Deliverance (9 page)

We pull away and ride in silence, but I can practically feel the tension rising from every part of him. It's been hours. Shouldn't he be over what happened this morning?

The longer we ride, though, the more I see it from his point of view. He views seeing Keegan as something I shouldn't be doing. As something illegal.

Am I doing something illegal with Keegan? I don't see how. “He's only a friend,” I try to explain. “He lived next to me in Middle City 3 my whole life. He reminds me of home.”

Guard Nev finally looks at me. “You don't owe me an explanation.” He turns away and I sigh.

I have lost his trust.

The concert hall isn't as crowded as it has been. Most people must be staying out of the cold, damp night. We shuffle to the front and wait for the first act to begin. My knee bounces up and down as I tap my foot in anticipation. I force the knee to be still. Since when do I have nervous ticks?

I don't have to wait long. Keegan is the first one out, and he drags a long cord with him. He attaches it to the speaker.

“This song is for the girl I've always loved,” he says into the microphone.

I glance at myself to make sure I haven't melted into a puddle right on the arena floor. My gaze finds Guard Nev. He's frowning, his eyes narrowed.

A queasy feeling spreads through my stomach, and I look away. I don't like the look on his face, but I won't focus on that. Instead, I'll focus on the beautiful song coming from Keegan's mouth, a song for me.

Keegan finds me in the crowd and smiles.

My heart explodes.

For today, for right now, Fischer doesn't exist. The fact that Keegan refuses to believe in God doesn't exist. Supreme Moon doesn't exist and Mom's mutation doesn't exist. Only Keegan exists.

And, for now, that is enough.

 

 

 

 

14

 

Keegan makes eye contact with me and nods toward the back as soon as he finishes his song. I hurry backstage, Guard Nev close behind. This time Keegan is alone, and he doesn't hesitate to lead us into one of the rooms behind the closed doors in the hallway.

“Lilith isn't with you tonight?”

“No, she was assigned to a different show in Middle City 1.”

I don't have to say how glad I am—Keegan knows.

“She isn't as bad as you think,” he says. My face must show my disbelief because he bursts into laughter. “I know she was pretty bad, but she's OK to be around.”

Keegan shouldn't be hanging out with Lilith. He should be with me. “I don't want to talk about her. When do you get to go home again?”

His laughter fades away and he takes my hand. “I'll look after your dad. He'll be OK.”

I swallow around the lump in my throat and nod. He knew what I was getting after. Of course he knew. “Thanks.”

He glances at Guard Nev. “Is he always with you?”

I smile at Guard Nev, who magnanimously ignores us. “I guess so. Supreme Moon doesn't trust me.”

“I can't imagine why.”

I laugh, even though it's technically not funny, my committing crimes and all. Keegan is like a refreshing breeze after being in a stifling hot school building all day. My heart is light when I'm with him.

“I'm surprised they're even allowing you into the city once they figured out who you were.”

He shrugs, looking again at Guard Nev. “They questioned me when I returned to my training, but they figured out pretty quickly that I didn't know anything about what you'd been up to. It wasn't hard to convince them, since I didn't live in the same city as you.”

Keegan must be good at skirting the truth.

I want to say more—I almost do—but I can't. After Guard Nev's reaction today about the prison, I know he won't like me talking to Keegan about the lights across the lake. “I've been working at the Training Dome with a man named Professor Higgins,” I say instead. “We've been discussing methods to help the Lessers. We're close to some really great ideas.”

Keegan grins. “That doesn't surprise me at all. I knew you could do it.”

I shrug and look at my lap. “I'm more motivated now than I ever was before.”

“Will you get to travel to their cities?”

I'm not sure if he means the Lessers themselves, or Mom and Jamie, but I nod. “Professor Higgins said he would ask permission to take a few trips to the Lesser cities to see if I can gain any other ideas about how to help them.”

“You mom would be so proud of you,” Keegan says. “And Jamie would be, too.”

“Thanks.”

