Faculty of Fire (39 page)

“We beg your pardon too,” Alice said in a loud voice, “but could you possibly please explain to us exactly why we ought to follow you?”

“Now, there’s fancy talking for you,” Chas whispered.

“Well you see, dear lady, it’s like this” the troll boomed in reply. “If you don’t come out in a minute, I shall be obliged to come in, take all five of you by the scruff of the neck and drag you out into the corridor. As you no doubt already realise, it’s absolutely pointless to resist, none of your magic will work on me, so better come out yourselves, while I’m still feeling well-disposed.” The troll thought for a moment and added. “With all due respect.”

“Rea-lly cultured,” said Chas, mimicking Alice. “Just wait until this cultured troll smears you across the wall, that’ll teach you.”

“What are our options? Should we surrender?” sober-minded Neville enquired.

“I’ll give you surrender,” said Chas, waving his fist at Neville. “We have to think of how to get out of this place.”

We glanced round the room and our eyes came to rest on the only window.

“Why don’t we leap out?” Chas suggested. “We’ll fly for a while ... and then we’ll be smashed to smithereens.”

“Our vampiress should be able to fly, she won’t be smashed to smithereens,” Neville remarked. “Alice, what’s your carrying capacity?”

“Zero,” the vampiress snarled. “And as it happens, I haven’t been taught to levitate yet, just like you.”

“So maybe you could learn?” Chas suggested kind-heartedly. “You know the way little birdies are taught? They just boot them out of the nest, and they fly ...”

“I’ll give you a boot up the backside in a moment,” Alice said menacingly, taking a step towards Chas. “And you’ll fly all the way to Tabernacle!”

“Wait, what if we tie the curtains together and climb down to the next floor?” Neville suggested.

“I’m not climbing anywhere at this height!” Naive immediately protested. “And anyway, there aren’t any windows on the floor below us ...”

“You’re right, but I have an idea,” I said

“Well, get on with it!”

“I’m not absolutely certain, but I think I still remember the spell that lad gave me, the one I used to climb up the wall ...” – I faltered for a moment.

“When you shaved that lousy squirt’s head,” Alice interrupted. “We understand. Do it!”

“I’ll need time,” I said, reckoning up the numbers in my head. “At least fifteen minutes.”

“I doubt if the troll will wait that long.”

The troll spoke again, as if he was replying to what Chas had said.

“How long are you going to go on thinking in there? I’m warning you, my patience is running out.”

“We’re coming out!” Alice shouted, gesturing for me to start weaving the spell. “Tell me, what do you want us for anyway?”

“I don’t what you,” the troll laughed. “You’re not really my type.”

“Why not?” asked Alice, suddenly taking offence.

I don’t know why she was offended, she ought to have been delighted.

“Because I prefer roasted rabbits,” said the troll, with a dreamy note in his voice. “You know, all crispy on the outside ...”

“He’s playing with us!” howled Naive, who had been dreaming of nothing but meat for ages.

I listened to this conversation with half an ear while I prepared to work my spell.

“Then what do you want us for?” Neville asked and went into the bathroom.

I could understand him, I was feeling pretty badly scared myself.

But a few seconds later, Neville came leaping out of the bathroom with a bucket in his hand.

“It’s not me who wants you, but the one who sent me,” the troll obligingly explained.

“He sent you a long way,” Chas remarked under his breath. “It takes a very sick imagination to send a troll to the Academy.”

Meanwhile in my mind I was patiently working through the weaving of the spell known in the vernacular as “the weed” – a kind of climbing plant that grew very quickly, but only in the direction that was set for it.

I leaned rather warily out of the window and gazed into the darkness – it had a particularly depressing effect on me right now ...

Just as I’d gathered my strength together and readied myself to complete the spell, Chas nudged me on the shoulder. I couldn’t tell if it was accidental or deliberate ... but the spell was instantly knocked completely out of my head.

“What do you think you’re doing?” I exploded. “You’ve ruined the entire spell.”

“Aha, that’s right, put the blame someone else,” Chas exclaimed indignantly. “Why not just say you forgot how to weave it?”

“I forgot?”

“Yes, you.”

“I’ve never forgotten anything in my life!”

Chas opened his mouth to utter another of his sarcastic remarks, but then ...

“I’m coming in!” the deep rumbling voice said outside the door, and our barricade suddenly flew apart.

“Scram!” Chas shouted and started dashing round the room.

The troll stopped in the entrance and stared in bewilderment at Chas tearing around my room.

“Sick in the head, is he?” the troll asked thoughtfully.

We answered with philosophical shrugs.

“Everybody out, while I’m still feeling well-disposed,” the troll told us. “You still have a chance to walk out on your own two feet.”

Chas suddenly stopped dashing around, turned to face the troll and shot a fireball at him.

“Pah!” said the troll, brushing it aside with his hand. “What sort of nonsense is that? You oblige me to take action ...”

“No, you oblige us to take action,” Neville laughed and poured the water from his bucket under the troll’s feet.

“Another sick one?” the troll asked in surprise.

“You great fool,” Neville said resentfully, and he wove the ice spell that we’ve already seen.

The troll took a step towards us, intending to enlighten us further concerning the futility and undesirability of employing magic in his presence, and he slipped on the ice. Attaboy, Neville!

“Don’t just stand there!” Neville roared. “Run for it!”

