Family Dynamics (Pam of Babylon Book Five) (31 page)

“Hi, did I wake you?” she asked. Sandra explained what she was doing. “Do you want to take a ride up to the Bronx with me? I’m dying to go into Costco. Today Dan’s helping his family plant the crops or whatever they call it, and Lisa is planted on the sand with her new boyfriend, Ed. What do you think? I can pick you up in an hour. We’ll bring the baby with us.” Sandra had to think about it for only a second. Costco was the new rage at work. All the secretaries and assistants were talking about the great buys they got.

Two hours later, Sandra pushing a stroller and Pam pushing a gigantic grocery cart, they walked into the giant warehouse-like space. They lingered at shelves piled high with giant bags of nuts, dried fruit, and baking supplies while baby Miranda sucked on her fingers.

“I’m thinking Christmas cookies,” Sandra said, loading their basket up. “Let’s start now and freeze.” They were studying the content label of a bag of flour when Pam felt a tap on her shoulder. She turned smiling to see an unfamiliar man standing close to her.

“Pam?” Ashton asked, heart racing. He’d noticed her minutes before, still attractive, if not more so than she was when he last saw her two years ago. So much had happened since that ill-timed visit. He glanced at the other woman with Pam—young and beautiful, he’d overheard Pam call her “Sandra.”
This couldn’t be Jack’s Sandra, could it?
Ashton’s heart was beating rapidly, and he felt slightly ill. “I hope you don’t mind the intrusion. I recognized you the minute I saw you.” Pam studied his face, and finally having placed him, was not going to budge.
If he wants to spoil the day, he isn’t getting any help from me
, she thought, her face morphing from the smiling Pam to the haughty matron.

“Oh? I’m terribly sorry, but my mind is a blank,” she lied. There was a woman with him. Pam didn’t recognize her, a dumpy young woman who stayed slightly behind him but had an expression Pam couldn’t read. Maybe compassion, or fear. Ashton ignored Pam and turned to Sandra, smiling, animated.

“Are you Sandra Benson? I feel like I know you,” Ashton said with a simper. Sandra smiled at him, shaking her head, having no earthly idea who he was, but flattered for some odd reason. Pam wanted to pull her away, to run out of the store.
Why on Earth had she wanted to come up here anyway?
“Jack told me all about you,” he said to Sandra, forgetting Pam was standing there and not realizing that words he’d say may destroy what peace she’d salvaged. He launched into a tirade of memory, destructive and selfish.

“His exact words were that you were brilliant and would stand up for what you believed in. He loved you and wanted to spend the rest of his life with you. Is this his child?” He crouched down in front of Miranda, frowning at Pam, sure she’d told him that the baby had died. “He told me he was going to leave Pam to be with you. He was so sorry he’d met you at the end of his life.” Sandra was not able to get the words out to explain who the baby was, but she pulled the stroller back from him, suddenly not wanting Miranda to be tainted by his touch. And Pam had enough, not thinking it was necessary to expose herself and Sandra to this monster one more second. She grabbed Sandra’s arm and the stroller and pulled them away from Ashton. They left their basket in the middle of the aisle, having one mission: to get out of the store. Ashton was coming after them, but Natalie held him back with her grip. He was out of control, yelling after the women.

“Pam, what are you running from? He didn’t love you. You have to have known. He loved me first! Since we were little boys, he loved me. And then Sandra,” he said. He whispered the last words, “believe me, he didn’t love you like he loved me.”

“Stop! Have you lost your mind?” Natalie asked. She grabbed his chin as she would one of her summertime elementary students. “You can’t go up to women and assault them verbally like that, Ashton. You’re lucky she didn’t start screaming.” Natalie believed she may have just witnessed a side of her new friend she wished she hadn’t seen. “Let’s get out of here.” She grabbed his hand, leaving all their purchases behind in the shopping cart next to Pam and Sandra’s. He would tell her all about Jack on the ride home, how he’d stuck by him through his marriage and all his affairs. He told her that the younger woman was Jack’s last girlfriend, before he died. He was ready to leave his wife for Sandra. He told her about Jack having AIDS and not caring who he infected. The more he talked, the worse Natalie felt. She was sure it was simply a passionate moment gone berserk, but she could tell Ashton felt justified in what he had done, while she guessed the two proper ladies were probably devastated. Could he be that self-absorbed?

