Desperately Seeking Heaven (24 page)

‘Ah yes, the essential supplies for any single girl about town. So breakfast is looking a bit bleak, then? Um, we could pop into town and have an early lunch or something. Then whizz round the supermarket after.’

‘Hmmm.’ Jimmy looked out the window, tilting his head up to study the sky. ‘It’s looking pretty grey out there and the forecast is heavy showers. I was thinking more along the lines of a duvet day with some good box sets and a few rounds of sandwiches, crisps and chocolates. How does that sound?’

I sighed happily. ‘Like the perfect day to me.’

‘I’ll pop round to the corner shop then. Won’t take me a minute. You decide on what DVD we’ll watch first and I’ll be back in a jiffy.’

‘Great,’ I said, relieved that I wouldn’t have to change out of my dressing gown after all. The only job I had to do was plump up the cushions and reserve our places on the sofa. ‘Don’t be long,’ I called after him.

I was certain I heard him leave, whoosh out of the front door like he always did, but moments later I found him standing in the hallway, looking at me as if he might have forgotten something.

‘Alice,’ he said, walking towards me and taking me in his arms. ‘You do know that I love you, don’t you?’

I laughed. ‘Yes, of course, what’s brought all this on?’

‘I just wanted to make sure.’

‘Oh you daft thing,’ I chided, pushing his chest playfully. ‘And I love you too.’

‘Well, that’s OK then. I just wanted you to know.’

‘Good. So now we know where we stand, are you going out to get breakfast?’

‘Ha ha, yes of course. That’s what I was doing, wasn’t I?’ He bent his head down, placing his lips on mine, our mouths parting together. ‘I won’t be long,’ he said, pulling away. And then he was gone.

Some people go a whole lifetime without meeting someone special, without experiencing true love, without feeling the completeness of finding that other person who makes you feel whole. And whatever happened now, I knew I’d been lucky enough to have experienced all those things, however fleeting they might turn out to be.

As I stood at the window watching Jimmy’s distinctive outline saunter down the road, I contemplated these things. There was no point in focusing on the negative because it was completely out of my control. So why worry?

As Jimmy said, we had to focus on the here and now. I sighed happily, placing my palms up against the window. And here and now, I was waiting for him to get to the corner at the top of the road because that’s where he always stopped, turning around to look at me, giving a cheery wave in my direction. It was one of the routines we’d fallen into when Jimmy went to the ‘corner shop’. Not that there was a shop on that particular corner, but he always went that way when going out for groceries, disappearing around the corner, returning with brown paper bags brimming with goodies, but I never did find out where exactly the magical corner shop was. I smiled, thinking how completely baffling it was that no one else could spot his tall, handsome, distinctly recognisable figure as he sauntered down that road.

Today though as he approached the corner an uneasy feeling crept over me and my eyes stayed fixed on his back, willing him to turn around to look at me.

‘Jimmy!’ I urged. ‘Look at me,’ I cried silently.

But something told me he wouldn’t look back. He kept right on walking, purposefully, determinedly. One moment he was in my sight and the next he’d disappeared around the corner out of view without so much as a backwards glance.

‘Jimmy!’ I screamed this time, banging my fists on the window.

How could he? Why hadn’t he turned round? He always did. And hadn’t he promised that he wouldn’t just walk away without saying goodbye? Something told me, urgently, insistently, in that moment when his unkempt black mop of hair disappeared around the corner that he’d walked out of my life for good. That was why he’d hesitated before he left, telling me he loved me. Oh my God! He’d been saying goodbye.

I tore off my dressing gown letting it drop to the floor and dashed to the bedroom, picking up the first thing that came to hand; a grubby pair of old tracksuit bottoms and a faded grey T-shirt. Hurriedly, I pulled them on, my heart beating in double-quick time, heat rushing to the extremities of my body. I wouldn’t let Jimmy go. Not like this. Not without saying a special goodbye.

I slammed the door shut and ran down the stairs, taking them two at a time before flying out the front door. Tears were flowing down my cheeks as I gasped for breath.

‘Jimmy!’ I called. ‘Please wait. Don’t go. Not like this.’

I ran to the bottom of the road, stopping at the corner where I’d last seen him, looking first one way and then the other.

‘Jimmy!’ I repeated his name over and over again. He had to hear me. He always did. Coming running whenever I called his name.

‘Are you all right, love?’ A concerned old man carrying his Sunday morning paper rested his hand on my arm.

