Enchanted and Desired (43 page)

“No….N…N…No. It was an accident, I would never try to trap you. I love you. And I love our baby.” His face slowly twists into a repugnant smirk, pure evil radiating from every pore. I instinctively wrap my arms around my stomach.

“There is no ‘OUR’ baby. We are not having a fucking baby together. Not now…not ever. You’re just a piece of ass that I keep around because you’re like a little lap dog, eager to fucking please me, and you’ll do anything I ask, no matter how much of a fucking slut it makes you.”

I choke down my fear, steeling myself to say the words he needs to hear, finding a confidence I didn’t even know I had.

“I’m keeping the baby Gavin. With or without you.”

“That’s not your decision to make.”

“It’s my body.” My pulse is racing in my ears, every instinct I have telling me to get out of here.

“The fuck it is! It’s MY body. And you are NOT having a fucking baby.” The look in his eyes is chilling.

I make a run for the door, for freedom, for safety. I reach out my hand and manage to grab hold of the handle. One twist is all it needs; all I need to get away from him.

“Oh no you don’t. Fucking whore.” He drags me away from the door by my hair. Tearing some of it out with his brute force.

“Who the fuck do you think you are? You’re just a stupid little bitch. You’re nothing.” I scramble away from him on my hands and knees, trying to find somewhere to shelter me from his wrath.

He grabs my leg, pulling me towards him, my face and stomach smacking onto the hard concrete floor when I lose my balance. I try to hold onto anything around me, but nothing can stop him now. He flips me onto my back, pulling me up by my shirt until his face is an inch from mine; his spit hitting my face as he speaks.

“You’re going to be sorry you tried to run away again Jess. I warned you. But you never fucking listen.” The first punch connects with my cheek, making my head spin. He doesn’t hold back.

“Please stop Gavin. Please.”

My words fall on deaf ears. He’s lost to the anger, the rage, and the bloodlust I see in his eyes. I curl into a ball, shielding my stomach with my arms and legs in the hopes that I can keep my baby safe from this animal.

The world around me goes quiet as I shut down. I shut off my emotions, I shut out the pain…and I try to wait it out. Punch after punch, followed by his boot kicking into me, my ribs, my legs, and my back. With a final kick straight to my stomach, to our baby, he spits on me and leaves me for dead. Death would be a sweet relief from the pain and humiliation, and utter terror I feel.

I lay there for an hour before I found the strength and the courage to move. I waited until I knew the halls would be empty enough for me to leave without being seen. I took myself to the ER where I told them I had been mugged and attacked by a stranger. They wanted to call the authorities, but I told them I didn’t want any police involved.

While I sat in the sterile white room, waiting on a nurse returning to give me a few stitches to a cut on my arm, the worst happened. I started bleeding. It didn’t stop. Two days later my baby, was gone. Its father punched and kicked it to death…and I couldn’t do anything to stop him.

That was the moment I stopped feeling, stopped caring, and stopped loving. The day my baby died, a part of me died with it.

SIMON

It’s been an hour since they took Jess into surgery. The longest hour of my life. I’ve been pacing the waiting room, pacing the halls, feeling like a caged animal, helpless and terrified. Brandon came back with fresh clothes, and I forced myself to take five minutes to get changed and cleaned in the bathroom. He’s been trying to keep Lily calm and positive, telling her how Jess will be back busting our balls in no time. I want to believe his words so badly it hurts.

Jess’s parents and mine are here now, waiting and hoping with the rest of us, and together there is a collective gasp when the door swings open and a doctor enters the room, still in surgical scrubs.

“Mr. Mantovani?” I’m standing in front of her in a flash, desperate for any news she can give me.

“Yes. How’s Jess?”

“I’m Doctor Field. I’ve been working on your wife since she came in today.” She looks around the room, a question in her eyes.

“It’s okay doctor, we’re all family. Please just tell us how she is.” Her eyes lock with mine, her expression grave.

“It’s not looking good.” My world just fucking stops.

“We had to deliver the baby. She’s small, but she’s fighting. They’ve taken her up to the N.I.C.U.”

She? I have a daughter?

“Jessica has extensive scarring on her uterus from her previous pregnancy, and the placenta was attached to an area of scar tissue. It ruptured, causing the hemorrhage.” Previous pregnancy? Why didn’t she tell me? “We’re struggling to stop the bleeding at the moment. She’s losing blood as fast as we’re transfusing it. If we don’t manage to stop it soon, she’s not going to pull through.”

All I can feel is my heart hammering against my ribcage, trying desperately to burst out of my chest. She can’t die. She…I…We…there’s so much I wanted to say to her, so much time we were supposed to have.

“Our only option at this point is to perform a hysterectomy. I know she’s very young for this, but it’s her only chance of survival, and even then, I can’t guarantee that she’ll make it through the surgery. Her body is very weak. If we remove her uterus, it will give her a 50/50 chance.”

I feel Brandon’s hand on my shoulder, and I realize that everyone is standing around me, waiting for me to speak. I look at Jess’s parents, their faces distraught, devoid of color, their lips set in a grim line as they give me an imperceptible nod.

