Entangled (61 page)

“God, I just wanted to feel something other than pain. And I almost did, I almost let myself go there.” Spencer glances at me. “It’s normal to want to feel the physical contact, especially being a guy. It happens.”

I shake my head. “But with Maddy it was never about sex. She got me, she saw something in me I didn’t see in myself. With her it was more emotional. She’s so passionate about music, animals and helping people. And despite the shit she’s gone through, she never let it define her.”

“You don’t have to either, Noah.”

“I know that now. But she helped me to realize it. And lex gave me the encouragement, I needed. I love her Spencer. I’m such a fool. I fucking love Maddy and nothing will ever change
that. I just hope I can be the best man for her.” My hands clench and unclench a few times, in my lap.

“Liste, Andi’s father died. I didn’t want to tell you right away. I just found out.” I sit straight up, stunned.

“Fuck.” I mutter under my breath, rubbing my temple. After thinking about it, there’s only one solution. “Looks like we’re taking a trip.”

“We’re taking a trip, or you’re going home.” Spencer asks.

“I’m going home. And you’re coming with me.” I always knew deep down I’d return to Colorado. And to Maddy. That’s my home. She’s my home and I can’t imagine a better place. I just needed distance and time to sort through my shit. Life without her was never a possibility, even if I had to fight someone else for her. I’d fight to the end.

“Awesome. I knew you’d go back.” He smiles.

When we get back to Spencer’s, I get on the phone with Aunt Linda. She’s more than ecstatic I’m coming back.

“She’s going to be so happy to see you, Noah. She’s been a mess.”

“Please don’t tell her or Andi. I want it to be a surprise.” This isn’t the ideal time to surprise her but in the midst of heartache; it will help her to know I’m not going anywhere this time. I’ll be there for good.

“Don’t worry, I won’t say a thing. I’m going to search for the quickest flight possible. I’ll call you soon.”

“Thanks Aunt Linda. I appreciate it, and everything.”

“I love you, Noah.”

I call my mother and we make plans for me to stay there. I’ve asked her to move to Colorado but I’m not sure what her final decision is. Ultimately it’s up to her. I just know she has more support and family in Colorado now than here in New York. Either way, I’m happy she’s doing something.

Now, it’s time to put this chapter of my life behind me. My future awaits.

Chapter 71

Maddy

Being prepared, even for months, doesn’t stop the pain. You can prepare for years for the death of a loved one and it still hurts the same. Surprisingly I held it together when Andi told me the news. I rushed to her side and held her while she cried her eyes out, cried her tears until there was nothing left. Mine wouldn’t come. I just felt numb.

Finally after an hour her tears ceased. She wiped her eyes and then proceeded to drag me to Midnight. We sang some karaoke together, which wasn’t that great.

Now I’m sitting here, hours later, alone. Andi had her fun and then left with Derrick. I chose to stay this time. Reflect on life, one good thing that’s happened is my father and I having a second chance for a real father-daughter relationship. But how can I be happy without feeling guilty?

“Want another beer?” I turn and spot Trey beside me. Great, just what I need.

“Trey, please leave. I want to be alone.”

“You’re too pretty to be alone.” I roll my eyes at his compliment, not in the mood. He doesn’t take the hint, moving a chair close to me. My nerves run like crazy in my body. I turn away from him, sipping on my water. “So how ya been?”

“I’m not in the mood for small talk, Trey.” I grit my teeth, watching karaoke going on.

“We could go back to my place and you could show me what you’re in the mood for.”

“Um, no thanks.”

“So where’s your hero? He seems to be missing these days. Did he ditch you?”

My hands clench into fists, aching to give him a shiner. I really wish he was here to save me from this asshole. “He’s not here. He had to go to New York for a little while.” Fuck, of all the times to run into Trey, this is not the ideal time. He finally moves his hand on my leg when I look away; I jump out of my seat. “Stop Trey, please leave.” He grips my hand and pulls me to him. His hands explore my lower body and I want to vomit. “Come on, don’t be afraid of me. I’ll show you a good time.”

“Hey! Get your fucking hands off the lady, asshole.” My heart stops at the sound of his voice. I blink a few times, certain I’m dreaming and he’s not really here, in front of me. But after a few more forceful blinks, I realize my eyes are not deceiving me and he’s really here. Noah. Is here.

“Noah.” I whisper, in both shock and relief.

Trey turns to face an angry Noah and laughs. “Jesus Christ, we really need to stop meeting like this.”

