“He barely talks to me. He doesn’t even look directly at me unless we’re performing. Meanwhile he can’t peel his eyes from his latest conquest de jour.
” I knew I sounded bitter as I said it, but it really had been a hard pill for me to swallow.
“Yeah, but you’re not his latest conquest,” Corey pointed out. “Of course he’s going to be saving all the charm for the girls on his arm. Look what he’s getting in return.” He gave me a cockeyed grin and I smacked him with one of his pillows.
“Pervert,” I accused as I laughed.
“
Guilty as charged,” he agreed gleefully as he popped another black olive into his mouth. “What difference does it make anyway? You’re not after him, right?”
“Of course not,” I answered. “I love Jace. Griffin may be the ‘nicest guy in show business’ but Jace is my heart. He fits me perfectly.”
“So why does it matter what Griffin thinks?” Corey asked again.
“I don’t know,” I admitted as honestly as one could to her best friend.
I knew it sounded jealous and crazy, but the fact was I hated being treated like less than a woman by someone I wasn’t even trying to bed. He took away my “no” by rejecting me first, and despite the fact that I didn’t want him, it stung just the same. I felt worthless every single time he made googly eyes at his catch of the day. And that sucked. “It just does,” was all I could say to Corey.
Before he could question me further, we were both sidetracked by a visual on the muted TV. Shelby and Eddie were caught coming out of a New York restaurant arm in arm, clearly a lot cozier than I had hoped. Corey unmuted the TV in time to hear the reporter say how “faithful boyfriend” Eddie was splitting time between Tennessee and New York, now that his girlfriend was being courted by Jasper Carrington.
“The famous rift between Jasper Carrington and Graham Baxter looks to widen even deeper in the coming weeks, as
Fierce
standout Shelby Goddard is expected to sign with Baxter’s bitter competitor, Carrington Entertainment. Carrington Entertainment took a big hit in 2009, when scandal drove the hit-making band Dreaming in Blue, and Jasper’s own wife, Athena, into signing with Baxter Mega-Worldwide Media Corporation. Now that Graham Baxter has been plagued with his own scandal crisis after the high-profile
Fierce
tour, Carrington seems poised to strike on any hint of vulnerability. Goddard, as you all might remember, collapsed due to the emotional and physical strain of the grueling
Fierce
/Dreaming in Blue tour. Her father, Dr. Coy Goddard, who has announced his run for Senate in their home state of Tennessee, has publicly spoken out against Baxter and most musicians and performers involved with the production of
Fierce
. This apparently hasn’t hurt Baxter or the show itself, as the second season of
Fierce
is breaking every single ratings record the debut season scored in 2011. The finalists of Season One have also enjoyed growing successes. Jace Riga’s megahit ‘She Doesn’t Know’ still tops the charts, while his second single from his solo album ‘Unintentional Heroes’ is on track to do as well or even better. Likewise, Baxter Mega-Worldwide Media Corporation has just announced that
Fierce
finalist Jordi Hemphill will be performing a song from the highly anticipated movie, ‘
The Journey Home
.’ What Carrington can do for Shelby Goddard remains to be seen. Stay tuned!”
Corey caught my look of disgust as he muted the TV again. “Well, that’s certainly an interesting turn of events.”
“It was inevitable, I guess,” I said with a shrug. “Coy made sure that no one associated with Graham has access to Shelby. He still blames him for what happened. From what I know about Jasper, he’d swoop in on that just like the vulture he is.”
“
He fits right in with that family,” Corey quipped. “Coy Goddard is a raging douche bag. His whole platform is about ‘reclaiming American values’ and restoring the traditional family unit. According to him, gays are the reason for hurricanes, 9/11, the recession, divorce, reality TV and self-checkout at the grocery store. Honestly, I didn’t realize I held so much power. I should probably start wearing a cape.”
I laughed. “How do you do it? That shit makes me so mad but you let it roll off. You always have.”