We sit quietly, infinitely happy just to be together. God must have known I needed an advocate.

“Do you get letters here?” Keegan asks, but he doesn't meet my eye, and it hits me that he's not asking for himself. He wants to know if Fischer has contacted me.

“I haven't heard from anyone,” I say. “I don't even know if I'm allowed.”

“You're a Greater, Hana. If you want mail, I'm sure you can get it. I'll write you.”

My spirit soars and I can't keep the smile from my face. “I would love that.” It's too bad he isn't a Greater, too, and we could send communications to each other over the HELP comp.

He glances again at Guard Nev.

Both of us are aching to speak more about the things that happened a few weeks ago in Middle City 3.

“You'll write me back?” Keegan asks.

“Of course,” I say quickly. I just hope my letters aren't screened.

“Good. I'll look forward to it.”

A different guard sticks his head inside the room. He pauses when he sees Guard Nev and me, but he speaks to Keegan. “Time to load up.”

Keegan stands and I don't care what Guard Nev says. I hug Keegan with all my might, resting my cheek against his warm chest.

“You'll find her,” Keegan whispers into my hair.

I take a deep, shaky breath and smile. “I'll write you soon.”

“I'll see you soon,” he says. “How did you know I would be here?”

I can't tell him about the HELP comps, so I shrug. “I found a concert schedule.” I hug him one last time. “I miss you.”

He swallows and his jaw works. “I miss you, too.” Then he picks up his gear and disappears out the door.

Guard Nev doesn't speak as we move to the outside of the concert hall. The rain has almost stopped, and a transporter pulls to the curb to drive us home. Once we're on our way, though, he leans close to me. “You need to forget about him.”

I frown. Maybe he will turn me in, after all. Maybe Keegan and I were too obvious with our talk of letters.

“Middles aren't permitted to marry Greaters.”

His words aren't what I was expecting at all. “What?”

“Middles tested as Middles. They cannot be permitted to move to Greater City when they haven't tested for that,” he says. “I saw the way you looked at each other. You might as well forget it.”

I shift uncomfortably, a headache starting in my temples. “I don't know what you're talking about.”

“I think you do. Trust me, they won't allow it.”

Marrying Keegan—or anyone else right now—is the farthest thing from my mind. Anyway, how does he know these things? My first memory of him flashes through my mind. Him and the secretary at Supreme Moon's office?

He's allowed me into a piece of his life. That's trust, and that is good.

Still, his words bother me. A relationship between Keegan and I wouldn't work anymore, anyway. I couldn't commit to a life with him when our beliefs are so different. I read it in the Bible—can two walk together except they be agreed?

The thought bothers me for the rest of the drive. Should I not be seeing Keegan? Why would God bring us back together if I shouldn't spend time with him?

When we reach my building, I hurry to the stairs without a goodnight. I don't want to see the pity in Guard Nev's eyes. Once I'm in my apartment, I realize I have no paper to write a letter. I look to the ceiling and sigh. I do not want to go back to Guard Nev with a favor. I dig through drawers, searching for anything I can write with. The more I look, the more I realize I need to shop. I've only been here a week, but I'm seriously lacking in just about everything.

I finally find something usable behind the HELP comp. Papers are stacked inside a small machine on the side of the comp. I pull out several sheets and write my letter. I tell Keegan about the lights, the extra Lesser cities, and the prison/military training camp. He'll know what to do with the information, if anything.

My hand lingers at the end of the page. I want to tell him how happy I am to find him, how much I love him. Something stops me, though. Is it Guard Nev's words or something deeper?

I quickly sign my name and fold the letter. There will be time to sort out my feelings and beliefs later. I hope.

 

 

 

 

15

 

It takes some searching the next morning, but Guard Nev helps me find a mail station to send Keegan's letter. After that, we hurry to the Training Dome. The students are scheduled to arrive at nine o'clock in the morning, but I want to get there early to gauge Professor Higgins' behavior toward me after our uncomfortable moments on Saturday when I saw Ava's file. If he doesn't trust me anymore, then I'll never be able to get him to help me find Mom.