“We just need to stop meeting, period.” Noah replies, his eyes locked on mine. “Are you okay?” Too stunned to answer, I nod slowly. My heart races at the sight of him. I almost break down and cry from utter happiness that he’s here. I’ve missed him so much, my anger and heartbreak from him leaving me doesn’t matter anymore. Does this mean he’s staying?

‘Maddy.” He says my name with a hint of sorrow or pain. I want to throw my arms around him and never let go. But instead, he pulls me to him and the only thing I can do is follow, because all of my limbs and bones and muscles are stiff. “God Maddy.” He pulls me to his chest and tears run down his cheek. Or maybe they’re mine. I can’t remember. “I’m so sorry, so fucking sorry. About Andi’s dad, about us, about everything.” He holds me tightly and finally, my arms and legs work again and I cry into his chest. His hands caress my back, comfortingly. I feel like I’m home, where I belong. “Look, I have a lot to say. I don’t expect you to forgive me or want anything to do with me.”

“Noah-“

“No, please let me talk first, explain why I left.”

“Noah, to the stage please.” Mike calls on the microphone. I look at him and then at Noah. I see the conflicting emotions all over his face.

“Okay, so the talk will have to wait. Please, listen to me. I requested a song that speaks to my heart and I hope it speaks to yours too”

“Of course.” Noah leaves my side and walks to the stage. I find an empty table, closest to the front. My heart is thumping wildly in my chest. I don’t know if it’s from seeing him again or anxious about him singing. Either way, the loud thump is all I can hear.

“Oh yay, Noah’s finally performing for us.” Spencer sits down beside me.

“Hey.”

“Hi Maddy. I’m sorry about Andi. I know you’ve had a lot to deal with.”

“I’m glad she has you, Spencer. I’ve always thought you’d be good for her.”

“I like her, I wasn’t sure if I really did anything. I just listened.”

“Sometimes all a person needs is someone to listen.” We look back to the stage. Noah is talking to Mike.

“There wasn’t a day Noah didn’t think of you.” I study his back, the khaki pants and black and white striped dress shirt tucked in. His hair is shorter and spiked at the top. “I’m sure he’ll talk to you but his stay in New York was pretty miserable. Except when he visited Lex’s grave, he was so brave and emotional. He told her about you, how he fell in love and wants to do right by you.”

I feel an ache in my heart, having an idea how he must have felt being there. I know how I felt visiting my mother after years. But I’m glad to know he has Spencer to help him through it. “I was miserable too. I wanted him to talk to me, not run from me. I wanted to help him.”

Spencer shakes his head, “He had to face his demons on his own. And he did. Look, I’m sure he’ll explain everything. I’m going to meet up with Andi. You two have a lot of catching up to do. Just know, he’s never been as happy as he is when was with you. You changed his world, Maddy. Thank you.” He rushes off before I can thank him for being such a great person, rock in Noah’s life. And now Andi’s.

“Sorry, we had to find the right song.” Noah’s voice fills the bar. My heart leaps at the deep baritone sound. He clears his throat, taking the microphone off the stand. “I broke a lot of hearts in my life and I never felt sorry, until one day, someone unexpected walked into my life and changed everything. She made me feel things I had never allowed myself to feel. And then I walked away from her, like a coward. Biggest mistake of my life.” I notice all eyes trained on Noah. Everyone is mesmerized by his heartfelt confession. When I look back, he’s staring right at me as if he could see into my soul. I swallow my emotions back. It’s no use though, after losing Jim, my father and I working things out and dealing with our past, and now with Noah back, it’s a bit overwhelming. “I’ve made mistakes, a lot. But I will do everything to fix this one. Even if it takes years.” He takes a breath, walking to the front of the stage and sits down on the edge. “This is for you, Maddy. I love you and I’m so sorry,” the music starts to play and right away I recognize the song. Knowing people are staring at me, I smile. Nothing else matters except me and the gorgeous, dark, hottie who’s serenading me.

It’s been raining since you left, now I’m drowning in the flood,

You see I’ve always been a fighter but without you, I give up.

I…will love you baby. Always, and I’ll be there forever and a day.

Always.

I sit and sing along with the words, my eyes closed. I feel tears running down my cheeks. I feel the emotions behind his performance. And when I open my eyes, he’s right in front of me, singing.

If you told me to cry for you, I could.

If you told me to die for you, I would.

Take a look at my face, there’s no price I won’t pay.

To say these words to you.

