Falter (33 page)

“Wait, like the demon from your living room? That was a person before?” My stomach churned at the idea of becoming one of those beasts. Was the demon torturing the woman in the chair a person once, too?

He shrugged. “Maybe. Some demons fell from the Heavens with Satan. Others, he spawned. Those that change into demons, do so over years and years of paying for their decisions regarding their master. What they did to please him, or to piss him off.”

“So…if Layla doesn’t do what is asked of her, she could be turned into one of those monsters?” Never would I wish that on someone, no matter what they do to me.

Gavyn nodded his head once, confirming my question, and leaned back against the headboard again. “It can take centuries of torture on a soul to get them the way he wants.”
 

Silence hung in the air around us as we thought about those that had fallen under Satan’s grasp and the fate they may come to.

Gavyn cleared his throat, breaking the heavy silence, and returned to the original topic. “What happened after she chased you?”

Obviously, he wasn’t going to let this go. “Well, the demons had me trapped until I saw a door and tried running for it. Then, when I got closer, I realized it was a portal. It was similar to the one I saw here. I had no other choice than to try to get away, so I reached through it and was sucked in before—“

“Whoa, wait, back up! You got sucked into a portal?” He sat up surprised, nearly toppling me off the bed. His hands grasped my shoulders, twisting me to face him. He asked again with urgency, “You said sucked into a portal, right?”

“Uh, yeah,” I responded dryly. All my muscles tensed, anticipating Gavyn’s next action.

“Nevaeh, that’s why Malach thinks you’re the one. Humans and Celatum can’t cross realms. They can’t handle what it takes to push through portals—let alone what is on the other side.” Excitement grew in his voice. “Demons can though.”

I chuckled lightly trying to hide my confusion, and the fear of what he was implying. “Gavyn, it sounds like you think I’m a demon. That’s impossible.”

“Nevaeh, stop saying that. You should know by now that anything is possible. And, yes, I’m saying you
might
be
half
demon. No one has ever gotten within two feet of a portal and lived to see the next day. Most people kind of do this internal combustion thing.”

“Well, maybe that is my gift. I can’t be a demon, Gavyn.” I struggled to calm the sudden trembling in my words. “Wouldn’t that make me evil or something? I mean, I’m not a nun by any means, but I don’t think I’m evil. Am I?”
 

Take it back. Say the words—“No Nevaeh, you’re not evil
.”

“No, I don’t think you’re evil, but none of us have ever come across anything like this. There are very few things in this life that have rules or protocols, Nevaeh. They just…are. This though—the crossing realms thing—that is only for the otherworldly beings.” He offered a comforting smile. “We have to tell Malach.”
 

“I thought he already knew. And why do you keep smiling? This isn’t a good thing, Gavyn.” The urge to completely hyperventilate and freak out was closing in on me fast.
 

“He knew something happened, but he wasn’t sure what. He’s not your angel, so he can’t lock in on you completely. He just knew something very important happened to you. I think once you went into the portal, you fell off their radar.”

“Wait, you said he’s not my angel. I have an angel? They can track me?”
 

“Yeah, we all do. We don’t usually see them, but they keep tabs on us. Especially Celatum. We are more at risk, so they stay close in case we need help.”

“Well, who’s my angel? I think I’ve definitely needed some major help in the past few days.”

“I don’t know.”

“Well, how do you know Malach isn’t my angel?”

“He’s not a Guardian, he’s an Arch. He only comes to interfere when the demons have crossed their boundaries. For instance, when the demon took George, that wasn’t supposed to happen. The angels should have lifted him. Unfortunately, Malach told me that once the demon harvested George’s soul, he was powerless to do anything about it. Malach would’ve had to cross
his
boundaries. The devastation of that would be far beyond the loss of one soul.”
 

I started crying, my chest shuddering in between ragged breaths. Gavyn wiped the tears streaming down my cheeks with his knuckle.
 