Somehow we managed to dash round the troll who had collapsed on the floor and dart out into the corridor.

“Now where to?” screamed Chas.

“Stop yelling, you idiot!” Neville retorted furiously.

“I’m an idiot?” exclaimed Chas, offended. “It was me who distracted him, by the way!”

“You’re both idiots!” said Alice, cuffing both of them in the back of the head. “Shut up and run ... follow Naive.”

“Why me all of a sudden?” our naive friend asked indignantly.

“Because your room’s right at the end of the corridor!” Alice replied and looked at me. “Zach, you prepare your spell on the way. There’s no way we can get out of here without it.”

She was right.

We ran past the teleports again and turned into the corridor where Naive lived.

“Now you’ve really made me angry!” a furious voice rumbled behind us.

After that announcement our speed almost doubled, and we reached Naive’s room in seconds flat.

“Barricade?” Naive asked briskly.

“Useless,” responded Alice, who in some subtle way had now become our leader. “We have to sit here and keep absolutely quiet while we wait for Zach to weave his spell ...”

“Yeah, and then wait for the plant to grow,” Chas reminded her helpfully.

I wasn’t paying any attention to their conversation. All my thoughts were focused on weaving the spell. The important thing was for no one to distract me ...

“Zach, get a move on, will you,” said Chas, giving me a friendly slap on the shoulder.

I opened my mouth to say what I thought of him, but just at that moment we heard a terrible racket at the other end of the corridor.

“I’m coming to look for you!” the troll roared

Boom!

“That’s a door,” Neville theorised.

Boom!

“And another.”

I couldn’t help myself, I swore out loud ... and wove the final pattern of the spell. A solitary shoot suddenly appeared on the windowsill and rapidly increased in size.

Boom!

How many doors are there on this corridor?” Neville asked nervously.

Boom!

“About twenty,” Chas estimated.

Boom!

“That’s good,” Naive said joyfully, then he thought for a moment and added. “Twenty’s better than ten ... although fifty would be better than twenty, and it would be even better if ...”

“Shut up!” Neville and Chas hissed at him in chorus. “Have you forgotten why we came to your room in such a hurry? Go and eat something while you have a chance, or you might not get another one ... in this life.”

Boom!

“But what did I…but I ... I’m not hungry anymore!”

Boom!

The sound of a door being broken down merged with the sound of Alice’s polite cuff to the back of Naive’s head.

The shoot had already grown to about five feet long.

“Well, would you believe it, it’s growing,” Chas remarked.

Boom!

“Only very slowly,” said Naive, casting a wary glance at the vampiress.

Neville wasted no time and fetched more water. Maybe the trick would work a second time.

Boom!

The “weed” was already partly hidden from view outside the window.

“There now, another five minutes and we can climb it,” I said, trying to reassure my friends.

Boom!

“But do we have five minutes?” Naive asked anxiously.

Boom!

“No,” Alice replied honestly.

Boom!

“That troll’s awfully close,” Neville remarked. “Are there definitely twenty doors?”

Boom!

“Definitely,” Chas answered. “Only bear in mind that Naive’s room isn’t right at the end of the corridor. If I’m not mistaken, there are another three ...”

Boom!

“Very close,” Neville said, in case we hadn’t realised. “That thing hasn’t grown long enough yet, we won’t all have time to climb it.”

Boom!

Everyone gazed at the creeper. Mmmm ... it was still a bit too short.

“We’ve got to distract him,” Neville said very quietly. “All right, lads ... if anything happens to me, take care of my brother.”

Boom! Right beside us! The next door!

Neville opened the door of our room and skipped out into the corridor with his iron bucket of water ... to meet the troll.

“Surprise, surprise!” he yelled and poured the water under the stone-brained creature’s feet. After that the ice spell should have followed ... but somehow Neville couldn’t get it to work ...

“I haven’t forgotten you,” the troll rumbled. “Now I’ll teach you not to knock me over, you little pest!”

“We have to help him!” Naive exclaimed, jerking towards the door.

“Stay there,” said Chas, grabbing him by the shoulder. “We couldn’t handle a troll, even if there were ten of us.”

“Nothing will happen to Neville,” said Alice, backing up Chas. “The troll said he wants us alive. We’ll retreat now, and then we’ll rescue your brother later.”

“Oh no!” said Naive, shrugging off Chas’s hand. “I’ll show him ...”

To judge from his posture, he was about to fling his royal fireball at the troll.

“Look out, Neville,” Naive shouted and ... nothing happened.

The magic failed to work again.

“It didn’t work,” Naive complained, and just at that moment Neville was caught by the troll’s fist. I hardly need to say that the blow from that hand of stone swept him off his feet, and not even all his skill in the Art could save him.

“Onto the creeper, quick,” Alice exclaimed just as the troll turned his attention to us.

“I won’t leave him!” Naive said stubbornly.

To be quite honest, I could understand him .... but nonetheless, I realised that I had no right to stay. No matter what, someone had to let people know what had happened here.

Chas was already clambering up the “weed” to the next floor. Alice climbed out after him.

“Naive?” I asked, looking into his eyes.

He shook his head.

“We’ll be waiting for you to come back,” he said in farewell.

And I clambered onto the “weed”, feeling like an absolute creep. Only a creep could abandon his friends in trouble like this ...