Eternal Starling (Emblem of Eternity Trilogy) (13 page)

“I’ll check it,” I said. “Tell Dad I love him too.”

“I will. Love you,” she said as she hung up the phone.

I put the phone back on the receiver and kept going over the conversation about Caleb in my head. The more I thought about it, the more the worry grew. Too many peculiar things were happening lately. Aside from the figure I’d seen over the summer, there was the guy in the park with the web scar on his arm, and the man I saw in the store while I was with Jasmine that had the same scar. Now there was a strange man tracking down my parents to get information about me.

I wanted to talk to someone about it. To ask someone for help, but who would I ask? Other than Alex, there was no one to tell. Regardless of where things between us stood, I was pretty sure Alex would still be concerned about someone stalking me. But I felt like I couldn’t call him . . . shouldn’t call him. I had moved on. Maybe it was a mistake, but I decided I would handle it on my own.

Chapter 9

I had a restless night, dreams of black figures and stalking strangers haunting me. Since I couldn’t really sleep, I got up early and showered, brushed my hair and teeth, and pulled on a white T-shirt and jeans. I grabbed my hiking bag, rifling through it to make sure I had everything I needed. As I searched, I noticed my GPS, the same one I had forgotten that day in June, the reason I had met Alex. The memory jolted me. I wondered if there would ever come a time when I would stop being reminded of him.

A light knock on the front door broke me from my thoughts and I grabbed my bag as I bounced down the stairs. I ran through the kitchen grabbing water bottles out of the fridge. I opened the door and Emil was standing there in washed out jeans, a dark blue T-shirt and a black hoodie. He was holding coffee and a muffin.

“Hey, sexy.” Emil grinned as he handed the food to me.

“You’re a lifesaver!” I said, dropping my bag next to the door. “I didn’t sleep very well last night.”

“I can’t go a day without coffee,” he said. “It’s a caramel latte with extra caramel. That’s your favorite, right?”

My mouth curved, surprised. “I’m impressed you remembered.” I had told him about my preference for sugary coffee during one of our pool games.

He looked straight at me. “I remember everything about you.”

The statement seemed odd. He hadn’t known me that long so there wasn’t much to remember, but I shrugged it off and asked, “Where’s your food?”

“I ate already,” he answered. “I’ll drive so you can eat on the way there.”

“Sounds good to me.”

Emil noticed my bag sitting next to the door. “Is that your hiking stuff?

“Yep,” I said, taking a drink.

“Okay.” Emil picked up my bag for me. “Let’s go.”

I took my keys off the side table next to the stairs and Emil held my muffin while I locked the front door. He threw my bag next to his own in the backseat of his BMW.

“Where are we hiking today?” he asked, starting the car.

“Treasure Falls. Do you know where that is?”

“On Route 160, right?” he asked as he backed out of the driveway.

“Yeah,” I answered, surprised he knew the area so well when he’d just moved here.

Each time I thought about how close Gunnison was to such beautiful mountains, I appreciated the beauty of my surroundings even more. I ate my muffin and drank my coffee while Emil drove and an old U2 CD played on the stereo. Sitting next to Emil, I couldn’t help but realize how natural it seemed. I had started this relationship thinking he would be a simple rebound guy, but he truly seemed to like me. It had only been a week, but maybe this would turn into a real relationship and Emil and I would have a future together.

We got to the parking lot for the falls and grabbed our packs out of the car. I breathed in the fresh, earthy scent as Emil and I strapped our packs on.

“After you,” he said, holding his hand out like he was giving me the right-of-way.

Surrounded by trees, we followed the narrow hiking path with me leading the way. I ducked under branches and climbed over boulders that bisected the path. We hiked for a while in silence until Emil asked, “So, why didn’t you sleep very well last night?”

I’d forgotten I told him about that. What crazy person remembers anything that early in the morning? I took a deep breath and answered, “I keep having these weird nightmares.” I maneuvered around a large tree that had fallen on the trail. “I usually don’t remember my dreams, but lately they’ve been more vivid.”

“What do you think is causing them?” he asked.

There was no way I could answer Emil’s question honestly without getting into an old boyfriend discussion. I knew it would happen sooner or later. Jasmine had already made mention of “Ass Alex.” Emil had politely ignored the name, but maybe it was time to tell him why Alex was such a jerk.

I stopped and turned slowly. “Well . . . we haven’t talked much about this, but I guess now is as good a time as any.” I took a deep breath. “The dreams started when I met a guy over the summer. We dated, but broke up about a month ago.”

Emil winced and was quiet for a few seconds. “I would say I’m sorry your ex was stupid enough to let you go, but I’m not, because now I have you.”

I smiled, however the way he said ‘I have you’ made it sound like he thought he owned me. I hate that attitude. I don’t belong to anyone and no one belongs to me, regardless of how committed we are to each other.

We started hiking again. This time Emil walked next to me so it was easier to talk. “So,” Emil said, “who was the idiot who gave you up?”

I fingered the straps on my backpack, wishing I hadn’t brought the subject of past boyfriends up. “His name was Alex.” For a brief moment, I saw a flash of recognition spread across Emil’s face, as if I had confirmed something for him.

“So he’s the ‘Ass Alex’ Jasmine talks about?” Emil asked.

“Yeah, he is.” I cringed at hearing his name and the feelings that flooded through me because of it.

“Does it bother you to talk about him?” Emil asked, noticing my expression and reaching for my hand. His touch was reassuring, making it easier for me to continue the discussion.

“No, it’s hard, but it’s good,” I said. “It helps me deal with the memories better.”

Emil was thoughtful. “So why did you break up?”

I sighed. “I don’t really know. He thought it was better for me not to be around him. I didn’t understand, and he wouldn’t give me a straight answer about it.”

