Dirty Little Secrets (18 page)

“Baby, what’s in these dolls?”

“All natural herbs and stuff. It just relaxes your muscles so you can feel good.” I knew there was more to it, but I preferred
hearing the bullshit. Then if things did go bad, I could pretend I was in the dark and unaware that I was willingly taking
narcotics.

“Okay, that’s cool.” I smiled as if I fed into his garbage.

“Don’t forget tomorrow you have to meet with the photographer to take a few shots for the promo ads.”

“How can I forget? You remind me every other hour.”

“Tyler, baby, don’t get smart. You know how I detest when you’re loose with the lips.” T-Roc was exactly like Ian, but more
subtle in his controlling ways. Ian would hit me or scream to make me follow his commands; T-Roc would try to bribe me by
using logic. If that didn’t work, he’d simply hand me a pill. T-Roc excused himself to go to the restroom, and as I began
feeling the effect of the pill, my cell rang. It was Ian. I scanned the room and when no T-Roc was in view, I answered.

“You finally answered my call. Baby, why are you mad at me?” Instead of the bellowing I expected from Ian, he was calm and
mild-mannered.

“I can’t talk about it right now.”

“When can you talk about it? Baby, I’m going crazy without you.”

“Ian, don’t do this. I have so much to say to you.”

“Then say it,” Ian pleaded.

“Not now.”

“Come to Detroit and be with me for a few weeks. What-ever’s wrong, I know we can work it out, Tyler.”

After leaving the bathroom, T-Roc had stopped to chat with a gentleman, but now he was on his way back to the table.

“Ian, I have to go, but I’ll call you tomorrow so we can discuss everything.” As I was hanging up, I heard Ian saying he loved
me. Could he love me though? Almost all men cheat. The ones who don’t probably can’t find anyone to cheat with. But a woman
is never supposed to know. My ideal man is one who is so discreet and tactful with his indiscretions that they would never
get back to me. Because if you don’t know, technically it didn’t happen. Unfortunately I had caught Ian red-handed, and there
was no escaping that. In my heart he was still my Prince Charming, and we belonged together.

“Who were you talking to?” T-Roc asked before even sitting down.

“Just Chrissie telling me about her problems with that soap opera guy.”

“How’s that relationship panning out anyway?” T-Roc asked, knowing good and well he couldn’t give a flying fuck.

“Excellent—if you call fucking and snorting a relationship.”

That night after T-Roc got his oral fix and we made love, I lay in the bed mulling over what I should do about Ian. I wasn’t
ready to let him go, but I definitely couldn’t see Ian and T-Roc at the same time. They were cousins, for goodness’ sake.
This was too much to deliberate. I’d revisit the issue in the morning.

I dreaded getting up in the morning, especially to meet with a photographer. When I scrutinized myself in the mirror, I was
a vision of shit. My energy level was nonexistent, and my
morale low. Luckily T-Roc had left two dolls to help me through the day. After throwing on some sweats and a T-shirt, I hopped
in a cab and headed to the photographer’s studio.

“Hi, Dave. What’s it looking like today?”

“In and out; Sasha left two outfits for the promo ad, and she wants one with low-cut jeans, no shirt.”

“Cool, I can handle that.”

“I got something if you need a boost.”

“You’re a sweetheart, but I’m good.” One sure thing in the fashion business: you can always count on having your choice of
anything in the candy store.

Thank goodness T-Roc had left me those dolls, because I was completely drained. When I thought my morning couldn’t get any
worse, Sasha came prancing in in her typical over-the-top attire. Even at eight o’clock in the morning she was in full glamour-girl
mode.

“Hi, Tyler. I’ve missed you. We haven’t spoken since my party.”

“Yeah, I’ve been busy.”

“So I hear; with T-Roc, no doubt.” She grinned. I cracked a half-smile, hoping Sasha would take the hint that I was in no
mood to talk. But of course she didn’t.

“You must be awfully special for T-Roc to go through so much trouble for you.”

“Trouble… What kind of trouble?” She had piqued my interest.

“Well, this is between you and me, because T-Roc might get a little pissed if he knew I was telling you this. But personally
I think it’s flattering that he went through all the trouble.” Sasha took her time getting to the point.

