Dirty Shame (Bluefield Bad Boys #1) (4 page)

There was a light on in Dawson’s window. My body was shaking almost uncontrollably by the time I climbed the fence into his yard. I knocked on the window. It took him a second to glance out through the ragged curtain. His eyes went wide when he saw me.

“Fuck, Kellan, what are you doing out there?” He pushed open the window and reached out his hand.

I grabbed it.

“Shit, you’re as cold as an ice cube.”

I half fell through his window. Under the dim light in his bedroom, he got a good look at me. His eyes rounded even more.

I curled up into a shivering ball on the floor of his room. He grabbed the covers off his bed and threw them over me.

He sat down next to me. “What the hell happened?”

I shook my head. I was too tired and in too much pain to talk about it.

“You gonna be all right?” he asked.

I shook my head again. I’d been beaten, thrown into a car trunk and forced to choose between being obliterated by a train, drowned in an icy river or more beating, but all of that would fade away into an ugly memory. There was only one thing that would stick in my mind forever to make it the worst night of my life.

I pulled the blanket tight around me. My teeth were chattering so hard it made the pain in my head worse. “I lost her, Dawz. I lost Rylan tonight.”

Chapter 6

Rylan

Present day

Mom gave me a half-hearted hug. “My gosh, you’re skin and bones, Rylan. Well, we’ll get you fattened up soon enough.” I was always either too fat or too thin. I had yet to figure out what just right would look like.

We’d hardly discussed it, mostly because I’d shut her down on the topic, but I knew she was upset about me calling off the wedding. While she had shown the traditional response of shock and anger about the incident, I also knew her well enough to be certain she was thoroughly disappointed that I wouldn’t be marrying a high power Wall Street man or, more importantly, having a big, glowing wedding. My sister, Angie, was two years older. She’d married Pete, a successful lawyer, straight out of college and had never looked back toward Bluefield again. She’d always complained that it was a dirty city where you woke up every morning to the sound of angry trains and with coal grit between your teeth. Mom was looking for the same suitable ending for her youngest daughter.

“Let’s get you settled into your room, Rylan.” Mom had switched her hair color from tawny gold to a champagne blonde with bangs. She was trying hard to scare away the mid-fifties. She’d always been beautiful, and, in my opinion, a little too obsessed about her appearance. I’d been back home only for a few short visits, and each time I’d found it was hard to live under my parents’ roof again. Mom and Dad generally liked to immediately jump into their roles as parents and it made me feel like a little kid.

Mom pushed open the door to my bedroom and glanced back with a smile. “Hope you don’t mind, but I’ve been using this as my exercise room.”

I followed her inside. My mom’s idea of a workout had always been chatting on the phone sipping imported water while walking at a leisurely pace on a treadmill until the first drip of perspiration formed on her face. Then she’d be done for the day and treat herself to a well deserved bloody Mary. 

I looked around the space that used to be my room. Apparently she’d been taking her workouts more seriously. Every manner of machine was set up around the room on spongy black mats. I definitely wouldn’t be wandering through the room in the cloak of night without some major toe stubbing. I glanced back at her. She shrugged her bony shoulders.

“Well, Rylan, you were getting married. I never expected you to move back home.”

“What about Angie’s room?”

“That’s where I’ve set up my hobby and gift wrapping room.” Obviously, my mom had been waiting anxiously for the nest to be empty. She walked over to the drapes and drew them back. Sunlight poured into the room. A dark blue sky peered through the window pane. It was no longer a sky filled with high rises and the gray filtered exhaust from cars and buses. I wouldn’t miss the bustle and stress of the big city at all. I was still undecided on whether or not I’d miss Chase. But for now, I was glad to be home.

My cell phone rang. I glanced at it, reluctantly, sure it was yet another call from Chase. He’d tried to come at me from many angles to apologize, even going so far as to concoct some weird, fake confession that he was a sex addict. There just wasn’t any way to wriggle out of the fact that he’d been caught with his pants down, both literally and figuratively.

I smiled when I saw that the phone call was my friend, Becky.

Mom stood looking expectantly at me as I answered it. I shook my head to assure her it wasn’t Chase. Her shoulders sank in disappointment as she walked out of the room.

“Hey, Becky.”

