Faith and Hope in Lancaster (The Amish of Lancaster County #1) (4 page)

“You can’t marry Stephen.”

The words, so frankly spoken, pulled Annie right out of her daze. “What are you talking about?” she demanded, yanking her hands out of his grasp. His smooth, warm, confident grasp, her mind pointed out.

“Annie, it’s always been you and me. You know that.”

“I do?” Annie’s head spun. Where was all this coming from?

“Don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about. You watched me as much as I watched you. You told me your secrets, your dreams. Who else but me knew you wanted to be an actress?”

“But . . . but you—” Annie didn’t know how to complete the sentence. She had told him that. She hadn’t thought it had meant anything. But Jacob had kept her secret, and even more surprisingly, he hadn’t laughed. He had just listened like she was the most interesting person in all the world.

Dear God
, she prayed,
I’m so confused. Please guide me to understanding and the correct way forward.

“But I’m not good enough for you, is that it?” Jacob’s voice was bitter. “Not after you ran off to the big city?”

Annie whirled on him. “What are you talking about? Why wouldn’t you be good enough for me?” Even as the words tumbled from her mouth, she wondered why she cared. She was engaged to be married to Stephen, after all.

“I wanted to go with you to New York City,” he confessed. “But my
daed
needed me here to help out with the business. He didn’t want anyone to know he was ill.”

Annie’s mouth fell open. “He was?”

Jacob nodded soberly. “Yes. He’d been having terrible headaches and tummy trouble, and I think it was because he was trying to do too much himself. So I stayed behind and helped him.”

“You never went on
rumspringa
,” Annie concluded, feeling stupid. She’d been so busy trying to avoid him, she hadn’t given any thought to what he’d done while she was away.

“But I would have gone, Annie, if it had been anything else.” Jacob took his face in her hands. “Don’t you see? I would have gone anywhere you wanted. I still would.”

Annie blinked rapidly. “I don’t—I don’t know what to say.”

“Annie, if you still want to go to New York City and become an actress, I’ll come with you,” Jacob said in a rush. “I love you, Annie. I always have.”

Goose bumps rose all over Annie’s body. A thrill ran through her. He loved her?

Before she knew what was happening, she had leaned forward, and Jacob, who still held her face in his strong hands, also leaned forward, and their lips met. It was as sweet as it had been beneath the tree, and Annie’s heart pounded wildly, deliciously.

“Annie!” a horrified voice called. “Annie, what are you doing? Stop that right now!”

Annie and Jacob jumped apart, and time rushed back in to fill the void. Her heart now pounding painfully, Annie took a deep breath and met her mother’s disappointed eyes.

* * *

Hannah didn’t even look at Jacob. “Go home,” she told him, and he at least had the sense to do that much, departing without a word. Her attention was for her daughter, who stared at the porch floor with a defiant look on her face.

Hannah pulled Annie into the house and shut the door firmly behind them. She ran through and discarded three different approaches, all of them too angry to be of use.

“Why?” Hannah asked finally. “Don’t you realize how lucky you are I was the one who found you and not one of the other ladies in the village? Or anyone at all?” Her hand flew to her mouth. “What if
Stephen
had caught you like this?”

The color drained out of Annie’s face, leaving her frail and ghostly.
Like a spirit
, Hannah thought. “Oh,
Mamm
, I don’t know what I would have done!”

“Well, be glad you didn’t have to find out,” Hannah said sharply. Fear for her daughter’s future left her breathless. “This is the kind of silly nonsense you might do during
rumspringa
, but you’re a woman now. Do you really want to be shunned for immoral behavior? For leading on a man any young woman would be lucky to have?”

Annie’s eyes narrowed. “I’m not leading anyone on!”

Hannah threw up her hands. “Then what do you call it, daughter?”

“I don’t know,
Mamm
, I swear! I just . . .” Annie abruptly dropped to the porch in a crouch, her hands covering her face.

Hannah knelt beside her daughter and laid a hand on her shoulder. “You just what?” she encouraged.

“I just . . .” Annie wrung her hands. “Part of me wants to marry Stephen, but—”

“Yes?” Hannah squeezed Annie’s shoulder. “You can always confide in me, my daughter. Whatever’s wrong, we’ll figure it out together.”

