“You frustrated?” I ask.
“Yeah.”
“Good.”
He leans his head back and nods, understanding why I’m torturing him. If he wants me to show him how I’ve been feeling, then he’s gonna feel it.
I raise myself up so my folds hug his hardness, and I slide myself up to the tip of his cock.
“Fuck, you’re wet,” he murmurs.
I don’t answer but continue my movements. Up and down. Soft then hard. Fast then slow. Sweat begins to form on my back, and his eyes squeeze together. I grind myself against him one more time, and he surprises me when he latches onto my butt.
“I’m not about to come with you teasing me like that. Put my dick inside you and fuck me.”
I press my hands against his shoulders and lift myself up as he angles his tip against my entrance. Just the feel of him there has my body already tightening, and he leans forward so our foreheads are touching.
“Ride me, baby.”
Sinking down on him makes me sigh and him grunt. I keep my forehead against his and do as he asked. I ride him.
“That’s my girl.”
“I’m not yours,” I argue.
“No?”
“No.”
He smirks and bends his knees, meeting my thrusts. “You’re mine,” he pants.
“I’m not.”
No matter how much I continue to argue, we both know I’m lying. I want to be his. I’ve wanted that since I was in high school, but he’s always fucking disappeared. He refused to see me. He’s the one who’s been shutting me out.
My eyes fill with tears of frustration and need and desire. I slam down harder on him, and he licks his lips.
“Yeah,” he whispers. “Show me.”
“You left me.”
“I know.”
I stop and hover over him, leaving only an inch of his dick inside me. “I’m so mad at you.” I slam down again, and he growls.
“I know.”
“Fuck.” I do it again and again until I’m coming apart, grinding against him, to wring every ounce of pleasure as long as I can. The tears that fall from my eyes are uncontrollable, and the emotion swirling in my body is something I’ve never experienced before.
He grips my hips and stills inside me, his release mixing with my own. His arms band around me and he pulls me closer, chest to chest. I shove my face in his neck and weep; my entire body shakes as years and years of feelings collide.
“Don’t cry, Jessa. Please don’t cry.”
Chapter 11
Ty
I hold her close, and it takes everything in me not to fucking cry with her. This woman is all I’ve wanted for-fucking-ever, and I still can’t have her the way I want. Probably never will. But that won’t stop me from taking her while I can, because I’m a selfish bastard.
She hiccups and I roll us over and slide out of her, immediately missing her warmth. I push her tear-soaked hair off her face and tuck it behind her ears so I can see her beautiful face.
“Shh. It’s okay.”
She shakes her head. “But it … it’s not.”
“What’s with the tears, babe?”
“Everything. You. I want you one minute, and then I hate you the next. I don’t even know you, but I never stop thinking about you. I’ve never stopped thinking about you, especially that night—how damn guilty I’ve felt for it. And then Marco visiting me at work, and I’ve been—”
“What?” I roar and sit up, before hopping out of bed.
I pull up my boxers and kneel on the foot of her bed, breathing deeply to try to regain my control. She’s still naked, and I have to force myself to look at her eyes instead of the most perfect body I’ve ever seen. The most delicious flavor I’ve ever tasted. The tightest I’ve ever been in.
“What happened?” I growl, even though I intended for it to come out nicer than that.
“Yesterday”—she swallows—“he stopped by the clinic.”
I’m reaching for my jeans already. I’m gonna kill the bastard. This ends now. “What did he say? He touch you? Hurt you?”
“He said to tell you he said ‘hi.’ ”
Fuck. Fucking motherfucker. “What else?”
“He came in asking about putting a dog down. Said that he was visiting his bitch. Then …”
Shit, he’s been following her. “What? Then what?”
“Don’t yell at me!” she cries, and I immediately dive on the bed to hold her.
“I’m sorry. Christ, I’m sorry.” I kiss the top of her head and hold her trembling body. “I’m so sorry.”
This is why. Right here. This is why we’ll never work. My world and hers don’t mix. My world will get her killed. She deserves to be with someone whose past and present won’t ruin her future.
“He smelled me.” Her body shivers as mine constricts.
