Authors: Kristen Strassel,Allyson Starr
“Did you tell my mother about me and Bret?” I stormed into the elephant area the next morning, pumped up on rage and accusations. I probably looked like I belonged in a cage myself, claws out, fangs at the ready.
Nikki dropped the bag of feed she was holding, and kibble pooled around her ankles. “No. What the hell happened?”
“She has pictures of us on the boat. They were taken after the fireworks.” I paced, still not feeling human. Nikki’s wide-eyed gaze followed me, as I rambled on. “And she was spoken to about our behavior at the party.” I didn’t clarify by who. If Nikki was the one who started this, I wasn’t giving her an out. Although I had little right to be mad at her. She wasn’t the one fucking her stepbrother all summer.
“Gemma, I barely know you guys. It’s not my place to interfere with what you do. And your choices are on you. You know I had my suspicions, but I’d never do that to anyone. I don’t want to be judged for my choices, either.”
I leaned against the wall, resting my aching head against the cool stone. “Yeah. You were right.” I looked over at her. The shock had subsided. Not like I was telling her anything she didn’t already know. “It started off as a crazy bet of sorts, and it got out of control fast.”
“Don’t apologize. To me of all people.” Nikki came over and gave me a stiff hug. “The heart wants what the heart wants. And you guys aren’t blood-related. Yeah, things are weird right now, but you and Bret are good together. You have great energy. I had so much fun the couple times we hung out.”
My body was totally numb. “What we did wasn’t okay.” I would not cry at work. My mother was on the premises, and I shouldn’t even be talking about this here.
Nikki tried to get some of my hair back in my ponytail, tucking it behind my ears before giving up. “Your parents fell in love, right? So why is it such a stretch that their kids would too?”
I wasn’t exactly sure I’d call it love, but it was the strongest emotion I’d ever felt for another person.
**
Time moved excruciatingly slowly when you were all alone. I’d gone through the motions of my life like a ghost. My mother wouldn’t look at me during our drive to and from work—an hour and a half of sheer torture every day. In the stone stillness, I could hear her thoughts, and they made me sick. Probably not as sick as they made her, but they left an aftertaste not even acid could wash away.
“You should call Bret.” Nikki treated me like a rescued puppy since I came back from New Jersey.
I believed that she didn’t rat me out, which left someone else who was at the marina. So many eyes were watching that night, and we’d basically given them all the middle finger. I might as well have stripped there, too.
“What am I going to say?” I hadn’t told her about the money. The appointment with the lawyer was in a couple days, and it felt more like an appointment with the executioner. “It’s not like we broke up. We can’t get back together. I’m not sure if he can be my stepbrother anymore. My mom won’t talk to either of us.” Our dad had to be rolling in his grave.
“It might make you feel better.” We put everything away for the day and filled out our paperwork. “Even if you can’t fix anything, I think it would be good to see him. Maybe you’ll realize it was all worth it, or that you’d gone batshit crazy, and you’ll be happy to walk away. It will give you closure.”
I’d wanted Bret so many times in the last few days. Not just physically. I had questions about taking care of the flowers and using the grill, or I’d see something that reminded me of his dumb ass. At first I’d smile, until the incredible emptiness crept in. “Maybe you’re right.” At least I’d be able to say goodbye.
But I was too scared to actually do it.
My phone rang. I usually ignored it. No one called but bill collectors, and I didn’t need to waste my minutes on those assholes. Now I made a game of it, trying to figure out if I could tell which one it was by the phone number. If I didn’t laugh, I’d cry. They all left messages, like they thought I was unaware I couldn’t pay my bills. Or that I actually wanted to hear what they had to say.
This one wasn’t a bill collector. It was Bret.
“Hey,” I said, wondering if I was dreaming, and still half expecting a bill collector. They’d talk to me like they were going to get in my pants too. Anything for the money. That part of their job I could sympathize with.
“Hey.”
