nothing and no amount of time will make me forget how I felt after his death.
Walking back to the table, I slip into my seat and Eddie looks over and grins at me while Tatum rambles on about football. He takes my hand and holds on tight, as if he knows I’m about to bolt instead of facing the hard stuff. I told him I’d give him tonight. If after tonight he still can’t understand how I felt four years ago, I have to let him go. I’ll get an early flight if need be. I need him to understand the loss I was feeling, and I need to know that he doesn’t judge me for my thoughts in the past.
Finally, Tatum stops talking and the table goes silent. Molly is watching Eddie silently while Tatum orders a drink. It’s gotten awkward fast, and now all I really want to do is leave and get this conversation over with. I’m praying we can move forward from this. I’m praying that the vibe I got from Molly earlier was a good vibe. I’m praying that I won’t have to let him go.
“Ready?” His voice in my ear brings me out of my thoughts, and I realize it’s just us sitting at the table. “I think it’s time we head back.”
“Yea, sure. I’m not drinking anything anyway so I’d much rather be back and in my sweats.” I yawn and he laughs.
“Well, I’m damn glad I got to see you in this outfit tonight,” he leans a little closer, giving me chills when his breath hits my neck. “And I’m fucking stoked to get to strip it off you.”
I smile and turn my head to his, giving him a quick kiss before getting out of my seat. Jesus, I can’t be around him for five minutes without wanting to jump him, even in a public place. How the hell am I going to spend a night with him just talking?