Guard Nev walks in silence, his long legs hard to keep up with.

“I thought you might be pulled from tailing me once classes started,” I say as we walk.

“No word on that yet.”

He doesn't expound or even look at me, so we finish our walk in silence. Professor Higgins is setting up work stations around the room, and he waves as we enter. “You're early.”

“I don't like being late,” I say. This is true. In Middle City 3, tardiness wasn't permitted.

“A good habit to be in. Today will be a bit different than what we've been doing. The new students are all Greater-born. They won't be as passionate about their field of study as you are, and we'll have to start more slowly. I hope to get back to focusing on the Lessers soon.”

His words bring a sting of disappointment, but I realize this is a government class. There are other stations of government besides Lesser care.

He's acting normal toward me, though. It's a bigger relief than I thought it would be. He might help me find Mom, after all.

The other students trickle in as it gets closer to nine o'clock. I count ten, twenty, thirty students.

I remember the career fair just before the Test back home. I only saw one other student speaking with the government rep. I guess I expected it to be the same in Greater City. I was wrong.

Kassy comes in and her gaze searches me out immediately. “I waited for you this morning before I realized you were already gone.”

I smile and shrug. “Sorry. But I'm so glad to see a friendly face.”

She shrugs. “I know a few of the others, but we weren't friends. My boyfriend tested as a doctor.” Her face shows me how un-happy this makes her. Suddenly she frowns. “Wait, you don't know anyone else in the room?”

I pause, not sure how to explain it to her. She's going to find out soon enough, but the thought of her not liking me because I was a Middle hurts me. “I'm not from Greater City.”

Her frown deepens as she considers what I said. “You were a Middle?”

I nod, swallowing around the swelling in my throat. She's going to hate me.

“Wow. I've never met a Middle before.”

She doesn't care? I laugh as relief floods through me.

Professor Higgins welcomes everyone, and the day starts off slowly. By the end of class, we've barely made any progress at all, except for Professor Higgins explaining the basic concepts of government to the other students. Didn't they take economics in school?

They are my own age, but I feel eons ahead of them. Why didn't I feel this way about the students back home? I look around the room, searching the faces of these students. They haven't seen the things I've seen, or worried about the things I've worried about.

If I feel older it's because I am, at least emotionally.

The week passes slowly. I check for mail from Keegan each day, but I'm always disappointed. I don't have to worry that he won't write like I did a few months ago—now I worry they will censor our letters.

With each passing day, I feel more sorrow for the Greaters than ever before. These students are less prepared for life than I could have imagined. Maybe those raised in the Middle cities are the luckiest of all.

The only bright spot in training is spending time with Kassy. She misses her boyfriend and hasn't seen him in weeks. Doctors train on the other side of the city, and they have to travel to Middle City 3 for various medical classes.

Every time she talks about my home city, my stomach clenches and I grind my teeth. I want to go there so badly it actually makes my body ache.

On Saturday, relief pours through me when Professor Higgins announces the topic for the day—the Lesser cities.

“They're a lost cause,” one of the students says. His name is Berry, and he's the shortest boy I've ever seen. His face is thick, to match his body, but he looks like solid muscle.

Berry wants to specialize in city expansion—apparently the Greaters are allowed to have more than two children, and the city is growing.

“Do you even know anything about them?” I ask. I work to control my voice so I'm not accusing him of anything, but he sneers anyway.

“Do I need to? They are Lesser for a reason—either they tested that way, or they broke the law.”

“Some of them never Test because they assume it won't help them, others don't want to leave their homes.” I learned this from Fischer who had friends who wouldn't Test for this very reason. “It doesn't mean they deserve less.”

Berry narrows his eyes. “You aren't from Greater City are you? You're the Middle who was promoted. I heard my father talking about you.” He turns away. “As far as I'm concerned, you don't belong here, either.”