Doing the Right Thing (28 page)

Addie walked and thought herself into acceptance, though not into understanding.

She’d been naïve. Maybe Will had lied to her all along. She’d been one of the limpets Ed described, deliriously happy to be allowed to reattach herself and now she’d been thrown back in the sea. Cold emptiness swept in waves from her heart. No one loved her and no one would ever love her. Her Dad hadn’t. Her Mum didn’t. People liked her. Ed liked her. Will liked her. But she was unlovable. Addie thought her legs would give way, but they didn’t. She carried on walking. Her heart kept beating.

* * * * *

David was cooking when Addie got back.

“Smells good,” she said mechanically. Lisa had told her they always had to praise David when he cooked, in an attempt to get him to do it more often.

“Spag Bol. Want some?”

“No, thanks. Not hungry.”

Addie watched David start to pour a glass of wine into the sauce, then stop and drink it.

“Don’t hurt her, David,” she said.

He stared at her. “Where did that come from?”

“Lisa’s my friend. I don’t want her to get hurt.”

“I’m your brother. What if she hurts me?”

“You always told me you were indestructible.”

“No, that was Superman.”

“No wonder you broke your leg when you fell out of the tree house.”

“As I remember, you pushed me,” David huffed.

“Because you were trying to make me eat a worm.”

He tipped the spaghetti into a colander. “Did Lisa tell you why she finished with me?”

“I think she thought you might have been about to drag her into a jeweler’s.”

David nodded. “So I should wait another couple of weeks?”

Addie smiled. “Do you really want to marry her?”

“Yeah.” He grinned. “I really do.”

Addie managed to get to her room before the tears came.

* * * * *

Will pulled up on the drive as Ed got out of his car.

“That was quick,” Ed said. “So how did Addie take it?”

“What?”

“The possibility that you might be a daddy?”

“I didn’t tell her. I didn’t see the point. I just told her it was over.”

Ed gaped at him. “Right. And then you left her there?”

“She didn’t want a lift.”

“Fuck it, Will,” Ed raged. “Have you forgotten how to be a decent human being?

You break her heart and leave her in the middle of bloody nowhere? What were you thinking? Vee’s a parasitic worm, eating away at you, changing you. How can you imagine you’d be better off with her?”

“I don’t think that, but she’s fucking pregnant.” Will forced out the words between gritted teeth.

“Oh yeah, so she says. I wouldn’t start choosing names.”

“She’s throwing up, Ed.”

“How hard is it to stick your finger down your throat? She’s had plenty of practice.”

Will slammed into the house. He knew Ed was right. He’d upset Addie. He’d been afraid she’d been about to offer no-strings sex and wasn’t sure he could say no.

In the living room, Vee lay on the couch watching TV.

“I missed you.” She smiled at Will. “What shall we have to eat?”

“I don’t care.”

“I fancy Chinese. Will, I’ve been thinking. We’ll have a party.”

Will wasn’t listening. He ought to ring Addie and see if she’d got home safely. He shouldn’t have left her, but he’d been afraid if he had her in his car, he wouldn’t have been able to control himself. He’d have told her the truth. That he wanted her more than he’d ever wanted anything.

“Oh, your mother called. I told her about the baby. She was thrilled.”

“What?” Will’s head shot round so fast his brain took a moment to catch up. “I thought we agreed we weren’t going to say anything yet.”

“I couldn’t help it. I’m so excited.”

She moved toward him and pulled his jacket from his shoulders.

“Vee, I—”

“Don’t spoil it, Will. Let’s just see what happens.”

Ed stood at the door. “How many weeks did you say you were?”

“Seven.”

“Have you seen a doctor?”

“Not yet.”

“Have you thought about the effect your overdose might have had on the baby?”

Ed said.

Will stiffened. He hadn’t thought of that. “I’ll take you to a doctor tomorrow,” Will told her.

Vee stepped back. “You don’t believe me. You think I’m lying.”

“Prove you’re not,” Ed said. “Do a pregnancy test in front of Will.”

“All right. No problem.”

“I’ll go and buy one now,” Ed said.

“I think it could wait until tomorrow,” she snapped.

“Don’t fuck her tonight.” Ed smiled.

Vee threw a cushion at him. “I’ll buy a kit tomorrow and you’ll see.”

