Family Blessings (48 page)

"Well, sure, and I love you, too, but not enough to throw these away just because they need a little tape job. These are my best ones."

She shook her head in wonderment, got off the bed, kissed the crown of his head and went into her bedroom to call Christopher and give him the latest Children's Attitude Report.

Janice stayed home one more day, then returned to school, still acting aloof toward her mother.

Lee worked that day, as usual, and returned home in the late afternoon to begin fixing supper. First she went down to the basement to throw the morning's load of laundry from the washer into the dryer. She was just coming up the basement stairs when the doorbell rang.

"Why, Mother!" she said, answering it. "What brings you over?

And, Sylvia . .." She had just left Sylvia at the store a half hour before.

Peg Hillier pushed past Lee with an officious air, removing her gloves.

"We've come to talk to you, Lee."

Lee watched her mother's back--stiff as a pikestaff--the swirl of her coat, the erectness of her neck, and knew she was in trouble.

"Oh. I bet I know what about."

"I'll just bet you do." Peg swung on her. "Janice called me."

Lee said, "Would you care to come in, Mother? Take offyour coat?

Sit down, maybe, and have a cup of coffee? You, too, Sylvia." She glanced outside. "Is this the whole army, or have you brought more?

Where's Dad . . . and Lloyd? They should be here for this, too, shouldn't they?"

"Your attempt to be cute isn't fazing me in the least, Lee. Shut that door and tell me what in the ever-loving world has gotten into you! A woman of your age latching onto a boy your son's age!"

Lee shut the door resignedly and said, "Put your coats on the sofa.

I'll make some coffee."

"I don't want any coffee! I want an explanation!"

"First of all, he's not my son's age. He's thirty years old and-" "And you're forty-five. Good God, Lee, have you gone crazy?"

"Hardly, Mother. I fell in love."

"In love!" Peg's eyes seemed to protrude from her skull. "Is that what you call it? You've been sleeping with that boy Janice said you admitted it!"

Sylvia added, "Lee, this is so shabby."

"So what did Mother do? Call you immediately and spread the news so you could come over here and bombard me together?"

"I agree with Mother. Your having an affair with Christopher is disgraceful, but we understand all the stresses you've been under since Greg died. It's natural that you'd want to turn to someone, but, Lee, a boy that age."

"He's not a boy! Will you quit saying that!"

"He might as well be, given your age difference."

Peg said, "I must admit, I never would have guessed he'd behave like this either. I thought he was such a fine young man. What in the world is he after?"

"After?"

"Yes, after! A man that age with a woman so old."

"So old. Gee, thanks, Mother."

"You may be willing to delude yourself, but I'm not. He was after exactly wha, he got! But to think he did it after you were so good to him, after you opened your doors to him, and took him into this family, and acted like a mother to him. To think that you'd let him seduce you!"

"Mother, I am telling you, we fell in love! It wasn't as if Greg died and I rolled into bed with Chris the next day! We began seeing each other and had so much fun together, and only then, after months, did our relationship become intimate."

"I don't want to hear it." Peg's face grew pinched and she looked aside.

Sylvia picked up the gauntlet. "You admitted to your own daughter that you've been sleeping with him.... Lee, what were you thinking of?"

"Am I not supposed to have any sex ever again? Is that it?" Lee's two attackers stared in stupefaction while she went on. "Am I supposed to be some dedicated little mama, waiting to darn my children's socks and cook their favorite foods when they come to visit me? Am I never supposed to want a life of my own?"

Sylvia replied, "Of course you can have a life of your own, but for heaven's sake, choose someone your own age to have it with."

"Why? Why is it so wrong that I chose Christopher?"

"Lee, be honest with yourself," Sylvia admonished. "This thing looks mighty quirky. You treated him like a son for how many years? Then when Greg dies the two of you grow thick as thieves, and pretty soon you're in bed together. How do you think it looks? And how long do you expect him to stick with you?"

"You might be interested to know, Sylvia, that Christopher has asked me to marry him."

