Family Blessings (47 page)

"I'm sorry," she said, feeling close to tears now that the first tush of rebuttal was over. "That must have been terrible for you."

"It was about what I expected. How about you?"

"What she said was. How I reacted was a surprise."

"A surprise?" he said.

"I thought I'd be brimming with guilt. Instead, when she started passing judgment I found myself getting angry. What right has she got to dictate my life? The trouble with my kids is, they've never seen me as a sexual person. All I've ever been is Mom. Ever since Bill died I've always been there for them and I guess they thought I always would be exclusively. The idea that I could need a man for that stops them cold in their tracks."

"Still, I'm not sure you should have said that."

"Said what?" She drew back and cast him a bristly look.

"That our relationship is sexual."

"Why not? I have a right to that in my life, damn it, with you or any man I choose. I wanted her to know that."

"It was a jolt for her though, the way you said it."

"I wanted it out in the open."

"And now it is, that's for sure."

"Christopher, I don't want to fight with you, too!" She pulled away from him and put away a pot holder that was lying on the countertop, slamming the drawer with her hip. "And anyway, I don't know why we're fighting! First you say you want me to tell my kids, and we fight because I won't. Then I tell them and we fight because I did."

"Lee . . . Lee . .." he said, taking her by the shoulders again, forcing - her to face him. "Come on. I'm feeling my way here, too.

I'm just trying to think of the best way to break this news to the rest of your family, because we're going to get more of what we just got from Janice, only I have a feeling it's going to be worse when it gets to your mother and your sister. They're really going to lay the guilt trip on you."

.- She lunged into his arms and held tight. "Oh, Christopher, I hate it when we argue. I love you. I want us to be together, but look what happens when we test the first person, and I haven't even mentioned marriage yet."

He drew back and gaped at her in surprise. "You mean you're thinking about it?"

"Well, of course I'm thinking about it. How could I not be? I love you. I don't want to spend the rest of my life alone."

"Oh, Lee . .." The look in his eyes told her how she'd surprised him.

Celebrating, however, took second place to the more serious message he had to impart. He held her by the slope of her neck and spoke earnestly into her eyes. "Then promise me you'll try to keep from getting angry when they tell you you're robbing the cradle, and when they accuse you of being a lonely, sad woman who doesn't know what she's doing, and when they say that you're being used and that I'm only after your house and your car and who knows what else, and that I'll grow tired of you as soon as the first young chick walks by in tight shorts and twitches her butt at me. Because unless I miss my guess, you're going to have to listen to that and a lot more. But the best way to fight that kind of attitude is by showing them that we're happy together, not by getting pissed off, okay?"

She rested her forehead against his chin and shut her eyes wearily.

"Are they really going to say all that?"

"I think so."

They stood that way for a spell, taking strength from one another.

Finally Lee asked, "Will you?"

"Will I what?"

"Grow tired of me as soon as the first young chick twitches her butt at you?"

He put a finger beneath her chin and lifted it. "What do you think?"

"I've thought about it some--I won't lie to you and say I haven't."

"You wouldn't be normal if you hadn't, but that's one I can't combat with words. That's where truSt comes in. If I say I love you and I want to commit myself to you for life, you just have to believe that I mean it, and we take it from there. Okay?"

Within a corner of her heart, peace settled. How convincing he was.

How wise. Had he vowed never to look at another woman she would have been much less assured. His simple statement of ineluctable fact gave her pause to realize he had just put his finger on the basic element upon which all lasting marriages are built. Theirs--should it happen-would be strengthened by this belief, which she shared.

She reached up and kissed him in reply--not heavily, as if stamping her initial in sealing wax, but with a glancing touch of reassurance.

"I'd better go in and check on Janice's tooth. She'll be too stubborn to come back out here, and I think her jaw was swollen."

"Should I stay or go?"

"Stay. You came for breakfast and I'm going to fix it for you.

I'll see to her first though."

Janice was lying on her side facing the wall when Lee sat down behind her.

