Discovery of Desire (10 page)

He moaned, “God, Minnie.”

And his lips covered hers. A strong tongue pushed past her lips and tasted her, savored her. His arms tightened and his kiss deepened. The possession so complete, so
right
, her body swayed. Like on the ship…on the sea…and Seth had the sign—

Her lids blinked open. Seth. Not Thomas, not…

The ground rushed back under her feet, steady and solid. Seth's hand tightened on her neck with a low, desperate sound. His kiss lightened, lifted, until his mouth hovered and their panting breath mingled.

Seth…this was Seth. Ocean eyes. They could be so blue—

There was some question in his eyes, but she was frozen. He turned his head. “I… That's enough,” he rasped, his voice low and gravelly.

His body retreated so suddenly, she swayed and reached for balance. He caught her arm and pulled it through his, and then they were moving in the direction she had come from. The air cooled her body, and she hated it. She wanted his arms.

She stumbled on the pavement, only then realizing how she was hurrying to keep up with him. “Mr. Mayhew?” But he stared straight ahead. Was he angry? Was he—?

That's enough.

Shame flooded her. He had been angry and anguished over Georgiana. And no one had helped him; she had not helped him.

“I'm sorry,” she breathed. “I did not—”

But his arm slipped from beneath hers, and she sailed forward without him, toward Thomas and Emma, where they stood with the group. She swung around and instinctively moved to follow—

“Mina?”

She froze at Thomas's voice. Mr. Mayhew disappeared around the corner. She breathed deep and licked her lips, soft and tingling from the kiss.

Her first kiss.

She could not think of that now. Steeling herself, she turned. Thomas and Emma watched her with puzzled looks.

“What was the matter?” Thomas asked.

The matter? “I…” She averted her eyes. “Mr. Mayhew was feeling unwell.”

Thomas said nothing and she forced herself to meet his eye. Her face would be flushed, but there was no help for it. She steadied her voice. “I was worried, with the strain he is under. And all that's new.”

Thomas tilted his head, his eyes masked by the glare of his spectacles. “You needn't worry so. I'll be with him. Tonight and tomorrow and every day until matters are sorted.” After a moment, he approached and offered his arm. “You are softhearted, Mina, but Mayhew would tell you himself: he's an extremely resilient man.”

No, not so resilient. But Seth
did
have Thomas. He wasn't alone, not really. And she…she would do all that she safely could.

And she would not think how small that sounded.

Emma's face was wan and confused, and Mina nodded with what she hoped was reassurance. She would not forget again—not
risk
again. They were no more than jetsam on the sea. Alone and vulnerable until claimed by a husband.

Other winds may propel her toward Mr. Mayhew, but Thomas was the man she had sailed to marry.

Starting now, she would correct her course.

* * *

Goddamn it, what the hell was he doing?

Seth couldn't leave the zoo fast enough, or far enough, behind him. A narrow alley weaved to his left, and he turned down it blindly.

Why the hell was he kissing Mina? Kissing her when she had another man waiting? Why did he want her? How was that supposed to help Georgie? How the hell was he going to find her without help from East India? Without any goddamn help, he couldn't, he wouldn't find—

The thought slammed him like a club to the gut. Bent double, he struggled to get air into his lungs.
Christ, Georgie, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Just stay alive. I'm coming, I swear it.

His lungs were burning. Why couldn't he breathe?

Stay alive, Georgie.

He'd made a little progress today. Secretary Turnbull… They'd been introduced. He'd said he was willing to meet. But not in April. They'd meet tomorrow—he'd try to meet him tomorrow. It wouldn't be too late.

He slammed his fist into his thigh—
it couldn't be too late
—and again, and again. Anything to stop all the damn questions in his head—

You're not alone here…

Mina.

You are not alone.

The memory of her voice slowed his thoughts, sorted them. Seth's body, his brain, clung to her. The soft, warm body fitted against his, and the beat of her heart under his palm. The smell of her perfume. She smelled like roses, like a garden in summer. She was—Christ, she was sweet. She'd tasted so sweet.

She'd come looking for him, worried for him. Like a wife would…

His hands fisted the fabric of his trousers where they rested on his thighs. A wife wasn't any of his business. He pushed up and stood straight, pacing forward, one foot in front of the other.

Mina wouldn't think too long on it. It hadn't been a long kiss. He'd wanted to kiss her longer,
could've
kissed her longer, but she'd changed. Her body went stiff.

Shame sizzled under all the other regrets he was feeling. She had gone all stiff in his arms. No, it hadn't been much of a kiss. Maybe it was barely a kiss to her.