My heart stopped at the sound of his voice. All the things I’d wanted to say to him evaporated from my brain.
“I miss you,” he added when it was obvious I wasn’t going to respond.
“Where are you?”
“I’ve been staying with Matt.” He was still close by. “As soon as everything’s wrapped up here, I’ll be heading down to Nashville. What are you doing? I want to see you before I go.”
I swallowed hard. Now more than ever, these plans felt like sneaking around. Things were somewhat out in the open, but knowing how everyone would react made me want to hide. “When?”
“Can you get out tonight? Meet me at the marina?”
I gasped. “Bret, that’s not a good idea.”
“I learned how to sail a fucking boat so I could take you out on the thing.” He sighed. “I think we both deserve at least one time out there.”
I agreed. Lying to Mom about why I wanted to borrow the car felt like high school all over again. Not like she really listened to anything I had to say these days. I met Bret in the busy parking lot in front of the marina. In the heart of downtown Newport, nobody paid attention to me as I waited for him. I took that as a good sign. In my everyday life, I was invisible. I was learning to appreciate it.
“I thought you’d puss out.” That gorgeous smile spread over Bret’s face as he approached me. He wore jeans with tears in the knees and some horror movie T-shirt. “I could take you out to sea, or you could wind up on the bottom of the ocean.”
I didn’t bother to hide my smile. It felt good not to hide for the first time in a long while. “You don’t know how good that sounds.” I laughed.
“Actually, I didn’t think you’d have the balls to ask Ellen for the car.”
“I stole it,” I lied. “The cops will be here any minute.”
“Good. Maybe they’ll let me borrow their handcuffs.”
The marina was much quieter tonight than it had been on the Fourth, but I kept my head down as I walked with Bret to the boat. This was the scene of the crime, and it didn’t feel right to be here. It was probably appropriate we’d met here, and maybe nothing was ever right. Bret didn’t feel the same way. He grabbed my hand as we approached the boat. I pulled away, but he gripped me tighter. Fuck it. These were the people who’d turned the most innocent and pure moment of our summer into something lurid. Might as well give them something to talk about.
“Whatcha been up to?” Bret asked when I sat down on the bench in the back of the boat. He’d opened up a box and was looping rope through metal hooks. He tugged the connections to make sure they were secure, and then he began to raise the sail. He worked confidently, like he’d done this his whole life.
“The usual. Working for free, avoiding debt collectors, and basking in Mom’s shame.” I smiled sadly when he looked back at me. “It’s been a good time.”
“Sorry I missed it.” He chuckled. The boat started moving.
I had no idea what he’d done, but we were moving away from the dock into the harbor. “When are you leaving?” I asked. We traveled along the craggy coast of Newport, the lights of the houses dotting the shore. The wind rippled our hair.
Bret sat next to me, letting the boat gently bob in the water.
“Tomorrow.” He stretched out, dropping his arm behind me like nothing had changed. Did this even affect him? Or had it all been a game, and he was riding out in the sunset, five million dollars richer?
Bastard.
“What about the lawyer?” I asked. We had to be there. “You’ll miss the appointment.”
“I’ve already been to the lawyer.” He nodded when my face fell. “I signed the paperwork surrendering my rights to the money. It’s yours, Gemma.”
“What?” I couldn’t believe it. He was fucking with me. “No way.” I’d conceded to him. As much as I wanted—scratch that—
needed
that money, it wasn’t worth the shame it brought me. Brought all of us.
“Yes way.” He pulled me into him, tipping my chin up, so I’d meet his eyes. Even in the low light of the moon, they glowed.
“But you said you needed it.” I kept waiting for the punchline.
“I have a job. You can’t get a job unless you have the money.”