“You can’t do DNA tests until the baby’s born,” Ed yelled from the hall. “Even if you are pregnant, Will won’t know for months if it’s his.”

“What do you want me to do, Ed?” Vee screeched. “Have an abortion? That’s your way of dealing with little accidents, isn’t it?”

Ed’s face appeared back at the door.

“Will, you remember Susie Burton?” Vee stared at Ed. “Ed got her pregnant. Did you know your brother forced her to have an abortion?”

“Yes,” Will said and was rewarded with two shocked faces. “Now fuck off, Vee. I want to talk to Ed.”

“I’m hungry,” Vee whined.

“I’m not. Go upstairs and order yourself a takeout.”

Ed slumped on the couch and Will closed the door.

“How long have you known?” Ed asked.

“Susie came to see me, to ask me to get you to change your mind about marrying her. I said I wouldn’t, but if she did have the baby, I’d make sure you supported her.”

“I didn’t ask her to get rid of it,” Ed said. “I didn’t know until she’d already done it.

She sprang the whole thing on me, baby then a wedding and I panicked. By the time I came to my senses, she’d had the abortion and it was too late.”

Will sat down next to him. “Do you regret it?”

“What’s the point? It happened and I can’t do anything about it. I don’t think I was ready to be a father or a husband.”

“Do you think I am?”

“Maybe you’ll have to be,” Ed said.

The moment Will arrived back from work, Vee handed him a white paper bag.

“What’s this?”

He paled when he looked inside.

“Check it. See if I’ve tampered with it.”

It was still wrapped in cellophane. Will handed it back.

“Want to watch me pee on it as well?” She knew he’d decline but her heart still skipped.

“No,” he muttered.

Vee locked the toilet door and retrieved the little bottle she’d hidden in the cistern.

It had cost her twenty pounds, but it was worth a lot more than that. She was lucky there was someone expecting a baby where she worked, even luckier that Chris agreed to give her a urine sample. Vee had concocted an elaborate story about her brother doing research at Leeds University on the reproductive rates of cacti by injecting them with pregnant women’s urine. Vee was quite proud of her inventiveness. She couldn’t believe how easy it had been. Chris had been only too happy to help. Vee grinned.

English women were so gullible. Men too.

Will paced in the lounge. He’d spent all day thinking about this. He didn’t want Vee to be pregnant, but even before she’d done this test, he believed she was. He felt terrible. He’d let everyone down, himself included. Will wanted the mother of his child to be someone who’d have fun making sandcastles, playing hide and seek and jumping into puddles. That wasn’t Vee. She’d have her child in designer gear from the word go, scream if they got dirty, enroll them in ballet, even if it was a boy, and she’d want to call the kid some stupid name like Toffee or Bonbon. Breastfeeding was out and Will had always cherished this image of cuddling his wife while their child suckled at her breast.

But even though Will hadn’t wanted a baby with Vee, it could be his and the fact that he didn’t love her wasn’t the child’s fault.

He’d support Vee through her pregnancy, but could he do it at a distance? Vee was such a flake, he knew he ought to be with her, looking after her, making sure she ate the right things and didn’t do anything stupid. But what would happen when the baby was born? Would it be enough to be a remote father? Will wasn’t sure it would, but if they remained together, life would be hell for everyone including the child. Staying with her was the right thing to do, but he didn’t want to do the right thing. Will exhaled. His hands were shaking. This was a fucking mess. He was a mess, but deep down, he knew he couldn’t live with her. He’d look after her while she was pregnant, and afterward he’d ask for a paternity test.

Vee emerged from the toilet and placed the wand on the coffee table.

“There’s nothing there,” Will said with relief.

“We have to wait. I haven’t lied.”

Will couldn’t take his eyes from the panel, then his heart lurched. He was expecting a colored line but the word “Pregnant” suddenly appeared.

“I told you.”

When Ed walked in and heard Vee crying, he thought for a moment everything was going to be all right, until he saw what was lying on
his
coffee table.

“Apologize, Ed,” Vee sniffed.

“What for?”

“Because I’m having a baby.”

“I’m not apologizing. I didn’t make you pregnant. You don’t know it was Will either. You probably have no idea whose it is.”

“Ed!” Will warned.