Except it was like no kiss he'd ever had. He'd had damn few in his life, though.

A young boy hurried toward him, his teeth dazzling and his black eyes shiny as Whitby jet. Seth slowed his step. “Hello there, lad.”

“Memsahib, you are like
Bali
, like
Mahabali
.” His hopeful smile widened, even as his palm opened and hovered under Seth's nose.

Seth shook his head and despite everything, despite his blood still coursing hot in his veins, he chuckled at the boy's beaming face. It was either that or cry. The lad's clothes were rags.

“
Mahabali
, is it?” He fished in his pocket for a few coppers and handed them over. Then added an
anna
. “I'll pretend that's some sort of compliment as I don't know any different.”

The boy beamed, shaking the fist that held the coins in the air. “Thank you,
sahib
, thank you. You are
Mahabali
.”

“That's all right, lad.”

The boy turned and dashed off on his thin legs.

“It's all right,” he breathed, though no one was listening.

Seth followed and found himself on a long, bustling street teeming with mules, buggies, and a horse-drawn omnibus. The boy wasn't anywhere to be seen. Market stalls stretched along either side, offering live chickens and vegetables, and red and orange and yellow spices, and copper pots and calico and khaki.

And everywhere he looked in the bazaar, women and children crouched on the ground, ignored by everyone, even the stray dogs. Most didn't bother to find themselves a bit of shade, but sat under the full force of the sun.

Christ, Bombay might have been England. The England he knew, anyway—where men abandoned their families.

Mina had a man that would take care of her. Hell, what was he thinking, kissing her? If Tom had seen…

Seth heaved a centering breath. It was past time he let Mina Adams alone. He'd already lost his mum and hadn't kept Georgie safe. He had no business being alone with Mina, or wanting her.

He wasn't a man that took care of things.

“Appears the mail ships are in.” Thomas gestured toward the port beyond the window, and Mina obligingly took in the familiar view. From her seat in the restaurant, she could see only the towering masts of the clipper ships. The carriages lining the street blocked any sight of the sea.

“Yes, Apollo Bunder is such a bustling port,” she murmured.

Emma didn't look up from her lunch. “And we see so much of it every day.”

“I do like the curry here.” Thomas smiled politely.

Mina was beginning to rather dislike that particular smile.

“That's because you're English,” Emma said. “You know all these restaurants lining the port are the most accommodating to English palates. Mina and I take nearly every breakfast, tiffin, and supper here, with that same view every day.”

Mina barely attended the conversation. Today, it seemed she could not without her throat squeezing shut and dread whipping her heart to racing.

Fourteen days since she and Emma had arrived—

“Are you not hungry, Mina?”

Her head jerked up at Thomas's solicitous inquiry. Automatically, she reached for her napkin. “Yes, indeed.” She returned his polite smile with one of her own.

Fourteen days, and no Colin Rivers. And no offer from Thomas.

Fourteen days. And each time she'd broached the topic with Thomas, he assured her there was no need to rush matters. No
need
. She had been so stunned by his deflection, she had only managed to nod. And the second time, panic stilted her words. And the third time he put her off…

The third time had been humiliating.

The hand in her lap clenched the pebble in her skirt pocket with painful force. Such a
gentlemen
. So
reserved
. Speaking of restaurants and mail ships and the weather as if she were merely a tourist. There was still one topic they could speak of without any discomfort, so she pounced upon it. “Thomas, did you tell Mr. Mayhew one o'clock?”

He checked his timepiece. “I did. Though he'll likely be late.”

“Yes, Emma and I are often lost in Bombay.”

“Mayhew doesn't get lost. He gets friends. His sense of direction is excellent from his years of surveying unmapped terrains. He just can't seem to walk a city block without getting drawn into conversation. I don't know why—the man's Hindustani is appalling. But the man has a passion for conversation. He could talk the hind legs off a donkey.”

She smiled through her strained nerves and straightened the letters she had collected from her friends and their gentlemen, all promising information on Georgiana. The number of letters had surprised Thomas, but she and Emma had worked hard to enlist the venture girls to press their suitors. “I'm so eager to know if there is something useful here. I hope he hurries.”

And she had missed him so much more than she'd expected. And wanted.

A memory of his kiss flashed to mind and sparked a blaze beneath her skin before she could banish it. Did he regret kissing her, seeing how affected she had been? Would a flirt give kisses freely and expect them to be received in kind? Her red face would not do, in any case.

“We have not seen Mr. Mayhew since our visit to the zoo last week,” Emma said. “Is he well?”

“Tolerably, I think,” Thomas said.