“Are the rumors true?” she asked before even saying hello.

“Which rumors?”

“I heard you’ve dumped that fancy designer suit and you’re heading back here to coal country where the boys glitter in sparkly coal dust just like the vampires in that Moonlight book.”

“I think you mean Twilight, and if you happen to run across Edward Cullen walking around in all his glittery glory in the forests of Bluefield, then please let me know.”

“Now, Ry, you know me better than that. I’d tell no one and keep him for myself. I haven’t grown out of my need to be selfish and the center of attention. When are you leaving New York?”

I looked at the clock on my nightstand. “About eight hours ago.”

She fell silent. If I knew my friend, as I was pretty sure I did, then she was trying to figure out what that meant. “Wait. Do you mean you’re already home?”

I glanced around at the display of silver and black exercise machines. My room looked like the workout room in a posh gymnasium. But my bed still had my favorite diamond pattern quilt. It had taken me years to wear it down to the perfect level of softness. I’d had to fight my mom to keep her from tossing it out. “Sort of.”

“Huh?”

“I’m home, Becky. What’s new in town?”

“I’ve got gobs of stuff to tell you. We should go grab a drink at The Hole. We can catch up on gossip, and you can tell me why you left that hunk, Chase, and New York for our lopsided, completely warped town.”

“Did you just say The Hole?”

She harrumphed into the phone. “I only mentioned the place in about a hundred emails. Did you ever even read them?”

“Of course I read them.” Of course, skim would’ve been a more accurate verb in this case. Becky tended to go on about bad hair days and new shoes more than I liked to read about. “I was glad to get them,” I added, in a more ivory version of a white lie because I had actually looked forward to news from town. Becky had always, it seemed, taken the time to filter out stuff I didn’t want to hear about, namely Kellan and his extremely active
social
life. “The Hole, it’s the place that Scott owns?” My last words turned upward more like a question than a statement.

“Yep and the place is booming. People up here in snooty snoot land thought Scotty was crazy for opening up a saloon on the other side of the tracks, but turns out he was genius.”

“I guess things are still going strong between you two?”

“We’re still together, but things feel slow, like we’re trudging through mud and not finding a way out. I guess maybe we’re just bored of each other. So, what do you say? I’ll pick you up at eight. Can’t wait to see you.”

“I don’t know, Beck. I just got back. And I’m definitely not ready to talk about Chase yet.”

“Got it. Chase is a no no on the topic list. Hey, have you talked to ‘you know who’? I was just arguing with Yoli—remember Yolanda from high school? We work at the pharmacy together. She’s friends with Dawson’s sister, Andi, and she insisted that you had not seen or talked to Kellan since graduation night.”

Just the mention of graduation night sent an ache through my chest. I’d waited like a silly fool, freezing my butt off in a thin, satiny dress for my Romeo to come back with his sweatshirt. But he never returned. I’d gone back downstairs. His truck was still in the parking lot, so I waited for him to come back to the dance. But I never saw him again. I left the dance an hour later, shaking with tears and wondering if something had happened to him. On my way out, Jason Meade stopped to let me know he’d seen Kellan take off with Lilly Upton. Lilly had graduated two years earlier, and she’d always had a thing for Kellan.

I waited for him to call me and explain what the heck was going on, but he’d never tried to contact me again. I left town with a broken heart and the solid notion that I would never come back to Bluefield or talk to Kellan again.

“Yoli is right. I haven’t seen or heard from him since then.” There hadn’t been a day that passed when I hadn’t thought about Kellan, but I decided to keep that to myself and not give Yoli and Becky and everyone else fodder for gossip. As much as Kellan and I had tried to keep our relationship secret, there was just no way anyone with any sense could’ve stood in the same room or hallway or lunch quad with both of us and not realized there was a huge connection between us. Sometimes we’d be sitting at opposite sides in the classroom and I would imagine this sheer, glowing cord stretching across the room, tethered between us.

I rubbed my hand across the familiar quilt on my bed. I’d missed it. “So, do all the miners hang out at The Hole?”

“Ah ha,” Becky said in a tone that assured me she knew my motive for asking, “and yes,
he
will probably be there.”

“Would you stop with the
he
and the
you know who
stuff, Becky, you make Kellan sound like some not to be named monster in a book.”