“Well, T-Roc asked me to hook up his cousin Ian with
Brianna and Sierra and have you catch him in the act. Can you believe he went through all that trouble so he could have you?
You must be amazing in bed.” Sasha stood there telling me this psychotic story with a big smile, revealing her perfect porcelain-veneer
teeth.

“I knew you were a despicable bitch,” I sneered. Sasha did a catwalk stand as if she didn’t hear me, so I repeated myself.
“You despicable bitch! How dare you make me a part of T-Roc’s and your game? That whole “Go upstairs and look at your pictures”
was nothing but a ploy to catch my boyfriend fucking the nitwit twins?”

“Tyler, you’re taking this way too seriously. T-Roc obviously cares about you a great deal if he would turn on his cousin
just to have you. Instead of being upset, you should be honored that someone of T-Roc’s status went through the trouble.”

“Sasha, there is no sense reasoning with you, because in your pathetic mind you can’t even comprehend how foul this is.” I
put my sweats and T-shirt back on and started to get outta that hell-hole, while Sasha stared at me with confusion written
on her face.

“Where are you going, Tyler? You have a shoot to do.”

“Sasha, I won’t be doing any shoots for you ever again.”

“You can’t just leave. This is the biggest break of your life. You will never get another chance like this.”

“Sasha, dear, your
never
and my
never
are two different things. You’re right; I hope I never get a break like this again. It comes with too high a price.” As I
stormed out of the building, I heard Dave calling for me to come back. The poor guy had no idea what was going on. Boiling
over inside, I reached in my bag to get my Dasani water and the last doll. T-Roc was playing God with my life, and that was
unacceptable.

I arrived at T-Roc’s office demanding to see him immediately. When his assistant said he was in a meeting, I just barged in.

“I need to talk to you—now.”

“I’m in a meeting, Tyler. Can you wait for a few minutes?”

“No, I can’t.” With extreme annoyance T-Roc asked the two men and one woman to step out for a moment. After he closed the
door, fire was in his eyes, but it was no match for the fire that was brewing inside me.

“You look like shit. Why aren’t you at the photo shoot?”

“Oh, I guess you haven’t spoken to Sasha.”

“Sasha? She actually did call a couple of times, but I told my secretary I would have to call her back. Why, is there a problem
with Sasha?” T-Roc was fishing, and I was more than happy to deliver the bait.

“She told me everything. That bitch had the audacity to think it was somehow cute the way you all set me up.”

“Tyler, what are you talking about?”

“Don’t patronize me. You planned for me to catch Ian in bed with those women. How dare you play God with my life?”

“You don’t need Ian; he will never appreciate you. My cousin is just an overgrown kid. You deserve so much more than that,
Tyler.”

“I deserve what? Someone like you?”

“Yes, I can make you happy. I will provide the success you crave so badly. Ian will never give you that. He’ll want you stuck
in the house barefoot and pregnant. You have so much more to offer.”

“I hate you. I hate you so much. You stomped all over my heart just so you could win and tear Ian and me apart.”

“Tyler, you don’t love Ian. He is a safe and sure thing for you. There is so much more out there. That’s all I wanted to show
you. I see so much of myself in you, Tyler, and I want to expose you to the world. Is that so wrong?”

“T-Roc, you don’t own me. I’m my own person and make my own decisions. I don’t want to be a part of the life you are creating
for me.”

“So what are you going to do? Go back to Ian? It will never work. He isn’t the man for you, Tyler.”

“Neither are you.”

“You say that now, but I guarantee you’ll be back. I’m the only person who will ever understand you and accept you for who
you are.”

I left T-Roc’s office feeling more confused than when I arrived. Although I hated T-Roc, he had an undeniable hold on me.
He seemed to know every strength and weakness I had and how to play on it. Because of that, it made it that much harder to
free myself emotionally from him. I opted to walk home instead of taking a cab, so I could use the time to reflect. Once I
reached my apartment, the first thing I did was take a long hot shower. That had now become a ritual when I needed to wash
away my pain. I put on Sade, had a glass of wine, and lay on the couch contemplating what I should do next. Over the music
I heard what seemed to be a slight knock at the door. I took my phone off the hook so as not to be disturbed, and hoped it
wasn’t T-Roc at my door. I peeped through the hole and to my pleasant but shocked surprise it was Ian. As soon as I opened
the door, Ian wrapped his arms around my waist and lifted me off the floor.

“What are you doing here?”

