“Oh, yeah, of
course. How are you?”
“Good, thanks. I’m
actually looking for Carter. Is he around?” My voice is impatient. I take in a
slow, deep breath and wait. And wait....
The silence is
torturous, but he finally answers. “Carter’s out right now, but I’ll tell him
you called, okay?”
I picture Carter
shaking his head at Paul, telling him that he doesn’t want to talk to me. I
only have myself to blame, it shouldn’t have taken me this long to call him.
“Can you just tell him that I really need to talk to him? Please. It’s
important.”
There’s the same
long silence again. “I’ll have him call you when he gets back, okay?” he says,
his voice firm.
“Is everything
okay, Paul?” I’m not sure why, but the tone in his voice is causing fear to
crawl up my spine. “Paul, is everything alright?” I ask again.
He exhales loudly.
“Listen, Holly, I shouldn’t be telling you this, but Carter and a few other
guys are out on a rescue right now. They were on their way back down when the
snowstorm hit and they had to take shelter.”
I glance out my
window, seeing the black night, the snow falling hard and thick; remembering
what the weather alert had said about freezing temperatures and heavy snow.
“They’re still on
the mountain?” I choke out.
“Yeah,” his voice
is low.
The room begins to
spin and I can’t help feeling distant, yet familiar memories, eek their way
back into my head.
“Holly, don’t worry
okay?” he says. “They’re gonna be fine. I’ll have him call you as soon as he
gets back, alright?”
I can’t say
anything back to him because the only thing my mind is able to process at this
moment is the worst case scenario. The phone drops from my hand and I hear it
land on the floor at my feet. This is
not
happening. This is not
happening
again
.
Without thinking
twice about it, I run into the living room, glancing around the room for my
keys, finally seeing them lying on the coffee table. The little voice in the
back of my mind is telling me that what I’m about to do is probably not my best
idea ever, but I ignore it, knowing that I have to do something. Sitting around
and waiting for that phone call from him just isn’t good enough. Regret, guilt
and fear begins to consume me and I know there’s only one way to stop these
emotions, and that’s seeing Carter. Making sure he’s safe and sound and telling
him that I don’t blame him, that I’m sorry for yelling at him.
After typing in the
address to the mountain rescue headquarters into my GPS, I back out of the
parking lot.
The roads are in
pretty good condition as I drive through town, but I immediately notice the
difference when I get a mile or so outside of the city limits. The snow is
falling thick and my wipers fan across the windshield at full speed. I take it
extra slow, especially when my car’s expected to take sharper turns, the higher
up the mountain road I get.
Finally, after a
torturous thirty minute drive, I pull up to the station and hop out of my car.
My boots make a crunching noise with each step I take, jogging to the main
door. When I pull the door open, Paul’s eyes grow wide when he sees me.
“Shit, Holly. What
are you doing here?” He’s staring at me like I’m some kind of crazy person.
Maybe I am.
“I wanted to be
here when they got back,” I say breathlessly.
He rakes his hands
through his hair. “Do you have any idea how dangerous that road you just drove
up is right now? You could’ve gotten stuck out there or—or worse. Carter’s
going to kick my ass. He’ll kill me for telling you.”
“It really wasn’t
that bad,” I lie, keeping just how dangerous the roads really are to myself.
“Damn.” He shakes
his head. “Well, since you’re already here, go make yourself comfortable. Oh,
man, he’s gonna kill me,” he mutters the last few words to himself as I make my
way across the room and sit on the couch, pulling my knees to my chest.
An hour or so
passes with no updates on their location, but, finally, there’s some static
noise on the radio that’s lying on the desk where Paul’s sitting. He picks up
the radio, glances over to me and then says, “This is Paul, go ahead.”
I can’t hear what
the person on the other end is saying, so I make my way across the room and
stand beside Paul. I close my eyes when I hear that it’s Carter’s voice on the
other end.
“We’re going to try
to descend while there’s a break in the weather. Over.”
Paul looks up at
me. “Gotcha, buddy. Be careful coming down.”
When he sets the
radio back down his gaze travels back to me. “See, nothing to worry about.”
“You didn’t tell
him I was here, why?” I ask, confusion filling me.
“One, he needs to
concentrate on getting down the mountain and not on what shit you went through
driving to get here. And two, he’s already gonna kick my ass; no need to give
his anger time to simmer all the way down the mountain.”
“I’m really sorry,”
I say, and I am sorry. The last thing I want to do is get Paul in trouble.
Turning around I make my way back to the couch, waiting and hoping that they
make it back down soon.
No words are spoken
between Paul and me for over an hour. Every once in a while he will look at me
over his shoulder, but the moment our eyes meet, he looks forward again. I’m
pretty sure he knows that I know who he is. It’s Paul that called me the night
of the accident with Adam. It’s his voice that came across the line, telling me
that Adam had been taken to St. Anthony’s hospital.
When I met him for
the first time at Josh and Carter’s, I knew there was something familiar about
him, but I couldn’t place it. It wasn’t until I called the station tonight and
heard his voice over the line that I knew for sure.
Another hour passes
slowly and Paul stands up, making his way over to me. The couch concaves when
his tall frame sinks down into it. He rakes his hands through his dark hair and
sighs.
“Hey, don’t worry
about Carter, okay? He’s one of the best guys we have up there.”
I nod, pressing my
lips together.
“Do you want me to
call someone? Maybe Josh or Jenna or something?” he asks.
I shake my head,
knowing Jenna would insist on being with me and the last thing I want to do is
put even more people out in the bad weather. “No, I’m good.”
He sighs again.
“Why don’t you at least go lay down? Carter has his stuff in the last room on
the left. There are clean sheets on the bed. You should try and get some sleep;
it may take them a few hours to get back down.”