“Is she staying here?”

Will nodded.

“Okay. I’m not.”

This time Ed meant it. He packed his clothes. Everything else could wait.

He drove to the hotel, checked in and then sat on the bed. He felt miserable though there was an easy way to cheer himself up. He was within walking distance of the nightlife of Leeds, fucking distance of any number of available women. He could have a shower, tidy himself up and go out, only he didn’t want to and he knew why.

* * * * *

Addie lay on the couch wondering if it was possible to think yourself dead, if you imagined every organ shutting down, whether you could will it happen. The doorbell rang. No use expecting Lisa or David to answer it, they’d gone to the pub. Addie had already opened the door to three lots of carol singers, convinced they were the same kids wearing different hats. She gave the first lot a pound and word must have zoomed around at the speed of light. She was going to be broke before the end of the evening.

She sidled into the hall and slid along with her back to the wall.

“Addie, are you there?” Ed called through the letter box.

She sighed and got down on her stomach to lift up the flap. Ed’s laughing eyes smiled at her.

“Hello,” he said.

“I thought you were carol singers.”

“While shepherds—”

“Please stop.”

“If you let me in.”

Addie got up and opened the door.

“Am I interrupting anything? You’re not cooking another Stroganoff?” he asked.

“Why, are you hungry?”

“Starving.”

“You better come in the kitchen, then,” Addie said.

Ed followed. “On your own?”

“Yep. How about a pizza?”

“Love one. Give me the number. I’ll ring.”

Addie opened a cupboard. “I’ll make one. It’s just as quick.”

“Can I help?”

“Okay. Wash your hands.”

Addie emptied packets of pizza base mix into two bowls and took out a measuring jug. Then she looked at Ed’s black trousers and sighed. He was a man. The flour was going to go everywhere. She pulled David’s apron from the hook and tossed it over.

“It’s a manly one,” she said and Ed laughed.

The picture on the front was of Michelangelo’s David. Lisa had bought it as a present when she’d been on a course in Florence.

“It’s not very flattering,” Ed complained. “I’m much bigger than this.”

Addie chuckled. “Those were my brother’s exact words.”

She was right about the flour. It went everywhere, but eventually Ed managed to produce a base, full of holes.

“It’s not very big,” he complained.

“It swells up when it’s somewhere warm.”

Ed almost choked.

“Stop laughing,” Addie said. “And stop poking it.”

“It’s a work of art.”

“But not a circle.”

“Should I try tossing it in the air?”

“No,” Addie said in a firm voice.

It was a miracle she managed to get it off the work surface and onto a tray. While Ed wasn’t looking, she teased a few of the holes together.

“Now for the toppings. Just copy me,” Addie said.

“I missed you today. I needed someone to protect me from Charlotte. She went on and on about what she wanted to do to me at the Christmas party, until I told her I was bringing someone. Then she switched to the training course in Shropshire and made it clear she’d leave her door unlocked. Plus, she and Beth are competing over who has the most microscopic swimwear. Charlotte informed me she possesses the smallest bikini in the world.”

Addie laughed.

“The thing is, she bloody well has me intrigued now,” Ed said. “So what’s your bikini like?”

“You’re slipping, Ed. That wasn’t very subtle.”

“I’ve given up on subtlety. Wastes time. So?”

“Microscopic.” It wasn’t. “Now we wait while they cook.” Addie closed the oven door.

She reached up to wipe a smudge of flour from Ed’s cheek, but when she saw his Adam’s apple lurch up and down, her hand faltered.

“Will you bring your bikini to Shropshire?” he asked.

“Not going.” Addie began to load the dishwasher.

“Why?”

“What’s the point? I’m not going to be working at Magelan’s much longer.”

Ed was silent for a moment, then smiled. “It would look good on your CV.”

“For a job on a yacht?” Addie rubbed at the work surface.

“Well, yes, if the bikini’s microscopic. Anyway, you’re not really going to do that.”

“You know, the more someone tells me I’m not going to do something, the more determined I am to do it.”

Ed picked up a spoon and let it swing in front of Addie’s face. “You are not going to bed with me. You are definitely not going to bed with me. You are absolutely not going to bed with me.”

Addie wondered what he’d say if she did. “You don’t want this pizza then?”