Rage ignites in my veins. Sick fucker. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”
“I was going to the next time I saw you, and then you were an asshole earlier today and—”
“Fuck, I know it. I’m such an ass. Listen.” I shift our bodies so she can see me. See the conviction in my eyes. “I’ll take care of him.”
My lips press against hers for a long, hard kiss, and I pull away.
“Don’t leave me,” she cries, clinging to my arms.
“I’ve gotta go, babe.” Find Marco and crush him.
“No!” Her terrified scream punches me in the gut, and I lie down with her.
If she needs me right now, then the least I can do is be here for her. Nobody’s ever needed me except my mom, and that was out of necessity, not love. “Okay, I’ll stay.”
She clings a little tighter, and our breaths even out as I run my fingers through her hair. Her leg wraps around me, and her fingers are digging into me.
“Will he come back?”
“No,” I promise.
As she falls asleep, I absorb her light, her strength. Her beauty. Just as the sun is starting to rise, I loosen her body from mine and slide out of the bed. My shirt’s in a crumpled ball on the floor, so I grab it along with my boots and head downstairs to finish getting dressed. As I walk to my truck, I let go of the fragile man she makes me. In its place, the hardened bastard that I truly am rises to the surface.
* * *
“Stand down,” Jay tells me.
“He fucking smelled her, Jay. If you don’t take him down, I will. Fuck the badge, fuck the planning. Fuck. It. All,” I threaten.
“You won’t, because then everything we’ve worked for will be ruined. You didn’t do six on the inside for him to put your ass back there just when everything is in our grasp.”
“He’s watching her!” I scream and throw my glass across the room. It shatters, and the whiskey splatters over my white walls and slides down. “Every fucking piece of intel we had cleared her. How the fuck did we not know this?”
Jay sets a pointed look at me, and I squint at him. “I wasn’t followed. I wouldn’t risk her.”
“He knows you’re screwing her.”
“Watch it,” I warn.
“It’s the truth.” He shrugs. “Even if he was watching her, he never made contact until now. Until you started showing up at her place. He wants you, Ty, not her. She’s just a means to an end. Sucks, but the moment he laid eyes on her that night six years ago, she was involved. Because he knows you care about her.”
He’s right, but fuck, it burns me that Marco got the drop on me. I’ve been careless with her because I’ve wanted her so badly. Craved her. I was so desperate to feel her beneath me that I fucked up. I watched my back but, apparently, not hers. He’s been quiet involving her, but I won’t underestimate him. He’ll use her when it’s convenient for him … He’s like a snake; he’ll strike eventually.
“You know what you have to do.” He’s not asking me, though. He’s telling me.
“Yeah.” I take a swig out of the whiskey bottle and wipe my mouth with the back of my hand. “I do.”
Jay nods at me then pauses before he opens the door. “I’ll put someone on her, but until this is over, stay away from her. We don’t need any more complications.”
I don’t answer, and when he closes the door behind him, I change my clothes then head out to find Marco.
He’s at his usual spot. It’s going to take every single molecule in my body to pull this off without ripping his dick off and feeding it to him.
“Heard you had a message for me.” I flip the chair next to him and straddle it while waving the waitress over.
Marco doesn’t say anything until the nearly nude hooker places a glass of whiskey in my hand. She runs her finger down my arm as she sashays away, and my skin crawls. The thought of anyone other than Jessa’s soft hands running over my body makes me gag.
I can still feel her. Her soft curves. Her smooth skin. Her slick pussy. I can still see her, too. How she looked at me with those damn innocent eyes like she always does. Like she sees more than I really am.
“Didn’t think you had it in you,” he grunts.
“What?”
“To be able to keep a clean cunt like her.”
I slam back the liquid and enjoy the burn as it slides down my throat. “You ever fucked clean pussy, Marco?” I don’t give him a chance to answer. “If she calls, I’ll fucking answer. Believe that.” I stand up and lean down so my face is closer to his. The heat from the smoke in his hand doesn’t deter me from moving away.
“Whatever you think you’re about to say to me,” he whispers, “you’d better be prepared for the consequences.”
“Off-fucking-limits.”
“Nobody is off-limits to me.”
“She is.”
“You’re not in the position to negotiate.”
I tighten my fists so I don’t wrap them around his neck. “I’m here, though. And I can make myself disappear. Then who’ll get you your money? We both know I’m the only one who produces the results you want, so don’t fucking tell me I’m not in the position to negotiate.”