‘It’s my boyfriend,’ I stuttered, the words accompanied by sobs. ‘I’ve lost him.’

‘Oh don’t you worry about that,’ said the man patting my arm. ‘A pretty lass like you? He’d be a fool not to come back. Men? Pah. You know what we’re like. You go back home, love. Mark my words, he’ll be back before you know it.’

‘No, not this time, he won’t,’ I stuttered, my gaze searching up and down the street.

‘Ah, he’s done this before, has he? Well, it’s not for me to say love, but if he’s that type, then maybe you’ll be better off without him.’

‘No!’ I chastised him rather too firmly. ‘I have to find him. I have to. It’s a matter of life and death. Jimmy,’ I called, running off down the street, leaving the old man staring after me worriedly. ‘Thanks.’ I waved. ‘And sorry,’ I mouthed, running backwards, picking up speed, feeling a momentary pang of guilt.

The streets were beginning to get busy with dog-walkers, young parents pushing buggies out for an early morning stroll, people visiting the local shops for a paper and some milk. All those faces going about their daily business, seemingly without a care in the world, while the entire guts of my life were being wrenched from me, disappearing down a side street, changing my world forever.

I dashed across the road.

‘Jimmy!’ I hollered, cupping my hands around my mouth.

In the distance, I saw a figure striding out, the flash of blue of his top matching Jimmy’s, the hair, indistinctly messy from the back, just like Jimmy’s.

My heart soared. I ran after him, dodging a car and jumping onto the pavement on the other side of the road. It would be okay. I could reach him. Looking up as I headed up the street I saw the look of terror on a lad’s face as he sat astride his pushbike freewheeling down the hill, noticed his empty satchel slung over his neck flying behind him, watched as he jammed on his brakes and as his face formed a contorted expression at me.

‘Look out!’ he cried.

But I could do nothing to stop him. Momentarily, I braced myself as the bike slammed into me, the boy catapulting off, the wheels of the bike spinning wildly as it landed on top of me pinning me to the ground.

‘Jimmy!’ I mumbled, helplessly.

And then everything went black.

Chapter Twenty-Seven

‘Lexie, would you do me a favour? Would you telephone work and let them know I won’t be in for a while.’

‘Oh Damon, how lovely to see you. I wanted to talk to you about… hmmm, what was it exactly? I can’t quite remember at the moment. Oh well I’m sure it will come rushing back to me. Now, would you mind popping round to the flat and checking the front door? I left in a bit of a rush and think I may have left it open.’

Silence. Nothing but a deathly silence.

Oh well that’s charming. Just ignore me then. Talk amongst yourselves, why don’t you? I tried again.

‘Hellooo. Can anybody hear me?’ God this was so frustrating. I had so much to organise and everyone was mooning about like a limp lettuce leaf at the end of a summer garden party. What was it with these people? And why all the long faces? Honestly, you would have thought someone had died or something judging by all the long expressions.

‘What was she doing?’ Lexie’s voice was faint, barely recognisable. She looked so tired and washed-out too. ‘I can’t understand it,’ she went on. ‘She never goes out without her make-up on. And those old trackie bottoms, it’s just not like her.’

‘Maybe she’d taken up running or something.’

‘You have to be kidding. She’s not really the outdoors type.’ She dabbed her eyes with a tissue. ‘She will be all right, won’t she?’

Damon took hold of Lexie’s hand and squeezed it gently, nodding his head reassuringly.

‘Of course she will. We need to stay positive. I just wish…’ He bit on his lip, tears gathering in his eyes.

‘Don’t, not now.’ Lexie stroked his arm, offering soothing words of comfort. ‘It will be OK. It has to be OK.’

This was all very weird. Why were these two suddenly getting touchy-feely with each other? It just didn’t make sense. And who exactly was that pitiful wan creature lying on the bed with tubes and monitors strapped to every conceivable part of her body?

I zoomed in on the figure of the bed and then zoomed straight back out again. Oh good grief. Yes, that would explain everything. It was me. Making an exhibition of myself. The room and its contents whirled around me, the bed, me lying on it, Lexie and Damon huddled together in support and all the beeping and flashing hospital paraphernalia.

How very weird. What was I supposed to do now? I couldn’t hang around here in the deepest recesses of the ceiling like a wayward soul forever.

‘Alice,’ I heard the sing-song voice calling from behind me.

Oh thank goodness.

