Doing the Right Thing (25 page)

When Addie poked her head into Will’s office, he was pacing around like a pissed-off tiger, but when he turned and saw her, he froze.

“Are you really going sailing in New Zealand?”

“Why?”

He took two steps toward her. “Because it’s the other side of the world, it’s dangerous and I don’t want you to go.”

Addie’s heart swelled like a sponge. Her willpower had turned tail and bolted the moment she walked into his office. Will pushed the door closed behind her.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I keep fucking this up,” he whispered.

He reached out to touch her cheek with his fingers.

“Don’t.” Addie turned away. She couldn’t keep doing this. It hurt too much.

“You don’t mean that. You feel the same way as me, I know you do.”

Will pushed aside the collar of her coat and ran his thumb inside the neck of her shirt. Heat flooded her body.
You’re married,
she wanted to scream, but the words wouldn’t come out of her mouth. His fingers unfastened her coat.

“I can’t bear not to touch you. I’ve spent every moment since I last touched you, thinking about touching you again.”

He flicked off the light switch behind her head and dragged her further into the room. The coat fell from her shoulders as he pulled her into his arms. “I’m sorry I had to leave you on Saturday. I called. I drove back to the Marriott on Sunday morning, and you’d gone. I made them refund your credit card for the meal.”

She could have kissed him for that alone. His hands dropped to her waist, his fingers slipping over her bare skin. Will touched the metal at her navel.

“I wanted to kill Ed,” he whispered.

He lifted her arm, kissed her wrist, then her neck, her mouth.

He wanted her. She wanted him. Yet Addie kept wondering what he’d do if the phone rang again and Vee said she needed him. Then the feeling of his mouth on her neck filled her head, and for a moment she stopped thinking.

“Don’t go to New Zealand.”

Perversely she wanted to tell him she
was
going to New Zealand, but his lips found hers and she couldn’t speak. His tongue surged into her mouth. He kissed her so deeply, the words slipped away around her. She knew she ought to walk away, that the chances were he’d let her down again. She couldn’t. She wouldn’t.

Will rested his head against hers, whispered in her ear. “I want to kiss you all the time. I want to kiss you when you’re careering round the office banging into everything. I want to kiss you when you’re bullying the photocopier. I wanted to kiss you when you knocked over the Christmas tree.”

“I thought you were angry.”

“Only with myself. I knew it wasn’t your fault. None of this is your fault. We have a chance for something here, Addie. I don’t want to let you go.”

He was the first man, the only man, to want her. She knew this was too quick, that there were still questions unanswered but she couldn’t think straight. Even as she told herself not to, she reached for the knot in his tie and undid it. Her fingers unfastened the buttons on his shirt, pulling the ends out of his trousers. Addie felt compelled to touch him. She put her hands on him and ran her palms over his chest to his stomach.

His skin rippled under her fingers.

Will pressed his forehead against hers. His fingers fumbled with the buttons on her blouse as he backed her against the wall. Their lips fused and Addie could feel him hard against her as he rolled his hips into hers. She gasped as his mouth moved down her neck. His hands slid over her breasts, tugging them out of her bra. Will groaned as she struggled with the button and then the zip on his fly and finally spread open the edges of his trousers.

“God, Addie, you’re driving me wild.”

Taking her hand, he pulled her to his desk, turning her so she was pressed against the wood. His hands slid up her thighs, pushed her skirt to her waist, then lifted her so she perched on the edge of the desk. Will reached and shoved everything onto the floor before he lowered Addie back.

They both blinked hard when the light went on. Ed switched it off again.

“Did you want something?” Will tried to shield Addie’s half-naked body.

“I’ve left my car keys on the desk.”

“I’ll bring them out.”

“Right.” The door closed.

“Did he know what we were doing?” Addie whispered.

“If he didn’t, all those sex ed. lessons at school were wasted.”

Will pulled away from her. He groaned when Addie sat up and pulled her bra and blouse back into place. He looked around for Ed’s keys and found them on the floor.

“Don’t move.”

He zipped up his trousers and went out of the office.

“Don’t forget you’re supposed to be doing something tonight,” Addie heard Ed say.

“A removal job.”

