Desired and Dominated (19 page)

Sofia starts running her wet fingers through my hair, simultaneously arousing me and relaxing me. I close my eyes and give in to the conflicting sensations.

“Talk to me. Tell me what’s going on. Why do you keep pushing me away?”

“There is no simple answer to that.”

“Well, answer me this. Why did you sleep with me last night?”

I take a deep breath, her fingers still tangled in my hair as I begin to speak. “Honestly? Because I couldn’t have left you lying there alone, looking so fucking beautiful, even if I wanted to. Whenever I’m around you…I can’t explain it. I
need
to be near you, to touch you, feel you, even if it’s just my arm around you as you sleep.
That’s
why I tried to stay away.”

“I don’t get it. Why do we need to stay away from each other? Because of the way Si reacted? Even he admitted that he blew the whole thing way out of proportion. You feel the same way as I do, so why can’t we give this a try?”

“You know why. You know what I’m into, what I want in a relationship. We…” She cuts me off.

“We’re perfect for each other. I
do
know exactly what you want, and I can give you that. You have to have figured it out by now…that I’m a…”

“Don’t say it, Sofia. Please for fuck’s sake, don’t say it.”

“WHY?”

I turn to face her, distress evident on her delicate features. “Because, I’ve known you forever, I’ve been in love with you from the moment we met. You’re Simon’s sister, and I’m pretty sure he has an idea that I’m into ‘kinky shit’ as he would call it. If we were together for real, eventually he would do the math and murder me for corrupting you. It doesn’t matter if you want it, he wouldn’t see it that way. You guys are my only real family, and when I fuck things up between us again, which I would, because you are far too good for me, I would be left with nothing. No family, no best friend, and
most
importantly, you wouldn’t be in my life anymore. I’ve been there before, and it tore me apart. I don’t think they would afford me anymore chances.”

“That won’t happen.”

“You say that now, but I don’t exactly have a great track record with the people that are supposed to love me more than anything in the world. I can’t risk it. I can’t risk hurting you again, or losing you for good. This past year has been the worst of my life. Please, don’t make this harder than it needs to be. I’m trying to be the good guy here. I’m trying to do what’s best for you, and what I can live with. Don’t think for a second that this is the easy way for me. The easy way would be if I didn’t give a shit about how badly I could hurt you in the long run. The easiest thing would be for me to take you to bed, tie you down, and fuck you until your voice is hoarse from screaming my name and begging for more.”

“Then take the easy way, Nate. It’s what I want.”

“Aren’t you listening? If I do that, then you’re mine. I won’t let you go. You’d be my sub, and I’d be your Master. You would have all the power in our relationship, and when the day came, and it would come, when you decided to walk away, I would be left an empty husk; a shell of a man. I would lose everything, and I can’t live through that again.”

“But…”

“ENOUGH! You asked, I answered. I’m sorry that I’ve given you mixed signals, that’s my own weakness at work. I won’t let it happen again.” I get up off the floor. “I’ll leave you to your bath. Call me when you need help getting out. I’ll be in the bedroom.” I walk out, hearing her quietly cursing under her breath as I close the door behind me.

I have so much pent up energy and anger as I pace her room, my whole body vibrating; the smell of her perfume lingering in the air, taunting me as I fight to be the good guy…for her. I ball my fists at my sides, singing the lyrics to the first song that comes into my head, to try and distract myself, but I end up grabbing one of the pillows off the bed and beating the shit out of it. As if that’s going to make me feel better in any way, shape, or form! What
would
make this all better, is if I could shackle Sofia to my St. Andrew’s Cross, spank her for pushing me almost to my breaking point, and then fuck her into next week.

“Ouch…Shit…Nate…I need help getting out of the bath.” I can hear the reluctance in her voice, but I can’t blame her. I take a few deep breaths and try to prepare myself for dealing with a hot, wet, and very naked Sofia, but it doesn’t matter worth a shit when I open the door and see her lying there, the bubbles all but gone, her body on display.

“Fuck.” I scrub my hands over my face before grabbing a towel and making my way over to her. “Hold on tight, I don’t want to drop you.” As I lift her out of the water, the tiny, sexy little groan that escapes her is too much. I pull the towel around her and take her into the bedroom. Once she’s safely on the bed, I quickly search her drawers to find something for her to wear. She’ll look sexy as hell in everything she owns, so I pick the first top and shorts I can get my hands on and give them to her, before striding out of the room. I can’t even steal a look at her, or I’ll crack.

“I’ll check on you in a bit.”

After finding my overnight bag still in the living room, I retreat to the guest room for an hour, spending half of that time in the shower, shamelessly taking myself in hand, over and over again. It’s not something I do very often; I prefer to get my subs to do that for me, but today is different. No matter how many times I jerk off to the image of Sofia naked in the bath, or laid out on that table in Verona, it isn’t enough. I’m still rock hard and desperate for her. Eventually, I give up and give in to the fact that I will be spending the next few days uncomfortably hard, with no real way to relieve the tension.

Now, I’m lying on the bed, wondering when I became such a pussy. I’m a Master for God’s sake! Yet, here I am, hiding from a woman I want to fuck more than anything in the world, jerking off like a teenager, and sulking because she’s mad at me for trying to do the right thing. It’s pathetic! I would tear Brandon and Simon to shreds for this kind of behavior, and I’m the worst offender by far. I purport to exercise complete control, and it’s a joke. From the moment I stepped over that line with her, my life has been in utter disarray, and whichever way I turn, whatever I do, I’m making a mess of this…whatever this is.