“Part of me thinks he’s so boring!” Annie gasped as the words left her mouth. “I didn’t mean that!”

“Yes, you did.” Hannah sighed. “You did.” She took hold of Annie’s arm. “Into the kitchen. There’s a noontime meal to prepare yet.”

Together, they assembled a chicken corn soup, sliced and roasted beets, and spread thick slices of fresh bread with apple butter. Hannah kept one eye on her daughter the entire time. Cooking seemed to help Annie ground herself; her color returned to normal, and she even smiled once or twice.

When Hannah was satisfied Annie had fully collected herself, she asked her next question. “Are you sure Stephen is what you find so boring?” She swept an arm around the kitchen. “Or is it something else?”

Annie’s tentative smile immediately disappeared. “What do you mean,
Mamm
?”

Hannah washed her hands, then pulled the postcard Annie had given her out of her apron pocket. “Are you feeling envious that it’s Miriam’s turn to be out in the world, while you’re here, living a Plain life?”

Annie’s mouth twisted into a strange expression, a cross between a smile and a frown, but she didn’t reply.

Hannah put her arms around her daughter. “You don’t have to answer me right now. In fact, you don’t have to answer me at all. What I would like for you to do is to pray about this.”

Annie’s lip turned down. “You won’t tell
Daed
, will you?”

“No, I see no reason for
Daed
to know about this. Everyone makes mistakes. But can you promise me you will pray about it? Ask God to show you the way in your heart.”

Annie nodded, her face alight with relief.

“There is always an answer, my girl. You just have to get out of your own way and let God show you the path.”

“All right,
Mamm
. I promise.”

Hannah smiled. “Wonderful! Why don’t you call your brother and your
daed
in for lunch?”

Once Annie was outside, Hannah allowed herself to slump against the counter. She’d barely held back all the worries swirling around inside her. She’d
known
something was wrong, that Annie’s heart hadn’t truly been in the engagement. But she hadn’t expected this.

A lack of enthusiasm could be handled. With no distractions, Annie could come to love Stephen fully in time and to forget her fancies of an exciting, unpredictable life. A life full of drama. It was a prideful dream and a prideful way to live, but one she could quickly put behind her with a husband, chores, and babies to care for.

This, though . . . this left Hannah’s stomach tied up in knots. She’d wanted so badly to forbid Annie from seeing Jacob, but she knew her daughter. Nothing was more certain to drive Annie directly into his arms. Hannah might still have to put her foot down in the future; that remained to be seen. First, however, she would try the loving and patient route. If Annie could open herself enough to hear God’s advice, she might well reach the right conclusion herself.

Jacob’s sudden and frenzied appearance that morning threw all that into jeopardy. There’d been such fury in his face, such passion. These were dangerous qualities. Where had they come from? She’d had no inkling that he felt anything like that for Annie.

Even less an inkling that Annie might reciprocate his feelings.

The door opened then, and Hannah quickly squared her shoulders and curled her lips into a smile. Whatever happened, she would not let her daughter be harmed. The fewer people who knew what had happened, even within their family, the better.

God, help me find a way to solve this mess without hurting anyone.

Was that even possible?

Voices sounded in the foyer. “Come and eat!” she called.

* * *

Brushing his hair out of his eyes, Aaron yawned. What a day. He’d had that awkward conversation with
Mamm
and
Daed
that morning, worked hard all day with Jacob and his
daed
, and handled the curious tourists who’d come by to see what quaint Amish wares were for sale in the King family’s store. They fingered quilts, sniffed candles, and commented over the little jars of preserves Jacob’s mother canned and readied for sale with a little bow tied around each.

Some even bought things, which Aaron knew Jacob’s family really appreciated. Because the Kings couldn’t afford to lose a potential sale, they held their tongues while some of the
Englischers
made ignorant, condescending comments about the Amish lifestyle and marveled that anyone could get along without smartphones and sports cars. Those particular folks didn’t stop to ask themselves what reasons the Amish might have for their choices. And why would they, when they were so certain they were superior to the Amish?