“Do it. Do whatever it takes to save her. Please.”

“We will. I can promise you that.” She makes her way to the door, turning just before she disappears from sight. “I would urge you go and see your baby Mr. Mantovani. She’s fighting for her life, and hearing her daddy’s voice will be a big comfort to her.” And with that massive revelation, she heads back to the O.R.

I completely fucking lose it.

“CAZZO….FUCK!” I lash out, punching straight through one of the walls in the waiting room. Brandon is behind me, holding onto me, and it feels like he’s the only thing holding the broken pieces of me together.

“I’m so fucking sorry Si.” He pulls me back and into his arms. “She’s a fighter Si, she’s going to fucking fight to come back to you. To you
and
the baby.”

I cling to my best friend, my brother, hoping to garner some strength from him. “I can’t do this without her man. I need her. She’s fucking everything to me. This can’t be how it ends.” I can feel the tears welling in my eyes. My desperation thick and heavy in my voice.

“The last conversation we had, I told her I couldn’t trust her, and that it would never work between us. I told her I would be there for her and the baby, but that our relationship was over. That can’t be the last thing I ever say to her.”

“She knows you love her Si.”

“I didn’t fucking mean it, any of it. I was hurt and scared and I thought it was for the best. Now it just seems so fucking stupid. I love her, and I need her more than my next fucking breath. A world without her in it, isn’t comprehensible to me. It just isn’t right.” Lily comes to wrap her arms around us both.

“Lily, I’m so sorry. If I had never pursued her, we wouldn’t be sitting here right now, and Jess wouldn’t be…dying on an O.R. table. I only ever wanted to protect her, to love her, to build a life with her and grow old with her.”

“She’s going to get through this Si. Jester is going to get through this. 50% is more than enough odds for my girl to kick death’s ass. She loves you Si, and she wants this baby more than anything. She’s not going down without a fight.” I squeeze her close to me.

“I hope you’re right.”

I hear my mom’s voice close by. “You need to get that hand seen to. You’ll be no use to Jess or the baby with a mangled hand.” I suddenly feel the pain coursing through my hand, looking down to see blood and shards of sheetrock protruding from my skin.

“I don’t want to leave here in case they come back to tell us what’s happening with Jess.”

“It’s going to be at least another hour before they come back with any information. Go. Get your hand seen to, and then come back.”

“Okay. But call my cell the minute you hear anything.” Brandon assures me that he’ll come and find me if there is any news, and so, reluctantly I head down to the E.R. to find out what I already know, that I’ve broken my hand.

The staff are very understanding of my situation, fast-tracking my X-ray, and getting my hand put in a cast up to my elbow in record time. It hurts like a motherfucker, but it’s nothing compared to the pain I feel waiting to hear if Jess is going to live…or die.

Now is the time that I need to man up. I’m a father now, and my baby girl needs me too.

As I step through the doors of the N.I.C.U., head to toe in scrubs, my body is vibrating with nerves and fear. I’m about to meet my daughter for the first time. This is not how I envisioned this happening. I thought, like everybody does, that Jess and I would be together, welcoming our baby into the world after nine months of waiting. Instead, Jess is fighting to stay alive, and so is our daughter. She’s ten weeks premature, and the nurses have already warned me that she’s tiny, weighing no more than a bag of sugar.

“This way Mr. Mantovani.” A kind looking nurse leads me over to the corner, where I can see an incubator, surrounded by machines that are beeping, and tubes that are attached to my baby girl.

“She’s doing really well considering how premature she is. You’ve got a little fighter on your hands.”

My voice is a whisper. “Just like her mommy.”

Nothing prepares me for what I see as I stand in front of the clear box that is keeping my baby alive.

She is so incredibly tiny. She could fit in the palm of my hand, fragile, and breath-taking. She is covered in tubes and needles, with tiny bandages holding them in place. I watch the rise and fall of her almost transparent skin as the machines breathe for her, and I can see the tiny flutter of her rapid heartbeat; my own heart swelling in my chest, overwhelmed with a love I never knew was possible.

She has the smallest little hands and feet that I have ever seen, perfectly formed, and oh so beautiful. Even with most of her features obscured by the tubes, it’s clear to me that she looks like Jess. A little princess, my tiny treasure. I press my hand to the glass because it’s the closest I can get to her.

“Hi Tesorina. I’m your daddy. You have no idea just how much I love you. And your mom? God, she hasn’t been able to come say hi yet, but she desperately wants to meet you. She is going to be so in love with you. We’re going to be so happy together, the three of us. Us against the world. So you just keep fighting for me baby girl. For your mom. We need you.”

I just stand and stare at her, in awe, for the longest time, praying that she is strong enough to survive this. She’s so small. I have never been so consumed with love for someone in my life. I never knew this kind of love existed, until I looked into her tiny face and it hit me like a freight train. I can’t do this alone…I need Jess…our baby needs her mother.

The nurse comes over to speak to me. “Mr. Mantovani, the doctor needs to speak to you about your wife. She’ll meet you up in the O.R. waiting room now.”