Authors: Cynthia Freeman
Things really began to sail along for Dominic. I have to admit no one worked harder than he did. Those first few years he was almost like a mechanical man, wound up. Runnin’ here, runnin’ there, in such a big hurry. He didn’t really have to, not with the income I had comin’ in from all the inheritance my poor sainted Daddy left me. That was just about the saddest time in my life and the first time I left Dominic and the babies to fly home for that awful agonizin’ event. It’s just not to be believed, the things one can endure. In my state of bereavement, mingled with all the pain, I was never more angry with Dominic because he wouldn’t leave that damned practice to go back with me … he would have, but reluctantly. Why? Because he was smack in the middle of the biggest trial he’d had up to then and had the nerve to say there was no one to replace him. “No one to replace you,” I said lettin’ him know how hurt I was, “why, who do you think you are? No one is irreplaceable. Presidents and kings die and the country goes on and you’ve got one lousy case and can’t leave it when my Daddy is laid out in his coffin?” He bit his lip and said, “Alright Catherine, I’ll leave … I’ll go, if that’s what you want.” “No, sir … you’re not gonna put me in a position of blamin’ me in the future for your losin’ that case as I know you will. I don’t want you to come … I wouldn’t have you come now.” Well, I made that mournful trek back alone. And I stayed with Mama for three weeks … I will say this, Dominic called just about every night, and like most women, I’m sure I was cold and remote and downright nasty the first week. Maybe, a little less so the next, and by the end of that third week, I was so lonesome for Dominic and those sweet darlin’ babies of mine, I really couldn’t wait to fly back into Dominic’s arms when he asked in a sad and soulful way, “When do you think you’re coming home, Catherine.” Of course, I wasn’t about to let him know my desires were greater than his, so holdin’ back, tryin’ to give the impression of reserved consideration that I was makin’ a great sacrifice, I answered, “Soon as I get things straightened out for Mama. After all, you’ve got the babies for comfort and your family who, I’m sure, are hoverin’ about seein’ that things are in order.” “Please, Catherine … please, darling, I know you’re under a great strain, and I don’t want you to be upset more than you are, but my family are not here. The help are managing more than efficiently. I know you’re still hurt and angry at me for not going home with you and I can’t say I blame you and I apologize as I have before. As I’ve said before, nothing would have kept me from going with you under different circumstances, but this case was so terribly important to us … will you just try and understand?” “For us?” “Yes … for
us,
for our future.” “But I already have a future. My Daddy left me more income property than I’ll ever be able to spend … won’t
you
try and understand?” There was silence on the phone for a long time, but I could hear Dominic’s breathin’. “Dominic … are you there?” Softly, he answered, “Yes, I’m here.” “Well?” “Catherine, this is not the time nor the place to discuss this … and besides we’ve been through it so many times before.” “Then let’s go through it one more time … tell the truth, so help you God … just like you make those people swear that get up on the stand with a Bible in their hand … why do you refuse to share with me what I got? Is it that damned male ego surfacin’ again?” “Okay, Catherine, you just won’t let it alone, will you … alright, I will not take your money and feel like a pimp. I’m a man … a proud Sicilian who’s still got all those peasant corpuscles running through my veins. My father made it on his own and supported his wife and family as best he could, but he was a man and do you know what a man is? Don’t bother to answer, I’ll tell you. A man is only a man when his wife makes him feel like one. I will not take your money … I will not be beholden to you or anyone. I’m going to be my own man and do the giving … now, Catherine, just one more time … when are you coming home?”
This time I paused for a lone, long moment while Dominic waited, but I knew he’d never ask again. Finally, I was compelled to say what any woman would’ve said, “I’ll be leavin’ tomorrow morning.” Of course, I knew right then I’d lost the ball game. That Dominic was not gonna bend like a willow, not when it came to bein’ his own man. Of course, I really didn’t want to dominate him … or domineer over his ambitions … but he thought I did, I guess. I only offered it to him outta the goodness of my heart and for us to have a little more of the nicer things in life.