Her curt laugh shot through the phone. “Kellan Braddock is anything but a monster. I wouldn’t have thought it possible, but he’s grown even more gorgeous since high school. And he plows through girls like my chubby cousin, Dave, blows through a bowl of potato chips, indiscriminately and with no end to hunger in sight. I personally think he is just always looking for someone to replace you.”

It was my turn to laugh. “He split up with me, remember? Although
split up
is too soft of a term for it.”

There was an uncharacteristic pause from Becky’s end. She was always the first to fill in a lull in a conversation, but it took her a second to respond. “Yeah—well, I think some things are better left in the past.” A dramatic sigh rolled through the phone. “Anyhow, Kellan is such a waste of hotness. It’s just too bad he’s a Trog.”

I cringed at the horrid nickname. “Jeez, Becky, speaking of leaving stuff in the past. We’re not in high school anymore. There are no Trogs or Highlanders.”

“Yeah? Tell that to the people on the north side of the tracks. You’ve just been away too long.”

“In the real world, you mean? This town is always stuck mid century.”

“Yeah, yeah, miss worldly, you’ll have to remember you’re back with us simple folk again. But I’m glad you’re back, Ry. I’m in need of some diversion. What about it? I don’t even mind if you’re just using me for a chance to see Kellan. I will sit and sip my beer and wait with you until he walks in just like the loyal friend I was in high school when I waited with you outside the school for Kellan to get out of detention. Plus, and this is just my professional friend advice, I think you should get it over with, you know? The first meeting and the whole rip off the bandage thing.”

“I don’t know if I’m up for it, Becky. I’ll call you later on and let you know.”

A quick knock was followed by my dad’s plump face. He was sporting a snow white beard and moustache, a new look for him.

“Got to go, Becky. Thanks for calling.” I hung up as Dad stepped into the room. “Oh hey, St. Nick, it’s you. I thought it might be my dad.”

He nodded. “That’s right, make fun of your old man just because every strand of hair has gone white.”

“You look adorable, and I’m just as happy to see you as I would be to see Santa.” I walked over and threw my arms around him.

He wrapped me in his warmth, and the familiar scent of pipe tobacco and his aftershave surrounded me. “I knew that guy was no good the first second I laid my eyes on him,” he said. “Of course, no one will be good enough for my little Rylan.”

Reluctantly, I lowered my arms. “It’s done. I’m sort of relieved to be out of the big city.”

Dad glanced around the room and shook his head. “Boy, when your mom gets an idea, she goes all out. I just hope all this heavy exercise equipment doesn’t fall through to the first floor.” He combed his fingers through the thinning white hair on his head. “You know, Rylan, the big cities have a lot more opportunities than a small town like Bluefield. Chase was just one fish. There will be others like him.”

I raised a brow at him. “You mean overly ambitious, obsessed with money and unfaithful? Now you sound like Mom, and it sounds like you’re already trying to run me out of town.”

“Don’t be silly, Rylan. I’m thrilled to have you back home. You should always remember your roots, but just don’t let yourself get caught up in the silliness of this town.”

I stared at him. He reached up and fidgeted with a tiny string on his sweater. I needed no interpretation, and the fact that he was avoiding eye contact made his point glaringly obvious.

“Dad, I’m here under your roof again, but I’m not a teenager anymore. I know it’s hard for you to swallow, but you just don’t have any say in my life any longer.”

The flicker in his expression was hard to read. It could have been a twinge of anger, or it might very well have been the hurt in knowing that his dad role had been greatly diminished.

“I don’t want to argue about things, Rylan. You’ll make the right choices. I have complete confidence in you.”

“I will, but they’ll be the choices that are right for me. They might not necessarily line up with the choices you and Mom want me to make.”

He sighed, and it was definitely a sigh of irritation. “Your mother has a nice dinner planned. We’ll talk more then. I’ll let you get settled in.” He gazed at me with that kind, fatherly expression that I used to love to see over the breakfast and dinner table when he was asking me how my day had gone. “It’s good to have you home, Rylan.”

“It’s good to be home, Dad.” He walked out.

The second he closed the door I phoned Becky.

“Did you change your mind about tonight?”

“I think so, Becky. Just like you so eloquently stated, the bandage needs to come off.”