“Malach
is
sorry, Nevaeh,” he whispered.

“He’s sorry? Oh, well, that fixes everything.” My words lashed back at him. “So, before I could even ‘make a decision’,” I said snarkily, “George got caught in the crossfire. Now, Malach is sorry. Well, I can’t accept that. Why didn’t he come sooner? Why did he wait until the last of George’s soul was sucked into that monster?” Gavyn sat patiently on the bed beside me, trying to hug the hurt and anger away, letting me get it all out. “If I’m the only one who can cross realms, then I’ll do it again. If that’s what it takes to free George. I heard him when I was there. I know I can find him.”

“No, Nevaeh. Just wait until we can talk to Malach. Maybe he can talk to your Guardian and get more answers. We can’t be sure that going to the other side won’t pull you over. They have Celatum like me that can sway you. You are very vulnerable right now. Without you choosing sides, you are up for grabs so to speak. And, if you are part demon, I’m sure it will be harder to resist them. Your spirit is at its weakest right now.”

I reached up and entangled my right index finger in a curl dangling over my shoulder while contemplating his words. “I’m thinking maybe I don’t want to choose. I don’t want to be under the power of Satan, but right now, I can’t see agreeing to work under angels and a God that isn’t much interested in helping me when I need them.”
 

“You’ll leave your gifts and your soul to be fed on by the demons, then. If they figure out that there is even a chance that you are The Clavis, I can’t imagine what they will do to get you. They won’t leave you alone. They won’t let you live out the rest of your life in peace, Nevaeh.”
 

The fear I saw in his eyes shocked me. It was like he was picturing what would happen to me if that occurred. I couldn’t bear looking at him and lowered my head.

 
“Besides, without knowing exactly what you can do, none of us have any clue what that might mean for those around you. Your gifts will be way stronger than mine.”
 

Gavyn guided my hand away from the curl I wrapped around my finger and engulfed it in his.
 

“I’m not ready to make a decision, Gavyn. If there is a chance to save George’s soul, I
will
sacrifice whatever it is I have to.” I sighed, regretting my next agreement. “But, I’ll wait long enough to talk to Malach.”

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

Who Am I?

“So, I’m right this time.” The warrior angel leaned back, pinning his glimmering wings between his body and the futon. Superiority and contentment lit his majestic face upon finding out that his hunch may be correct.
 

I watched Malach smile proudly and devour a bowl of sugary cereal from the other side of the room. Keeping my distance, I found, was a necessity when around him. It helped dull the incessant need to jump on the angel and make love to him—to smother him, and weep at his feet. The ever-shifting emotions he evoked were overwhelming. Even with me at the other end of the room, I felt the urge to bow down, crawl to him, and graciously suck on his toes in order to touch his magnificence. Thankfully, my compulsion to slap the smug-ass look off his face, as well as my anger towards him for the robbery of George’s soul, counteracted the call to love him.

“We don’t know for sure, but she’s done something I’ve never heard of before. That’s why we’re coming to you.” Gavyn spoke to the angel while he monitored the strain that must’ve been apparent on my face.

“Ah. So what is it that happened when your connection to us went dark, darling? Did you go Dark, too?” His arrogant grin said he’d made up his mind about what had happened. He was already accusing me and judging me for taking the other side.
 

A rush of hate blazed inside me. I clenched the edge of the counter I was sitting on. Bruises would form on the pads of my fingers from the pressure, but the pain of it helped me overcome my yearning enough to function and communicate with the being I was growing to despise.

“No, I didn’t go Dark.
Yet
.” I snarled the last word as a threat. “However, I did go somewhere dark. I guess I crossed into Hell. Unless there are other realms that you haven’t told me about? You seem to be good at keeping important details to yourself.” I snapped, waiting for him to respond—hoping he felt the anger I was shooting at him with my eyes.

