“My father
loved
my mother,” Neil explained, looking away. “From what I know from family it might have been real love at one point in time but she couldn’t stay faithful and instead of just letting her go and moving on, it twisted into this obsessive, hateful emotion that no one could call love except
him
. And she got off on it. He’d beat her and still she’d find one guy or another to step out on him with and get caught fucking so he’d go just a little bit crazier.”
“That’s just
nuts
,” I hissed as I wrapped my arms around his. “I’m sorry.”
“He finally cracked when I was at college, sophomore year, rooming with Craig. Shot her, her current lover, and then himself. All in the name of
love
. So I guess Craig’s right. I don’t know what love is or how to love—”
“I don’t believe you
don’t
know
how
to love or your best friend would ever say that to you,” I argued, laying my head on his shoulder. “I would never have told you how I felt if you hadn’t shown me love, Neil. No one would. Who wants to be rejected?”
“You confuse me. You blur the lines of what I know but you mean the world to me. That I never doubt. Can that be enough for now while we work through this?”
I only took a moment to consider that. “Yes. Yes, I accept your terms.”
“Good,” he sighed, sagging against me. Then he started sniffling as his hand ran through my hair and I felt tears against my neck. “You can’t ever do that again, my fine ocelot. I thought I was losing you right before my eyes.
Please
, I’ll do whatever you need, build you a sunroom or find a place for you to run. I was looking into that Saturday night after we fought. But I can’t ever go through this again. I thought my heart would stop when I came home and found you like that.”
“I’m okay now,” I lied and then thought the truth was better. “I
will
be better soon, we will be. It’s going to be okay. We’ll learn how to deal with my shifter emotions together now that we both know how to avert mating pitfalls. I didn’t know anything like this could happen either.”
“Good, good,” he muttered over and over again as he dragged me onto his lap. He held me gently as if I was the most precious thing in the world to him, cradling me to him, and I started purring. I felt the stress slowly slip out of his exhausted body, and minutes later, I realized my mate had finally found some rest.
Fuck knew he needed it. I took a nap right there on his lap because, well, I needed it too. We’d both been through quite an ordeal.
One I never,
ever
wanted to repeat.
7
I woke to loud purring, a firm ass rubbing back against my groin just as I had for many nights in a row now since Cecil had started sleeping in my bed every night. I quickly jumped away, cursing he’d taken the edge of the bed so now I had to scramble across the king mattress before he could.
And he was faster than me. He didn’t even try to hide it anymore.
“Do you not want me anymore, Neil?” he whispered just as I reached the edge and my feet hit the floor. “Do I repulse you now after the way you saw me before Samuel helped me get better?”
“What?” I gasped, my head darting in his direction even as I grabbed my robe and slid it on. “
No
, Cecil. No. That’s not true at all. You’re just as beautiful to me as the day I met you. It was hard getting over seeing you that way, but you were sick. It happens. You’re gorgeous always.” I glanced down to tie the belt of my robe, and he was suddenly standing in front of me.
Fuck, he was fast.
“Then why don’t you touch me?” he murmured as he ran his hands up my chest, teasing me in the best way. “I’m ready, Neil. I’ve been giving you the green light for a week and a half. The night Samuel flew back and told us to resolidify our bond, I promised you I was ready.” He pulled back the lapels of my robe and went to remove it, letting go and frowning at what he found.
“I’m not,” I admitted, hating the pain on his face when he stumbled back a step when he saw my dick was completely soft after he’d been revving me up.
He looked at me with accusation and hurt his eyes. “But you were hard when I woke up!
“And then I did and he went down,” I sighed.
“You lied. You think I’m hideous now.” He turned to rush out of the room and my adrenaline kicked up in a way I’d never felt before.
“No!”
I bellowed and grabbed him around the waist. I threw him on the bed and pinned him under me. “We agreed, you
swore
no running off upset again. You
swore
it! It can’t happen again if you don’t lock yourself up somewhere and shut me out.”
He blinked up at me with wide eyes and nodded. “I was just going to make your coffee and take a breather before we talked at breakfast.” Cecil stared at my heaving chest then to my eyes which I was sure were wild and crazed. “Neil, why do you go soft when you wake up?”
“Because you want sex from me and it’s not just sex,” I answered, finally letting it all out, everything I’d been carrying around since he’d started healing and Samuel had told us we needed to strengthen our bond. “We’re a fucking minefield. You have some mystical ability to
accidentally
kill yourself in two days if I hurt you, there’re laws that prevent this from being a real relationship which is where it needs to end up so you don’t die because we’re mates and your cat thinks we’re already at, I’m screwed in the head eight days out of seven, so yeah, I just try not to step on the mines. And sex is one big fucking mine.”
“And you’re scared,” he added gently.
“I’m
freaking
out,” I chuckled, not worried about my pride or any bullshit. We could be honest about that. “I have this
gorgeous
, sexy man in my bed, purring and begging me and I’m hard as can be until I wake up fully and remember. Then everything—even my damn dick—is going, no, I could almost
kill you
again and sex isn’t worth that.”
“My poor Neil,” he sighed. “You need a back rub. You’ve been way stressed out and I’ve not even seen it.”
“We’re leaving for the Hamptons today to prepare for the party. We don’t have—” I let out a small yelp as he easily rolled us and then flipped me under him. Okay, so in reality I wasn’t pinning him at all. Great.
“I know the schedule,” he teased, kissing my neck. “I wrote the schedule. We have plenty of time to relax you before the stress of the party is added to your plate.”
“Uh-huh,” I moaned as his talented hands got to work. Damn, I had missed this.