Our hearts fought each other for attention, pounding against our chests. It seemed appropriate that every single part of us was engaged in battle, even as Bret lowered his lips on mine. The first contact was sweet. A test. But it didn’t take him long to come back for more, with confidence and hunger. All summer, we’d never kissed. It was the final frontier to the place we should never go. His tongue eased into my mouth and tangled with mine. A new battlefield. He pulled away just enough that he could catch my bottom lip, nipping it and sucking hard, before letting go.
Bret’s kiss was like heroin. Addicting and deadly. I’d beg, borrow, and steal for more, even though I knew it was going to ruin my life.
I pulled him back in for another kiss.
“Do you know how long I’ve wanted to do that? Actually, I can tell you exactly how long it’s been.” Bret licked his lips, not letting a drop of me go, as he folded his leg between us. “I think it was the summer you were a freshman. Anyway, you had this little blue bikini. I hadn’t been over in a while, but you had your girlfriend there, and you came up from under water. Soaking wet, pushing your hair back… You had amazing tits even then, Gemma, and you looked so fucking happy to see me. It took everything I had not to jump in the water, push you up against the side of the pool, and have a taste of you. Ever since that day, I’ve wanted to kiss you so bad.”
“I remember that day very clearly.” And probably a little differently than he did. “You ignored me, marched right over to Amber, and a couple weeks later convinced her to hand over her V-card to you. Then you dumped her. She was my best friend, Bret. She never talked to me again.” That was the day he started treating all my girlfriends like his own personal all-you-can-eat buffet.
“Amber. That was her name. She was cute, too.” Nope, we remembered it the same way. “I knew I could never have you, so I had to go for the next best thing. I needed to make you hate me.”
“What? Why?” That made no sense.
“Because how else was I going to get your heart racing and set you on fire every time you saw me?” He grinned. “I loved every second of it. You took my breath away when you came downstairs for Dad’s funeral. I didn’t want to be your friend, and I definitely didn’t want to be your brother. Nothing’s better than fighting with you, Gemma. You can give it as good as you get it. That’s why this summer was so good. It was raw. Nothing was held back. No expectations. None of the stress or the bullshit of a regular relationship. Just the good stuff.”
“All we did was fuck.”
“Right. The good stuff.” He had a point. It made it really easy to slip into the abyss with him.
It had been unfiltered, pent-up aggression, and all the things we could never say to each other, even though we never held back when we were together. Ever. Not when we were kids, and especially not when we were inside each other.
“What we did was insane,” he said. “But can you honestly tell me you regret it?”
I thought about my answer, trying to imagine the last two months without our challenge. The summer would’ve sucked. I’m sure I would’ve filled the time with something else, but it wouldn’t have taught me as much about myself as Bret had with his body. “No.”
“Good.” He kissed my forehead.
It took everything I had not to pull him into me and kiss him again. I had to get used to not having him.
“I was always going to give you the money, Gemma,” he said.
“What? Then why the fuck did you put me through all that, thinking I wasn’t going to get it?”
“I wasn’t going to just let you have it. You needed to work for it.” He smirked. “And you said you didn’t regret it.”
“You’re an asshole.”
“I know.” He picked up my hand and squeezed it. “But you love it.”
“I do.”
“You’re a millionaire now. You can tell all those assholes who’ve been harassing you for money to eat shit and die, pay off your student loans, go to doctor school, and start a zoo. Or a safari. Or whatever’s going to help you save the planet.” He looked at the ocean. It was just as limitless in its possibilities. “How does it feel?”
“Surreal.” I couldn’t believe the nightmare was over. “And it’s a sanctuary. I want to start a refuge for rescued circus elephants. Other exotics, too. I don’t discriminate. Anyone who needs a home.” It was really going to happen. I didn’t bother to try to hide my tears.
“There’s a lot of land outside Nashville. Pretty cheap, when you get into the country.” Bret ran his fingers along my cheekbones. “It’s beautiful down there. Rolling hills. Everything is so fucking green, you can’t believe it. Tons of animals, and people are nice. I think your elephants would like it there.”
“Is this a suggestion?”