“Well, to my knowledge, there are four. Heaven, Hell, Human, and Spirit.” He smirked, again. I was sure he was thrilled to have so much information hanging over my head. “Only one would cause our link to you to sever.”

“Then you already knew the answer, why bother asking?” I retorted.

 
His expression softened. “Until now, we didn’t think it was possible.”

“Why didn’t
He
tell you?” I jerked my chin toward the ceiling, implying the All-Knowing-One.

“God,” he said, insisting the respect I hadn’t given Him, “only tells us what we need to know. If He doesn’t want us to know, then we don’t. We are just as human as you when it comes to the intellect of God.” A moment of humiliation and modesty lessened his harsh demeanor for the blink of an eye before his cockiness returned. “We knew you left somehow. We weren’t sure if you had chosen the other side, or if you were taken.”

“So, if I choose to go Dark, you can’t see me anymore?”

“No,” he growled. “Make sure that is not the incentive you use to make your decision, Nevaeh. You will pay for your freedom from us dearly if you do.”

“Don’t worry. I won’t even consider you when it comes time. If the circumstances call me to the other side, you will be the last thing I consider.” Nobody mattered more than George.

“So, you are still toying with the idea, then?” Malach raised an eyebrow, expecting an answer.

“I thought we were gonna talk about the possibility that she’s The Clavis.” Gavyn interrupted, redirecting the conversation.
 

“As we shall,” Malach replied, not breaking his intense stare from mine. He searched my soul for an answer that wasn’t there. Refusing to allow him time to find the answer before I did, my sight settled on Gavyn and the unease he seemed to be experiencing.

“What do we know so far?” he asked Malach, possibly as ready to get this over with as I was.

“She can see demons, not just when they take a soul, but any time they are near her. Her father is unknown to the angels. She has crossed portals. She has visions, another gift not given to just anyone. Oh, and her Guardian seems to be M.I.A.” His lovely face turned to Gavyn, relaying something I didn’t understand.

“What does that mean? I have a Guardian, right?” I gulped down the panic rising in my throat. “I don’t know exactly what difference that makes, but I should have one, right? Everybody has one, don’t they?” My words tumbled out, scared and rushed.
 

Guardians kept us safe and watched over us. If I don’t have one…I don’t even want to think what that might mean
.
 

The concern on Gavyn’s face didn’t help alleviate my worry.

“Apparently, your Guardian has chosen to take a leave of absence from the Good Graces.” Disappointment flickered in Malach’s eyes.

“Leave of absence?” My voice squeaked like a preteen boy in puberty.

“Yes. He’s not completely fallen, but has chosen to break ties with us.” Again, he looked at Gavyn. “You see, God gave us the same choice as the Celatum. We too can choose sides. Seems your Guardian has chosen to become neutral. He is static—as are you at the moment.” Distaste layered Malach’s words. Gavyn sat on the bar stool next to me heavy in thought, offering no response.

“Where does that leave me then?” I felt lost. Even living on the streets with George, I never felt truly lost the way I do now.

“That means you’re the closest thing to The Key so far, and you no longer have someone to spiritually guide you into your gifts or through life.” He spat the words through clenched teeth. Surprisingly, Malach didn’t direct his anger at me; he appeared upset with my Guardian, or lack thereof.

“And if I have no spiritual guidance—“

Gavyn cut me off, “Your inherent conscience will begin to fail.”

“And that would be bad.” If I had no control of my conscience, if I chose the Dark, and if I was this Clavis they say I am—with so much power—I could be disastrous in any realm. The meaning of what they said began to weigh on my soul, drowning me in regret for thinking so selfishly. If that was the case, I couldn’t pick George over the Light.
 

Just then, I understood Malach and his choice not to take George’s soul back from the demon. I understood that sometimes, one soul is not worth that which might be lost in the outcome. A sharp pang in my chest forced tears from my eyes. My heart would forever ache for George if I didn’t at least try to redeem him, but how could I, knowing what I know now?