As sure as I’m layin’ on this bed and daydreamin’ … I can see that day as if it was yesterday. My goodness, how young I was and pretty too, as I stepped off that plane dressed all in black. It was the least I could do for my Daddy for whom I mourned (and would for a long time). But when I saw Dominic lookin’ down from the window at the airport, holdin’ the twins and little Dom and Tory standin’ on chairs, all wavin’ to me, I thought I’d die, my heart pounded so. Good Lord, I loved and missed them more than I even realized. I walked as fast as I could down those landin’ stairs, then ran as fast as I could down to the buildin’ where my own little family waited. There was somethin’ in the way I felt at that moment … a feelin’ I can’t explain, but I needed them all at that moment so very, very much … like they were all makin’ up for my great loss. The next thing I knew, I had my arms around little Dom and Tory … how adorable they looked runnin’ to meet me, callin’ “Mama, Mama.” I kissed and hugged them as though I’d never let ’em go. “My two precious lambs, you’ve really missed Mama haven’t you, and oh dear, how Mama missed her little sugars. I’m just never gonna go way and leave again … never.” I took them proudly by the hand to meet Dominic, but when I came face to face with him, the tears just spilled over. I couldn’t control myself nor did I want to. It was my way of showin’ Dominic how much I loved him. He gave the twins to Anna, our nursemaid, and I clung to him, weepin’ and sayin’, “Dominic, my Dominic, I’m home.”
He answered, “I’m glad, we missed you.”
Then I took the twins and smothered them with kisses, “Look at my babies … my little Angie and …”
“No, he’s Tony,” Dominic said, laughing.
“Oh, lawd, how am I ever gonna tell the difference?”
That night after the children had been put to bed, Dominic and I went to our room. We had a lot of time to make up for. The three weeks separation had seemed like a century. Oh God, how good he felt layin’ so close to me, breathin’ hard. It was like we just couldn’t get enough of each other. The feelin’s that man could evoke in me. Each time was almost like the first … even better. Then we were quiet, listenin’ to each other’s breathin’ in the silent room. I was the one who broke the silence, “Dominic, did you miss me?”
“Terribly.”
“What did you do in my absence?”
“Just worked hard. Of course, I saw the children before they went to bed every night.”
“Oh … and did they ask for me?”
“All the time.”
“Where’d you have dinner? … at your mother’s mostly?” I was just jokin’ him, but he seemed to resent that, which was surely apparent by his answer.
“Now, why do you ask me that, and what difference would it have made, since you were away?”
“No difference, just curious, that’s all … just wanted to know if my sugar was eatin’ well, that’s all … did you take the babies over?”
Dominic was so sensitive, his voice was a little irritated. He raised up on his elbow, held his face in his hand and said, “I didn’t say I had dinner at my mother’s.”
“I know you didn’t … but I was just wonderin’ … did you?”
“Yes.”
“Did you take the children?”
“Yes.”
“Why you gettin’ so worked up, darlin’, after all, I’m a wife and mother, it’s only natural I’d be wonderin’ how you’d be spendin’ your time … now, that’s not so unreasonable is it?”
“No …”
“Well then … lay back, Dominic, and put your arms around me. I’ve missed them so.” After Dominic took me in his arms, we clung together, at least I did … always so ready to receive him. One thing I never had was a headache when he wanted me. “Dominic?”
“Yes?”
“Do you love me?”
“How can you ask me that?”
I laughed, “That’s a funny thing for a big lawyer to do.”
“What’s that?”
“Answerin’ a question with a question.”
“It’s not any funnier than asking me something you should already know.”
“I don’t think so … every woman has to be sure and from time to time, she just wants to hear it said.”
“I tell you all the time I love you.”
“No, you don’t … not always.”
“Come on, Catherine, that’s just plain nonsense.”
“Now don’t get into a snit, sugar … it’s just because I’ve been away so long … Dominic?”
“Yes?”
“Why’d you marry me?”
“Well … that’s just got to be the goddamndest question you could ask.”
“Hold on now, Dominic … don’t let your Sicilian corpuscles start pulsatin’ through your veins. I just asked a simple question, why’d you marry me?”
“Because I loved you, Catherine.”
“Oh … and what was so redeemin’ about me?”
“Really, Catherine, this sounds so damned childish …”
“To you maybe, but not to a woman. What was there about me you fell in love with?”
Dominic laughed sorta strange. It wasn’t really a happy laugh, but he said, “I fell in love with you because you’re beautiful … I didn’t analyze it. Love is something a person feels. I don’t know, Catherine … how the hell can you explain love … there was just something about you, the way you talked, being southern, so different from anyone I’d ever met. You were simply adorable and provocative.”
“And rich.”
“What the hell is that suppose to mean?”
“Oh … oh, Dominic, you’re gettin’ mad.”
“Of course I am. You’re also so damned irritating at times.”
“So, the fact I had money didn’t impress you, one little bit?”
“Yes, it impressed me totally, that’s why I married you … is that what you want me to say?”