I decide to catch up on some emails, and call the boys to see how they’re settling in at the new apartment before I check on Sof. They really lighten my mood, going crazy over every little thing about their new place, and New York. I don’t think they’ve even been to bed since I left them yesterday; too pumped to calm the hell down and get some rest. I try to convince them that they have a huge week ahead at the studio, and that they absolutely need to have some down time, but I can hear a few of them in the background, arranging the rest of their day in the city that never sleeps! It makes me laugh, but it also reminds me that I have other responsibilities, and I need to get my head back in the game.

An hour later, and I think I’ve composed myself enough to go and see if I’m still public enemy number one. I don’t hear any noise in the living room, or coming from her bedroom, so I figure she’s sleeping, but when I push open the door, I couldn’t have been more wrong.

Holy fuck!

Her eyes meet mine. She doesn’t speak. She doesn’t stop.

I’m hypnotized by the sight of her. Her cheeks flushed, her breathing labored, her hand moving beneath the sheets, her legs parted.

“Nate.”

“Fuck!”

I know I should walk out and close the door behind me. But instead, I’m standing at the foot of the bed, tearing the sheets off of so that I can see her properly; watch her as she touches herself. She doesn’t take her eyes off of me, and I can’t bring myself to leave. My faltering control is becoming a problem, but I manage not to touch her; not to crawl onto the bed between her legs and bury my head at the apex, delighting in the taste of her. Instead, I remain fixed to the spot, admiring the breath-taking sight of her writhing under her own hand. I unbutton my pants and lower them just enough to free my rock hard erection, wrapping my fist around the base and pumping up and down. I watch as her eyes devour me, her hand quickening as she flicks her clit, pushing herself higher, getting closer to her release, and I can see the excitement in her eyes as I chase my own.

The distance between us is charged with an intensity and a need that I have never experienced outside of an elaborate scene in my playroom at the club. The fact that she can do this to me without us touching, without so much as a kiss, is incredible, and terrifying, and it doesn’t take long until I’m on the edge.

“Come with me, Sofia.”

I can see that she’s been holding back, waiting for me to say the word, and the moment that she lets go and allows her orgasm to wash over her, is fucking resplendent. Her back arches off the bed, one hand brutally grasping at her breast, pinching her nipple to a hardened point; her other hand working frantically, her fingers drenched in her own juices as she palms her clit and thrusts three of her fingers inside herself. It’s fucking beautiful, and I let myself join her; my hand fisting tighter around my cock, my movements quick and precise, my legs trembling beneath me. The look in her eyes as she watches my cum spurting into my other hand is one of complete female satisfaction.

She loves that she has this effect on me.

I take a moment to compose myself, taking off my shirt and wiping my hands clean, before buttoning up my pants, grabbing the sheet off the floor and covering her with it. I turn and walk out of the room without a word. I know she’s expecting something from me, but I need to do this my way now.

I find a length of rope in my overnight bag and head back to her room. I don’t know why I brought it from my apartment, or maybe I just don’t want to admit the reason, even to myself. I talk a good game of being the nice guy when it comes to Sofia, but I’m not. Deep down, I knew I wouldn’t be able to resist her for long.

Her eyes light up at the sight of the pretty purple rope in my hands as I make my way over to the bed. I crawl up the length of her, the smell of her arousal, thick in the air, enticing me. When I’m happy with my position, I slowly unravel the rope before grabbing her wrists and binding them together. Her headboard is perfect for a playroom; hardwood spindles that would act as strong tethers for any form of restraints. I wonder if that’s intentional, but the thought that she’s had other men in here, tying her up, makes me want to break something, so I push the thought aside and focus on weaving the ropes through the headboard, securing her hands in place.

She doesn’t say a word, but simply watches me as I work; a contented look on her face. I can see that she feels comfortable with this, with me, and it makes my dick throb in my pants, but I ignore it, telling myself to remember the bigger picture.

I can’t bind her ankles, so I decide on some shibari knots around her knees. I feel a calm serenity wash over me as I work the ropes around her stunning skin. I realize that this is the moment, when everything changes. I can’t ignore my feelings for her anymore, and I can’t keep losing control around her. It’s not who I am, and if I change for her, if I let her keep pushing me, pushing for us to be together, and pander to her, I’ll become a man I don’t recognize; a man I don’t respect, and at some point she would lose respect for me too. She was drawn to me
because
of the man I am. I control everything around me, I command it. If I lose that, I lose myself.

When I’m happy with my handiwork, I get up off the bed and take a step back to admire it. Even this small amount of rope on her looks so fucking hot. The purple is perfect against her olive skin, highlighting just how stunning her body is. I could turn her into a work of art if I bound her full body using shibari.

I cross my arms over my chest, feeling my rapid heartbeat thundering against my forearms. Every muscle in my body is tense; adrenaline coursing through me as I fight my instincts, my desperation to be inside of her. I pull a chair from the corner of the room and place it at the end of the bed, sitting down to collect my thoughts.

“Nate. What are you doing?”

I take a few minutes before I answer. Letting my pulse return to normal, and my inner calm wash over me until I feel like myself again.

“You will refer to me as Master Callaghan from now on, unless I tell you otherwise. I’ve earned it.”

She stares at me, lust and desire evident in her dark brown eyes.

“Do you understand?”