And that was all he offered. Mina swallowed a gasp of frustration. “And there has been no information at all from the Company?” she prompted.

“Very little from the Company.” Thomas frowned. “Unfortunately, we posted signs in the marketplace with a reward for information. More money than most of the local people see in a half-year's work. Seth paid a great deal of money for information, much of it false. It was not the best thinking.”

She stiffened in her seat. “It is not Mr. Mayhew's fault that there are unscrupulous people in the world.”

“No, Mina, I blame myself as well for that decision. But Mayhew is increasingly desperate. I'm afraid he may start acting more rashly, and his funds are dwindling.”

Mina fidgeted with her
chapati
. She really had no appetite.

A tall shadow darkened the door, and her heart jolted in her breast. Mr. Mayhew swept off his hat and ducked inside. It seemed he never allowed her time to brace for his presence. Standing beside the table, his hips were level with her eyes, so she had to look a long way up to see his face. And those sea-green eyes.

“Hello, Miss Mina.” He nodded to her but his eyes darted away. “Miss Emma, Tom.” He didn't sit, his hands worrying the brim of his hat.

“Sit down, Mayhew,” Thomas said. “I can't imagine you're not hungry. They have a
pav bhaji
here you'll like. You can eat it like a sandwich.”

“We have that appointment at the registry office.”

“They're not open for an hour. Sit down.”

He hesitated a moment before he sat. His fingers drummed the table. The skin across his cheekbones was taut, reddened by the sun. And there were new lines at the corners of his eyes.

“I am so glad to see you, Mr. Mayhew,” she said. “You are often in our thoughts.”

His fingers drummed faster and he faced her with a half smile that didn't touch his eyes. His gaze was too restless to meet hers. “Thank you, Miss Mina. You're in mine as well.”

Look at me. Or…flirt with me—anything.

But he didn't flirt. He didn't say a word. The search must not be going well at all.

Mayhew is increasingly desperate—

She pushed the letters on the table toward him. After all that Thomas and Mr. Mayhew had done, what help could come from any of the venture girls? “Some of the ladies have collected letters for you, Mr. Mayhew.”

Their eyes latched again for an instant before he reached for the letters. “Would you mind if I…?”

“Of course not.”

He cracked open the first letter and began to read. A weighty silence descended on the table.

“I'll order you
pav bhaji
, shall I?” Thomas said.

Mr. Mayhew frowned, his eyes on his letter. “Ay? No, Tom. No thank you.”

“You've never refused a meal with me.” Thomas sighed. “No one is fooled into thinking you know how to eat here. Your system of pointing at any odd food from the street vendors will get you in trouble one day.”

Frustration and fear filled Mina at the thought. He'd lost weight; his cheeks were hollow.

“Shall we order him something?” Mina whispered in Thomas's ear, so as not to interfere with Mr. Mayhew's reading. “He looks thin.”

Thomas studied him with a frown. “I suppose I hadn't noticed—”

Seth lowered one of the letters he'd been reading. “This one says the Milford crew is headed to Calcutta. They're expected there by the sixth of January.” His eyes met hers and, at last, a real smile stretched across his lips. “The last we heard they were still in interior China and they hadn't surfaced for months.”

The clamp on her heart eased. “It's helpful information, then?”

His eyes were bright. “If Georgiana's with them, that's where she'll be.” He combed a large hand through his hair. “It's the best tip we've received.” He looked at Tom. “The sixth—that's just under three weeks. How do we get to Calcutta?”

Mina's smile faded. He was leaving.

And Thomas would leave with him.

“Well…” Thomas fidgeted with a letter. “We might take a bullock train as far as Aurangabad. From there, a carriage has to be hired to Sambalpur. There used to be a coach to Kharagphur and we could likely hire a seat.”

Thomas wasn't looking at her—no, he
wouldn't
look at her.

“And from Kharagphur?” Mr. Mayhew prodded. Thomas and Mr. Mayhew passed some sort of silent communication.

Mr. Mayhew looked out the window to the street, then pushed to his feet abruptly. “Excuse us, ladies. I'm needing to speak to Tom outside a moment.”

Mina didn't even nod. Her eyes followed the men as they walked out the door but, in truth, she saw nothing.

She was making a new plan.

* * *

“Marry the woman, settle her with her sister, and let's go.” A fiery blade twisted in Seth's gut. “What's taking you so damn long anyway?”

“We've not left yet. I told you I wouldn't leave Bombay until—”

“I know what you told me. But I need your help to get to Calcutta, and I sure as hell won't risk missing the crew on account of your not settling matters with Minnie.”