‘Jimmy! There you are!’ Even in my discombobulated state, I could feel the relief seep through my body. I couldn’t believe it, there he was, waiting for me, looking like he always did, only, uh-oh, much more bad-tempered. He stood beside me, arms folded, waggling a finger crossly.

‘What on earth did you think you were doing, Alice?’ There was a plaintive tone to his voice that tugged at my heart.

‘Um… what do you mean?’ My mouth and brain were having trouble working together.

It was all very confusing. What were we all doing here? Wafting around like extras on a Merchant Ivory set. Mish. Mash. Mush. The events slowly unfurled in my mind. Jimmy leaving. Me running after him. The crash.

‘You left me,’ I said accusingly. My head felt like the lightest whipped vanilla mousse, all frothy and full of air.

‘What?’

‘You left me. I watched you go and then,’ it sounded ridiculous, I knew, ‘you didn’t wave when you got to the corner.’ I paused, my head still spinning with all sorts of thoughts. ‘You always waved at the corner.’

‘For goodness sake, Alice. I forgot, that was all.’

‘You forgot? Oh. But then I called you and you didn’t come. You always come when I call.’

‘Yes well, I didn’t like to say anything, but these last few weeks I’ve been losing my touch with that sort of thing.’ He shrugged ruefully. ‘I think my powers have been deserting me.’

‘Really? So you didn’t hear me then?’

‘No, I didn’t hear you, Alice. I was going out for some breakfast; eggs, bacon, mushrooms, tomatoes and hash browns. I can’t tell you how much I was looking forward to it, a big fry up, spending the day with you and then, well, it didn’t happen, did it? You put paid to that.’ He shook his head, smiling wryly. ‘You are a daft thing, Alice Fletcher, do you know that? You need to be more careful out there. You could have…’

‘Oh good grief,’ I shouted as more images assaulted my mind. ‘That poor boy. The one on the bike. Is he OK?’ His horrified face as he ploughed into me flashed into my mind.

‘He’s fine. Don’t worry. I’ve been over to see him. He’s collected a rather impressive collection of cuts and bruises, but I have to say he came off a lot better than you. He’s back at home now.’

‘Thank goodness for that.’ I peered down at Lexie and Damon, becoming slightly irritated now by their presence and the muffled sobs. ‘Come on,’ I said, turning to Jimmy, ‘let’s get out of here. We’ll go home now and have that breakfast.’

‘No, I can’t, Alice.’ He paused, looking serious. ‘It’s all over. It’s time for me to go now.’

‘W-what?’

‘This is it, Alice.’ He smiled at me beatifically, holding out his hand to me, our fingertips gently grazing.

‘Oh yes,’ I cried, suddenly understanding. ‘Well, this is the perfect solution, isn’t it? We can be together forever, after all. I’m coming with you, Jimmy, I’m coming with you.’ I could see the way, the call of the light beyond him, beckoning us both on our way.

‘No, Alice, you don’t understand. I have to leave. I want to go now. There’s no place for me down there any more. But you, you belong there, with the people who love you. Look at them. You have to go back and live your life. It isn’t your time yet.’

Tears filled my eyes.

‘But I don’t want to,’ I said, reaching out for Jimmy’s fingertips as he pulled away from me. ‘I want to be with you.’

‘Remember,’ said Jimmy, banging his fist against his heart. ‘You’ll always have a place here and me with you, yeah? I love you, Alice Fletcher. And I’ll be waiting for you. But that’s not for now. That’s way into the future. But remember your promise to me. You have to go back and live a full and happy life. Until it’s your time. Damon and Lexie are waiting for you.’

No, I screamed silently inside, my scream resonating with the one currently belting from Lexie’s mouth. I glared at her impatiently. My sister certainly knew how to pick her moments. Fancy having a temper tantrum now?

Lights flashed, bleepers beeped and buzzers buzzed. Nurses piled into the room, ushering Damon and Lexie outside, their anxious faces looking behind at the figure lying on the bed.

‘You can’t come with me, Alice, I’m sorry.’

‘Please Jimmy, take me with you. You can’t leave me! Please! I’m begging you.’

‘It’ll be OK, Alice, I promise.’ His hand swept around my head and down the side of my face, a warmth and reassurance flooding my body like a thousand rays of sunshine.

‘I love you, Alice Fletcher.’

‘I love you too, Jimmy.’ The tears brimming in my eyes were washed away by the love and hope filling the room.