“Did Samuel give you the chicken/egg talk?”
I instantly felt the tension come back. “Shhh, de-stressing here.”
“I know. I think I can help. You’re way more wigged out than I am and I was the one who almost died.” I thought that over a moment and then shook my head. “Then I will yell at Samuel our next call and bite the man if I ever see him again because that talk is why I’m calmer. I feel what you do, Neil. My
head
is overruling that after he explained a few things to me.”
“Okay, now I want the talk,” I muttered as I grabbed a pillow and propped up my shoulders on it.
“It’s gruesome but you have to think of our bond like a spinal cord, not just a rope, that attaches us. All kinds of nerves and feelings that join us together. What happened partially severed that cord so those nerves are fried and will only get worse the longer they’re not reattached. So it’s like a chicken/egg thing. Will fixing the bond and making that work help heal the feelings and realign our chi or whatever centers us as a unit? Or do we try and wait until the feelings get better some and fix the bond?”
Again, I thought that over a bit before speaking. “Are you voting for the chicken or the egg?”
He rolled me under him again and massaged my pecs as he straddled my lap, his face going slack as he licked his lips. “I’m for whatever side gets your fat cock in my ass faster.” Cecil moaned as his eyes fluttered closed. “Don’t you miss it? I mean, I practically beg you every morning I miss it so much.
God, I miss it
. I miss you bending me over and pounding into me because you just
had
to have me right then. I miss riding you and watching your face as you took pleasure in my body.
“I miss being on my knees and sucking you off as you fisted my hair because you liked that best. I miss how you get that twinkle in your eye when you make me come in the shower in like
seconds
because you know how to play my body so well.” He started moving his hips against me as if we were fucking even if I wasn’t inside him. “I miss being sore in the right places, exhausted because we just had a marathon, and your scent all over me because you’ve come so many times in me or on me.”
“Okay, time for your massage,” I growled as I rolled us, hard as fucking
rock
after listening and watching him. Cecil whimpered and buried his face in the pillow. “Spread your legs wider.” He did, slowly glancing at me over his shoulder. I massaged the cheeks of his ass and my breath hitched. “Cecil?”
“Yes, Neil?” he panted, lifting his head off the pillow slightly.
“Is your hole stretched and slicked up?” I was staring right at it and either his ass had miraculously started secreting wetness like a woman or the little shit was thinking ahead.
“Yes, Neil. I get out of bed every morning and get ready just in case you decide you want me finally and then sneak back in.”
“Dirty, dirty, little ocelot,” I cooed as I pushed in two fingers. He went wild, humping his hips against me. Yeah, he was ready and stretched all right. I quickly grabbed the lube from the nightstand and poured some on my cock before it decided to go soft or something, and moved behind Cecil. I slammed into him, knowing we both loved that. Sure enough, we both screamed in pleasure.
“Yes, fuck me, Neil. God, mount me, fuck me, slam into me, touch me!”
I smiled as I moved over his back and grabbed his cock. That was vocal even for him. Cecil hadn’t been kidding that he’d missed us having sex. At least I’d never worry ever again that he really did love us being together.
I gave him what he wanted, what
both
of us wanted, needed even. Taking him hard and fast, I still managed to lavish him with attention and bring him twice before I came once, biting his neck again as I had when we first met. This time it wasn’t a clawing panic but still a rush.
No, it was a cold shower after a hot day, aloe on a bad burn, something of that extent and magnificent.
When we were spent, we flopped to the bed on our sides, panting and gasping for air. Well, one of us was purring too. Cecil moved off my cock and turned in my arms, smiling widely.
“Yeah, I missed
that
. We should do it again, and often and all of everything.”
“Insatiable. You are insatiable,” I chuckled as I pulled him closer, moving his leg over my hips so our groins rubbed together before palming his ass.
“Admit it, you feel better and want to ride me again as much as I want you to,” he whispered gently before licking my lips.
He was right. Most of my fears were gone. I felt like we were on the same page again, and instead of Cecil being something to worry about, he was someone I wanted in my life, my fine ocelot. I rolled him under me and showed him just how
right
he was.
By then we were running a little short on time. Luckily Cecil had everything much better in hand than I had thought, my suits for dinner pressed, clothes all packed, and his own garments done. I really shouldn’t have been surprised, but then again, a huge Hamptons three-day weekend party was a lot to handle and not our normal parties. As we did one last sweep of the apartment and handed bags over to the driver taking us out to the house, I couldn’t help but remember Cecil’s reaction to the whole idea when I’d first told him over a month ago.
“So there will be dozens and dozens of people there, maybe even a hundred,” he hedged, waiting until I nodded. “But you only have ten bedrooms and they won’t be sleeping on the floors but it’s for a three-day weekend?”
“Yes,” I snickered before fully laughing, the idea of clients of mine passed out on the floor of my Hamptons house like it was some college kegger being an interesting visual. “Most of the people invited have their own houses there. It’s party season there. Think of it as rotating entertainment. Anyone who’s anyone gets on the schedule. This is my weekend. People drive out, stay at their houses, and come over for the party. Then they go back to their house at night, start over the same the next day.”
“But you never go to these parties,” he countered.
“Rarely. Which is going to be our biggest headache in planning because we will have no idea how many people will actually be showing up until they do. It’s invitational only, but since it’s my first year on the schedule, I have no clue who will actually come.” Cecil scrunched his eyebrows up at me so I tried again. “Mostly likely, if Friday goes well, people who were already off that weekend and came will call others and tell them they should come for Saturday and Sunday.