He takes my hand and pulls me up so we’re face to face. It’s just us, singing Always..which isn’t as good as Bon Jovi singing it. But I think he’d enjoy it anyway because of the story behind it. There’s something about a guy pouring his heart out into a song that’s just spellbinding. It’s probably why I’ve always loved his songs. All of them reach deep into your soul, pulling the emotional strings. Noah places a gentle kiss on my forehead before his next part sweeps me off my feet. The lyrics were written for us…

Well there ain’t no luck in these loaded dice,

But baby if you give me just one more try,

We can pack up our old dreams and our own lives,

We’ll find a place where the sun still shines and I…will love you, baby.

Always, and I’ll be there forever and a day.

Always.

Before the song fully ends, he scoops me up in his arms, kissing me senseless. His hold on my lower back is protective and firm. I faintly hear the cheers from the crowd. Our mouths find each other, our tongues entangled with each other. My hands skim through his hair crazily, messing up his new ‘do. Our bodies fitting together like the last piece of a puzzle.

He pulls back and scans my face. “Sorry, I guess I got carried away.” His sly grin makes my pulse quicken. God I’ve missed his sexy smirk.

“You and me both.” I admit. He holds up his finger, asking me to wait while he returns the mic to the stand. Everyone, including Mike cheers loudly.

“Let’s give it up for Noah. Nice job.” He winks at me and I return a smile.

When Noah comes back to my side, he leans into my ear and whispers, “Do you wanna go somewhere quiet?”

“Yes, I’ll go anywhere with you.” His face lights up. Taking the lead, I follow him outside. As soon as we’re out of the bar, Noah spins around, catching me off-guard and I’m pinned beneath him against the brick wall. He’s in my face with a very serious, intense sparkle in his eye. “Uh, Noah I was thinking more like our apartment or somewhere more private.” He lets up a smidge but still caging me in. Of course I really don’t mind this either.

“I know, I just always wanted to do that to you, for a long time. You’re sexy as hell when you’re startled.” He nips at my bottom lip before covering my mouth with his. My hands grasp the back of his neck. I feel his hand snake up my shirt, grazing my belly and almost sends me to my knees. He stops, feeling my body tremble. We peer into each other’s eyes and when he closes his, he slowly leans his forehead against mine. “I’ve missed this, so damn much.” He whispers. “Maddy, I’m so-“

“Shh,” I silence him. “We’ve got a lot to talk about. Both of us, but right now, I just want to be in a bed with you, in your arms, whether we’re doing something or not.”

“Wait, please, I had a whole speech planned. Just let me say this and get it out and then we can leave.” He paces back and forth, nervously. “I fucked up. I left, I ran and I was scared. You made me so happy that I was scared I’d fuck it up so I decided to leave so I wouldn’t hurt you down the road from now. I swear to you, life is gonna be tough, life is gonna throw us curveballs. I swear to you, you’re gonna cry. I swear to you, you’re gonna want to throw in the towel and quit. But I swear to you, that I’m gonna spend every day of my life trying to make you happy. If I fail, at least I tried and gave it my all. I swear to God, I’m gonna be the man you’ve always needed, the man I should’ve been. I’ll never leave you again. I’ll spend every day trying to make up for the time we lost because of my cowardice.” He starts to choke on his emotions. I take his hand in mine, and nod my head for him to continue as if he depended on my touch for strength to keep going. He relaxes, slightly and smiles. His eyes are glossy as if tears were ready to spill over. It warms my heart to see him opening up, even if he cried. I wanted that. It shows he’s human, not made of stone and definitely not like his heartless father, which I always knew. “If there’s one thing I learned from being apart from you,” he continues, staring into my eyes, “it’s that my life doesn’t make sense unless you’re in it. I didn’t know how to live, until I met you. I didn’t know how good it felt to smile again, until I met you. I didn’t know the beauty of skin on skin, until my body craved your touch. And I certainly didn’t know what love was or how amazing it felt, until I looked deep into your eyes and saw my future. You opened my eyes and now I can’t imagine closing them. You’re my heart, my soul and my everything. I want you to be my wife someday. I want to have a bunch of babies with you I want to make a million and one mistakes with you and then fix them, together. . I want to make love to you over and over, for the rest of our lives, being the only one to touch your beautiful naked body, making you squirm, hearing you moan my name. And in turn, I want you to be the only woman to ever discover my sensitive body parts, pleasing me, loving me, broken and all. Scarred or healed. Just give me another chance and I’ll show you, I’ll move heaven and earth for you. God,” He wipes my tears away that I didn’t realize I was crying. And then his fingers trace my jawline, slowly. “I’m so truly, madly, deeply in love with you. And I don’t want to stop.” His breath is hot on my face.