He shrugged. “What choice do I have, Jay? This is my life. I can’t change who I am. It took me a while to figure out that haters are always going to hate. Not because of what I do, but because of who they are. You can’t let it weigh you down. It’s not your baggage to carry. It’s theirs.”
“You’re amazing, Corey,” I said softly, and I meant every word.
He grinned. “Hence: the cape.”
Corey was still asleep when I left the loft that following morning.
Iris sent a car around by nine o’clock, and I was at a salon being primped, plucked and pampered until I looked like a representative of New York fashion. By noon I was at the new store for Tempestuous on Fifth Avenue, sampling a number of clothes for their grand opening. Because I was the “face” of Tempestuous, they booked an afternoon shoot at Central Park for photos for their new catalog.
I was living the life of a rock star, complete with a throng of PING paparazzi stalking me around
Manhattan. They all had the same question: “What do you think about your estranged husband romancing your former best friend all over the city?”
I answered in one of three ways.
Either I stayed quiet, mumbled, “No comment,” or – when I was especially annoyed – told them all to get a real job.
Guess which
response they printed in the report.
DIVA SNUBS PRESS AS SHE TAKES A HUGE BITE OUT OF THE BIG APPLE!
The second day I spent consulting with the director of the video, Roxy Malone. This was my first snag. She had a very definite idea of what she wanted to do with the video, which stretched me so far out of my comfort zone I immediately wanted to pull from the project.
I met her at the penthouse luxury apartment she was considering for
the shoot. The bedroom, which Roxy wanted to use as the focal point of the video, looked exactly like what I might expect the bedroom of a rock star diva to look like. Bold but feminine colors, such as royal purple and hot pink, filled the charcoal gray room that looked out over the famous New York City skyline. The dark ceiling was embedded with a hundred little sparkling lights, and the bench seating along two walls met in the center to feature a large, rounded bed. Pillows were strewn along the dark purple cushions, and sparkling pink material draped along the edge.
“I figured we could drape black fabric over those mirrored doors for the closet, and shoot a
t night with low light to set the mood. Candles and these lights overhead keep it dark and shadowy and sexy. The art of seduction at work,” she winked.
Though she was all of 4’11
and barely weighed 90 pounds, Roxy Malone’s personality was larger than life. I had heard her name tossed about in the past, mostly from Graham. He had enlisted this award-winning videographer on more than one occasion, each and every time resulting a huge success.
This pixie powerhouse
was covered in tattoos she wasn’t afraid to show off with short crop tops and fashionable short shorts. A fiery phoenix rose on her slender torso along her side and around to her chest. She wore a tiny hoop in her nose and another on her eyebrow, and her makeup was as punk as her dark, spiky hair that sported royal blue highlights.
“So what do you think?” Roxy asked as she turned to me with a big smile.
“It’s great,” I said immediately. “What kind of actors are you auditioning?”
She gave me a queer look, as if my question took her completely off guard. “None.
You’ll act out your song. And Griffin can be the romantic interest.”
My stomach dropped. “Are you kidding?”
She laughed. “It’s your brand, who better to represent it than you?”
I shook my head. “I’m no actress,” I clarified, albeit unnecessarily. “I think this song would be better suited if you hired
someone else to play the seductress.” They could keep Griffin, but if I tried to act out what I could barely even record in his presence, the whole endeavor would sink.
“Graham wanted to feature you and Griffin predominately,” she insisted. “I ran the idea past him and he loved it.”
“He would,” I said before I could stop myself. “He’s not going to have to pretend to be some sex kitten. I’m going to look ridiculous. Seriously, this is not who I am.”
She gave me a knowing smile. “I think it’s exactly who you are. And it’s definitely who you should be. You’re a game-changer, Jordi. You’re alternative, and that’s a strong voice for the disenfranchised. Owning your sex appeal isn’t just about selling a song for you. It’s about stepping into your full power as a woman. The whole world tells you that you can’t be sexy. It’s time you prove ‘em wron
g. I can help you do that. I want to help you do that. That’s why I took the project. I just need you to trust me.”