He nods his head in contemplation. “You were getting complacent. I needed to make sure you remembered your place.”
“I don’t need you to threaten an innocent bitch who happens to like my cock, Marco. You scare her again, and then she won’t let me get between her silky thighs. And I really like what’s between them.” God, just thinking about it makes my dick hard. “Off-limits. Or I’m gone.”
He presses his cigarette into my arm, and I grind my jaw together, refusing to show pain. His calculating eyes bore into mine as he twists the embers into my skin. Once the smoke vanishes, he flicks the butt across the room and stands to face me head-on. “Nobody threatens me.”
“Not a threat.” I lower my voice. “It’s a fucking promise.”
His eyes contemplate me. I realize I’m not actually in a position to do this, and Jay’ll fuckin’ slit my throat if he knows I went against what he ordered, but Marco knows me, and he knows I’d never let his threat slide. No matter how powerful he is. That’s part of why he’s always challenged me; he knows I won’t back down.
“You slip; I’ll get to see how clean that cunt of hers really is.”
“Pull your men,” I order.
“I pull my men, you only get five percent next time.”
“Deal,” I answer immediately.
I turn and begin to walk away from him before he can say another goddamned word. My truck leads me to my house, and I park it then take off on a jog. I need to clear my fuckin’ head.
My old hood flashes before my eyes as I sprint through the dirty street. The house I grew up in is still abandoned; nobody’s lived in it since Mom passed. I slow my feet and walk up the rickety porch. The first memories of my life play in front of my eyes like a movie. A horror movie.
My mother on her back as a man thrusts into her. She cried out every time, but her face didn’t look sad, and I was so confused. Growing up to realize your mom is a whore isn’t even a little bit fun. Getting thrown into her world—stealing by the time I was nine, dealing by the time I was thirteen, and being pimped out by the time I was fifteen are not only unusual ways to grow up, but they’re fucked up.
Really fucked up. And the only fucking light I’ve had in the dreary gloom that is my life is Jessa.
I don’t know how, but she managed to be there when I was at my end. When I couldn’t fucking take it anymore. She thinks I saved her, but the reality is she saved me. I don’t give a shit what happens to me after this whole thing finishes with Marco, but if me sticking around means keeping her safe from him, then I’ll stay.
But once he’s put in the ground, I’ll make sure to leave for her sake. Because the nastiness of my life has seeped into hers too much already, and I don’t deserve — she doesn’t deserve — for me to taint her life anymore.
Chapter 12
Jessa
My radar goes off when I open my door, and I smile internally, knowing he’s here again. How messed up is it that my body—my heart—knows when he’s near? I set my purse and the grocery bags on the kitchen counter then round the corner to the living room.
His lips tilt up when he sees me, and my dogs don’t move from their position surrounding him. Traitors.
“Hi.” I lean against the wall and cross my arms. “I’m surprised to see you.”
He takes a swallow of his beer then sets it on the coffee table before standing and crowding me. “Good surprised or bad surprised?” Even though he just drank beer, his breath somehow still smells like mint.
“It’s always good to see you.”
The constant intensity in his eyes softens for a moment, and he reaches up and holds my face between his calloused hands. “You’re the only person who’s ever said that to me.”
“I’m sorry. They don’t know what they’re missing.”
He licks his lips and runs his thumb over my lip and then drops his head. “Fuck.”
“What?”
When he steps back, I reach for him because I know what he’s doing. “No.”
“I was trying to tell myself that I’d come here to keep you safe from Marco, but the fuckin’ reality is me being with you is what’s putting you in danger in the first place.” He pulls his arm out of my grasp and paces in front of me, muttering words I can’t hear.
“Ty.”
He shakes his head and ignores me.
“Ty!”
Abruptly, he stops. “I can’t be here.” He turns to me and grabs my face the same way as before, just not as gently this time. “I can’t be here. I can’t do this to you.”
“Don’t,” I beg. “Please don’t leave me again. We haven’t even had a chance to be normal because you keep leaving.”
“Things with me will never be normal, Jessa. I have to leave. What in the fuck am I thinking, being here?” He lowers his voice so low that I barely hear the last part.