"Oh, dear God," Peg breathed, putting a hand to her lips and dropping down hard on a kitchen chair.

"Marry him?" Sylvia, too, sat as if poleaxed.

"Yes. And I'm considering it."

"Oh, Lee, you don't know what you're doing. Greg hasn't been dead a year and, granted, you needed someone to get you through this terrible time, but to tie up with someone that young for life.

How can it possibly last?"

"How can any marriage possibly last, given the divorce rates in this country today? If you love somebody, you have faith in them, you marry them assuming it will last because you've both said it will."

Peg took over. "You never joined any of those grief groups, but if you had you'd realize that you're doing exactly what they warn you not to do--jump into a relationship out of desperation.

You're lonely, you've gone through a terrible ordeal losing Greg and you're facing the time when all your children will be gone. I understand that, dear, but look ahead. When you're sixty, he'll be forty-five. Do you really think he won't want a younger woman then?"

Lee refused to reply.

"And what about children?" Sylvia put in. "Doesn't he want any?"

"No."

"That's not natural."

"It's really none of your business though, is it, Sylvia? He and I have talked about all these things you two have thrown at me today, and if we've worked them out and I want to marry him, I expect you to honor my choice."

Peg and Sylvia exchanged glances that said Lee had truly lost good sense and just how were they going to convince her she was making the mistake of her life. Peg sighed dramatically and fixed an absent stare on the fruit basket in the middle of the table. She tried a new tactic.

"I just wonder what Bill would say."

"Oh, good God." Lee rolled her eyes. "Bill is dead, Mother. I'm alive. I have a lot of good healthy years ahead of me. It's unfair of you to suggest that I should remain faithful to a dead man."

"Oh, don't be so silly. I'm not suggesting that. But Bill was the children's father. What can this man ever be to them? Which brings up another nasty point. Janice told me that she confessed to you some time ago that she had feelings for Christopher herself."

"Yes, she did. But did she tell you if he ever returned the interest in any way whatsoever?" When Peg didn't answer, Lee hurried on. "No, he did not. Her attraction to Christopher complicated things for us, but we talked about it, too, and decided our own happiness counts for something. And we're the happiest when we're together."

"So you're not going to end it?"

"No, I'm not. He makes me happy. I make him happy. Why should I throw that away?"

"The day will come when you'll regret it."

"Maybe. But you could say that about half the choices you make in this life. On the other hand, the day may never come when I'll regret it, and how sad it would be if I'd thrown him away for nothing."

"So, are you really going to marry him?" Sylvia asked.

"I think so . . . yes, Sylvia."

Sylvia said, "Honestly, Lee, if it's just because of the . . .

well, you know . .." Sylvia stirred the air with her hand.

"I think the word you're looking for is sex," Sylvia, and if it were just that, don't you think I'd have taken up with some man long before this? Sex is just one part of our relationship, and I'll freely admit that after so many years without it, it's sensational to have it available whenever I want it. But friendship and respect play equally important parts."

Sylvia had turned pink as a rare steak and didn't know where to rest her eyes.

"I'm sorry, Syl. I know it's a subject you never talk about, but you brought it up."

Sylvia's mouth was pinched as she went on superciliously. "I understand you stayed all night at his apartment Saturday night.

What will your children think?"

"My son thinks I should marry him."

"He's fourteen years old. What does he know?"

"He knows Christopher. He loves him. He said, Hey, Ma, I think you should go for it." " Peg angled a disparaging look at her younger daughter. "And if you take Joey's advice, I'm still convinced you'll live to regret it."

"I think you'd better get used to the idea, Mother, because I'm going to say yes to Christopher."

Peg buried her face in both hands and propped her elbows on the table.

"God in heaven, what will my friends say?"

"Ahh . . . There, you've hit upon your real problem, haven't you, Mother?"

"Well, it is a problem!" Peg spit, lifting her head suddenly.

"People talk, you know!"

"Yes. Starting with my daughter--thank you, Janice."

"Don't you go blaming Janice!" Peg was getting angrier. "She did the right thing by calling me."