"Is he gone?"

"No, he's still here. I'm going to make breakfast for him. What's happening with your wisdom tooth? Did it flare up suddenly?"

"It's all infected. I need to have it pulled."

"Which one? Upper or lower?"

"Lower."

"Turn over here."

"You don't have to worry about me. I can take care of myself," the girl declared.

"Janice, don't be so stubborn. I'm not going to stop worrying about you just because I'm dating him."

Janice flung herself onto her back and fixed her eyes on a piece of furniture behind Lee, who felt her brow.

"My heavens, girl, you have a fever. Have you taken any aspirin?"

"Yes."

"How long ago?"

"About three in the morning." The implication was clear: She'd been up waiting for her mother to return.

"I'll get you some more. Are you in bad pain?"

"It doesn't feel too pleasant but what can I do on a weekend?

I'll just have to wait till morning to call Dr. Wing."

"Open your mouth. Let me see."

"Mother, it's infected and probably impacted, too. What's there to see?"

"Is there a bulge by the tooth?"

Janice rolled her eyes. "Yes, there's a bulge. But I won't die before morning, so just leave me alone."

Lee had no choice. When she returned with the aspirin and a glass of water, she said, "There is such a thing as emergency treatment for teeth, you know, so if it gets to that point I'll drive you to the hospital."

Janice popped the aspirins and chased them with water, handed the glass back to her mother and flung herself down facing the wall again. The message was clear: I'm not thanking you. I'm not forgiving you. I don't want to be mothered by you!

Lee stared at her daughter's back and left the room with a sigh.

On Monday afternoon at one o'clock an oral surgeon extracted both wisdom teeth from the right side of Janice's mouth. One was impacted and infected. The other, he said, would follow suit shortly, judging from its crowded condition and the angle at which it was pushing her other teeth.

She awakened from her sodium-pentathol slumber crying inexplicably--a natural reaction from the drug. One of the nurses on the office staff gave Lee instructions on how to care for her, how woozy Janice would be for a while and what to feed her to avoid a painful dry socket. Lee left the dentist's office carrying a prescription for pain pills and supporting a blubbering daughter, who continued to cry and babble, "I don't know why I'm crying so hard. I just don't know."

"It's from the drug," Lee explained. "It'll go away in an hour or so."

At home, Lee settled Janice into bed with a towel beneath her cheek and a mixing bowl to spit into. She gave her a pain pill and offered to heat up some chicken broth for her, then watched Janice's eyes fall shut as she was drawn down into the residual effects of the anesthetic.

Lee leaned over the bed and rubbed Janice's hair back from her forehead and kissed her.

In that moment, mothering became uncomplicated again as it had been when her children were babies. Smoothing a brow, administering a pill, cooking special foods when they were sick: These were the needs easy to fill. She found herself soothed-even healed--to be touching her daughter and seeing after her physical needs, especially after the rift created the previous day.

Janice, she thought, please don't withdraw your love from me. Please don't make me choose between you and Christopher. There's no reason, darling, and it will break my heart if you keep turning away from me this way.

Christopher called shortly before suppertime. "How's Janice?"

"She's asleep now, but she'll be hurting tonight. The dentist prescribed some pain pills though."

"Does she need anything? Can I do anything for you?"

"Just continue to be patient with my children," she replied. "It may take some time to win them over."

"That I can do, as long as I know there's a reason to. Have you thought any more about marrying me?"

"Yes, I've thought about it. It's all I've been thinking about."

"And?"

"And it sounds very appealing, but I still don't know."

"You know what?" he said.

"What?"

"I'm doing it again."

"Doing what again?"

"Playing the role of a husband and stepfather right this very minute.

Think about it, Lee."

When his shift ended he stopped by on his way home.

"Hi," he said when Lee answered the door. "I can't stay. I've got a date with Judd, but I wanted to bring this for Janice. Tell her I hope she likes it."

He handed her a set of audio tapes of a current best-seller. "I thought it might be more relaxing for her to listen than to read it today."