“I figured if I kept waiting for you to come to Detroit, it would never happen.” As Ian put me down, he zoomed in to kiss
me. I turned my face away because I hadn’t forgotten why I stayed away in the first place.

“Baby, you still mad at me? What’s got you so vexed?” Ian had no idea that I had witnessed his threesome, and after my conversation
with T-Roc I almost wanted to forget that it had ever happened. But I couldn’t. No matter what role T-Roc played, nobody forced
Ian to fuck those two chicks.

“Ian, a few weeks ago I went to a party and saw you dickin’ down two bitches,” I said point-blank.

“What?” Ian was obviously stunned.

“You heard me. Does Sasha McIntire ring a bell? You were at her penthouse in the Trump Tower, and you were fucking two model
chicks named Brianna and Sierra.”

“Tyler, I—”

“Don’t bother trying to deny it, because I saw it with my own eyes.”

“Baby, I’m so sorry. I know you must hate me.” Ian shook his head, still trying to digest what I had told him. “Baby, I’ll
do anything to make it up to you. It was a mistake. I met them hos at T-Roc’s place. We were all heading to that chick Sasha’s
party, and they hit me off with an E pill. That shit had me so open that by the time we got in that homegirl’s crib, they
were all over me and I couldn’t resist. Baby, I had no idea you were going to be there. How do you know those chicks anyway?”

“The ad campaign I did was for Sasha’s line; those girls are in the ad with me.”

“What? Yo, I had no idea you even knew them.”

“Ian, none of that matters. The point is, I can’t trust you. If you did it with them, then you’re probably doing it with mad
other bitches.”

“Baby, I swear I’m not. I was so out of it that night. My mind wasn’t working clearly. I wasn’t myself. Tyler, please don’t
let some worthless tricks ruin what we have. We belong together;
you know that.” Ian was now holding me, and he was wearing the cologne that I loved. I missed how safe I felt in his arms.

“Ian, will you promise never to hurt me again? That pain was too overwhelming; I couldn’t go through that all over again.”
Ian stroked my hair and kissed my forehead in that special “Baby, I love you way” that I craved more than anything.

“Tyler, I promise I will never hurt you that way again. You’re my baby; I never want to cause you pain.”

“You mean that?” I knew I was going to give my relationship with Ian another chance and decided that I was completely cutting
off T-Roc. Going back and forth between them was unhealthy. Part of me wanted to be rid of both of them and start from scratch,
but I loved Ian. I truly believed that in my heart.

“I put that on my life. Baby, why don’t you come to Detroit and live with me? I know you love me, and I want to be with you
all the time. There is nothing in New York for you; your life is with me.”

“I don’t know, Ian. That’s such a big step.”

“I tell you what; come for a few weeks and see how you like it. But I guarantee you I will make you so happy, you’ll beg me
to stay.”

“You’re that sure of yourself?”

“Positive.” Before I could say another word, Ian silenced me with a kiss. He scooped me up, leading us to my bedroom. He slipped
off my bathrobe as I wrapped my legs around his back. I rocked back and forth, feeling his arousal through his jeans. After
a flurry of loving kisses Ian slid out of his clothes and laid me down on the bed. He lightly sprinkled kisses until my entire
body shivered. Then he wrapped my legs around his shoulders, and his tongue entered me. It felt so good that my hands tightly
gripped the bedsheets, but I couldn’t choke back my moans, yelps, or squeals.

“Baby, I want you inside of me,” I said breathlessly.

“Tyler,” he said in a serious voice. “Do you love me? Do you want to be with me for the rest of your life?”

“Yes, I do; I love you so much.”

“Then let’s make a baby. Will you do that for me?”

“Yes, whatever you want. Just please make love to me right now.” With that Ian entered me, and I buried my face in his neck
to get a faint smell of his cologne. With every thrust I felt our connection coming back to life. Maybe his home was where
I belonged.

When I woke up in the morning and Ian’s arms were still wrapped around my body, I knew this was where I belonged. Watching
him sleep, I examined every tattoo and every defining muscle and saw how beautiful his caramel-colored skin was. I didn’t
care what T-Roc said. Ian and I were meant to be together.

“Baby, how long you been up?” Ian asked, still half-asleep.

“Not that long.”

“What time is it? I have to get back to Detroit today. You’re coming with me, right?”