"Oh, yes, I can see that. This has been such an enlightening conversation. But it's true' Mother. You've saved your greatest worry for last: What will people think. You've always been so concerned about that. What will they think if I play Vince Gill at my son's funeral? What will they think if I bury him in his favorite cap? What will they think if I marry a handsome thirty-year-old man instead of some nice balding middle-aged bore who'll make me settle down and act my age?

"Well, the truth is, Mom, I don't care what they think. Because if they're looking down their noses at me, they aren't the kind of friends I'd value in the first place."

"You always were good at talking your way around things, Lee, but you won't be able to talk your way around this. People will whisper behind your back. Your children will undoubtedly be asked all kinds of pointed questions, and everyone at your father's and my country club will ask if it's true that he's only thirty."

"Then answer them honestly, Mother. Why can't you do that? Why can't you just say, Yes, he's thirty, and he's a fine man who's kind and considerate and cares about his fellow human beings, and who's made my daughter so happy, the happiest she's been since her first husband died." Why can't you say that, Mother?"

"That's right!" Peg said self-righteously. "Turn the blame on me, as if I caused this disgraceful situation. Child, you exasperate me so!"

"Mother, I've always loved you, but you've never been able to admit when you're wrong, and this time you are."

"Lee, for heaven's sake!" Sylvia chided.

"You, too, Sylvia. You're wrong, too. I love this man. I'm going to marry him and make myself happy."

"Well, marry him then!" Peg shot up from her chair and marched toward the living room to get her coat. "But don't bring him to my house for Easter dinner!"

Chapter 18.

THEY said exactly what you said they'd say." Lee was on the telephone with Chris later that night.

"It was bad, I imagine."

"Horrible. But I held my temper like you asked me to."

"I take it that didn't help much."

"No. Except that I was proud of myself."

"You're really down though, I can tell." When she made no reply, he asked, "Aren't you?"

"Ohh . .." She blew out a breath. "You know . .." A moment of sadness came to complicate her irritation with this group of people she loved. "They're my only family."

"Yeah . . . I know the feeling. Ironic, isn't it? My family alienates me by caring too little, yours does it by caring too much."

"I suppose that's true, but it's hard to believe they care for me at all when they're trying to control my life."

"Honey, I'm really sorry you have to go through this." He sounded very sincere and sad on her behalf.

"Want to hear the funny part? My sister Sylvia, who's the world's biggest prude, couldn't even get herself to say the word when she wanted to chide me about my rampaging sex drive and how it was probably the only reason I wanted to marry you."

"You told them you were going to marry me?" His voice sounded as if he'd suddenly straightened his spine.

"Yes, I did, but, Christopher, I don't think that's the wisest thing to do right now. Everybody's all bent out of shape and giving me lectures and I think it's best if I give them a chance to get used to the idea first."

"But you'll do it? You're saying yes?"

"I'm saying I want to."

"When, Lee?"

"I don't know when."

Some seconds passed while she sensed him visibly deflating. "All right." She could tell by his voice he was forcing himself not to push too hard. "I understand. But don't wait too long. Honey, I just love you so much. I don't want to waste any more time apart."

At the floral shop things became strained. From the very next day, Sylvia began cornering Lee when the others were beyond earshot, haranguing her with denunciations about her affair, scolding her for upsetting their mother so terribly and for setting a bad example for her children. Couldn't she see how improper it was? Hadn't their parents taught her such behavior was reprehensible? And with a man young enough to be her son!

Didn't she realize he was only out to use her and would make a fool of her in the end? It just wasn't natural for a boy that age to fall for someone their age. Didn't she care at all that Mother and Dad's social circle would ask embarrassing questions? Why, even Sylvia's own children were already asking them.

"How did they find out?"

"They overheard me talking to Barry."

"Oh, great. Thanks a lot, Sylvia."

Sylvia threw down a stack of envelopes she'd been leafing through.

"I'm not the guilty one here, Lee, so just watch it!

Someone's got to make you come to your senses, and who else is it going to be? Mother?Janice? They're both so appalled they won't even speak to you!"