Ashton’s jealousy and hatred for Pam had festered over the past thirty years, and the purge in the middle of Costco felt wonderful. He was sorry he hadn’t done it sooner and felt lighter and happier than he had in a long time. It was the adrenaline. Once he got started, he couldn’t stop, and he would have said more if they hadn’t rushed off. It would register later how vicious it was, and he would be thrown into a deep despair. He’d attempt an apology to Pam by phone, which ended up in a letter from her attorney saying that if he ever tried to contact her again, she would file a restraining order against him.

Natalie suddenly wanted to go back downtown to the safety of her own apartment. She didn’t have anything in common with Ashton; he was the lover of her daughter’s father, and that was all. The illusion she’d built for herself out of her loneliness was that they were one, big happy family. The depression was trying to swallow her but was not going to settle. Having had a taste of family, albeit a false one, she wanted the real thing now. Thoughts of how she could be there for Deborah without being involved with Ted and Ashton flooded her mind. It could be done, somehow. It had to be; she had no other choice.

When they arrived at the apartment, Natalie waited until she got upstairs to say anything.

“Guys, I really feel ill. I think I’m going to grab my bag and head back downtown,” she said as she went to her room. Ashton stood by, saddened, but he knew what was happening. He was grateful she didn’t expose him to Ted, who would be furious with him when he forced a confession from Ashton later that day. It became a sentinel moment in their relationship.

“Oh, that sucks,” Ted said. “You should’ve had Lenny wait to take her home.” He glared at Ashton. But a relief flooded over him. Maybe a weekend without a houseful of pseudo-family was coming his way.

“I didn’t know she was leaving until now,” Ashton said, defensively. “Sorry you don’t feel well, Nats.” They walked her to the door and went through the charade of kissing goodbye, but Natalie knew she wouldn’t return anytime soon, if she could help it.

With shaking hands, Pam unbuckled baby Miranda so Sandra could lift her out of the stroller. She was able to fold it up without too much trouble as Sandra guided her. They got it into the back of Pam’s luxury SUV. Insanely, Pam, who never thought about the car she drove and felt it didn’t define her, hoped that awful man was watching them and would see her drive off in it. Jack made sure she had only the best of everything. He had bought the vehicle for her before he died. She didn’t have anything to be ashamed of.

Between the efforts of the two women, the baby was safely buckled into her complicated car seat. Why did everything have to be so high-maintenance? Pam remembered the flimsy car seats her own kids sat in years ago.
How had they survived?
The rush she had from fleeing the scene dissipated when they got into the car. She reached for the key to turn it, and then what they’d just experienced hit her full force. Grabbing the steering wheel, she fell forward, her head hitting it, and uncontrollably shaking, she tried to apologize to Sandra and tried to control her own emotions. Sandra was mortified, more frightened that Pam would be furious with her.

“Who was that horrible man?” Sandra asked. “Why would he approach us like that?” Pam straightened up and looked her directly into the eyes.

“He was Jack’s lover. Since childhood, as he explained. He came to me and told me everything after Jack died. Jack told him about you. When he came to the beach house, I told him about the baby. He must have thought Miranda was Jack’s child.” Pam had the answer to questions she hoped never to have to ask. Jack was planning to leave her. Ashton had just confirmed it. Sandra either didn’t know it, or she was lying to save Pam’s pride. Pam had to know the truth.

“Did you know Jack was thinking of leaving me?” Pam asked.