Addie wondered what Ed meant. Moving furniture? When Will came back in, she had her blouse fastened and was pulling on her coat. He sighed and finished putting the buttons in their holes.

“This is not the right place,” he said.

Maybe not the right time,
Addie thought.

Will took her hand, lifted it to his mouth and kissed her fingers. “Can we fly your kite in Lincoln tomorrow?”

When Addie got home, Lisa was out. The telephone beeped to say there was a message and as she picked it up, it rang.

“Hi, Trouble, this is your favorite brother speaking.”

It was Finn. “Hello, Hugh.”

“Very funny. Forgotten you’re supposed to be here in ten minutes?”

Addie cringed. “Oh shit. I’m on my way. I had to work late.”

“I’ll tell Mum.”

“Thanks, Finn. Shall I bring popcorn?”

He chuckled. “You do know you’re going to hell?”

This was one visit to her mother’s Addie couldn’t wriggle out of. It was a good thing Finn had called to remind her. It was the first anniversary of their father’s death.

Addie felt guilty she’d forgotten. Her dad had been strict with her, more so than with her brothers. It made her feel that he didn’t love her. He always backed his wife, no matter what. Always two against one.

Their mother wanted all four of them there this evening so they could watch the video of the scattering of the ashes. The first time any of them had seen it. Addie was looking forward to this about as much as she’d enjoy poking out her eyes with a fork.

* * * * *

Her mother tapped her watch as Addie stepped forward and tried to give her a kiss. Joan shrugged her off as if she were a piece of rancid meat.

“Sorry. I got held up at work.”

She took off her coat and hung it in the hall. Her brothers were already in the living room. Finn coughed when Addie walked in. When she glanced at him, he did something weird with his eyes.

“What did you say you were doing at work?” David asked and laughed.

“What’s so funny?” Addie asked.

Her mother stepped forward and tugged at her blouse. Addie looked down, realized the buttons were done up wrong and felt her face flush. Will’s fault. He’d fastened them.

“I splashed water on it and took it off to dry with the hand drier. I must have missed a button.” Addie wondered why she had to explain at all.

“You’re a complete disgrace,” her mother said. “I take it you’ve already eaten.”

“Yes.” Addie’s stomach rumbled.

“Good. Start the video, David.”

Addie squeezed in next to Finn, who to her astonishment put his arm around her and gave her a hug. She snuggled up against him.

“God, Addie. What the hell were you doing with the camcorder? It’s like being on a fairground ride. If we watch this we’ll all want to throw up.” David whizzed forward.

They’d taken it in turns to do the filming. Addie went first, showing the surrounding area, but she’d moved the camera as though she’d been taking photographs and made it appear as if they were on a rocky sea.

“Look there’s the stream that you used to play in when you were boys,” Joan said.

“Hours you used to spend, trying to dam it with stones and twigs.”

“It worked better when we made Addie lie in it,” Hugh said and they all laughed, even Addie.

She watched as the camera panned round the Millennium Wood, a conservation site outside Sheffield, where they’d once lived and where her father wanted his ashes scattered. His remains had been placed at the foot of five trees. One for each member of the family he’d left behind. Addie wondered if her tree was still alive.

They went quiet when the camera caught them taking turns to hold the red urn.

Her mum began to cry and David reached for her hand. Addie watched as they each said a few words about their dad before tipping the gravelly remains into the hole where their tree was part-planted. Finn talked of how his father had helped him learn to drive a car. Hugh recalled their best round of golf. David picked trials bike riding. He’d won competitions when he was younger.

Addie’s heart was sinking fast because she knew what was coming. She’d intended to speak about her father’s Sunday breakfast with fried mushrooms, her absolute favorite, but as her brothers had spoken, she’d realized it wasn’t special to her because he cooked the same for all of them. When the urn was in her hands, she’d just gulped,

“Bye, Dad.”

That was bad enough, but she hadn’t realized what she’d done next. In upending the gray remains, ash swirled back at her. Addie watched herself pulling a disgusted face and rubbing her dusty hands on her coat. Fuckwit David had zoomed in on her as she brushed her father away. A few moments later the screen went blank. Complete silence, except for her mother, crying.

Finn squeezed Addie’s shoulder.