Emil snorted. “Giving you a straight answer would have been the least he could have done.”

I nodded my head and softly said, “Yeah.”

“Has he contacted you since he left in July?” Emil was being very curious considering we were talking about my ex-boyfriend. The same guy I was once madly in lust with and still thought about more often than I should. I wondered if Emil enjoyed being tortured. I was about to answer when I got the feeling that maybe I shouldn’t say anything about Alex accosting me in the school parking lot and warning me about Emil. I gave an edited version of the truth. “He pretty much disappeared after we broke up,” I said.

The news seemed to make Emil relax a bit. “Was it hard when he left?”

My grimace should have been all the answer he needed, but I told him anyway. “Harder than I thought it would be,” I confessed, more to myself than Emil.

I thought Emil would be uncomfortable hearing my admission of feelings for another man, but instead, I saw an unfamiliar expression on Emil’s face; anger. The anger seemed to rise from his neck, up his face, and burned in his eyes. I thought Emil was mad at me, with how I’d felt about Alex. Suddenly I felt very guilty. I tried to backtrack. “It’s in the past now though and I’m dating you, so something good came out of the whole thing.”

Emil looked away for a moment like he needed a second to gather his thoughts. When he turned back, his expression was calm and he smiled half-heartedly. “I’m glad you think so.”

We came to a cliff overlooking a breathtaking waterfall. The water cascaded down the planes of rock in a massive stream until it fell over the edge, plummeting to the reservoir below leaving clouds of misty water in its wake.

As we watched the water, I realized my admissions about Alex could have hurt Emil. Causing him pain was the last thing I wanted. Out of morbid curiosity, and to change the subject, I decided to ask Emil about his past relationships instead. “I spilled about Alex, now it’s your turn,” I said. “Do you have any old girlfriends?”

The expression on Emil’s face was puzzled, but he quickly smoothed it away. “I’ve had my heart broken,” he admitted.

“I’m sorry,” I said, putting my hand on his.

He gave a slight smile that held no humor. “Don’t be, it was my own fault.”

“What happened?” I asked.

We moved away from the waterfall and started walking back to the car. “We had different lives,” he said, clearly thinking back to his past. “We wanted it to work, and we tried, but too many obstacles stood in the way.”

I stopped, my eyes sympathetic. “That must have been difficult.”

Emil gave me a steady gaze. “I’m sure you could imagine it.”

We started walking again as I grabbed my water from my backpack and took a drink. “What about other girls?” I asked. “Have you had feelings for anyone else?”

Emil answered immediately, “No. Only the girl I told you about.”

“What was her name?”

He glanced at me, his eyes drooping slightly in sadness. In a reverent voice he answered, “Cassandra.”

I rolled the name over in my mind and wondered what this woman had done to affect Emil so completely. “Have you talked to her since she left?” I asked.

He paused. “I’ve tried to stay out of her life.”

I was surprised. “If she’s the one you want to be with, why don’t you get her back?”

He hesitated again. “It’s complicated.”

I was starting to feel like maybe I hadn’t been the only one looking for a rebound relationship and Emil wasn’t that serious about me. “If you’re sincere, if your love is constant, nothing can stand in the way.” I was adamant at first, then unsure why I was encouraging him to leave me and find his true love.

Emil studied the ground before meeting my eyes. “It would be nice if that were true.”

I thought about what he’d said and as we walked I was getting agitated. I realized I really
was
Emil’s rebound relationship. After gathering my thoughts, I decided to test Emil’s reaction. “So I’m your spare tire?” I playfully scoffed. “You’re keeping me around, until the girl you really love decides to come back?” I nodded my head. “That’s good to know.”

Emil was stunned. “Is that what you think?”

He surprise shocked me. “Isn’t that what you said?” I could tell I’d struck a nerve.

“You are
not
my . . . ‘spare tire,’” he winced as he repeated the term. “You’re worth a hell of a lot more than that to me.”

I kept walking, not wanting to say anything to upset him again; obviously past relationships were a touchy subject.

“You don’t have anything to say?” Emil asked.

“Not really,” I answered as calmly as possible. “As interested as I am in the
real
love of your life, I think I’ll just keep my opinion on the subject to myself.”

Emil looked like he was biting his tongue but didn’t respond. I noticed that he didn’t try to correct me when I mentioned his real true love. In one short morning, I had jumped from thinking I could have a future with Emil, to realizing he was in love with someone else. I now knew that at any moment the woman Emil was in love with could be back in his life—and I would be out of it.

When we got back in the car, U2’s song, “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For” began playing. How appropriate, I thought. I enjoyed my time with Emil, but today’s revelations about his emotional status made me leery. Emil attempted to keep things bright on the way home. I tried to play along, but the thought of both of us still having feelings for other people was in the back of my mind, even though I hadn’t actually told Emil I still cared about Alex. When we got to my house, Emil walked me to the door.

“Thanks for hiking with me,” he said.

“No problem, thanks for coming along.” I gave an unconvincing smile. The outing with Emil had made my mind more muddled instead of clearing it like I’d hoped.

As usual, Emil leaned in to kiss me good-bye. I was surprised and wondered if he really wasn’t aware of how distant I was being? The kiss lacked feeling—I was distracted, and he seemed to be also. When the short kiss ended, Emil said, “I hope I didn’t make you mad today.”

“No,” I said. “It was good to find out more about you.” It wasn’t a complete lie.

Emil searched my face, looking for what I really meant, but I was careful to make sure the answer wasn’t there. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow,” he said.

I nodded, and walked in the house, shutting and locking the doors. I was alone and couldn’t stop thinking about Emil’s true love as I dragged my bag up the stairs, threw my clothes into the laundry basket, and got in the shower. I let the water rush over me and steam fill the air, hoping it would help me clear my mind and make sense of how I was feeling.