Sandra looked shocked. “No! He’s lying, that’s clear. I never got the impression that he wanted to be with me alone. Jack told me he would
never
leave you. He was lying to Ashton. He wanted Ashton to think he wouldn’t leave you for him, but he would for me. It was Jack’s way of keeping the upper hand.” Sandra was sure she was right. Then Pam revealed what she’d kept from Sandra out of pride. She’d admitted it to her children, but no one else.

“The morning he left for New York, the last night we were together, Jack didn’t even say goodbye to me. I knew there was something going on but never got the chance to confront him because he didn’t return to Babylon the following Friday, as was his habit. He spent the night in the city and died of a heart attack the next day.” Pam was convinced Ashton was telling the truth. Jack may have lied to keep control, but women’s intuition confirmed it. Jack may have desired to be with Sandra if his health would’ve allowed it.

Sandra grabbed Pam’s hand. “We know he was dying! He was sick in the head. There is no other answer for his behavior, Pam. We can’t allow a chance encounter with a creep make us question our peace.” She looked out the window. “It was too hard-won. What we
should
be talking about is the nerve of some people! And who was that woman with him?”

Pam reached for the key again and turned the ignition on. “I have no idea, poor thing. She’s hideous. Let’s get out of here. What was I thinking? No buys on toilet paper are worth exposing yourself to God knows what.” They left the parking lot, heading south toward Brooklyn and safety.

Chapter 37

L
isa and Ed were miserable away from each other. He’d left for Mount Holly late Sunday night. Lisa drove him to the train and clung to him crying when they were saying goodbye. He felt just as bad but tried to keep it together for her sake. Monday, she tried not to mope around the house. “Pretend you’re on vacation,” Ed told her. “School will be starting soon enough. You deserve some down time.” She tried to take his advice. Pam pampered her as she always had, and Dan took the time to give her some attention, too. On Thursday, Lisa felt like she was coming down with something and by Friday was certain of it. She woke up queasy and after forcing down some breakfast, promptly lost it. She walked out of the children’s wing to make some tea when she saw her mother’s concerned face.

“What?” Lisa asked. “It’s nothing, Mother. Don’t worry.” Pam walked to her and took her by the shoulders.

“When’s your period due?” she asked, looking in her eyes.

“Mother! I just met the guy, for heaven’s sake!” Lisa shrugged away from Pam’s grip but then turned and looked at her, worried. “Tuesday. It was due Tuesday.” Pam nodded toward the garage.

“Let me get my purse,” she said. They got into her SUV for a ride to the local drugstore. Who knew there were so many brands of pregnancy tests? Lisa found a brand she’d heard about on TV. Pam paid for it, and they got back into the SUV for the ride home.

“I can’t believe we are even doing this. So what if my period is a few days late?” Lisa said.

“What kind of birth control are you using?” Pam asked. Birth control? Lisa didn’t answer. Pam pulled the car into the garage, and they went inside. She started taking the instructions out of the box, and Lisa grabbed it from her.

“I think I can manage this, Mother,” she said. Pam doubted it but stayed quiet. Did her daughter really have unprotected sex with a stranger? She shook her head.
It must be hereditary
. She wasn’t going to think about what it would mean if the test was positive, but the question kept popping up in her head.
Lisa wouldn’t go back to Hawaii if she was pregnant, would she?

Ten minutes later, she came out, red-faced, crying. “Congratulations, Granny!” she shouted. Pam thought
Oh, shit
, but kept it to herself. Her daughter was a grown woman.
Let’s see how much Father Ford really loves her
.

“Are you going to call the father?” Pam asked, trying to bury her sarcasm. Lisa nodded her head.

“He’s on his way now anyway. It is Friday, correct?” She sat at the kitchen counter with her head in her hands. How stupid could she be? She never even thought of birth control. Maybe she assumed he was using something. There was no answer. He knew she was a virgin, and so why would she need to be on the pill? It was simply an omission by two innocent jerks.

Pam tapped her nails on the granite. It would seem like she was destined to have a baby in the house whether she wanted one or not. She couldn’t wait to tell Dan. He was the new voice of reason. She went back to her bedroom to make the call.