“I’m sorry, Mum,” Addie said. “I didn’t—”

“I’d like you to go home now, Adelina.”

Addie said nothing. She cast a despairing look at Finn and got up.

“I’ll take you,” David said.

“No, you won’t. I want you here,” his mother said through her sniffles.

“I’ll take Addie home,” Finn said.

“I want you here, too.”

“I’ll come back, but I’m taking Addie home,” Finn repeated.

Addie bit the inside of her mouth to stop herself crying. She walked into the hall, picked up her coat—the same bloody one she’d worn at the scattering of the ashes, and put it on.

“Are you all right?” Finn asked once they were in the car.

“I didn’t know I’d done that,” she said.

“One day we’ll laugh about it, but it’s a bit raw at the moment.”

“I ruin everything.”

“No, you don’t,” Finn said. “You might be a pain in the neck at times, but you’re our pain in the neck. You’re not a bad sister.”

“Just a bad daughter.”

There was an uncomfortable silence.

“Why is that, do you think?” Addie asked, trying to sound curious rather than desperate.

“I don’t know, Addie.”

“Have I done something bad? You’d tell me, wouldn’t you, if there was something I’d done? Because I could try and put it right.”

“I don’t think you’ve done anything. Maybe Mum doesn’t like girls. Maybe you remind her of herself. Maybe she wants you to be what she couldn’t be.”

“I wondered,” Addie paused. “I wondered if maybe, I wasn’t Dad’s.”

Finn glanced across at her. Addie knew she hadn’t surprised him.

“What do you think?” she asked.

“If you ask her, she’ll never speak to you again.”

“How tempting.”

Finn laughed. “We’re having Christmas dinner at our house this year. Hugh and his lot are coming over. David’s on duty so he’ll be over later. We’re expecting you too. Are you going to be at Mum’s Christmas Eve?”

“I’m going away,” Addie blurted. “I’ve had an invite to stay with some university friends in the Lake District.”

“We’ll miss you. Who’s going to do the washing up?”

“David. It’s his turn.”

* * * * *

Ed was in a furious temper by the time he got back to the house and he wasn’t sure why. He also wasn’t sure why he’d interrupted Will doing what Ed had spent all day hoping he’d do, although he’d been thinking more in terms of talking to Addie than fucking her on his desk. Maybe that was it. He thought he wanted Will and Addie together because that would be the end of Vee. Only now, Ed didn’t think that was what he wanted at all.

He slammed the door and Vee came out of the kitchen. She took one look at him and went back the way she’d come. Ed couldn’t help himself. He strode after her.

“Been busy cooking a delicious meal for Will to come home to?”

Nothing was cooking. Vee sat back at the table with a glass of red wine, reading a glossy magazine.

“Fuck off, Ed. I’ve been working as well.”

“Get packed. Will’s booked you into a hotel. You’re out of here tonight.”

“We’ll see.”

Ed stamped out. He picked up his car keys and left the house. He’d come back when she’d gone.

* * * * *

When Will returned he found Vee lying on the couch, watching TV.

“Vee, I need to talk to you.”

He wasn’t going to mess around. As soon as she’d packed, he’d drive her to the hotel and then he was going to Addie’s.

“I need to talk to you too.” She switched off the TV.

Will was immediately on edge. She’d turned off the shopping channel.

Vee stood up. “
Je suis enceinte
.”

He stared at her. Why was she speaking French? Telling him she was old? Ancient?

Enceinte.
Oh, God.
His knees shook.

“Pregnant, Will. I’m pregnant. We’re having a baby.”

She smiled and the bottom dropped out of his world.

“Say something,” Vee said.

He wanted to say, how the fuck did she know it was his? “Are you sure?” came out of his mouth.

“Yes.”

“How far…?” God, he could barely get the words out.

“Only a few weeks. We can’t tell anyone yet in case I lose it.”

Please, God, yes, and I’ll never have to tell anyone
. Then he was disgusted with himself.

He wanted to ask how, but it was such a cliché, only how the fuck
had
it happened? She was supposed to be on the Pill, but he always used condoms. Had she deliberately trapped him? Stuck a pin through the packet? Was it his?

“Is it mine?”