Diary of a Nerd King #2: The Complete 2nd Season - Episodes 1 to 8 (10 page)

Nobody even said anything about the bandage on my forehead until I got to English class later on and saw Jordan.  She actually made a fuss over me and asked me if I was alright and stuff. 

If I hadn’t been so nervous about her finding out the MONSTER was under the bandage, I probably would’ve enjoyed all of her fussing. 

Anyways, I was lucky.  Jordan never figured out I was hiding the MONSTER under the bandage.  Even later when I walked her home from school, she hardly even mentioned it except to give me an extra long hug in front of her house when we said good-bye (and I’m not even sure that had anything to do with the bandage on my forehead.

After school, I headed straight over to Boogie’s house after I walked Jordan home.  We’ve got a lot of work to do on the YouTube show if we want to make our first million soon.  Between GLEE club, girlfriends, and karate, we haven’t had a lot of time to get stuff done. 

Wednesday

This morning in first period, I had a wicked awesome idea for our YouTube show.  Billy McButtons (weird name, I know… apparently his great-grandfather was a button-maker back in Scotland) let out a crazy loud fart which got everybody laughing, even the girls (except the ones who were going “Ooooo” and pretending they didn’t think it was funny).

Mr. Grimes wasn’t laughing either, but teachers don’t count because they have no sense of humor anyway.  Somebody told me that when you become a teacher, you have to have an operation to have your funny bone removed.  From the teachers I know, I’d say there’s a really good chance that’s true!

But back to Billy McButtons fart because that’s what gave me my wicked awesome idea!

With everyone laughing so hard after Billy farted, I realized that farting is essentially a goldmine of funny.  I mean, think about it!  Who doesn’t like farts?  They’re just too funny. 

You’ve probably already figured out where I’m going with this.  Everyone likes farts.  Farts are funny.  Everybody likes funny stuff because it makes them laugh.  So a whole YouTube video on farting should be a HUGE hit! 

I know, I know… pure genius, right? 

The funny thing is, you know that old saying your parents or grandparents are always saying to you… “that’s using your head.”  Well, this idea didn’t really come from using my head.  More like from Billy McButton’s butt! 

Maybe I’ll start a new saying… “that’s using your butt!”  Hey, we can use that in our YouTube farting video!!!  Once the video goes viral, everybody will be saying it!

You’ll be going to sit down at the dinner table, and your Dad will say… “Way to go!  That’s using your butt!”

Or when you’re dancing, you’ll hear people saying “That’s Using Your Butt!”

It’ll be nation-wide!  A pop phenomena!  Boogie and I won’t just be famous.  We’ll be SUPER famous! 

Obviously I was pretty excited about the whole thing, but I managed to keep quiet about it until I saw Boogie later at lunch.  I didn’t even tell Jordan during English class!

Let me tell you, it takes a LOT of willpower to not tell Jordan something.  When she looks at you with those big beautiful eyes, it’s like she hypnotizes you or something.  She could pretty much make me do anything once she’s hit me with her hypno-power. 

I was bubbling over by the time lunch rolled around and I found Boogie.  He could see I was pretty excited, and I think it kinda rubbed off on him even before I said anything because he seemed pretty excited too.

I waited until we were sitting down at a table by ourselves before I told him.  I made sure to keep my voice down too because I sure didn’t want one of the other kids over-hearing me and stealing my idea.

Boogie was pretty impressed when I told him.  He’s a pretty big fan of farting himself, so I figured he would be.  Right away he started coming up with different farting ideas for the video.  Between the two of us, we already had WAY more than one videos worth. 

Which gave me another brilliant idea!  What if we made the farting thing a segment on every video?  That way, people would have another reason to keep coming back to watch each new one because they knew, no matter what else was in the video, there was always going to be some hilarious farting!

Boogie thought that was brilliant.  I don’t know who was more excited about my idea at this point, me or Boogie. 

(I even came up with a wicked awesome idea to sell “I LOVE FARTING” T-shirts too!  Once the videos take off, we’ll make even more millions just on the T-shirts!!!)

It was really hard to go back to class after lunch.  Both of us just wanted to get out of there and over to Boogie’s house to work on our farting ideas for our YouTube videos.  All I could think about for the rest of the schoolday was farts, farts, and more farts. 

Later, back at Boogie’s, we tried to remember all the ideas we had at lunch and write them all down.  Then, Boogie suggested it would be a good idea if we did a search for farts on YouTube to see what kind of stuff was already on there.

Boy was that an eye opener!  Try it yourself.  You won’t believe what you find!

There was this one guy who had to go to the hospital because he burned his butt from lighting a fart on fire.  You can actually see the fart exploding in flames on the video because his friend was doing the video.  It’s a pretty impressive fireball, let me tell you!

Boogie and I then got into a debate about whether burning your butt from lighting farts would hurt your cool status or boost it.  I think it would hurt it, especially with the girls.  Farts are funny, but there’s a fine line between funny and too much.  Even though most guys would probably be impressed about fart injuries like burning your butt, I think most girls wouldn’t be. 

Boogie disagreed with me.  He thinks burning your butt from lighting farts is just such an awesome injury that it would for sure boost your cool status.  He figures that even a girl would have to be impressed with a fart fireball that’s so big it actually burns your behind.