“If that’s what you felt … yes, there’s nothin’ wrong with a
little
honesty … is there?”
“Nothing at all wrong with a
lot
of honesty … do you know what I think as long as you brought up the subject?”
“Yes … I’d like to hear.”
“Okay, you ready for this?”
“I surely am.”
“Fine … you’ve got a problem.”
“I have, have I, and what’s that?”
“Your problem is … you simply can’t believe anyone could love you in spite of your money … you’ve got an obsession about it. Catherine, why can’t you believe you’re a beautiful and worthwhile person?”
“I do, Dominic, I mean the worthwhile part that is.”
“No, I don’t think so, Catherine.”
“Dominic, don’t say that to me. I know what I think … I couldn’t have given you those four beautiful babies if I wasn’t worthwhile … now could I?”
“We’re not talking about the same thing. Giving birth … the act of childbearing has nothing to do with character. I’m not talking about motherhood,”
Now I was really irritated and I wasn’t about to take that lyin’ down, so I said, “Look here Dominic, I really resent that. You surely must’ve thought I had plenty of character when you married me or you thought I had plenty of
somethin.”
“I did think you had character and an inner strength which I admired when I first met you … I didn’t know however that you had a complex … an inferiority complex.”
“How dare you say that to me!”
“Because it’s true. When someone has to be reassured as often as you do, it can only mean one thing … that they feel unsure of themselves. Catherine, why can’t you believe you’re a worthwhile person, a lovely, lovable, beautiful woman whose husband married her because he loved her …
her
and not
her money.
Forget your money and learn to give … give of yourself, that’s all I want … why you didn’t even ask how the trial came out.”
“I was gonna, but what with all the excitement of seein’ the children and wantin’ to love you, I haven’t had time.”
“Well, you’ve got time now.”
I really was peeved at Dominic for sayin’ those things to me, but as a dutiful wife, I asked, and very kindly I must say, “How did the trial come out?” But I’ll be damned if it isn’t a man’s world … he was angry at me! Imagine, after he had let me know I didn’t quite measure up to his expectations. But the thing Dominic was unaware of was my bein’ a lady with the kinda breedin’ I had … so as a dutiful wife I asked again, “Dominic, how was the trial?”
“Fine.”
I swallowed my pride and overlooked his sullenness and asked again, “Did you win?”
“Yes.”
“Oh, Dominic, I’m so proud, I really am.”
“I’m so glad,” he answered … without kissin’ me or sayin’ another word. Then he turned around and fell asleep after all the lovemakin’ we’d had earlier and left me layin’ awake there in the dark.
Well … as I could’ve predicted … me with my ability toward fertility, I was expectin’ again. But this time, Dominic and I prayed it would be a girl, however I couldn’t fight those Rossi genes. It was a boy … eight-and-three-quarter pounds … We called him Bobby which was pretty Anglo-Saxonized for Roberto Pasquale Mario Posata Rossi. Oh my, the weight I put on with that
one …
about forty pounds, give or take … and if there’s anythin’ I loathe is havin’ to deprive myself of a most pleasurable delight such as eatin’ and the kinda food our Stella could make … I declare. She was the best Italian cook this side of Genoa, that heavenly pasta. I have to chuckle when I recall her sayin’, “Youa gonna eata signora
per gli nuovo bambino.”
I took her advice (in half-Italian and half-English). I did just that and the result was … I simply hate to think about it. I once wore a size six and weighed about ninety-nine drippin’ wet. Not that I was jealous, mind you, but Dominic was still too young and handsome for me to let myself go, especially with those cute little secretaries he now had in the office … well, it wasn’t exactly for
them
or
anyone
for that matter that I decided to go on a diet; it was
my
pride that led me close to starvation that year. I can say this even if it is only to myself … talk about strength of character. No sooner had I gotten myself down and begun to buy a new wardrobe, there I was pregnant again and this time I held the most adorable, precious little baby girl in my arms. For all my sons, there’s somethin’ so special about a daughter, especially my Gina Maria. And Dominic … I thought he would go mad with excitement. Good Lord, an Italian father with a daughter. I can remember my darlin’ Daddy bein’ so protective havin’ to know just who I was goin’ out with because no one was gonna get their grubby hands on … or climb into the hay with
his
little Catherine without the benefit of clergy. Oh, Daddy, if you could see the anguish your sweet little Catherine is goin’ through now, you wouldn’t have been so anxious to marry me off to that Italian import from the west with all the Sicilian corpuscles runnin’ through his veins.