After debating on
what to do, I decide to take him up on his offer. When I enter the room, the
coldness hits me and I immediately wrap my arms around my waist. I find a lamp
sitting on an old oak desk and, when I turn it on, I’m able to take in the room
a little better. There’s a twin size bed to my left and it’s covered with
Carter’s things. I see one of his black thermal shirts lying over the chair and
I pull it over my head, breathing in the scent of him. After curling up on the
bed, I glance at the large red numbers of the alarm clock glowing just a few
inches from my face. It’s one-thirty in the morning. The last time Carter
called in was almost two hours ago.
❧
The last time I
remember looking at the clock it was three-o-six and my nerves are getting
worse with each passing second. The next thing I remember is feeling something
cold wrap around my midsection. Cold—ice cold. Even through my clothes, I
shiver. When I open my eyes, it takes me a second to remember where I am. I
blink hard and see the large red numbers now read four-fifteen.
My heart starts to
hammer as I put it all together in my mind. I begin to shift so I can turn to
look at him, but he squeezes me tighter against his chest.
“God, you’re so
warm,” he breathes and I can feel the coldness radiating off of him.
“Carter.” I
struggle to turn over, but he grips me even tighter.
“I’m so sorry you
had to go through that again,” he whispers.
My eyes close and I
fight to keep the tears that are stinging my eyes. He sighs, finally releasing
me, and I turn over to face him.
“Hey,” he says.
Relief shoots
through me when I finally see his face, when I see that he’s okay. “I’m so
sorry about what I said to you. I’m so sorry for yelling and for leaving and
for not calling. I’m—I’m just sorry.”
He pulls me tight
to his chest and rests his chin on the top of my head. “You have nothing to be
sorry for. I shouldn’t have waited so long to tell you the truth. I wasn’t sure
how to tell you without hurting you and then I didn’t want to lose you.”
“I was so worried.”
My voice is muffled from being buried in his chest. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,”
I say again and again.
Leaning back, I
look up and meet his eyes, not even realizing the tears have escaped until he
wipes them away.
“I’m here. I’m
okay.” He smiles gently and then bends down to kiss my cheek, causing something
in me to snap. I am tired of lying to myself, tired of refusing to give my body
and my heart what they need and want from him, tired of this charade we have
tried and failed at keeping up.
Reaching up, I
press my lips to his. At first there’s some hesitation, or maybe it’s shock,
but it doesn’t take long for his lips to fall in sync with mine. He kisses me
back hard and with purpose, his tongue diving in and taking complete control of
my mouth, of me. He moans when my hands reach up, tangling in his hair, and
pulling him down harder to me. He props himself up and his body hovers over
mine, positioning me so that I’m lying under him. His hands travel across my
chest and trail down my side, finally resting on my hip. My mind is swimming
with how good he feels, how good he tastes, but even then, it isn’t enough. I
want more. I want to be closer. I need to be closer.
“Carter.” I pull
away, both of us gasping for air.
“Holly, I’m—that
got way out of hand.”
“No, I don’t want
to stop. I want you closer.”
He looks into my
eyes, realizing the need I have burning inside of me. He pulls me tight up
against his chest, kissing me again and crushing my body against his, almost to
the point of pain.
A small whimper of
frustration escapes my lips. “Closer.”
Chapter Twenty-One
You only live once, but if you do it right, once is
enough.
~ Mae West
CARTER
As I pull back and look in her eyes, I
realize exactly what she’s asking for and, as much as I want to give it to her,
I’m not sure if that’s the right choice. I swallow hard as I scan over her
face, seeing the desperation and desire and damn if that doesn’t make me want
to give her exactly what she wants. “Holly—” I begin, but she cuts me off.
“I know what I want.
I want you. I want us. Please don’t ask me if I’m sure.” She smiles and softly
presses her lips to mine. This kiss is different from our kisses in the past.
There’s no urgency with this one; it’s soft, slow and deliberate. There’s a
moment when she pulls my bottom lip into her mouth and sucks on it that I
almost let things get out of hand. Before they do, I pull away again.
“Wait,” I breathe.
Damn me to hell if we’re going to do this here, right here on this bed, when
there’s a bunch of guys out there probably listening to us right now. “Let’s
get out of here. We can go back to my place,” I say.
“No,” she whispers,
shaking her head, and I think for a moment she’s changed her mind. “Jenna’s at
your place, but we can go to mine,” she finally says.
I don’t kiss her
again because, as strong as I am, I’m not sure I could resist if she kissed me
again like she just did. Sitting up and getting off the bed, I turn and take
her hand, pulling her up beside me. As bad as I want to, and as much as her
eyes are asking me to do it, I still don’t kiss her. I take her hand and lead
her down the hall and towards the front door. Paul and Jake don’t say a word to
us as we enter the front room, but I can’t help seeing big, stupid grins
stretch across their faces.
The drive to her
place takes forever and there’s not a lot of talking between us, but at least
the weather gods are on my side since the sky has cleared and the snow has
stopped falling.
I reach my eyes
over and catch a quick glimpse of her that makes me wonder what’s going on in
her head. Even though a part of me is tempted to ask her, I don’t. I hope she’s
thinking this through. I hope she’s analyzing every feeling inside her right
now, making sure that this is what she really wants. That she really wants me.
I know I want her—with everything inside me, I want her—and I’m hoping she’ll
have me.
The drive back to
her house finally ends and, as I put the car in park, I slightly turn my head
to glance over at her again. She turns to meet my gaze and, after only holding
it for a split second, she turns away from me, opens her door and hops out. I
meet her at the front of the car and she doesn’t say a word as she grabs my
hand and begins to walk up the sidewalk towards the stairs.