I was still on the fence by the time I left the meeting.
The stylist she hired for the video showed me the wardrobe and makeup ideas she had for a boudoir shot, and the more either of them said the more uncomfortable I got. The negligee was silky and allowed for precious little support garments underneath. It had spaghetti straps, which I knew would highlight my flabby arms, and neither Roxy nor her stylist Amelie would agree to a robe unless it was sheer. In fact they wanted to show more skin, not less.
By the time Griffin and his assistant Emma showed up, I was ready to run for the door. He had no qualms about stripping down to a pair of torn, unfastened jeans for the shoot, but then again his lithe body only had about ten percent body fat.
He had been known to strip down completely nude for charity. This was a person completely comfortable inside his own skin.
I was not that person. Worse, I could hardly voice those concerns in front of Griffin and his equally attractive assistant.
Emma Frost was petite, much like Roxy, with chestnut hair she wore long, complete with bangs that nearly fell over her big brown eyes. Her glasses, much like Roxy’s, were dark-rimmed, but Emma was more hipster than Goth/punk/alternative. She wore a mod dress with white thigh-high stockings and shiny, patent-leather Mary Janes.
I wanted to suggest that she play the part of the sex kitten since she was considerably more conventionally attractive
than I could ever hope to be. But I found myself unable to say anything at all, either yay or nay, as Roxy walked us through the storyboard she had created for the shoot.
I would be alone, on my bed, pining for a lover to seduce. I’d writhe on my back and on my tummy as I “made love” to the camera, until my rock star
lover appeared in my bed, half-naked and fully vulnerable to my many charms.
“Here he takes you into his arms and you let a kiss hang between you,” Roxy said. “Lots of tension. Sizzling hot.”
By the time I left the apartment and headed back to Corey’s loft, I was ready to pack up and fly right back to Los Angeles. We could do the shoot there, with Jace as my love interest. It took an emergency phone call to Jace, and Graham, and Iris, to talk me down from the ledge. All three of them said the same thing: it’s just a video.
“But they want me to be romantic with another man,” I said to Jace, who laughed softly.
“Should I be worried?” he asked.
“Of course not. You know I love you.”
“So what’s the problem?” he probed gently.
“This isn’t who I am,” I reiterated.
“Says who?” he wanted to know. “I think you’re the sexiest woman on the planet. I can’t wait to see the video so we can prove that to the rest of the world.”
“The rest of the world is filled with
people like Eddie and Pilar and Shane, Miles O’Rourke and PING. They’re going to have a field day after they see this stupid thing.”
“Babe, they’re going to hate anything you do. You can’t live your life for their standards. They don’t give a shit about you.
So do what is best for Jordi. Roxy Malone is a legend. There isn’t one performer who has worked with her that hasn’t hit the top of the charts or won awards for their groundbreaking videos. It’s entirely possible this video will break so much ground they’ll be talking about it for decades.”
The very thought made my stomach plummet. “That’s the double-edged sword, isn’t it? The more people know about me, the more exposed I am to their rejection.”
“Spoken like a true star,” he said. “But you’re my star. And I love you.”
I smiled. He always knew what to say. He was my rock, as always.
So I didn’t run away, even though every cell within my body screamed at me to do just that. When Roxy texted me that next day to confirm the shoot that Friday night, I only hesitated a minute before I wrote back, “I’ll be there.”
Then I put the phone down on the nightstand, walked into my private bathroom and promptly threw up.
New York City, NY
June 29, 2012
I had plenty to keep me preoccupied until the Friday night shoot scheduled at eight o’clock. The new Tempestuous store opened at ten that morning, so I was booked with public appearances through the afternoon. Because they had crafted an entire line for me, I was enlisted to model the new outfits at the heart of their new advertising campaign. I was shuttled around to the offices of at least four fashion magazines after I clipped the ribbon and signed autographs at the store. I ate an early dinner with Iris, who introduced me to one of her dear friends, Jacob Corey.