“That's none of your—”

“It
is
my business. I”—
I had the sign
—“I've been patient, Tom, and reasonable, when I don't need to be.”

Tom took off his spectacles and rubbed his eyes. “It's only been two weeks. It's not fair to her. Rivers hasn't shown for Emma. I promised her a choice.”

“She's chosen you!” The force of his voice propelled Tom a step back. “Damn it, Tom. Do you see her seeking out other men? She's been loyal to you, even when she's helping me. You'll not find another better than her. Christ, if it were me, I'd have married her the second I saw her.”

Tom let out a breath that seemed to shrink an inch off him. “She's not—”

“Not what?” he growled.

Tom put on his spectacles and stared grimly at the ocean.

The hell?
What man wouldn't want her unless… “Are you not inclined to women?”

Tom's head snapped around. “
What?
”

“Women? Do you not like women?”

Tom blinked. “No. Christ, Mayhew. I like women. Marriage is complex—”

“I know it.”

“—and I would never want to hurt Mina.”

“Then what—?” A new anger rose. “Do you have yourself another woman?”

“No.”

“You heartsick for another?”

Tom hesitated a second too long, and Seth tightened all over. “Christ, you are,” Seth growled. “Why the hell would you send for Minnie? If you weren't willing to marry?”

“I
was
. I was willing.” Tom didn't speak for a time, and then took a long breath. “There was a woman. Constance.”

The fury ignited in Seth and he spun away before he put a fist in Tom's face.

“She's in England,” Tom called after him. “
Hell
, she's
married
. There's no reason I shouldn't wed Mina—”

“
No
,” Seth roared, surprising himself with the certainty of his objection. “No.” He stalked back to Tom. “Minnie deserves better.”

Tom's jaw tightened. “I know she does.”

Tom looked so damned pathetic, Seth forced himself to breathe. “You're saying you can't wed her?”

“
Christ
.” Tom wiped a hand down his face. “I think that
is
what I'm saying.”

Something cold was spreading through him. “What do we do?”

Tom faced him. “She needs a protector. You agree with me on that. We have to find her another husband.”

The fury flooded him again. After she'd come all this way and how scared she'd been. Was there even a man in India who deserved her? “You got someone in mind?” he asked through clenched teeth.

“Not yet. I'll need time.”

“Time? Hell, Tom. We don't have time.”

“A couple weeks.”

“
Weeks?
” His rage was turning to panic. Tom held up his hand for calm and Seth swatted it down. “We got a couple days, maybe.”

“All right,” Tom said. He narrowed his eyes, appearing to be calculating. “Give me…
ten
days.”

Seth stared, shaking his head. “Six.”

“Seven.”

“
Four
.”

“You're supposed to go
up
! Dammit, Mayhew.” Tom rubbed his temples. “To get to Calcutta by the sixth…we'd need a fortnight to get there. We could spend five days here in Bombay. And there'll still be time to get there by the sixth. Come on, man. This is her future—”

“I know it!”

“You like her, too, I know it—hell,
she
knows it. Let's do all we can to find Mina a good man.”

A good man. How the hell was he going to do that when he wanted her himself? When he wanted to take her home—

Home.

He looked at Tom. “We could find her a man headed for England.”

“She won't leave her sister.”

Right.
Damn!
“Then we'll find two.”

Tom scoffed. “Two men bound for England? In five days?”

He couldn't think on the odds of that. Not just now. “Minnie deserves the best bachelor in India.”

“I'm not sure the likes of us can find him.”

“I can.” He leveled his chin. “I can find anything. We'll find a man who'll never give Minnie a day's trouble. One who won't be chasing other women and hurting her feelings. Stable and secure and dull as a dead horse—you would've been perfect, except for that business of pining over a married woman.”

Tom frowned, but said nothing to oppose the idea. Wasn't a thing he could say—especially if he wanted to keep his teeth—because Seth damn well knew the best man for Mina. A man the least like himself as possible.

And they only had five days to do it.

* * *

“Thomas is not going to marry me,” Mina said.

Emma dragged her gaze from the sight of the men outside the restaurant window. “What?”

She folded her napkin beside her plate and closed her reticule. “Could we leave, Emma?”

Emma's eyes went wide. “No. Why?”

“Thomas doesn't wish to marry me. We aren't suited.”

“But…but you
are
.”

She stood and picked up her hat. “He would have offered by now, Emma. Would have assured me somehow that we would be safe. Please, let's just get our things.” Outside, Mr. Mayhew's jaw was clenched, his eyes boring into Thomas. “
Please
, Emma.”