The funny thing was, thought Aaron, that it was exactly that overweening pride that not owning modern technological devices was meant to prevent. When he’d spent a year in Philadelphia, working in a mechanic’s garage, he’d seen the cockiness of guys who lived in what they called the real world. It seemed to be one big race to show everyone else up, a race no one could ever win.

The
Englischers
lived in a disposable society, throwing away one perfectly good machine as soon as a newer model came out, just because they couldn’t stand not being able to brag that they owned the very latest version. It was so wasteful, Aaron couldn’t stand it. If they actually had to work for everything they had, the way his family did, they wouldn’t be so quick to toss things out.

But not all
Englischers
were like that. Katie wasn’t like that. She’d been curious, sure, but she was also respectful and admitted feeling silly she didn’t know basic life skills like how to cook, let alone how to make a beautiful quilt, but wanted to learn. It was charming and refreshing to talk to someone who understood the Amish had worth, too.

Aaron looked up at that moment to see Katie standing before him. She’d come without her
daed
this time. “Hi,” she said shyly. “I hope it’s okay I came back. I . . . I wanted to talk to you some more. About sustainable practices and conservation.”

A thrill ran through Aaron. He fought to keep his face and his voice calm and cool, the “chill”
Englischers
talked about. “Ya, it’s fine.”
There
, he thought,
that was plenty chill.

He couldn’t help but notice how pretty Katie looked in her green dress. It went well with her green eyes and the sparkly flower clipped in her blonde hair. It wasn’t even very low-cut, the way girls seemed to dress these days. Though Aaron wouldn’t have minded horribly if it had been, it was nice to see she was a girl he could potentially bring home to his mother.

Well, aside from the problem of her not being Amish. There was that.

“So what can I do for you today?” he asked more formally, just as Jacob King and his
daed
walked in from the back room.

Katie noticed, and picked up a jar of apple butter. “Can you tell me how this is made? Do you use organic apples?”

Jacob’s
daed
smiled and took the jar from her. “My wife makes that. It’s a long but simple process of cooking apples into mush and adding cinnamon. And yes, we use no chemical pesticides or fertilizer for our crops. If they do not do well on their own, we accept that as the will of God.”

“Fascinating!” Katie said, leaning forward. Aaron could tell she actually meant it, too, the way her eyes were shining. “I wouldn’t be surprised if your community doesn’t suffer from many of the same diseases we do from prolonged exposure to dangerous chemicals.”

“Every community has its own problems,” Jacob’s
daed
said, “but yes, I do think that our ties to the earth in conjunction with our beliefs allow us to lead a simpler, cleaner life.”

“My mother died from intestinal cancer,” Katie whispered, casting her eyes down. Aaron’s heart contracted in sympathy. “She’d been exposed to so many chemicals and radiation from her job . . . I just wish I’d known how to eat better back then. Maybe it would have helped.”

Jacob looked uncomfortable and glanced at his
daed
, who bowed his head. “I’m mighty sorry to hear that, miss. A girl needs her
mamm
, no doubt about that.” He put the jar of apple butter on the counter and slid it toward her. “Why don’t you  take this and try it? See what you think?”

Katie wiped her eyes. “I’d love to! How much is it?”

“Oh, no, no,” said Jacob’s
daed
. “This is a gift. If you like it, come back and buy some more.”

“But I couldn’t!” said Katie, embarrassed.

“Please do,” Aaron interjected. He was kicking himself for not having thought of that first. He could have purchased a jar of apple butter and given it to Katie with no one else watching. His mind raced. What could he do to top this gesture? “Take it, as a gift from all of us to you.”
              Jacob gave him a funny look but didn’t say anything. His
daed
nodded. “Yes, miss, take it, and enjoy it. I can’t even begin to think what we’d do without Jacob’s
mamm
around.”

“Okay, I will,” said Katie, sounding pleased. “Thank you so much.” She glanced at the slender watch she wore on her wrist. “I guess I should get going. Aaron, it was nice to see you again.”
              Aaron hid the disappointment he felt as best as he could. He was certain Katie would have stayed longer if they’d been alone. On the other hand, she might not have confided in him the way she had. Either way, nothing was stopping him from being a gentleman right now.