She kissed his jaw and realized he was making it harder and harder for her to say no to his marriage proposal.

And too . . . he was doing it again.

What any good husband and dad would have done.

"Christopher brought you these."

Janice glanced back over her shoulder, studied the tapes her mother had dropped on the bed and said with asperity, "I already read it." She left them right where they'd fallen, turning her face to the wall.

Being shunned by her daughter hurt worse than Lee had ever imagined it could.

Being hurt by one child quite naturally drew her toward the other.

In need of understanding, of an ally perhaps, maybe only a friendly smile, she went to Joey's room later that night. She found him sitting on the floor of his bedroom wrapping silver duct tape around his favorite pair of dilapidated Nikes.

"Hi," she said, leaning against his door frame.

"Oh, hi!" He looked back over his shoulder.

"May I come in?"

"Sure. How's Janice?"

"Sleeping. Grouchy."

"Man, I hope that never happens to me. Denny's dad says he's still got his wisdom teeth and they never gave him any trouble."

"It's more than Janice's wisdom teeth that's bothering her."

"What else?" He stopped taping and watched Lee cross to the bed and settle herself dead center on it, sitting Indian fashion. She was dressed in an oversized purple sweat suit with the sleeves pushed up to her elbows.

"She's upset with me."

"About what?"

"I'm going to be very honest with you, Joey, because this is really important to me."

"She must've figured it out about you and Chris, huh?"

Lee couldn't have hidden her surprise had she put a bag over her head.

"Well, you don't seem too shocked. How long have you known?"

He shrugged and ran his hand repeatedly over the edge of the silver tape, smoothing it around the sole of the shoe. "I don't know. I saw you guys kissing one night, but I sort of figured, even before that."

"So what do you think about it?"

"Heck, I think it's cool."

Lee grinned. Who said girls were fun to raise? Give her a son anytime. Their temperaments were a lot less volatile.

"It's really serious, isn't it, Mom?"

"Yes, it is."

"That's what I figured. So, do ladies your age marry guys his age, or what?"

"I don't know of any who did, do you?"

He just shrugged and cut off another strip of tape.

"Would it bother you if I did?" she asked.

"Heck no. Why should it bother me?"

"People might tease you, say your mother's a baby snatcher, things like that."

"Jeer, people can be such dorks. If they said something like that, they don't know you. Or Chris either."

"He asked me last night," she admitted.

"To marry him?"

"Yes."

"Does Janice know that?"

"Not yet."

"Does Grandma know?"

"Grandma doesn't know any of this."

"Jeer, she'll shit a ring around herself when she finds out."

Lee laughed before she could stop herself. "You're not supposed to use language like that, young man."

"Yeah, well, I did, so ground me, Ma."

Lord, he was really growing up fast. She was going to enjoy the next three years with him. He was so refreshingly straightforward.

"So what'd you tell Chris?" Joey asked.

"I told him it was tempting."

"You wanna marry him?"

"Yes, I do."

"But you're scared of what Grandma will say, right?"

"Grandma, Janice, Sylvia, you. Well, not you anymore. You seem to be all right with the idea."

"Heck yes. You've been alone since Dad died. Sometimes I don't know how you stand it. I mean, me and Denny, we talk sometimes, you know?

Like the night I saw you and Chris kissing the first time. I called him and I said to him that you were awful happy since you've been hangin' out with Chris, and it seems like you would have done stuff like that a long time ago."

"Kissing guys, you mean? I never wanted to until Chris came along."

"Really, Mom?" He studied her with a crooked grin on his mouth.

"Then I think you should go for it."

No doubt about it, this son of hers was a gift. Lee sat on his bed with her elbows on her knees, smiling down at him while he slapped one more circuit of tape around his tennis shoe.

"I guess you know by now how much I love you. Are you going to wear those things that way?" she asked.

He held up his handiwork. "Heck yes. They're hot!"

"I seem to remember buying you some new ones for Christmas."